Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 5.13 “Fighting For Your Dreams” and 5.14 “My Family”

Posted on July 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, the fifth season comes to an end,

Episode 5.13 “Fighting For Your Dreams”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on January 8th, 2000)

The previous episode of Hang Time ended with Deering High’s season coming to an unexpected end. It also featured Michael and Julie as an established couple and Mary Beth seemingly over Hammer. That episode aired in December of 1999.

It would be over a month before the next episode of Hang Time aired.

That next episode, Fighting For Your Dreams, features the Tornadoes in the middle of their season, Michael still being rather shy about asking Julie if she wants to see a movie with him, and Mary Beth still hung up on Hammer. Obviously, this episode was meant to air earlier in the season but, for whatever reason, it didn’t.

It’s actually not a bad episode. The University of Kentucky is interested in recruiting Antonio for their basketball program but, after Antonio injures his knee during practice, it looks like his playing days might be over. Antonio wants to spend all of his time feeling sorry for himself in his apartment but eventually both Kristy and Coach K convince him to stop feeling sorry for himself and start physical therapy. There was one extremely dumb scene in which Kristy, Eugene and Silk hired an actor to pretend to be the recruiter and give Antonio a pep talk but otherwise, this was an effective story and Jay Hernandez, Amber Barretto, and Dick Butkus all gave heartfelt performances.

As for Mary Beth, she and Hammer eventually broke up over the phone because the long distance relationship just proved to be too difficult to maintain. Awwwwwwww! Poor Mary Beth.

Episode 5.14 “My Family”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on March 11th, 2000)

Two months after the Fighting For Your Dreams episode aired, Hang Time got around to finishing out season 5 with My Family.

The family in question is Coach K’s. This episode finally reveals a little about Coach K’s past. We are informed that he’s divorced, his ex-wife lives up in Canada, and he hasn’t seen his 17 year-old daughter, Kate (Amber Willenborg), in a while. Coach K is super excited when Kate shows up in Indiana. It’s a chance for the two of them to rebuild their relationship. Coach K has an entire weekend in Chicago planned for the two of them.

What Coach K doesn’t know is that Kate has a baby. Kate is scared to tell him so, instead of taking her child with her to Chicago, she instead gives him to Julie, Kristy, and Mary Beth, three people who she barely knows. Needless to say, this leads to a whole lot of scenes of, “Ewww! The baby needs to be changed” and “Oh my God, the baby has a fever! Take him to the hospital!” The baby’s cute but Kate’s decision to just abandon him with three people that she’s just met just doesn’t feel right. Anyway, Kate tells Coach K about the baby in Chicago and they immediately head back to Indiana so that he can meet his grandson. And, much as with the previous episode, Dick Butkus saves the episode by giving a surprisingly sensitive performance. Coach K loves his grandson! Awwwww!

The B-story features the boys selling pagers to raise money for ski trip. Who cares? It’s dumb.

Next week: the sixth and final season begins! The end is in sight!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 5.11 “Finals Fury” and 5.12 “The Upset”

Posted on July 17, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Tornadoes are going to the championship tournament …. again!

Episode 5.11 “Finals Fury”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 27th, 1999)

The Tornadoes are once again in the championship tournament, which means that it is once again time for Hang Time to make use of its University of Indiana set. As Coach K. explains, the team cannot afford to lose one game if they want to be the state champions. Unfortunately, Michael is currently playing like crap, missing easy shots, getting distracted, and even getting so angry over a call that he gets thrown out of a game.

What’s the problem? Michael’s lifelong but never previously mentioned rival is also at the championship and he is continually taunting Michael, whether from the stands or on the court. Michael gets so upset that he can’t concentrate. Coach K. decides that the best way to solve this problem would be to get kicked out of the game. So, Coach K yells at a ref until he’s sent to the locker room. At half-time, Coach K. tells Michael that now he knows what it’s like to be abandoned in the middle of a big game. I’m not really sure that I follow Coach K’s logic here but the important thing is that it somehow causes Michael to play better and Deering once again wins by one basket. They won despite not having a coach on the floor so maybe the real point of this episode was that Coach K really wasn’t that important.

Meanwhile, Antonio runs into an old friend from Texas and attends a frat party. Even though Kristy trusts Antonio, she still gets jealous when one too many sorority girls say hi to her man. At the next fraternity party, Kristy and Mary Beth sneak in, wearing fake beards and pretending to be frat pledges. Yes, it’s another wacky disguise plot! I usually hate wacky disguise plots but I’ll make an exception here because Jay Hernandez is just so unbelievably likable an Antonio. In a Hang Time first, Antonio doesn’t overreact to Kristy and Mary Beth spying on him but instead gives them a fraternity paddle as a gift. It was kind of sweet.

Still, you have to wonder how Coach K would have felt about Antonio going to a party on the night before a big game. Remember when Coach K made the team sign that stupid contract, promising not to party, skateboard, or do anything that could possibly make them less effective on the court? If you do, congrats. The show appears to have forgotten about it.

Episode 5.12 “The Upset”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on December 4th, 1999)

As the Tornadoes prepare for their next game in the championship tournament, Kristy and Mary Beth notice a familiar face setting up a video camera to record the action. Why, it’s Ronald! Who is Ronald? As Kristy and Mary Beth explain it, Ronald was a kid who they tormented when they were younger, forcing him to wear makeup and totally embarrassing him when he wanted to try out for Little League. Not realizing that Ronald (played by Micgael Cornacchia) has been permanently traumatized by their actions, Kristy and Mary Beth decide to go say hi. They’re shocked when Ronald says that he wants nothing to do with them. They decide to make it their mission to convince Ronald that they’re not as bad as he thinks they are.

I had mixed feelings about this plotline. On the one hand, I could relate to both Kristy and Mary Beth because it’s always been hard for me to understand how anyone could actually be angry about anything that I’ve ever done. When Kristy and Mary Beth learned that what they remembered as childhood fun was actually Ronald’s nightmare, I could relate to how confused and guilty they felt and also their desire to fix things with Ronald. At the same time, Ronald was himself such a jerk that I couldn’t help but feel that he deserved to be miserable. Ronald gets his revenge by casting Kristy and Mary Beth in a commercial that he’s making for the student union. (Seeing as how he was a childhood friend of Mary Beth and Kristy’s, I’m assuming he’s a freshman at the University of Indiana. Are freshmen film students often hired to direct commercials?) He films Kristy and Mary Beth eating ice cream and then, in the commercial, he transposes their faces on two pigs. Not cool, Ronald! Seriously, what a jerk.

While Mary Beth and Kristy are potentially putting their lives in danger by spending time with the obviously sociopathic Ronald, the Tornadoes are looking forward to playing their next game. Their opponent is from Muncie, Indiana and no one expects the Tornadoes to lose. Despite Coach K’s warning about getting cocky, the Tornadoes do just that. Coach K even invites a pro basketball player to come to practice and tell the Tornadoes to never take victory for granted. Judging by how awkward and stiff the guy was while delivering his lines, I’m assuming he was a real-life player.

Of course, Coach K has a point. The Tornadoes have gotten extremely cocky, especially when you consider that they rarely seem to win a game by more than one point. When a local paper refers to them as being “the team of the decade,” the Tornadoes let it go to their head. (Really, shouldn’t the team of the decade occasionally win by more than a handful of points?) The game against Muncie is close but — well, you already know that this episode is entitled The Upset. Do I need to tell you that, this time, it’s Muncie that wins by one basket?

Humbled, The Tornadoes return home and are shocked to discover all of their fans waiting and cheering for them. Coach K says that he’s proud of the team. Michael gives a speech in which he promises to bring home the championship next season. Next season!? Are any of these people ever planning on graduating!?

I had mixed feelings about this episode. I liked the fact that the Tornadoes lost the big game because even a good team is going to lose a game or two. I thought that part of the episode was really well-directed, acted, and written. But all of the stuff with Ronald was just icky and it made me never want to apologize to anyone. Still, on the whole, this was a good episode with which to end the season.

Except, of course, there’s two more episodes to go in this season. We’ll look at them next week!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 5.9 “Tolerance” and 5.10 “Big Brother Blues”

Posted on July 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, many important lessons are learend.

Episode 5.9 “Tolerance”

(Directed by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 13th, 1999)

Even though none of them have ever been seen or mentioned over the course of the previous 87 episodes, the episode reveals that Deering High is home to several students who dress in black, wear black eye-liner, and who hang out at a coffeehouse called The Morgue.

I know what you’re thinking. They’re Goths, right?

No, according to Hang Time, they’re called Grotes, which is short for Grotesques. Uhmmm …. okay. Was Grote actually a term that was used in 1999? Maybe it’s an Indiana thing. Who knows?

Anyway, everyone at school is scared of the Grotes, which makes it awkward when Kristy is assigned to work with one of them for her science class. At first, Syd (Alicia Lagano) dismisses Kristy as just being a typical popular cheerleader but she’s impressed with Kristy actually shows up at the Morgue. Kristy learns that the Grotes are human underneath all of their dark makeup and she also realizes that her two best friends are incredibly shallow when they start making fun of the Grotes. While it’s in character for Mary Beth to be judgmental of someone else’s fashion choices, I was a little bit surprised to see that the show portrayed Julie as being equally close-minded. Usually, Julie is portrayed as being a near-saint. You would think that, with all trouble Julie has supposedly had getting people to accept her as a basketball player, she would be a bit less …, well, mean. Mary Beth makes fun of the Grotes for wearing too much makeup. Julie goes as far as to say that the Grotes should expect to be picked on if they’re going to insist on being so different.

Kristy decides to teach her friends a lesson by dressing up like a Grote. At first, Julie and Mary Beth are shocked to see Kristy dressed in black and wearing too much eyeliner. Later, they’re stunned to learn that Kristy has been beaten up by two non-Grote bullies. At the homecoming dance, Mary Beth is elected Homecoming Queen and she spends her acceptance speech apologizing for judging the Grotes. She gives her crown to Kritsy as way to thank Kristy “for teaching me about tolerance.” The audience goes, “Awwwww!” but it’s hard not to notice that none of the Grotes are at the dance.

Meanwhile, Eugene is dating a woman who has graduated from college! It turns out that he lied to her about his age. Despite the fact that everything about Eugene screams “High School Sophomore!,” Eugene convinces her that he’s a college student. But then Eugene’s girlfriend (Veronica Lauren) is hired to teach at the school! Uh-oh! Is Deering about to become a crime scene? Fear not. It turns out that Eugene’s girlfriend is a genius who graduated from high school when she was 12 and is only 16 years old. Uhmm, okay.

This episode aired a year after “A Guy and a Goth,” the episode of City Guys where Chris dated a goth girl and briefly dressed up like a goth himself. This is actually a rare example of City Guys handling a topic better than Hang Time. First off, City Guys actually used the term “goth” as opposed to “grote.” As well, there’s something painfully self-congratulatory about the Hang Time version of this story. Mary Beth apologizes to the Grotes but there aren’t any Grotes at the dance so it’s not really going to do them a lot of good. In the end, the audience said “awwwww,” not because Mary Beth was being tolerant but because Kristy, Mary Beth, and Julie agreed to still be friends.

How much you want to bet that we’ll never see Eugene’s girlfriend or the Grotes again?

Episode 5.10 “Big Brother Blues”

(Directed by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 20th, 1999)

The Tornadoes are one victory away from making the playoffs!

Yes, apparently, the Tornadoes have been having another successful season. Up until this episode, we really haven’t heard much about Deering’s latest season. I imagine this is because Season 5 and 6 were originally meant to be one season before NBC decided to not only split the show’s final 26 episodes into two seasons but also to show the episodes out of order. Just judging from the episode descriptions that are available on Wikipedia, it appears that most of the basketball episodes were moved to the sixth season.

Anyway, as I said, the Tornadoes are once again one game away from making the playoffs. However, they have to defeat the Mustangs, a team that Deering hasn’t defeated in over 11 years. The team is convinced that they’re jinxed. Coach K. brings in a “jinx exorcist” who works with the NBA. He dramatically banishes the jinx from the locker room. With their confidence intact, the Tornadoes dominate the first half. However, at halftime, they discover that the jinx exorcist was just some random guy that Coach K paid to fool them. The Tornadoes lose their confidence and nearly lose the game. In the end, thanks to Silk’s final shot, the Tornadoes win by …. you guessed it …. one point!

Meanwhile, Michael and Silk sign up for the Big Brother program and are assigned to spend time with a kid named Daniel. Daniel loves hanging out with Michael and Silk but it turns out that Daniel’s mom is a racist who doesn’t want her son to hang out with anyone black. Daniel still comes to the game but, after the Tornadoes win, he’s dragged away by his mom. Daniel runs back into the locker room to give Silk a hug but it’s pretty clear that the two of them will never see each other again,

What a sad ending!

This episode featured both Mary Beth and Julie talking about how much they hate it when people are judged by how they look. Interestingly enough, no one says, “You mean like how you judged the Grotes?” That said, it was a heartfelt episode with a good message and Danso Gordon does a good job of portraying Silk’s anger and sadness. The final scene was far more moving that what one would typically expect of a Peter Engel-produced sitcom.

Next week: the team gets cocky!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 5.7 “Joint Venture” and 5.8 “Revolver, Problem Solver?”

Posted on July 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Silk gets a new job and he also gets a gun! It’s a wild time in Indiana with Hang Time!

Hang Time 5.7 “Joint Venture”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 30th, 1999)

Somehow, Silk and Eugene are the new managers of Deering’s hottest club, The Matrix!

Right away, this episode the makes the mistake of asking us to suspend our disbelief. I’ve accepted a lot of weird things when it comes to Hang Time, like the entire team spending Christmas in New York and Antonio somehow just moving from Texas to Indiana without his parents. But seriously, why would two high school students be hired to manage a club? And even if you could accept the idea of two high school students being given that type of responsibility, who in their right mind would hire Silk and Eugene? We haven’t seen anything on this show to indicate that either one of them comes across as being the sort of person who could handle that much responsibility.

The club is a big hit but Silk and Eugene are shocked to discover that someone is selling marijuana in the bathroom! Instead of shutting down the club (which is what the show suggests they should have done for some reason), Eugene and Silk call the cops and arrange for two undercover cops to come to the club and arrest the dealer. However, at the same time, Kristy and Mary Beth are trying to write an award-worthy story for the school newspaper and they decide to go undercover as well. Their plan is to buy marijuana from the dealer and then write a story about it.

Yep, who wouldn’t think they were stoners?

Anyway, as you probably already guessed, this leads to the undercover cops trying to arrest not just the dealer but also Mary Beth and Kristy. Michael and Julie see the cops grabbing their friends and, since they don’t know that they’re cops, a huge brawl breaks out. The club is wrecked! For some reason, the cops then call Coach K., who comes down and yells at everyone. Luckily, only the dealer goes to jail. Eugene and Silk lose their jobs, which they never should have had in the first place.

This is the type of episode that I hate, where every single problem could have been solved by everyone not being an absolute idiot. Let’s move on.

Hang Time 5.8 “Revolver, Problem Solver?”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on November 6th, 1999)

Silk’s father is a cop! That seems like the sort of thing that would have been helpful during the previous episode. Anyway, this guy who was arrested by Silk’s father starts threatening Silk. The guy carries a knife and tries to stab Silk at school. Seeing as how that’s attempted murder and the attack was witnessed by Silk’s friends, it seems like it would have been pretty easy for Silk to call the cops and get the guy sent to prison for a decade. Instead, Silk decides to handle things himself by getting a gun.

Yes, really.

Meanwhile, the team needs to raise money so Mary Beth arranges a car wash. Coach K’s car ends up getting flooded with water after the team washes it without rolling up the windows. How dumb are these people? Anyway, the guy who wants to kill Silk shows up at the car wash with his knife. Silk pulls out his gun but the bad guy easily grabs it away from him. In the ensuing struggle, a shot is fired. A window shatters. Mary Beth nearly gets shot. The bad guy gets arrested and Silk get cited for having an illegal gun.

Remember when Coach K made everyone sign that contract not to do anything dangerous during the season? Under the terms of that contact, Silk should have been cut from the team. I mean, Eugene nearly got kicked off the team for wanting to ride a skateboard. Meanwhile, Silk is putting everyone’s lives in danger. But Coach K is a big old hypocrite and Silk is allowed to keep playing basketball for Deering High.

I will compliment this episode, though. For a teen sitcom that was produced by Peter Engel, the fight scene between Silk and the knife guy was surprisingly well-choreographed and filmed. As well, this is the first episode to really allow Danso Gordon to do some acting as opposed to just standing in the background and Gordon does a pretty good job with the role, even if Silk’s action don’t always seem realistic. This was another episode where almost everything that happened was the result of people not having any common sense. It had a good message about being safe and careful with guns but it was still frustrating to watch.

Next week, Kristy hangs out with a goth and Michael discovers that some people are racist. Indiana’s a crazy place.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 5.5 “Too Good To Be True” and 5.6 “Shall We Dance?”

Posted on June 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I’ll always remember, me and my friends at Hang Time….

Episode 5.5 “Too Good To Be True”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 16th, 1999)

Michael’s father is out of town and — oh no! — Michael has damaged the family car. Michael has to raise the money to fix the car before his father comes home so Michael gets a job delivering pizzas. Since this is a Peter Engel-produced show, this means that Michael has to dress up and talk like a pirate.

Fortunately, Michael meets a real estate agent who happens to be a fan of Deering basketball. The agent gives Michael a job and even loans him the money to pay for the car repairs! Yay!

Unfortunately, Michael is dating Julie again and, as usual, Julie just can’t let anyone else be happy. She decides that the real estate agent is trying to recruit Michael to play basketball at Indiana Tech. Apparently, it’s against the rules for recruiters to offer gifts to students. Julie tells Michael that he has to quit his job and then she gets the rest of the team to tell Michael the same thing. Michael’s first instinct is to tell everyone to mind their own business. And really, Michael has a point here. It’s his life and seriously, I’m sure everyone bends the rules. If he’s a good enough player and if he goes to a school with enough rich benefactors, no one will ever care. But, eventually, Michael quits his new job and refuses to take the money. By the end of the episode, he is once again dressed as a pirate and delivering pizzas.

“I’m proud of you,” Julie says, “you followed the rules.”

(Rules are for suckers.)

Meanwhile, Coach K is totally excited because he’s bought a new telescope so he can watch a comet fly by the Earth. Yay! I’ve been critical of Coach K in the past but he’s actually pretty likable in this episode and Dick Butkus does a good job of playing up his almost childlike excitement over seeing the comet. Of course, Julie pops up to say that the comet is no big deal because Julie has to ruin everything.

Let’s move on.

Episode 5.6 “Shall We Dance?”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 23rd, 1999)

At the start of this episode, the audience goes crazy as Michael asks Julie out on a date.

“You two are so getting back together!” Mary Beth tells Julie.

Uhmmm …. last episode, they were back together and Julie was going out of her way to ruin Michael’s future. Once again, we have another example of NBC deciding to show these episodes out of order and allowing continuity to be damned.

Anyway, Michael and Julie start dating again. However, Julie also discovers that she and Antonio love to swing dance! (Over the past five seasons, there’s been absolutely nothing about Julie that suggested she would be into swing dancing but whatever….) Julie and Antonio decide to enter a swing dancing contest and soon, they’re spending all of their time together. Always a force of chaos, Mary Beth subtly suggests to Michael and Kristy that their respective significant others may be falling for each other. Even a bizarre cameo from Dr. Drew Pinsky (who apparently lives in Deering and shops at the local mall) can’t keep Michael and Kristy from getting jealous.

This was actually a fun episode, just because of all of the dancing. Jay Hernandez and Daniella Deutscher did get married after co-starring on Hang Time so Mary Beth wasn’t totally wrong about there being chemistry between Julie and Antonio. If I really wanted to be critical, I would point out that this is yet another episode where Julie is actually pretty self-centered (she abandons Michael in the middle of a date so that she can go practice a new dance move with Antonio) but …. eh. There was too much dancing for me to be overly critical.

There was also a pretty stupid B-plot, where Silk and Eugene tried to film Coach K. losing his temper so that they could send it into America’s Funniest Home Videos. Didn’t the same thing happen on California Dreams and City Guys? It might have happened on One World, too. All of these shows blend together after a while. Still, despite the dumb B-plot, I enjoyed this episode.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 5.3 “Beer Pressure” and 5.4 “Extreme Eugene”

Posted on June 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Julie dates an older guy and Eugene goes …. EXTREME!

Episode 5.3 “Beer Pressure”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 2nd, 1999)

Julie’s dating an older guy! (Actually, given that Julie’s been in high school for six years now, he might not actually be that much older.) Brian (Jason Hayes) is handsome, charming, and he owns his own company. He drives a Ferrari and he even scores backstage passes to the Alanis Morrissette concert. In fact, that only thing wrong with Brian is that 1) he encourages Julie to stay out late and 2) he drinks. Despite knowing that Brian has had a few too many beers, Julie goes for a ride with him. One car crash later and Julie’s arm is in a sling and the Tornadoes are having to win without her!

(“Is the Ferrari okay?” Mary Beth asks upon seeing Julie’s sling. I will admit that I laughed out loud at this line. Megan Parlen had the best comedic timing of anyone on the show.)

Fear not, the Tornadoes do win their first game of the season. They win by one basket, of course. For a legendary team, the Tornadoes hardly ever seem to actually blow the other team out. But a win is a win. Michael is not only happy to get the win but he’s also happy that, due to the accident, Julie has broken up with Brian. Michael’s decided he wants to date Julie again, despite the fact that Julie previously broke his heart by dumping him for no good reason.

Meanwhile, Antonio is now renting an apartment. His landlord is Coach K. Though Coach K is not happy after he’s attacked by a swarm of bees that were angered by Antonio’s decision to knock down their hive, he is touched when Antonio says that everyone has made him feel so welcome in his new state. That’s good and all but I’m still confused as to how Antonio, a minor, was able to just move from Texas to Indiana on a whim. The charismatic and likable Jay Hernandez is a welcome addition to the cast but it still doesn’t make any sense for Antonio to be there.

This episode felt oddly familiar. At first, I was sure that Julie had already dated an older man but then I realized that I was thinking about the Raise the Roofies episode of City Guys. It’s difficult to keep all of these Peter Engel-produced shows straight. That said, I appreciated the anti-drinking and driving message and both Megan Parlen and Amber Barretto continued to show their skill at getting laughs from even the most predictable of lines. This was not a bad episode, even if it does seem like Julie should have graduated from college by now.

Episode 5.4 “Extreme Eugene”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on October 9th, 1999)

Eugene is finally a starter but he’s struggling to balance his love of skateboarding with his love of basketball. After Eugene injures his shoulder at a skateboarding competition, Coach K announces that all the members of team are going to have to sign a contract promising not to do anything dangerous — like skateboarding — during the season. Eugene reluctantly signs the contract but, immediately afterwards, he asks Coach K if he can go to a skateboarding competition. Coach K says no. Eugene quits the team.

Everyone gets angry, telling Eugene that he made a commitment to the team and that he signed the contract. Here’s the thing, though. The contract is unfair and Eugene has every right to be upset over it. The only reason he signed it was because Michael and Julie pressured him to do so. Even though Eugene may have bruised up his shoulder at the skateboarding competition, he still came in second. A national skateboarding magazine wants to do an interview with him and put him on the cover. Eugene obviously has a much more viable future as a skater than as a basketball player. So, seriously, screw the team. If the team is so weak that not having Eugene on the court is going to cause them to lose, they probably weren’t very strong to begin with.

(Personally, I suspect Julie was just jealous at the idea of someone other than her appearing on the cover of a magazine. If Julie had been a skateboarder, you can be sure the entire team would have shown up to support her.)

That said, Eugene eventually meets his idol, Biker Sherlock. Considering how stiffly he delivered his dialogue, I’m guessing Biker must have been a real athlete. Anyway, Biker tells Eugene that he should honor his commitment to his team. That’s all it takes for Eugene to see things differently and return to the team, announcing that he is going to give up skateboarding until the season’s over. What a wuss.

Meanwhile, Kristy has arranged for her parents to finally meet Antonio at the mall. However, outside the mall, Antonio and Kristy’s father get into an argument over a parking space without either realizing who the other one is. (Wait, this seems familiar….) So, Kristy grabs Eugene and tells her parents that Eugene is Antonio. (Yes, it’s as stupid as it sounds. It was stupid when City Guys did it too.) Eugene tries to speak in an offensively thick Mexican accent. Cringe!

Later, Kristy’s mother spots Eugene kissing his girlfriend. Kristy’s mother then tells Julie that “Antonio” is a cheater and then Julie tells Kristy and Mary Beth. Marty Beth announces that “El Paso means The Cheater.” Kristy accuses Antonio of cheating on her but then Antonio says that he didn’t and Kristy immediately realizes that he’s telling the truth. Awwwww! They’re so sweet together.

This was a dumb episode. Eugene should have ripped that contract into little pieces. Instead, he gave in and gave up his dreams and now, I will never respect him. For all the talk of what Eugene owed the team, the team never seemed to give much thought to what they owed him.

Next week, a college recruiter might be interested in giving Michael a better future so, of course, Julie makes it all about her.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 5.1 “Hello and Goodbye” and 5.2 “Managing Michael”

Posted on June 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for Season 5 of Hang Time! As usual, the new season starts with several cast departures and additions. (Since Seasons 5 and 6 were both filmed at the same time, this season is the last one to introduce new characters.) Season 5 also sees Miguel Higuera taking over as the show’s regular director, replacing Patrick Maloney.

Episode 5.1 “Hello and Goodbye”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on September 11th, 1999)

It’s time for a new school year and a new basketball season! Julie, who has been a senior for four years now, is still the star of the team. Michael and Silk are also ready for another run at the championship. Rico, however, is gone. Silk mentions something about Rico joining the wrestling team. Fear not, there’s a new player named Eugene (Phillip Glasser) and he basically acts just like Rico and Vince. Who knew there were so many goofy Italian basketball players in rural Indiana?

Hammer has also returned but not for long. It turns out that he’s been offered a scholarship to attend a prep school in North Carolina. Accepting the scholarship means that Hammer will gain automatic acceptance to Duke. However, it also means leaving behind Mary Beth. (Silk also gets upset, saying that the team is starting to “feel like the Spice Girls” because everyone keeps leaving.) Hammer doesn’t want to tell Mary Beth about the scholarship until he knows for sure whether or not he’s going to accept it.

Meanwhile, Kristy is having a long-distance relationship with Antonio (Jay Hernandez) but she’s upset because she hasn’t seen Antonio in six months. (Maybe she could have visited him in December instead of spending Christmas in New York.) Because she’s apparently not required to attend classes or clear anything with her parents, Kristy impulsively decides to fly down to Texas. However, no sooner has Kristy boarded her flight than Antonio shows up in Indiana. Upon learning that Antonio is now in Indiana, Kristy flies back from El Paso. Once they’re both back in Indiana, Antonio tells Kristy that he’s decided to move to Indiana and go to Deering.

“To be with me!?” Kristy says, shocked.

“Well, it’s not for the Mexican food,” Antonio replies.

Do any of these characters have parents? I mean, is Antonio’s family okay with Antonio moving to Indiana?

Well, regardless, it’s good that Antonio’s there because, even though he initially turns down the scholarship to stay with Mary Beth, Hammer eventually does leave for North Carolina. The team sees him off at the airport. (Oddly, no family members are present.) Julie says that she’s sure she will eventually join Hammer at Duke. That made me laugh, as Julie’s been in high school for 6 years. Duke has standards, Julie!

This was actually not a bad start to the fifth season. I was sad to see Hammer go because Mark Famiglietti really did grow into the role towards the end of the fourth season. But Antonio seems like he’ll be a good replacement, mostly because he’s played by Jay Hernandez. He and Kristy make for a cute couple. This episode also deserves some credit for having Mary Beth mention that all of her boyfriends have eventually ended up leaving the school. She even mentioned Chris, from the otherwise forgotten first season. I’m a sucker for a good continuity nod.

Episode 5.2 “Managing Michael”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on September 18th, 1999)

This is a weird episode. Michael, despite having never mentioned anything about it before, is the leader of a rock band. Playing keyboards is Eugene, who is apparently now everyone’s best friend. Mary Beth is hired to manage the band but she discovers that Deering’s biggest (and only) rock promoter is a total sexist who refuses to do business with a woman. In order to prove that she can handle the music business, Mary Beth somehow manages to organize an entire music festival on her own. The Moffats, who were a boy band from Canada, even play the show. How did Mary Beth set all this up? I have no idea. All I know is that Mary Beth announced that she wasn’t going to let anything stop her and then, one montage later, the Moffats were singing her a song. I mean, Mary Beth is the character to whom I relate so I’m always happy when she succeeds but, in this case, it’s not really made clear how she managed to pull it off. In fact, the last six minutes of the episode is devoted just to the Moffats performing.

Meanwhile, the University of Illinois is planning on giving Coach K a distinguished alumni award. However, the team thinks that the college is trying to hire Coach K away from them so they spread a rumor that the Coach is an alcoholic ex-con. That’s a little extreme and dumb. Coach K finds out what they’re doing and makes them run some extra laps. Coach Fuller would have killed them but Coach K laughs it off because he’s still going to get his award regardless of his team’s attempt to ruin his life.

Seriously, this was a weird episode.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.25 “Christmas In New York” and 4.26 “Waiting For Mary Beth”

Posted on June 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The fourth season finally comes to a close! Seriously, things have been moving so slowly for the Tornadoes that I feel like I’ve spent that last several years trapped in this season.

Episode 4.25 “Christmas In New York”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, Originally aired on December 5th, 1998)

The team is in New York City, celebrating Christmas away from home. Kristy, who is not actually on the team, is with them and feeling homesick. Instead of telling her, “Well, go home since you’re not actually on the team,” Silk and Michael promise Kristy that they’re going to have a “real Indiana Christmas” right there in New York.

(So, I guess everyone’s parents are okay with their children celebrating the holidays in New York. Seriously, this whole New York plotline doesn’t make a single bit of sense. If I was the state of Indiana, I would be offended by how eager Hang Time was to find any excuse to get away from me.)

Kristy comes up with the idea of the team celebrating Christmas by doing “Secret Santa.” Everyone thinks that this is a great idea, except for Mary Beth who points out that Secret Santa means that everyone will only get one gift. “Everyone’s stressing about what to get everyone!” Hammer says, as if somehow mandating that everyone can only buy one gift will make it even less stressful to try to find the perfect one. I’m on Mary Beth’s side here. Add to that, Secret Santa comes with a limit on how much can be spent on each person. Each gift has to cost under $10. What the Hell!? Seriously, I’d rather cancel Christmas than accept a gift that cost under $10.

If Kristy is missing her family, Rico is dreading meeting his. As Rico explains it, his grandfather, Sonny, is a former stand-up comedian who always goes out of his way to embarrass Rico. After meeting Rico and the rest of the team, Sonny decides to move into the hotel and stay with them. Sonny explains that Rico doesn’t want his grandson spending his Christmas without his family. And really, Sonny’s right. SERIOUSLY, WHY ARE THEY IN NEW YORK ON CHRISTMAS!?

Anyway, Secret Santa goes awry when Julie and Mary Beth sneak into the boys’s hotel room and discovers that Michael and Hammer bought them cheap scarves. Mary Beth is so offended that she declares that they’re going to have to buy really cheap gifts for the boys.

“How do I do that?” Mary Beth asks Julie.

“Are you saying I’m cheap!?” Julie yells.

Oh, Julie, everyone knows you’re cheap.

Of course, what they don’t know is that, while Julie and Mary Beth are sneaking around the hotel room, Michael and Hammer are buying expensive gifts at Tiffany’s.

Meanwhile, Rico lies to his grandfather to keep him from coming to the Christmas Party. This leads to Coach K. suddenly declaring himself to be the Ghost of Christmas Future and showing Rico that his future is going to feature his grandchildren abandoning him for the holidays. Rico learns the true meaning of Christmas and he spends the holiday with his grandfather after all. The rest of the team spends the holidays without their families but no one cares because they’re all a bunch of heathens, I guess. I don’t know. As I said before, this whole New York thing is way too weird.

This was dumb. Let’s move on.

Episode 4.26 “Waiting For Mary Beth”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, Originally aired on December 5th, 1998)

After a long season that featured a new coach, three new players, and trips to Texas and New York, the fourth season of Hang Time comes to a close with …. a clip show.

The Tornadoes are celebrating New Years Eve in New York City because why would they want to spend any of their holidays with their friends and family back in Indiana. The entire team is gathered at a fancy restaurant overlooking Times Square. But where’s Mary Beth!? Mary Beth, it turns out, is refusing to leave her room because her appointment with a world famous hair stylist did not go well. Luckily, everyone has a memory to share that provides Mary Beth with the courage to celebrate the New Year.

Eh. It’s a clip show. Clip shows are the worst of the worst.

Next week, Season 5 begins!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.23 “Breaks of the Game” and 4.24 “Window of Opportunity”

Posted on May 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last week, the team was heading to the championship and then suddenly, they were taking a trip to New York. Let’s see if this week makes any more sense!

Episode 4.23 “Breaks of the Game”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 28th, 1998)

Remember how the team was in New York during the previous episode?

Well, now, they’re back in Indiana! And they’ve advanced in the championship tournament, making it to the finals! The only problem is that their best player has tested positive for steroids. When Hammer is told that he’s the only member of the team to have tested positive, he swears that it’s a mistake. He gets retested and fails a second time. Hammer swears that he is steroid free. Michael believes him. Silk and Rico think he’s lying and are angry at him for ruining the season. Julie doesn’t really care, she just wants to figure out how to win without Hammer.

Well, the team doesn’t win without Hammer. They come close, especially after they realize that the only reason Hammer tested positive was because of his allergy medication. But, for the first time in a few seasons, they miss that all-important final shot and, for once, it’s the other team that wins by one point.

Coach K tells them not to be too hard on themselves. He says that the true test of maturity is how you handle disappointment and bad breaks. It’s not a bad message, even though we all know Coach Fuller would have found a way to win that game.

Meanwhile, Kristy meets a painter who tells her that he’s obsessed with her red hair. (The same thing has happened to me more than once.) She poses for him but is shocked to discover that, even though she was dressed while posing, he still painted her naked. Julie, Mary Beth, and Kristy sneak into the art show and destroy the painting. Somehow, they don’t get arrested. Personally, I can’t laugh at people destroying paintings. Sadly, that’s pretty much the direction that our society is heading in.

Let’s give this episode credit for dealing with defeat. But seriously — don’t pose unless you’re willing to accept that the artist’s vision might be different from yours.

Episode 4.24 “Window of Opportunity”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 28th, 1998)

The team is in New York City and getting ready to celebrate Christmas! Wouldn’t they rather celebrate in Indiana with their families? And why are Kristy and Mary Beth there when they’re not actually members of the basketball team? I mean, the team won the trip.

Anyway, Mary Beth finds time, during her vacation, to work as an intern at a department store. She impresses the store owner by giving the teen department a makeover and, when her manager tries to steal the credit for her ideas, Mary Beth learns an important lesson about standing up for herself. An even better lesson to learn would be that vacations are not meant for work.

Speaking of work, Coach K is hired to work as a department stare Santa. He forced Michael, Rico, Hammer, and Silk to be his elves because why should any of them actually get to relax on their vacation? Coach K and the Elves are briefly mistaken for being a group of thieves and they end up in jail. But then they’re released because the real thieves were caught. Seriously, that’s the whole storyline.

Ugh. If I had wanted to watch an episode of City Guys, that’s what I would have done.

Next week, season 4 concludes!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 4.21 “Phenom Blues” and 4.22 “New York Nick”

Posted on May 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Play-offs, baby!

Episode 4.21 “Phenom Blues”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 22nd, 1998)

It’s play-off time and, once again, the Tornadoes are at Indiana State University. Unfortunately, the Tornadoes are having a crisis of confidence because their first game is going to be against a team that has the best player in Indiana. Despite Julie calling them all a bunch of losers for being afraid and the Coach giving them a lot of game tape to watch, the boys are convinced that they’re going to lose and get sent home.

“This is our last night in Bloomington,” Hammer says at one point, “We should at least have some fun!”

Seriously, how can you not have fun in Bloomington?

Michael, Silk, Rico, and Hammer all go to a cow-themed amusement park. Unfortunately, due to a malfunctioning hanging gondola, they nearly plunge to their deaths. A helicopter shows up at the last minute and drops a ladder down to them. Yay, I guess. I don’t know, this was actually kind of dumb and it annoyed me that we only saw the ladder and never the helicopter. I mean, if you’re going to fake an amusement park disaster, spend some money and get a real helicopter!

Julie, meanwhile, spends the night watching game tape and talking to herself about how the other team is good but can be defeated. Even when she’s talking to herself, Julie is condescending.

Finally, Kristy and Coach K. play in a pool tournament. Kristy is playing because she wants to win a bike so that the team can give it to Coach K as a thank you present. Coach K wants to win the bike because his old bike got stolen. Sounds like a win-win, to be honest. Fortunately, Coach K has to forfeit the game so he can help rescue the players at the amusement park. Kristy wins and gives Coach K. the bike that he would have won anyways. Wow, that was suspenseful.

Anyway, having survived a near-death experience, the team is able to win their playoff game. Yay!

This was pretty dumb but it did have one funny scene where, while flipping channels on the TV, Julie comes across an old episode of Saved By The Bell and dismisses it by saying, “I’ve seen all of these 50 times already.” That’s my type of humor right there.

Well, I guess that, in the next episode, we’ll find out if the Tornadoes won that championship or not….

Episode 4.22 “New York Nick”

(Dir by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on November 22nd, 1998)

The Tornadoes are going to New York!

Wait a minute, what? Aren’t they supposed to be playing for the state championship? It is true that they won a trip to New York when they were in San Antonio but why are they going now? It doesn’t make — eh, forget it. I’m doing trying to justify this show’s messy timeline. Life’s too short and I’m getting a headache.

In New York, Mary Beth and Kristy can’t wait to go shopping at Bloomingdale’s! Julie can’t wait to talk down to everyone! Michael, Silk, and Rico can’t wait to go to a Pacers/Knicks game! And Hammer can’t wait to see his ex-girlfriend, a supermodel named Cindy! He asks Mary Beth for permission and Mary Beth is like, “Sure!” But she doesn’t really mean it. She’s jealous and annoyed and I would have been as well. To be honest, she should have just dumped Hammer right there. I mean, Julie will dump a guy just for having uneven sideburns. Why is Mary Beth always trapped in these go-nowhere relationships?

While eating lunch with Cindy, Hammer is approached by the editor of Teen Life, who wants to put Cindy and Hammer on the cover of their Coolest Couple Issue! Mary Beth says that she doesn’t have a problem with it but when Cindy and Hammer are invited to an industry party, it’s time for Mary Beth, Kristy, and Julie to put on some silly wigs and crash the party! In a fit of jealousy, Mary Beth destroys a cake and loses Hammer the job. So, now …. oh God, this headache is intensifying …. Mary Beth has to find a way to sneak into the editor’s hotel room and talk her into rehiring Hammer. In fact, Mary Beth is so persistent that the editor decides to put Mary Beth on the cover instead of Cindy. File this under things that would never happen in real life.

Meanwhile, at the Knicks/Pacers game, Michael, Rico, and Silk get into a food fight with a Knicks fan who later turns out to be a friend of the coach and …. oh, who cares? The only thing memorable about the game scene is that it was pretty much recreated word-for-word in a later episode of City Guys.

Who won the championship!? Maybe we’ll find out next week.