1973’s Blackenstein tells the story of Eddie Turner (Joe De Sue), a black man who served in Vietnam.  Unfortunately, while serving his country, Eddie stepped on a landmine and lost his arms and his legs.  Now back in Los Angeles, Eddie spends his days laying in a bed in a VA hospital, where he’s taunted by an orderly who, it turns out, is actually just upset because he wanted to join the army but he failed his physical.  Because this film was made on the cheap, Eddie’s limbless state is represented by continually having the covers of his bed drawn up to his neck.

Eddie’s girlfriend, Dr. Winifred Walker (Ivory Stone), is upset because Eddie is having a hard time adjusting to life in the States and, having lost the lower half of his body, Eddie has been rendered impotent.  She gets a job working with Dr. Stein (John Hart), a doctor who has down amazing things with DNA and RNA.  He lives in a castle-like mansion and he has a laboratory that is full of lasers and beakers that are labeled “DNA.”  Apparently, Dr. Stein can inject people with DNA …. don’t look at me like that, I didn’t write this movie …. and not only reverse the aging process but also help people regrow limbs.

Eddie is brought to the mansion to be Dr. Stein’s latest patient.  Unfortunately, Dr. Stein’s assistant, Malcomb (Roosevelt Jackson), has fallen in love with Winifred and is stung when she tells him that her heart belongs to Eddie.  Malcomb sabotages Eddie’s DNA injections so that Eddie, along with growing back his arms and his legs, also transforms into a turtleneck-wearing monster with a flattop.  Eddie spends his days in a coma and his nights stalking Los Angeles.

Blackenstein was released at the height of the blaxploitation boom, when filmmakers were reinterpreting classic genres with black actors.  Some of these films, like Shaft and Superfly, hold up very well and remain a part of the pop cultural landscape.  And others, like Blackenstein, would be largely forgotten if not for the strangeness of their title.  Blackenstein was clearly inspired by the success of Blacula, though it comes nowhere close to being as compelling as that film.

Blackenstein has more than a few problems.  The pacing is abysmal.  The plot requires a lot of smart people to do a lot of dumb things.  As opposed to other films based on Mary Shelley’s novel, the Monster is neither scary nor sympathetic.  Eddie Turner was played by a non-actor named Joe de Sue, who was hired because he was a client of the Frank Salteri, the criminal lawyer-turned-filmmaker who produced the film.  Joe de Sue rarely speaks and when he does, he turns his face away from the camera and it is fairly obvious that his dialogue was dubbed in after the scene was shot.  Ivory Stone and Roosevelt Jackson awkwardly deliver their lines about DNA and RNA in a tone that suggests that neither they nor the filmmakers were exactly sure what either one of those were.  John Hart is perhaps the most mild mad scientist in the history of horror cinema.

One could argue that there’s an interesting subtext to this film, with its scenes of a white scientist conducting a dangerous medical experiment on a black man who is not in a position to refuse.  But let’s not fool ourselves.  This film is not Blacula, with its title character being transformed into a vampire as punishment for standing up to Dracula’s racism.  Blackenstein had very little on its mind, beyond cashing in on the then-blaxploitation boom.  The title promises a certain over-the-top silliness but, ultimately, this film is way too boring for something called Blackenstein.