The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Blind Date (dir by Nico Mastokaris)


In 1984’s Blind Date, Joseph Bottoms stars as Jonathon Ratcliff, an American who works in Greece.

Jonathon would appear to have it all.  He has a good job in an exotic land.  He has a nice home.  He has a beautiful girlfriend named Claire (Kirstie Alley).  He has co-workers who love him so much that they insist on throwing him a birthday party and giving him his cake while he’s making love to Claire.  Jonathon enjoys jogging and listening to music and spying on his neighbor, which the film treats as a harmless little thing that all men do.  I mean, I guess we should be happy that Jonathon isn’t disguising himself as a taxi driver and murdering the women that he picks up with a scalpel.  No, someone else is doing that.

Jonathon suddenly loses his eyesight.  Fortunately, Dr. Steiger (James Daughton) has a solution.  He’s created a computer program that turns sound into very primitive, grid-like images.  As long as Jonathon is wearing his headphones, he can see … kind of.  At first, it’s all good fun.  Jonathon beats up the extremely flamboyant muggers who have been harassing him at the subway station.  And he continues to spy on his neighbor whenever she’s getting undressed which is not cool considering that Claire has stayed with him through his entire ordeal.

Meanwhile, the scalpel murders are continuing….

Now, to be honest, I assumed that Jonathon was going to form some sort of mental connection with the killer and start seeing the murder through the killer’s eyes.  Instead, Jonathon just hears the killer walking with one of his victims and he ends up investigating on his own, despite not really being able to see well.  Basically, the whole idea of Jonathon being blind doesn’t have much to do with the thriller aspect of the plot.  I could maybe accept that if the film hadn’t spent a huge amount of time explaining in pain-staking detail how exactly Jonathon’s “eyes” work.  The action literally stopped for a huge chunk of the film’s running time so that the film could make its most ludicrous plot point seem even more ludicrous.

Greek director Nico Mastokaris is obviously trying to do an Argento-style giallo with Blind Date and, indeed, Argento himself has a noted habit of including intriguing but ultimately pointless red herrings in his films.  Just as Asia Argento having the Stendhal Syndrome proved to be a bit inconsequential to The Stendhal Syndrome, Joseph Bottoms being blind is inconsequential to Blind Date.  That said, Argento can get away with that sort of thing because, even in his weaker films, he’s clever stylist and he usually maintain a solid narrative pace.  Blind Date, on the other hand, is rather draggy and Joseph Bottoms is not a particularly likeable hero.

On the positive side, James Daughton (he was the head of the evil frat in Animal House) gives a genuinely interesting performance and Kirstie Alley is likable as the neurotic Claire.  For the most part, though, one can see why the sequel promised in the closing credits never came to be.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 4/14/24 — 4/20/24


Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, CBS)

Yay!  Janine is finally back at the school, where she belongs.  Hopefully, we won’t have to spend any more time with those district dorks.  Considering how much I disliked the whole district storyline, I’m kind of thankful this is a shortened season.  I don’t know I could have handled 20 episodes of Janine working for the district.

Plus, it looks like Ava Fest was a huge success!  Congrats to all!

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here!

Blind Date (YouTube)

On Saturday evening, I watched an episode featuring a guy named Igor who had a terrible date.  I wonder if, back in 1999. Igor had any idea his bad date would still be available for viewing in 2024.

Check It Out!  (Tubi)

My review of this week’s episode will be dropping in about 90 minutes.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here!

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High here!

Fantasy Island (Daily Motion)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I wrote about Highway to Heaven here!

Law & Order (Thursday Night, NBC)

On Sunday night, I watched last week’s episode of Law & Order.  I have to admit that I cringed at first, especially when it appeared that the villain was going to be a Republican congressman.  Law & Order is always at its worse when it tries to deal with partisan politics and the stuff with the congressman was painfully heavy-handed.  (One can tell that it’s been a while since anyone in the writer’s room talked to an actual Republican.)  Fortunately, the show’s signature twist was that the congressman had nothing to do with it and the murderer was a Ukranian refugee who claimed to be suffering from PTSD.  Naturally, Maroun wasn’t sure if the woman should be prosecuted because she had family members who suffered from the same thing.  Price told Maroun to stop crying and do her job and good for him.  Anyway, this episode turned out to be stronger than I was expecting.  It was another entry in what has, so far, been a pretty good season.

On Thursday night, I watched the latest episode of Law & Order.  A chef, who had previously been wrongly convicted of rape and murder, was killed by someone.  His attorney was arrested but then Nolan started to have doubts as to whether or not the guy was actually guilty.  It turned out that it was actually the attorney’s wife who committed the murder.  This episode was obviously designed to try to make Nolan into a more likable figure.  (“Nolan Price does it again!” Shaw happily said at one point.)  But the whole thing just fell kind of flat.  The only moment that really worked for me was when D.A. Baxter told Nolan to stop whining and do his job.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

The Masters (Sunday Afternoon, CBS)

Congratulations to Scottie Scheffler!  And yes, I do enjoy watching golf.  I like the peaceful beauty of the courses.

Miami Vice (Prime)

I wrote about Miami Vice here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I wrote about Monsters here!

New Sounds (Night Flight Plus)

This was a music video show that aired in the late 80s, I believe.  I watched an episode on Friday night.  Some of the music was good and some of it was kind of forgettable.  Such is life.

Our America With Lisa Ling (YouTube)

On Saturday, I watched an episode of this old news program in which Lisa Ling interviewed parents whose children had been taken away from them.  Lisa Ling is one of those reporters who has a tendency to do a fake “journalist voice” whenever she speaks and it kind of made it difficult for me to treat the episode with the seriousness it deserved.

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Veronica’s Video (YouTube)

I sacrificed my eyesight to review Veronica’s Video.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/17/24 — 3/23/24


Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

I’m now caught up with Abbott Elementary.  Season 3 has been a bit rocky for me and, as I watched the latest episode on Thursday morning, I realized that it really did come down to the fact that it seems as if Abbott is running the risk of losing its edge.  The celebrity cameos are nice and often funny but they also take the viewers out of the reality of the show.  I’m also still not a fan of Janine working for the District.  I love teachers but I cannot stand bureaucrats.  I also think, after three seasons, it might be time for Gregory to stop looking stunned by everything.  It was funny at first but now, it’s just coming across as being a bit lazy.

That said, when this show works, it really does work.  Mr. Johnson debating how AI will effect the future of janitoring made me laugh so hard that I had to get a drink of water to stop myself from choking to death.

Blind Date (YouTube)

I watched two episodes on Tuesday afternoon.  No one found love.

Chappelle’s Show (Netflix)

On Sunday, I watched an episode in which Wayne Brady took over Dave Chappelle’s Show.  Dave later talked about the time Wayne forced him to smoke crystal meth and murdered at least three people.  It made me laugh.

Dirty Pair Flash (YouTube)

On Friday, I watched an episode in which the two main characters had to hide out at a private school, one that was haunted by a ghost.  I related to Yuri’s enthusiasm.

Dr. Phil (YouTube)

On Tuesday afternoon, I watched an episode in which Phil talked to a white kid from the suburbs who thought he was a gangster.  A real-life former gangster was brought on to talk to him about the “realities” of life on the street.  I’ve never heard so much psycho-babble in my life.

The N.Y. Friars Club Roast of Chevy Chase (YouTube)

I read about this infamous 2002 Roast on Wednesday so I decided to watch it on Thursday.  It’s true that the humor was brutal.  I thought the roast of Michael Scott on The Office was brutal but it was nothing compared to what Chevy Chase was put through.  It was kind of obvious that everyone involved had been waiting for a chance to let the world know how much they hated Chevy Chase.  It was …. awkward.  I’m just not a huge fan of the whole roast thing.  It just seems mean!

Jenny Jones (YouTube)

On Monday, I watched a 1992 episode of this talk show.  Easily flustered host Jenny Jones talked to teenage girls who were dating older boys and basically made things awkward by asking them to tell her and the entire audience about their first time.

The Phil Donahue Show (YouTube)

On Monday, I watched a 1993 episode of this ancient talk show.  The pompous host talked to girls who were dating older men.  Everyone was amazingly inarticulate.

Quiet On The Set (Max)

A four-part docuseries, Quiet On The Set took a look at the rise (and eventual fall) of Nickelodeon and television producer Dan Schneider.  The centerpiece of the series was an episode-long interview with Drake Bell, in which he bravely discussed being sexually abused by Brian Peck, who was one of three Nickelodeon employees to be convicted of child sexual abuse over a short period of time.

While Drake was compelling and the series did a good job of detailing the toxic atmosphere on many of Schneider’s shows, the series also featured a few too many journalists and a few too many interviews with other former child stars who came across like they were mostly annoyed that their careers fizzled out.  Dan Schneider comes across as being a terrible boss and a selfish human being but, at the same time,  the series started out with an agenda and sometimes, I wondered how much of the narrative was shaped to fit that agenda.

In the end, the main thing I took away from watching this docuseries was the Nickelodeon really was as creepy as I always kind of suspected it of being.

Rollergames (YouTube)

I watched an episode of this old show on Saturday morning.  The roller derby was brutal!

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

On Monday, I watched a two-part episode from 1993.  Sally interviewed teen girls who were sexually active and basically spent two hours scolding them,  There was also an army of virgins in the audience who would say stuff like, “I am a virgin,” and the audience would go crazy.  It all felt very weird and judgmental.  For someone who claimed to be a feminist, Sally sure was quick to judge her guests.

Trisha Goddard Show (YouTube)

I watched an episode of this talk show (which I had never heard of before) on Sunday night.  Trisha Goddard, who was a kind of annoying British woman, talked to a 68 year-old woman whose deceased son was thought to be the father of two 27 year-old women.  For some reason, a psychic was brought out to give her opinion.  “I’m sensing the number three,” she said, for reasons that were never explained.

I watched another episode on Wednesday.  It featured a man who refused to accept that he was the father of his ex-partner’s baby, even after a DNA test proved that he was.  “That test could have been doctored!” he yelled while the audience gasped in shock.

Watched And Reviewed Elsewhere:

Baywatch Nights

Changing Patterns

Check It Out — Review to come shortly  (unless I fall asleep)

CHiPs

Fantasy Island

Friday the 13th: The Series

Highway to Heaven

The Love Boat

Miami Vice

Monsters

T and T

Welcome Back Kotter

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/10/24 — 3/16/24


On Sunday, I discovered that there are hundreds of episodes of Blind Date on YouTube.  Blind Date was an early reality show, where two strangers would be set up on a blind date and the cameras would follow them as they searched for a deeper connection.  The show was distinguished by its snarky attitude, which was usually represented by thought balloons that would show what the two people were “really” thinking.  While plenty of episodes featured likable people who went on good dates, the disastrous dates were always a lot more fun to watch.

And I’ve watched a lot of them this week.  Whenever I’ve been bored or I’ve found myself struggling to focus, I’ve pulled up an episode of Blind Date and …. well, I’d be lying if I said the show was making me more productive.  If anything, I’ve probably wasted a lot of time on it.  But still, it makes me smile when I need to smile.

On Sunday, I also watched The Oscars I wrote about the show here.  For the most part, it was an entertaining show and I’m glad Christopher Nolan finally won his Oscar.  I’ve been thinking a lot about Jonathan Glazer’s acceptance speech, of which I was not a fan.  Zone of Interest is an important film and Glazer’s speech can’t change that.  Still, I’m having to do now what I always tell me friends they should do whenever they discover one of their favorite directors or actors isn’t as much of a leftist as they are.  I always tell them to stop whining and just separate the work from the artist.  And now I’m discovering that is easier said than done.  I may owe some of my friends an apology.

On Tuesday, I watched a 90s talk show called Rolanda.  Rolanda interviewed gang members who wanted to come out of the closet.

On Wednesday, I was excited to watch both Survivor and The Amazing Race!  Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to full concentrate on either show because I got a call halfway through Survivor but I plan on rewatching both episodes tomorrow.  Survivor, I have to admit, hasn’t really worked for me lately.  Ever since it came back from the Pandemic hiatus, Survivor has felt like a shadow of its past self.  But I continue to unreservedly love The Amazing Race.

On Friday, I watched episodes of Vanishing Shadow and Night Flight on Night Flight Plus.  The Night Flight episode featured film directors who made music videos.  I’ve noticed that every episode of Night Flight finds an excuse to show Brian DePalma’s video for Relax and this episode was no different.

On Saturday morning, I watched the first episode of an old anime called Bubblegum Crash.  I have no idea what was going on for most of it but a lot of stuff did blow up.

Also Watched And Reviewed Elsewhere:

Baywatch Nights

Check It Out! — Review upcoming

CHiPs

Fantasy Island

Friday the 13th: The Series

Highway to Heaven

The Love Boat

Miami Vice

Monsters

Puppetman

T and T

Welcome Back, Kotter

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Nico Mastorakis Edition


4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Today is the 82nd birthday of Greek filmmaker, Nico Mastorakis.  And that means that it’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Nico Mastorakis Films

Island of Death (1975, dir by Nico Mastorakis, DP: Nikos Gardelis)

Death Has Blue Eyes (1976, dir by Nico Mastorakis, DP: Nikos Gardelis)

Blind Date (1984, dir by Nico Mastorakis, DP: Andreas Bellis)

In the Cold of the Night (1990, dir by Nico Mastorakis, DP: Andreas Bellis)

Horror Novel Review: Blind Date by R.L. Stine


First published way back in 1986, Blind Date represents a significant moment in YA horror literature.  This is the first “horror” novel to be written by R.L. Stine!

Blind Date tells the story of Kerry, who is a teenager who has a lot of problems.  A year ago, he was in a really serious car accident.  He doesn’t remember much about the accident but he does know that, as a result of the accident, his older brother is now in a mental institution and his father doesn’t talk to him much.  Poor Kerry.  One thing that I’ve noticed from reading all of these Stine and Christopher Pike books over the course of this month is that both of them always seemed to come up with plots that featured car accidents.  I guess it makes sense.  When you’re a teenager, you can’t wait to get your first car but you’re also aware that you’re eventually going to have your first accident.

Anyway, Kerry is kind of a loser but he is on the football team.  Unfortunately, he apparently injured the school’s star quarterback during practice so now he has the entire team wanting to kill him.  Perhaps the only good thing going on in Kerry’s life is that he’s been set up on a blind date with a mysterious girl named Amanda….

Except, when Kerry goes to Amanda’s house, he’s met by two bereaved parents who explain that Amanda’s dead!  OH MY GOD, IS KERRY’S DATE A GHOST!?  No, actually, it turns out Kerry’s date is actually named Mandy and apparently, Kerry misheard.  Or something.  Who knows?  The important thing is that Kerry has a girlfriend who can comfort him whenever he gets his ass kicked by the football team, which is something that is definitely going to happen because Kerry goes to a school that’s ruled by mob justice..

Mandy is a little bit vague about her past, which should be a huge red flag but Kerry has something else to worry about.  His brother, Donald, has escaped from the mental hospital!  And apparently, he has a history of trying to kill Kerry!  Can Kerry pursue a successful relationship, mend fences with the football team, and avoid getting killed by his brother?  Or is the story going to end with Kerry getting beaten over the head with a stuffed moose?

(Yes, you read that right.)

Actually, the story ends with a twist that I’m pretty sure Stine came up with at the last minute.  To be honest, the whole book kind of reads as if someone said to Stine, “We need two hundred pages and we don’t really care what’s on them.”  The story goes from one strange development to another.  It makes for a kind of weird story that doesn’t always make sense but it is compulsively readable.

And really, that’s the thing with the work of both Christopher Pike and R.L. Stine.  You don’t reread these books because they’re particularly scary or even that well-written.  You read them because they’re just so damn strange.  It’s never enough to have just one twist.  Instead, there has to be a dozen twists and if they don’t really seem to make sense or go together …. well, so what?  That’s what life’s like when you’re a teenager, right?  It may not always make sense.  It may not always turn out the way you want.  But it’s still something you miss once it’s gone.