DRACULA 3D (2012) – Dario Argento, Rutger Hauer, and the folly of false expectations!

Posted on December 29, 2024 by Bradley Crain

(Author’s note: I’m using the film’s original title of DRACULA 3D for my review. It seems to be going under the title of ARGENTO’S DRACULA as well, like in the image above. That’s also how I found it on Amazon Prime for my current viewing.)

If you’re one of my favorite directors or actors, I will watch all of your work, and I will probably like it. Such is the case with Dario Argento and Rutger Hauer. These two have been a part of so many great films over the years, but they have also been associated with some pretty bad stuff as well. I remember when I first read that Argento was making his own version of Dracula in 3D, and that Rutger Hauer would be playing the famous vampire hunter Van Helsing, the movie immediately went on my watch list. This means that I would google for more information every couple of days, as well as follow various entertainment-related websites looking for additional info. I also remember when the trailer was released. I specifically remember thinking that it looked awesome. I couldn’t wait to see it! And then it came out, and it seemed like everyone hated it. I made the mistake of reading reviews, which I often purposely avoid, and it seemed that many critics had a personal vendetta against the film. The reviewers weren’t content to just say it was a bad movie, they wanted me to know that it was an incompetent mess that everyone involved in should be completely ashamed of. There were a few exceptions to this universal shame, including my friend Lisa Marie Bowman, but that was definitely the general consensus. Because of this public disdain for the movie, I haven’t put that much effort into watching DRACULA 3D over the years. I’d started it a time or two, but I’d never actually finished it before. That is, until now. It’s a rainy day here in Central Arkansas, so I chose the movie for my wife and I to watch as the thunder rolled, and the rain came on in.

The plot of the DRACULA 3D sticks to most of the things I remember about watching Dracula movies over the years. Count Dracula (Thomas Kretschmann) seems to be inflicting a sort of reign of terror in his part of the world and all the locals seem to know that going out into the woods by yourself at night is a bad idea, but they keep doing it anyway. The movie opens with Tanja (Miriam Giovanelli) going to meet her boyfriend in a barn for a late night sex romp. Sadly, after he gets satisfied, he refuses to walk her back to town. She throws her cross necklace at him and walks away in anger. Soon a big owl flies down on her, turns into Dracula and starts sucking her blood. The next person I remember meeting is an out of towner named Jonathan Harker (Unax Ugalde). It seems Count Dracula has called him to his castle to organize his library or something. He visits with Dracula for a bit, listens to wolves howling in the distance, and then heads to his room. It turns out that Tanja is not dead but is now living at the castle with Dracula. She invites herself in to tempt Jonathan, a married man, with her assets. Of course, it isn’t long before she’s trying to suck his blood. Dracula isn’t having any of that though, and he shows up and reminds Tanja that “he’s mine,” before attacking Jonathan’s neck like it’s a lobster tail at an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet in Branson, MO! Soon Jonathan’s wife, Mina (Marta Gastini), and her friend Lucy (Asia Argento) show up at Dracula’s place since Jonathan seems to have gone missing. Dracula proceeds to suck on Lucy behind her knee, turning her into a member of the undead, and then tries to turn Mina into his eternal love. Finally, after all the activities above, Van Helsing (Rutger Hauer), Dracula’s old nemesis, shows up to try to end his reign of terror once and for all. I’ve probably missed some important details, but I think I got the gist of it. Feel free to correct me in the comments if I missed anything important.

After watching DRACULA 3D, the multitude of critics may have been right if all they cared about is a great movie by “movie criticism” standards. That just doesn’t describe me though. I watch movies because I like the people in them, and the people who make them. I certainly don’t expect perfection, and I certainly value entertainment over some self-important “message.” The critics have always gone out of their way to disparage my hero Charles Bronson, and I just keep watching his movies anyway. I have to admit I had that same feeling when watching DRACULA 3D. I think this movie is fun, and I don’t really give a shit what the critics think. Based on past movies like SUSPIRIA and BLADE RUNNER, maybe the critics have a right to expect more out of Argento and Hauer. But then again, if any person expected that level of cinema back in 2012 when they watched this movie, I wonder if they should consider going into another profession. DRACULA 3D never intended to compete with those classics. It is camp of the highest order, it’s on purpose, and it should be judged as such. The special effects are cheesy, the boobs are plenty, and the performances are over the top. Dario Argento has made some of the best movies I’ve ever watched. I don’t think he just forgot how to make a movie. This is the movie he meant to make, and, in my opinion, the campiness adds to the charm. Thomas Kretschmann gives a committed performance as Dracula, and Rutger Hauer is very serious as Van Helsing, without a hint of comedy or goofiness. With all the crazy things going on around them, I think their “serious” performances are perfect for the movie. If I had any complaint about the movie, it would be that Hauer doesn’t show up until over an hour into the one hour, 50-minute runtime. However, once he comes to town, Van Helsing pretty much takes over the movie from that point forward. As a big time, fan of Hauer, I enjoyed his Van Helsing turning badass and dispatching everyone who had seemed unkillable up to that point.

My final word is if you’re truly a fan of Argento or Hauer, you should enjoy this film. Don’t expect TENEBRAE or THE HITCHER. Just enjoy it for what it is… a cheesy, B-movie take on a legendary story. That was enough for me!

Horror Song Of The Day: Dawn of the Dead Main Theme by Goblin

Posted on October 30, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Dawn of the Dead (1978, dir by George Romero, DP: Michael Gornick)

Dario Argento not only produced and edited the European cut for 1978’s Dawn of the Dead, he also introduced George Romero to Goblin. The Italian band, famous for their horror movie soundtracks, provided the classic score to Dawn of the Dead.

(Admittedly, the score is is used far more prominently in Argento’s cut of the film than in Romero’s.)

For today’s horror song of the day, here is Goblin’s Main Theme From Dawn of the Dead.

Horror Scenes I Love: “Names that Start With S” from Suspiria

Posted on October 26, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Suspiria (1977, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Luciano Tavoli)

I can’t wait to re-watch Dario Argento’s Suspiria tonight! Today’s horror scene of the day is one of my favorite scenes from that film.

As you probably guessed from the title of this post, that scene is the famous “Names that start with S” scene. This is the scene in which dance student Suzy Banyon’s new roommate explains that names that start with S are often the names of snakes! Suzy’s new best friend, Sarah, disagrees.

When I first saw Suspiria, this was a scene to which I, as a dance student, could immediately relate. As odd as the dialogue may have sounded and as silly as the two students may have appeared to be, it actually felt very authentic. By nature, dancers are competitive and we are dramatic. If anyone is going to accuse you of having the name of a snake, it’s probably going to be dancer.

Admittedly, no one ever told me that I had the name of the snake. But there was the girl who told me that I was “soooooo pretty,” or at least I would be pretty if I got the nose job that I obviously required if I ever had any hope of being happy or successful. “But,” she added as she turned away from me, “I guess you’d have to figure out how you could possibly pay for it.” Of course, she was also quick to explain that she was only telling me the truth and that she had the best of intentions. I had about the same reaction to her advise as Sarah has to be calling a snake.

(Sarah stuck out her tongue. I may have said something about her boyfriend not having any issue with the size of my nose when he was hitting on me the night before. But basically, it was pretty much the same reaction…)

This scene made such an impression on me that, in the months after I first saw Suspiria, I would often randomly launch into the name of snakes monologue. Unfortunately, I had failed to take into account that I was literally the only student at my high school who would actually take the time to watch an Italian horror film from the 1970s. As such, no one knew what I was talking about and I lost a few friends named Susan and Sarah as a result.

Oh well!

Anyway, you can watch the scene below! Pay special attention to the way Jessica Harper reacts to being caught in the middle of the conversation. Dario Argento will probably never be known as a great director of actors but Jessica Harper is great in Suspiria!

Horror Song of The Day: Main Theme From Suspiria by Goblin

Posted on October 26, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Suspiria (1977, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Luciano Tovoli)

You knew this was coming!

Today’s horror song of the day is the classic main theme to Dario Argento’s Suspiria! (The Argento version is the only version that matters.) The iconic soundtrack was composed by Goblin. I saw an interview with Claudio Simonetti in which he said he wanted the song to be “almost annoying” in its intensity. While I could never be annoyed this song, I do understand Simonetti’s point. The score is designed to be as overwhelming as the evil at the center of the film.

All together now: “WITCH!”

Music Video of the Day: The Valley by Bill Wyman and Terry Taylor (1985, dir by Michele Soavi)

Posted on October 25, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s music video of the day is for an instrumental piece that was composed by Bill Wyman and Terry Taylor for Dario Argento’s 1985 film, Phenomena.

Put together by Michele Soavi, this music video features not only scenes from the film but also clips of Dario Argento directing both Jennifer Connelly and Fiore Argento. Soavi, of course, went on to have a directorial career of his own, directing four classic horror films before stepping away from feature films to take care of his ailing son. Soavi has since returned to directing, though most of his subsequent work has been for Italian television.

Enjoy!

Horror Song of the Day: Profondo Rosso by Goblin

Posted on October 24, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today’s horror song of the day comes from Dario Argento’s Deep Red!

Deep Red features the first collaboration between Argento and Goblin and the score remains a classic and one that I listen to every October.

Here’s Goblin performing Profondo Rosso on Italian television in 1975.

Horror Scenes That I Love: Irene Miracle Takes A Fateful Swim in Dario Argento’s Inferno

Posted on October 22, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s scene that I love, here is the classic scene from 1980’s Inferno, Dario Argento’s follow-up to Suspiria. In this scene, Irene Miracle takes a fateful swim. I’ve seen this film several times and this sequence still creeps me out! Not only does it remind me of my own very strong fear of drowning but I also wish someone had been there to say, “Don’t do that, you’re going to ruin that pretty dress!”

This scene is Argento at his most dream-like and frightening.

8 Shots From 8 Horror Films: Special Dario Argento Edition

Posted on October 22, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

8 Shots From 8 Films is just what it says it is, 8 shots from 8 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 8 Shots From 8 Films is all about letting the visuals do the talking.

As you might have just guessed, today’s director is Dario Argento. And these are 8 shots from 8 films!

8 Shots From 8 Dario Argento Films

The Bird With The Crystal Plumage (1970, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Vittorio Storaro)

Deep Red (1975, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Luigi Kuveiller)

Suspiria (1977, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Luciano Tovoli)

Inferno (1980, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Romana Albano)

Trauma (1993, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Raffaele Mertes)

The Stendhal Syndrome (1996, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Giuseppe Rotunno)

Sleepless (2001, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Ronnie Taylor)

Dracula 3D (2012, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Luciano Tovoli)

Horror Song of the Day: Mater Tenebrarum by Keith Emerson

Posted on October 22, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Inferno (1980, dir by Dario Argento, DP: Romana Albano)

Today’s horror song of the day comes from Keith Emerson’s soundtrack of Dario Argento’s Inferno. I have to admit that, when I first saw Inferno, I thought that Emerson’s music was maybe a little bit too overdramatic for the film but, on subsequent viewings, it’s really grown on me.

Emerson did not have an enviable task, having to follow up Goblin’s soundtrack for Suspiria. But Emerson pulled it off, crafting a score that compliments Goblin’s earlier work while maintaining an identity of its own.

The Films of Dario Argento: The Stendhal Syndrome

Posted on October 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Stendhal Syndrome is a real thing.

First noted by the author Stendhal, Stendhal Syndrome is something that happens when one is confronted by a sight that they never expected to see in person. Usually, it’s a work of great art that triggers the condition and the viewer becomes so overwhelmed by the sight of it that they’re left disorientated and even dizzy. People have reported it happening while visiting museums or historical cities. Recently, a few teenagers made the news when they claimed to have felt the syndrome’s symptoms while at a Taylor Swift concert.

I know that it’s a real thing because I’ve actually experienced Stendhal Syndrome. I was in Florence, the summer after I graduated from high school. One minute, I was fine and even feeling a little bratty, as one does when they’re 18 and they have their entire future ahead of them. But then I looked up at the sky and I saw the skyline of Florence, with its mix of the ancient and the modern and I suddenly became aware that I was in one of the oldest cities in the world and that I was standing on a street that had existed for centuries and I was looking at buildings and statues and paintings that most people would never get a chance to see in person and suddenly, the entire world seemed to be spinning around me. I had to actually sit down for a few minutes to catch my breath because I was so overwhelmed with emotion. My sisters assumed I was having an asthma attack but, even then, I understood that I was feeling something far different. At that moment, history become very real for me and I understood that I existed in the same universe as every great artist and writer. We were all a part of the same existence.

Dario Argento’s 1996 film, The Stendhal Syndrome, also takes place in Florence and features Asia Argento as Anna Mani, a police detective who is sent to the city to capture a serial killer. When Anna visits a museum, she is overwhelmed by what she sees. When she looks at Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus, she hears the wind that blows Venus’s hair. When she views Bruegel’s Landscapes With The Fall Of Icarus she, perhaps significantly, becomes Icarus and flies through the air before crashing into the water below, where she shares a passionate kiss with a fish. In the museum, Anna faints. She drops her purse, giving Alfredo Grossi (Thomas Kretschmann) time to not only steal her gun but also the key to her hotel room.

Dazed and not even sure of who she is, Anna returns to her hotel. A copy of Rembrandt’s The Night Watch turns into a doorway, which she steps through. Finding herself on a rainy city street, Anna is reminded that she’s a detective and that she’s in Florence to catch a vicious killer. When Anna steps back into her room, she discovers that she’s not alone. Alfredo grabs her, rapes her, and abducts her. Anna manages to escape and runs through the streets of Florence while a naked and blood-covered Alfredo screams in the night, which is one of the most disturbing scenes that Dario Argento has ever given us. Alfredo continues to stalk Anna while Anna goes through some changes herself, buying a blonde wig and pursuing a relationship with a French art student (Julien Lambroschini).

The Stendhal Syndrome was the first of Argento’s film to feature CGI, not just in the scenes in which Anna enters the paintings but also in scenes where were literally follow the pills that she’s taken down her throat and where a bullet is seen to enter the face of one of Alfredo’s victims. (Alfredo looks through the resulting bullet holes and winks at Anna on the other other side.) Sometimes, the CGI is effective and sometimes it’s a bit too cartoonish for its own good. At its most effective, the CGI inspires us to wonder if Anna is seeing reality or if she’s still trapped in her Stendhal Syndrome-inspired fantasy world. The scene where disturbing graffiti comes to life may not exactly look real but it’s still undeniably effective. At other times, the special effects just come across as being a bit self-indulgent on Argento’s part.

The film is at its best when it concentrates on the cat-and-mouse game between Anna and Alfredo. As played by Thomas Kretschmann, Alfredo is one of the most terrifying characters to ever appear in an Argento film, a handsome and seemingly charming man who is actually fueled by pure evil and hate. Alfredo is a villain who takes a definite pride in his ability to hide his true nature from the rest of the world. At first, Anna seems almost too physically frail and emotionally open to be believable as a police detective but she soon proves herself to be far tougher than anyone realizes. Anna, it turns out, has secrets of her own. Shot roughly around the same time that Asia Argento was being victimized by Harvey Weinstein, the scenes where Alfredo attacks Anna are difficult to watch, as they should be. Dario Argento took a lot of criticism (particularly from his former partner, Daria Nicolodi) for casting his daughter in a role where she is assaulted but the film itself is fully on Anna’s side.

The second half of the film loses its way a bit, though I can’t go into too much details without spoiling the plot. Several of the first half’s intriguing ideas are abandoned. Asia Argento gives a strong performance during the second half of the film, one that features some of her bravest and most revealing work. That said, despite the strength of Asia’s performance, many of Anna’s actions still don’t make sense no matter how much the film tries to convince us that they do. That said, the final scenes still carries an impact.

In the end, the film uses Stendhal Syndrome as a gimmick. If you want to see a realistic film about Stendhal Syndrome, you’re probably out of luck because it’s not a condition that’s easy to capture cinematically. But, as a thriller, The Stendhal Syndrome holds up well. This is an uneven film but ultimately, what does work outweighs what doesn’t.