Merry Christmas! I’ve got one more present for you to unwrap, and it’s a doozy! It’s the Mexican fantasy film SANTA CLAUS, brought to you by K. Gordon Murray, the enterprising film distributor who made a career out of unleashing South-of-the-Border lensed luchadore and children’s flicks on American audiences. SANTA CLAUS made oodles of money for good ol’ K. Gordon, and he rereleased it every few years to bank oodles more!
In this version of the Kris Kringle legend, Santa Claus lives in a castle up in the clouds above the North Pole, and has enlisted children from all over the world to work at Toyland, where they make all the toys for good girls & boys (can you say “slave labor”?). Santa inadvertently summons up The Devil Himself (here called Mr. Pitch), who does his best (worst?) to get kids to misbehave and piss off Jolly Ol’ St. Nick…
Deanna Durbin was the best Christmas present Universal Studios ever received. The 15-year-old singing sensation made her feature debut in 1936’s THREE SMART GIRLS, released five days before Christmas. The smash hit helped save cash-strapped Universal from bankruptcy, and Miss Durbin signed a long-term contract, appearing in a string of musical successes: ONE HUNDRED MEN AND A GIRL, THAT CERTAIN AGE, SPRING PARADE, NICE GIRL?, IT STARTED WITH EVE. One of her best is the Christmas themed comedy/murder mystery LADY ON A TRAIN, one of only two films directed by Charles David, who married the star in 1950, the couple then retiring to his native France.
Our story begins with young Nikki Collins travelling by train from San Francisco to New York City to visit her Aunt Martha, reading a murder mystery to pass the time. Nikki witnesses a real-life murder committed through a window, and after ditching her wealthy…
If you grew up in the “Monster Kid” generation like me… well, you’re old! That is, old enough to remember THE MUNSTERS, the silly 60’s sitcom about a family of monsters adjusting to life in suburbia. The show ran two seasons and inspired a feature film, 1966’s MUNSTER, GO HOME!, with Fred Gwynne (Herman, the Frankenstein’s Monster surrogate), Yvonne DeCarlo (Lily, a vampire resembling Carroll Borland in MARK OF THE VAMPIRE), Al Lewis (Grandpa, aka Count Dracula himself!), and Butch Patrick (Eddie, a wolf-boy) reprising their roles. The Munsters returned in a 1981 TV Movie THE MUNSTERS’ REVENGE with Gwynne, DeCarlo, and Lewis, then as a 1988-91 syndicated sitcom THE MUNSTERS TODAY, this time starring John Schuck (Herman), Lee Meriweather (Lily) and Howard Morton (Grandpa).
The fright family have proved durable, and were trotted out yet again for a 1996 holiday TV Movie, THE MUNSTERS SCARY LITTLE CHRISTMAS. I’m usually…
Looking for something a little offbeat in a Christmas movie? Try SUSAN SLEPT HERE, a film that could never get made today, as it concerns the romance between a 17 year old girl and a 35 year old man. I know some of you out there are already screaming “EEEEWWW!!!”, but indulge me while I describe the madcap moments leading to said romance.
For starters, the movie is narrated by Oscar. Not Oscar Levant, but THE Oscar, the fabled Academy Awards statuette. This particular Oscar was won by Mark Christopher, screenwriter of fluffy Hollywood comedies yearning to pen a dramatic yarn and prove his mettle as a writer. Into his life comes teenage Susan Landis, a juvenile delinquent dumped on his doorstep by two cops who don’t want to lock her up til after the holidays. They figure Mark can watch her and get a good story idea in the process before she…
I’d never heard of IT HAPPENED ON 5TH AVENUE until it’s recent broadcast on TCM. This unsung little holiday gem was a TV staple for decades before being pulled from viewing in 1990, only resurfacing in 2009 when a small but dedicated band of classic film fans put the pressure on to see it aired once again. And I’m glad they did, for this charming, unpretensious comedy boasts a marvelous cast, an Oscar-nominated screenplay, and a Frank Capra-esque feel without a lot of the Capra-corn.
Capra himself was scheduled to direct it back in 1945, but instead he chose to make another Christmas film you may have heard of, IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE. Veteran Roy Del Ruth obtained the rights, and IT HAPPENED ON 5TH AVENUE became the first release of Allied Artists, the larger budgeted, more prestigious arm of Monogram Pictures (and you know how much I love Monogram movies!)…
Every year, since 2013, us as a #LateNightMovie gang have had an annual Christmas party week. In 2014 it was two weeks and this year it will be three weeks. And as a joke, myself and Tammy (@TRDownden) try to find the worst #LateNightMovie ever.
And as Tammy, and the rest of the gang admitted, I found it!
The movie I put the gang thru was “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny”
Cast: As I researched this movie, literally, no cast member wanted to be associated with this movie, but here is what I could find. Director: R. Winer
Writer: Hans Christian Andersen (You will get this if you watched the movie)
Santa: Jay Ripley
Plot:
In Florida, Santa has his sleigh stuck in the sand. To escape the heat all of his reindeer fly back to the North Pole, leaving him in the heat. Passing out from the heat, Santa telepathically summons local children to help. The children bring several animals, including a donkey, a horse, a gorilla and most hilariously a pig, to try and get the sleigh free.
When all efforts fail, Santa tells the children the story of a girl who visits a theme park and hears the story of ‘Thumbelina’. At this point, the movie-in-a-movie starts, with the entire 1970 Barry Mahon ‘Thumbelina’ playing, credits and all.
After the movie, Santa tells the children not to give up. The children leave and return with an Ice Cream Bunny driving a fire truck. The bunny offers to take Santa back to the North Pole. The kids left wondering about the sleigh, it disappears and joins Santa at the North Pole.
Review:
Gawd, this movie was horrible! I mean really horrible! If you are sitting around with 96 minutes of your life you never want back, try and sit thru this movie. I will almost put that out as a dare.
Quips:
As always, the #LateNightMovie gang brought their A game to this movie. Here is a sampling of the snarky fun!
TRDowden:
Annnd we just found an even more annoying song
(referring to another movie we will watch!)
WarrenPeas64:
So… exactly how much LSD would it take to write this? TRDowden:
Did Vic Savage direct this one too?*
PinkyGuerrero:
no one thinks to get an adult with a brain to help
kellythul:
Little children, animals, creepy old guy… this IS a Vic Savage film *
*Great minds thinking alike!
TRDowden:
Is there going to be trauma therapists on hand after this movie, because we’re gonna need it
WarrenPeas64:
I think I’ve been to the other part of Florida – the parts I’ve been to don’t have children wandering the beach with farm animals
JesCoolbaugh:
Plot twist, the horse kicks Santa in the jingle bells…
PinkyGuerrero:
Ok, how ironic that Santa say if you have faith your dreams will come true, and he can’t move his sleigh Janeen_FluffyJ:
Wow! Santa heard our wishes and gave us a new movie! LOL
(And Thumbelina begins) kellythul:
Was this movie one of the 7 plagues set upon Egypt? It should have been
WarrenPeas64:
When this bottle is empty I’m going to hit myself in the head with it
Janeen_FluffyJ:
Great… now our hell is freezing over. TRDowden:
The director really needed to quit licking frogs at this point WarrenPeas64:
Hey – I am LOVING this – we’re MYSTing a movie that’s nearly as bad as Frankenstein’s Island
(Nearly as bad???)
JesCoolbaugh:
Ahahahahaha!!! THe coming was foretold!!! kellythul:
makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop WarrenPeas64:
Bet you guys aren’t pitying me for being a Jew now, are ya? are ya?
JesCoolbaugh:
Even Santa can’t take another song. F’k the sleigh, let’s get outta here!!!
Thanks Amber, Becs, Myke, Cindy, Holly, Jinni, Jes, Kelly, Phil, Pinky, Warren, Matt, Kurt, Tammy and Myrna for watching this disaster with me!
If you dare to try and sit thru this movie, here is your chance!
Through the Shattered Lens 