Carlos Lacamara | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, the bicycle cops go after pharmaceutical smugglers.

Episode 3.18 “Caretakers”

(Dir by Sara Rose, originally aired on March 8th, 1998)

This week, a drug company is smuggling and distributing black market pharmaceuticals. Leslie Jordan plays Bo, the crazy man who lives in a storage unit and who has figured out what the company is doing. When he gets shot in the back, Chris feels guilty because she refused to listen to his ramblings earlier. After undergoing hypnosis to search for clues as to who shot Bo, Chris goes undercover as a potential drug buyer. It always amuses me whenever any member of the bike patrol goes undercover. None of them are capable of not coming across as being a cop and that’s especially true in Chris’s case. Everything from the way they talk to the way they glare at everyone to the way they stand just a little bit too rigidly screams, “Cop!” And yet the criminals never seem to catch on.

Meanwhile, Victor’s mother is deathly ill and needs some drugs to save her life. Luckily, the local priest has connections. But can Victor set aside whatever his issue is with the church? Does anyone care? I mean, I’m glad that Victor’s mom is alive at the end of the episode but Victor isn’t that interesting of a character.

We are three season into Pacific Blue and none of the characters are really interesting enough to carry the show. Even the lifeguards on Baywatch had more personality than the members of the bike patrol. The main thing that I’ll remember about this episode is that, even when they were keeping an eye on Chris working undercover, the cops all brought their bicycles.

The important thing is that Leslie Jordan survives his injuries. At the end of the episode, TC locks Chris in the Bo’s storage unit so that she’ll be forced to listen to his conspiracy theories. I guess TC’s okay with not getting any for a month.

I’d like this show better if the rode motorcycles.

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week epitomizes an era!

Episode 6.14 “Revenge of the Forgotten/Charo”

(Dir by Phillip Leacock, originally aired on February 19th, 1983)

Just the fact that one of this week’s fantasies is actually entitled “Charo” should tell you all you need to know about it. Charo plays Maria Diaz (her full name is much longer), who has come to Fantasy Island to meet her father. Charles Woodruff (Van Johnson) didn’t even know that he had a daughter but he takes the news surprisingly well.

The interesting thing about this fantasy is that Charles Woodruff is an American diplomat, who has a home in both New York City and Fantasy Island. As Fantasy Island has previously been established as being its own nation, you do have to wonder if perhaps Charles Woodruff is America’s ambassador to Fantasy Island. A large part of the fantasy involves him hosting a dinner for several other diplomats so I guess it’s possible that every country sends an ambassador to Fantasy Island. Perhaps Fantasy Island even sends a delegate to the United Nations. Maybe that would explain where Tattoo was during all of those season 5 episodes where Julie was suddenly Roarke’s sidekick. For that matter, maybe that’s where Julie is now. The show never has really explained what happened to her.

Anyway, how much you like this fantasy will depend on how much you like Charo. She is someone who definitely epitomizes an era and, of course, the same can be said of both The Love Boat and Fantasy Island. It’s interesting that, over the years, there have been multiple attempts to reboot both of those series and they’ve never really worked, largely because a good deal of the appeal of Love Boat and Fantasy Island is how much they really are a product of the 70s and 80s. Attempting to update them for the modern era tends to negate everything that make both of the shows so entertaining to watch today.

(The latest Fox update of Fantasy Island had a lot of gorgeous scenery but it got bogged down in all of its attempts to world build. It’s fun to speculate about how the Island works. It’s less fun to actually have the show explain it to us.)

As for the other fantasy, it involves Marjoe Gortner! As usual, Marjoe’s playing a villain. He’s cast as Loren Robertson, who framed Alan Daly (Steve Kanaly) for a crime that he didn’t commit and then tricked Alan’s girlfriend, Marion (Christine Belford), into marrying him. Recently released from prison, Alan comes to Fantasy Island to track down a fabled treasure that Alan believes he can use to restart his life. With the help of Tattoo (who dresses up like Indiana Jones), Alan finds the treasure but, when he sees Loren and Marion on the Island, Alan gets distracted by his desire for revenge.

This story was a bit of an odd one. Alan’s fantasy was to find the treasure and, after he found it, Roarke was like, “So, I guess you’ll be leaving now.” Instead, Alan decides to spend a full weekend on the Island to try to get revenge. I’ve never seen Roarke try to get a guest to leave early before but it’s even more strange to be reminded that somehow all of these fantasies occur over the course of one weekend. Some episodes have seemed like a bit much for just two or three days.

Despite the fact that this episode originally aired in 1983, it doesn’t get more 70s than Charo and Marjoe! Charo was her usual self. Marjoe was a great villain as always. This was an enjoyable trip to the Island.