Musical Film Review: The Apple (dir by Menahem Golan)


1980’s The Apple takes place in the future!

Well, actually, it takes place in 1994.  The film imagines that, by the year 1994, the world would be a decadent, cynical, and soulless place where everyone listened to the mindless corporate music of Mr. Boogalow (Vladek Sheybal).  Really, the film’s version of the future wasn’t that far off.  It was more 2014 than 1994 but still….

Anyway, at the 1994 Worldvision Music Contest, Boogalow cheats to make sure that the latest shallow offering from BIM defeats a painfully earnest love song that is performed by Alphie (George Gilmour) and his girlfriend, Bibi (Catherine Mary Stewart).  Boogalow decides to sign Alphie and Bibi to a recording contract.  Alphie has visions of earthquakes and imagines being taken to Hell by Boogalow.  Alphie refuses to sign the contract.  Bibi, having had no such visions, signs the contract and soon, she is a part of the decadent Boogalow world.  Alphie, meanwhile, ends up living in a park with Mr. Topps (Joss Ackland) and a bunch of overage hippies.  Eventually, the Rapture occurs, largely because something had to happen to finally end this stupid movie.

The Apple was a film that I had heard a lot about before I actually sat down and watched it.  Just from what I had heard, I expected it to be bad-but-enjoyable, a disco campfest in the style of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band In fact, I would have been happy if it had just been as silly as Skatetown USA.  Unfortunately, The Apple can’t compare to either of those two films.  The Apple may be campy but it’s also mind-numbingly dull.  It’s only has an 87 minute running time but it feels considerably longer.  With one big exception, the music is forgettable.  Catherine Mary Stewart probably gives as good a performance as could be expected under the circumstances but George Gilmour is a bland hero.  Even Vladek Sheyball, who was so memorable as the villainous chess master in From Russia With Love, makes for a forgettable bad guy.

Now, I did mention that there is one big exception when it comes to the forgettable music and that’s a song that Bibi sings after she’s signed with Boogalow and given up her soul to be a star.  The song is called Speed.  “America, the land of the free/Is shooting up with her energy/and everyday she has to take more/…. SPEEEEEED!”  Bibi performs the song on a stage while a bunch of backup dancers writhe on motorcycles and, for about three minutes, The Apple actually becomes the spectacle that it so obviously wants to be.  The song may be about drugs but it’s also about American culture.  America is a country that is on the mood.  We don’t need any of that fashionable European ennui.  We’re all about speed, which is one reason why I love this country.  At our most mellow, we still get more done in a day than the average European.  No trains for us!  We’re a motorcycle nation!

Other than that one scene, though, The Apple feels like a middle school production.  We’re told that Boogalow International Music is a decadent company but, in this film, that just means that people speak in an arch tone.  It’s a teenager’s impression of what it means to be decadent.  We’re meant to turn against BIM when its employees laugh at Alphie for being a boring straight guy.  But the fact of the matter is that Alphie is a boring straight guy and his music sucks.  The film takes a stand about corporate music but the 0nly alternative that it come up with is boring folk music.

Don’t listen to those who tell you that The Apple is so bad that it’s good.  It’s just bad.

Doctor Who — The Invisible Enemy, Image of the Fendahl, The Sun Makers, Underworld, The Invasion of Time


Having survived the Horror of Fang Rock, the Doctor and Leela resumed traveling through space and time.  Along the way, they picked up a new companion named K-9.  Here is the rest of the fifteenth century, which began in a British lighthouse and ended on Gallifrey.

The Invisible Enemy (1977, directed by Derrick Goodwin)

This the one where K-9 makes his first appearance.

As a story, The Invisible Enemy is no great shakes.  The Doctor (Tom Baker) and Leela (Louise Jameson) materialize on a spaceship that has been infected by a sentient virus.  Everyone, except for Leela, gets infected.  The virus wants the Doctor to lead an infection of the entire universe.  When the virus orders the Doctor to kill Leela, he breaks free from its control.  He and Leela go to a space medical center, where Prof. Marinus (Frederick Jaeger) uses Leela’s natural immunity to help create a cure for the virus.  At one point, the Doctor and Leela are cloned and the clones are injected into the Doctor to fight the virus.  It’s a fantastic voyage for all.

Prof. Marinus’s assistant is a boxy robot dog named K-9 (voice by John Leeson).  Since Marinus has to go back to Earth, he gives K-9 to The Doctor and Leela as a gift.

How you feel about K-9 says a lot about how you will feel about the remainder of Tom Baker’s time as the Doctor.  Some fans consider the introduction of K-9 to be the show’s jump the shark moment.  A lot more, myself included, have always liked K-9 and view him — along with the sonic screwdriver — as being an essential part of the original show’s charm.  Love him or hate him, K-9, who come figure out any puzzle and who could shoot a loser from his nose, became one of the most recognizable symbols of the Tom Baker years.

Image of the Fendahl (1977, Directed by George-Spenton Foster)

The Doctor and Leela are drawn back to modern-day Earth, where scientists, witches, and cultists are all being influenced by skull that is estimated to be at least twelve million years old.  The scientists assume that the skull is human but actually, it’s the skull of a Fendahl, a race of psychic vampires who developed on the legendary “Fifth Planet.”  The Time Lords tried to destroy the Fendahl but one escaped in the form of a skull.  It first killed all the life on Mars.  (But what about the Ice Warriors and the Pyramids?  Doctor Who continuity rarely added up.)  Then it landed on Earth, where it influenced human evolution to create a race that it could use to its own advantage.

Image of the Fendahl feels like a spiritual descendant of The Daemons, with the same emphasis on rural British atmosphere and paganism (Leela teams up with a white witch) but without the assurance of UNIT waiting on the sidelines to take care of the threat.  Image of the Fendahl, with its suggestion that humanity was specifically developed to be food, is considerably darker than The Daemons and Tom Baker, so often criticized for playing up the humor of the Doctor’s character, gives one of his more serious performances.  When one of the scientists who has been possessed by Fendahl seeks to kill himself and bring an end to the threat, the Doctor hands him a gun.

Image of the Fendahl is yet another Doctor Who serial in which the main threat is revealed be the result of the Time Lords meddling.  The Fourth Doctor spent a lot of time cleaning up Gallifrey’s messes.

The Sun Makers (1977, directed by Pennant Roberts)

The Doctor, Leela, and K-9 materialize on Pluto, where they discover that colonists and workers are expected to pay exorbitant taxes to the Company or risk being exiled to the Undercity.  The Company’s tax collector is the Controller, who turns out to be a quivering mass of seaweed.

The Sun Makers is Doctor Who at its most satirical, poking fun at the British tax system.  Apparently, the original script was much more pointed in its attacks on the Inland Revenue services but the BBC, being the BBC, demanded that the script be watered down.  In human form, the Controller still clearly resembles Denis Healey, the then-Chancellor of the Exchequer.

The Sun Makers is Doctor Who at its most straight-forward, an enjoyable diversion from the more serious episodes.

Underworld (1978, directed by Norman Stewart)

The TARDIS materializes on the R1C, a spaceship that has been on a millennia-long quest to find a missing ship that was on its away to Minyos 2 and which contained the genetic files of the original Minyans who lived on Minyos 1.

This is another story where the Doctor has to deal with the bad decisions of the Time Lords.  Before adapting their policy of non-intervention, the Time Lords meddles in Minyan evolution and the end result was that the Minyans viewed the Time Lords as gods and the Minyans also used all of the Time Lord technology that they had been given to fight a civil war.  The Doctor feels a responsibility to help the crew of R1C complete their quest.

The R1C eventually ends up going through a space nebula and crashing into a planetoid, where they discover the ship they were searching for.  The crew of the ship is being used as slaves by the Oracle, a super computer.

Underworld is one of the more boring of the Fourth Doctor’s serials.  The story feels slapdash and the idea of a supercomputer was a well that the Doctor Who had already gone to far too many times.

The Invasion of Time (1978, directed by Gerald Blake)

The Doctor returns to Gallifrey and assumes his position as President of the Time Lords.  He also seems to go through a total personality change, exiling Leela and announcing that a group of psychic aliens known as the Vardans will be the new masters of Gallifrey.

Leela, even after being exiled, is convinced that this is all a part of some plan on the Doctor’s part and it turns out that she’s right.  The Doctor is only pretending to be allied with the Vardans so that he can discover the location of their planet and put them into a time loop.  What the Doctor does not realize is that the Vardans are themselves being used by the Sontarans, who are planning on invading Gallifrey.

In retrospect, it seems inevitable that the 15th season would end on Gallifrey.  It also seems inevitable that the Sontarans would eventually try to invade Gallifrey.  The main threat of the Sontarans has always been that they are so stupid that they will try to invade any planet.  The most surprising thing about this serial is that Leela stays behind on Gallifrey so that she can marry Andred (Chris Tanchrell), the head of the Citadel Guard.  The idea of Leela living with the Time Lords has been responsible for a lot of fan fiction and it does seem unfortunate that the show didn’t do more with the idea.

Louise Jameson had already decided to leave the show and originally, Leela was to die while fighting the Sontarans.  This was changed because it was felt Leela’s death would be too traumatic for younger viewers.  Instead, the younger viewers were traumatized by K-9 announcing that he would be staying on Gallifrey with Leela and Andred.  Luckily, for them, the final shot of the fifteen season was The Doctor looking at a crate labeled “K-9 Mark II” and smiling.

Little did the Doctor suspect that the quest for the Key of Time was waiting in his future.