If there’s a film room in hell, you can be sure THE ROOKIE is playing there continuously. This totally unfunny service “comedy” stars the team of Tommy Noonan and Peter Marshall. They’re about as funny as having a spike driven through your forehead. The only reason I’m writing about this atrocity is to give you all fair warning: DON’T WATCH IT!!

The story makes no sense whatsoever. Tommy is drafted just as WWII is over, and demands to be put through boot camp. A mix-up occurs at the Pentagon when two drunken janitors answer the phone, and Camp Clyde is ordered to stay open and put Tommy through basic training. This doesn’t sit well with Sgt. Peter Marshall, who was looking forward to discharging and marrying his sweetheart, starlet Lili Marlene (Julie Newmar, who’s wasted in this mess).

News of this nonsense makes Lili’s PR man (Jerry Lester) come up…