Bob Lem | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Howard has an operation …. maybe.

Episode 2.4 “Operation Bannister”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on October 24th, 1986)

A foolish attempt to impress a blonde customer by lifting and carrying a crate full of bottles lands Howard in the hospital. He’s scheduled to have a hernia operation. It should be a simple procedure but there’s a problem. Howard’s a wimp.

Seriously, Howard spends this entire episode in a state of panic. First, he has to deal with an ER doctor who is — *gasp* — a woman! Then he discovers that the doctor who will be operating on him is barely out of medical school and looks like he’s about 16 years of age. Then, he discovers that his roommate at the hospital is full of horror stories. I guess it’s a good thing that Howard knows how to escape from hospitals because he ends up doing it several times. Of course, every time, he’s promptly recaptured and sent back for his operation.

This episode ends on a curious note, with the store’s staff putting on a “welcome back” party three days after Howard’s operation just for Howard to reveal that he once again escaped from the hospital and, instead of getting the operation, he spent three days hiding out in a hotel. He didn’t even let Edna know what he had done. Two burly orderlies show up at the store and drag Howard back to the hospital as the end credits roll.

So, did Howard ever actually have the operation? I’m going to assume that he did but it’s interesting that the episode leaves the storyline unresolved. Instead of being about the operation, the episode instead becomes a meditation on fear and the foolishness of trying to escape fate. Howard is very good at running away from his problem but, no matter how hard he tires, the orderlies always track him down. Like the Grim Reaper, Canadian hospital orderlies cannot be escaped.

I hate hospitals so I could relate a bit more to this episode than some of the other episodes that I’ve seen of this show. As an American who gets tired of hearing about every other country’s supposedly perfect health care system, I appreciated that this episode showed that hospitals suck no matter what country you’re in.

That said, I have to admit that, while watching, I got a bit annoyed with Howard. I mean, first off, he shouldn’t have tried to pick up that crate to begin with. Secondly, if you don’t want to have the operation, don’t have it. Don’t keep returning to the hospital just because Edna and a bunch of orderlies yell at you. And if you do decide to return to the hospital, own that choice and stick around until the operation’s done. I understood Howard’s feelings but he still came across as being a bit of a wimp in this episode. Nobody likes a wimp.

Next week, according to the imdb, Howard’s niece will make an appearance. Let’s hope she has more guts than her uncle.

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, a pair of tattoo needles cause trouble!

Episode 1.16 “Tattoo”

(Dir by Lyndon Chubbuck, originally aired on March 7th, 1988)

Tommy Chen (Leonard Chow) is a first generation Chinese-American who has a gambling problem. He owes several thousand dollars to the local gangsters and his grandfather, Lum Chen (Keye Luke), is no longer willing to help cover his costs.

However, Tommy thinks that he’s found the perfect solution for his problems. He has two cursed tattoo needles. All he has to do is tattoo something on someone’s body. That tattoo will come to life and, as long as the tattooed person dies, Tommy will win whatever game that he’s playing. With a gangster demanding that he pay his debts by the end of the night, Tommy is going from gambling den to gambling den, drawing tattoos and making money. Unfortunately, he owes so much that almost every dollar that he makes is taken away from him as soon as he receives it.

And, of course, he also has Ryan, Micki, and Jack trying to track him down as well.

I had mixed feelings about this episode. On the one hand, the tattoo needles are a totally impractical weapon because Tommy, who is a little bit on the small side, has to find a way to get his victims to lie still and not resist while he tattoos him. His first victim is a half-conscious woman at an Opium den and that’s at least believable. But, by the time Tommy is tattooing a gangster, you have to wonder if there isn’t a more practical way for him to make money.

On the other hand, the sight of the tattoos coming to life and crawling (or slithering) up their victims is definitely a frightening one. One tattoo turns into a giant spider. Another turns into a coral snake. One tattoo turns into a fist that bursts out of someone’s chest. (That made me jump.) The needles may be impractical but if you have a thing about spiders and snakes (as I do), it really won’t matter. They’re too frightening for the viewer to spend too much time worrying about the logic of how they actually work.

Fortunately, Ryan and Jack are able to recover the needles and use them to kill the latest tattoo before it can claim a victim. Unfortunately for Tommy, he’s playing Russian roulette at the time. Even more unfortunately for Micki, she’s standing close enough to get splattered by blood when Tommy’s gun turns out to have a bullet in the chamber. I have to admit that I’ve never gotten the appeal of Russian roulette. I’ve always assumed it must be a guy thing. Myself, I see the gun being traded back and forth and I say, “Yikes!”

Next week, a cursed electric chair falls into the hands of a dentist …. AGCK!