Bruce Li The Invincible (1978, directed by Law Kai Shuk)

Posted on February 25, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

Because he’s immature and unpatriotic, Cheng (Michael Chan Wai Man) is kicked out of the local kung fu school and exiled from China. Before leaving, he promises his teacher that he will go to Malaysia and change his ways. Instead, he goes to Malaysia and sets himself as a local crime lord. Along with extorting businesses, running a gambling den, and kidnapping female tourists, Chen also trains a group of gorillas to serve as his own persona army. Realizing that Chen needs to be brought back to the school, three men head to Malaysia to take him down. Bruce Li, the most successful of the Bruce Lee imitators to spring up after Lee’s death, plays Yo Fung, one of them three men. According to the film’s title, he’s invincible. Personally, I like the idea of naming a movie after its star. Would Once Upon A Time In Hollywood have won more Oscars if it had been called Brad Pitt The Indestructible? I think we all know that it would have.

Even by the standards of 70s Bruceploitation, Bruce Li The Invincible is incoherent. According to the imdb, Bruce Li The Invincible has a running time of 92 minutes. The version I saw was badly dubbed into English and only ran for 84 minutes so it seems probable that, like a lot of kung fu films, this one was re-edited for distribution in the U.S. Maybe the full 92 version explains how Cheng became so powerful so quickly or why Bruce Li and his allies end up having to fight two well-trained gorillas when they arrive in Malaysia. The film never makes it clear whether the gorillas are supposed to be actual gorillas or if they’re supposed to be goons who chose to put on gorilla costumes before attacking their targets.

Luckily, even if the plot doesn’t make any sense, the fight scenes are pretty good. That includes the fights with the gorillas. In fact, the gorilla fights are the main reason to see this movie. Just when you think that you’ve seen everything that Bruceploitation genre has to offer, Bruce Li is suddenly getting jumped by a man wearing a gorilla costume. That was more than worth the 84 minutes that I spent watching this movie. Though this movie may be frequently confusing, the gorillas are pretty damn cool.

Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth (1976, directed by Ng See-yuen)

Posted on February 6, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

In 1958, a Hong Kong teenager named Bruce Lee (played by Ho Chung-tao, credited under the name Bruce Li) is upset that his mother is forcing him to go to college in America. His martial arts instructor assures Bruce that he is meant for great things and encourages him to bring his philosophy of life to all of the people of the world.

In America, Bruce finds fame as a martial arts instructor and he pursues a career as an actor. However, everywhere he goes, he’s told that no major American studio would ever be willing to invest money in an “unknown Chinese actor.” Bruce finds brief fame with a supporting role on The Green Hornet but his Hollywood prospects sputters when he announces that he refuses to play any demeaning stereotypes. Taking control of his own career, Bruce returns to Hong Kong and produces his own films. He becomes an international superstar before dying under mysterious circumstances at the age of 32.

Following the death of the real-life Bruce Lee, there were hundreds of martial arts films released that featured look-alike actors who were credited with names like Bruce Ly, Bruce Lei, Bruce Lai, and Bruce Le. These films often featured Lee either fighting the Tongs or some other sort of international conspiracy. Many of them also speculated about the cause of his death or flat out presented Lee as having faked his death in order to escape from his enemies. (Typically, these films would feature at least some footage of Lee’s funeral and the real Bruce Lee lying in his coffin.) So many of these films were released that they eventually were grouped under their own genre, Bruceploitation.

Of the faux Bruces who appeared in Bruceploitation films, Ho Chung-tao was the most successful. Credited as Bruce Li, he not only bore a strong physical resemblance to Bruce Lee but he was also one of the few Bruce imitators to have any on-screen charisma as well. Bruce Li may not have been Bruce Lee but, of the imitators, he was the best. (He was also one of the most frequently frustrated, retiring from acting at the age of 40 because he was sick of only being allowed to play Bruce Lee.)

Bruce Lee, The Man, The Myth is a generally straight-forward biopic. It covers all of the big events of Lee’s life and, unlike a lot of other Bruceploitation films, it mostly sticks to the facts. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t a lot of fights to be found in this film. Lee is constantly getting into fights but, for the most part, they’re just with people who want to challenge the great Bruce Lee and see if he’s really as impressive as everyone says that he is. Other than a strange but fun scene where Bruce is approached by the daughter of a mafia boss, this film does not portray Lee as being a crime fighter or a secret agent. Like many Bruceploitation film, this movie hints that Lee faked his own death but, in the version I saw, a narrator dismisses the reports of Lee’s survival as just being rumors. (The narrator also says that if Bruce is still alive, he’ll emerge from hiding in 1983. Draw your own conclusions.)

Bruce Lee, The Man, The Myth is an entertaining biopic. When it comes to a Bruceploitation flick, all that most people really ask for is that the Bruce imitator be convincing and that the fights be exciting. On both counts, Bruce Lee, The Man, The Myth delivers.

I Should Have Watched Something Else, But I Sat Through Superdragon vs. Superman (1975, dir. Chia Chun Wu)

Posted on March 17, 2016 by Valerie Troutman

The movie is also called Bruce Lee Against Supermen. By that they mean Bruce Li Against 80 Minutes Of Your Life. I really should have been watching something else.

Right now a woman is riding a shark while wearing a bunny suit. (Zodiac Fighters, 1978)

The movie begins with a car chase. Get used to that cause it will happen a lot. This time it’s a police car chasing a couple of criminals. The criminals see that the police are catching up. They are carrying a bag full of money, which they promptly toss out the window. A man and a woman find the money, but are surprised by Bruce Li dressed as Kato.

Why is he dressed like Kato? Who knows? Once a battle after the credits is done, he won’t do it again for the whole movie. There will be a mention of The Green Hornet who I’m pretty sure is two guys dressed like Supermen. Kato takes the couple to his car and drives them away to the police station.

Right now a dog taught to hate is heading towards a tragic end. (White Dog, 1982)

Now the film cuts to the opening credits. There are flies all over them. I’m not sure why. Later we’ll see flies on the Superman uniforms of the Supermen who might be The Green Hornet in this movie.

After dropping the couple off at the police station we see Kato drive away. He doesn’t get far before he appears to have trouble with his tire. After getting out he is attacked from behind.

One thing immediately clear is that not only is Bruce Li not as good an actor as Bruce Lee, but not as good a fighter either. However, everyone else is worse than him in this movie.

After Bruce Li dispatches with them, it cuts to one guy in a suit strangling another guy in a suit. The guy being strangled tells him The Green Hornet did it. That’s when it cuts to some newspapers to tell us that Dr. T has invented a way to refine food from petroleum by-products. He has been invited by the Arabs so he is going to travel to the middle east with his daughter. Then we get to see the Supermen who might be The Green Hornet.

They also have this glowing ball.

Sadly Burt Reynolds doesn’t talk to them through it. Instead, it flashes, and a printer spits out something we can’t read. If you watch this movie, then I hope you enjoy this shot of the Supermen because you won’t see them again in uniform till the very end of the film.

Right now a Russian Count may or may not be coming to the rescue. (The Marquise of O, 1976)

That’s when we cut to the bad guys talking to a guy who is willing to pay big bucks for the bad guys to get Dr. T’s formula. He is willing to pay a lot of money. Now we cut to the “Middle East”

No joke. That’s supposed to be an Arab. That Chinese guy right there is supposed to be an Arab. You might be wondering what he sounds like. He sounds like a Chinese stereotype. I think he is trying to do a Middle Eastern accent, but it’s hard to tell. I seriously doubt they cared. Now the movie cuts to Will Our Heroes Be Able to Find Their Friend Who Has Mysteriously Disappeared in Africa? (1968) as they take Dr. T out to a dig site.

When they arrive at the site they hand the doctor some ore. He suddenly has an attack, but is okay once his daughter gives him some medication. Then he takes a good long look at the ore. We get nice closeups of the ore. We get a zoom shot on her dropping a liquid on the ore. We get a zoom shot on the doctor looking through a magnifying glass at the ore. Once that padding of the movie is done, the daughter decides to go swimming.

Right now a playboy is realizing he killed someone. (Il Sorpasso, 1962)

This is when the movie decides it’s time to show us the daughter swimming around naked. Oh, and we see the bad guys spying on her, but it’s really just so we can see her naked. Will they actually say anything? Nope. She just gets dressed, then cut to an airplane landing.

Now we watch a man cross the street for a minute or so before hailing a cab to pad the movie out some more. Then we cut to fighting.

We don’t know what they are fighting about at first, but who cares! They’ve got 80 minutes of your life to take away so some of it might as well be mildly entertaining. It turns out they were just practicing. We find out…

this guy in red needs help protecting Dr. T and his daughter. I’m quite sure it’s Bruce Li, but I’m not sure if he was one of the Supermen at the beginning or not. Doesn’t matter because in the next scene Dr. T is getting kidnapped and shoved in a car. In a car that’s passing, the two guys above spot the car and give chase. A long slow car chase.

Right now a pen tester is going through somebody’s trash. (Sneakers, 1992)

Back in the movie the car chase is still happening with a needlessly crazy angle…

that doesn’t add anything to the film.

Right now a boxer is finding out that winning the fight doesn't keep him from the fate he didn't know was coming. (The Set-Up, 1949)

Right now a boxer is finding out that winning the fight doesn’t keep him from his fate he didn’t know was coming. (The Set-Up, 1949)

After a four minute slow speed car chase our two heroes pretend to be lying on the road to stop the kidnappers. They take them by surprise and a fight breaks out.

I call that kick, the Dolemite. That’s where you just place your foot near their face and they pretend to get hit.

Right now you’re looking at Degrassi long before Netflix got ahold of it.

After three minutes of fighting we cut to this guy…

who is ordering a sniper. Then we cut to who I assume is Bruce Li and Dr. T’s daughter walking around.

Then they walk around some more.

Right now you’re looking at an Eastern you should see. (White Sun of the Desert, 1970)

After three minutes of walking around we cut to a shot of a building. For reasons that I don’t know, a guy who I assume is still Bruce Li walks up to a little girl and somebody takes a shot at him. He grabs the little girl and they hide behind a pillar. She is carrying a little wind up toy. Bruce winds it up and places it on the street. He leaves the girl to make a run for the building.

He runs to the top of the building where the shot came from. Then he throws a rope over the edge of the building and rappels down the side of it to pad the movie out some more.

Then he gives chase.

Right now this woman is in the middle of having explained to her what happened last year. (Last Year at Marienbad, 1961)

After seven and a half minutes of him chasing him, the two fight.

It cuts to this shot during the fight.

After leaving the audience wondering Where’s Waldo? it then cuts back to the two of them on the top of the building where the bad guy falls to his death.

Back to the phone guy, and we learn that “The Green Hornet” is a real problem for him. But after listening to the unseen person on the other end, he says he’ll just get Superman. Maybe that’s this next guy who now does his part to pad this movie out more.

After he spends a minute of doing his martial arts/calligraphy routine, we cut to ninjas flipping.

No really, random ninjas inserted that flip around for 10 seconds. Maybe Godfrey Ho did this part of the movie.

Right now you’re looking at a very famous scene of a historical event that didn’t take place where the film says. (Battleship Potemkin, 1925)

Now a guy and a girl speak in Adam and Eve talk before padding the movie out with sex.

We cut to the doctor getting kidnapped again before cutting back to sex. Now the doctor’s daughter runs on the street, bumps into a guy, and he takes her to the sex scene. Then we see more sex to pad the film out some more. Daughter bursts in and immediately starts a cat fight with the girl. After one tries to hold the other’s head under a running shower, we cut to this.

While they have to wait for “Green Hornet”, the doctor is getting tortured by bad camera effects.

Planet of Dinosaurs (1977)

Right now that’s how I feel about the rest of this review. Let’s cut through this: chase, fight, pointless hostage scene, fight, chase, fight, pointless hostage scene, fight, fight, fight, chase, and movie!

Make that the middle finger, and you have what I felt the film was trying to tell me. You didn’t miss anything. It’s all padding. The chase scenes go on forever, the fighting is boring, and the plot is almost non-existent. Please go watch the other movies and TV Shows I mentioned rather than subjecting yourself to this. Well, that is except for the one just below this text. That documentary was awful.