Retro Television Reviews: Houston, We’ve Got A Problem (dir by Lawrence Doheny)


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1974’s Houston, We’ve Got A Problem!  It  can be viewed on YouTube!

The year is 1970 and Apollo 13 is the latest manned NASA mission into space.  The head of the mission of Jim Lovell and the destination is the Moon.  Unfortunately, the American public has gotten so used to the idea of men going to the Moon that hardly anyone is paying attention to Apollo 13.  That changes when Lovell contacts mission control in Houston and utters those famous words, “Houston …. we’ve had a problem.”  An oxygen tank has exploded, crippling the spacecraft and leaving the three men in danger.  If Houston can’t figure out how to bring them home, Apollo 13 could turn into an orbiting tomb.

Yes, this film tells the story of the same crisis that Ron Howard recreated in Apollo 13.  The difference between Houston, We’ve Got A Problem and Apollo 13 (beyond the fact that one was a big budget Hollywood production and the other a low-budget made-for-TV movie), is that Apollo 13 largely focused on the men trapped in space while Houston, We’ve Got A Problem is totally Earthbound.  In fact, Jim Lovell does not even appear in the ’74 film, though his voice is heard.  (The film features the actual communications between the crew and Mission Control.)  Instead, the entire film follows the men on the ground as, under the leadership of Gene Kranz (Ed Nelson), they try to figure out how to bring the crew of Apollo 13 home.  Houston, We’ve Got A Problem is a far more low-key film than Apollo 13, one that features narration from Eli Wallach to give it an effective documentary feel but one that also lacks the moments of wit and emotion that distinguished Apollo 13.  

NASA cooperated with the making of the film and it works best when it focuses on the men brainstorming on how to solve the biggest crisis that the American space program had ever faced to that date.  The film is less effective when it tries to portray the effects of the men’s work on their home lives.  Sandra Dee is wasted as the wife who can’t understand why her engineer husband (reliably bland Gary Collins) can’t spend more time at home.  Clu Gulager plays the guy who fears he’s missing out on time with his son.  Robert Culp plays the man with a heart condition who places his hand over his chest whenever anything stressful happens.  Steve Franken has to choose between his religious obligations and his obligation to NASA.  The melodrama of those fictional moments are awkwardly mixed with the based-in-fact moments of everyone calmly and rationally discussing the best way to save the crew.  Jim Lovell, as a matter of fact, complained that Houston, We’ve Got A Problem did a disservice to the flight controllers by presenting them all as being hopelessly inept in their lives outside of mission control.  (Lovell was reportedly much happier with Apollo 13.)

Because it features the actual conversations between the crew and Mission Control, Houston, We’ve Got A Problem is interesting as a historical document but it never escapes the shadow of Ron Howard’s better-known film.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 1.12 “King For A Day/Instant Family”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Roarke proves himself to be the expert at granting fantasies and teaching lessons.  One group of visitors deals with international diplomacy.  The other group deals with taking care of children.  It’s time for …. FANTASY ISLAND!

Episode 1.12 “King For A Day/Instant Family”

(Directed by George McGowan, originally aired on May 6th, 1978)

There are a lot fantasies in this episode.

For instance, Ernie Miller (David Doyle) is a plumber who wants to be treated like a king.  When he arrives on Fantasy Island, he is informed that he is now the King of Carpathia and that he is married to Queen Auroroa (Diane Baker).  What Ernie doesn’t realize is that there actually is a country called Carpathia and that he just happens to look exactly like the nation’s recently deceased king.  It turns out that Aurora is not just an actress hired to pretend to be the Queen.  Instead, she actually is the Queen!  Aurora had a fantasy of her own.  She wanted the king to come back to life so that he could prevent the country by being taken over by the sinister Ambassador Soro (Theodore Bikel).

Roarke combines their two fantasies into one.  Ernie gets to become king, on the condition that he abandon his former life and identity.  (That’s something that Ernie has no problem with and, quite frankly, actor David Doyle wasn’t exactly the most convincing plumber that I’ve ever seen.  Some actors were just meant to play men who wore suits to the office and David Doyle was one of them.)  Aurora gets her husband back, except of course it’s not actually her husband.  It’s just someone who looks like him.  But Aurora is cool with that.  This is kind of a weird fantasy.  One has to wonder what would have happened in Ambassador Soro had announced that his fantasy was  to conquer Carpathia.  WHAT THEN, MR. ROARKE!?

As for the other fantasy, it involves a woman named Gail Grayson (Melinda Naud), whose fantasy is to get a job working for the world’s number one expert on how to raise children.  Gail, it turns out, has written a thesis about how housewives are unnecessary and how being a mother isn’t as difficult as everyone says.  (It’s hard for me to imagine any woman actually writing something like that but whatever.  We’ll just go with it.)  Gail gets to put her thesis to the test when she discovers that she’s been hired to act as a babysitter!  It turns out that the world’s number one expert on raising children has several unruly children of his own.

Accompanying Gail is her mother, Mildred Grayson (Jane Wyatt).  It turns out that Mildred didn’t appreciate Gail’s thesis (and really, who can blame her?) and her fantasy is for Gail to discover firsthand just how difficult it is to take care of a house and several bratty children.  Again, Mr. Roarke decided to combine everyone’s fantasies.  Gail gets to work for her mentor and Jane gets to watch as Gail is humiliated by the children.  Eventually, Mildred comes to feel guilty about wishing so much trouble on her own daughter but everything work out in the end.  Gail gets her dream job and Mildred gets to say, “I told you so.”

Yay!  Everything works out for everyone!

This is one of those episodes where you really have to wonder if Mr. Roarke actually had a plan or if he was just making it all up as he was going along.  If Ernie hadn’t agreed to become the king in real life, Carpathia would have been conquered by the communists.  If Gail hadn’t realized her thesis was wrong, one of the children could have died on the island.  Sometimes, I just think that there are better ways to teach people a lesson than taking them to a mystical island that is ruled in a somewhat arbitrary manner by a friendly but occasionally condescending host.  That said, I would totally go to Fantasy Island if it did exist.  I imagine the same was true of the majority of the people who watched the show when it first aired.

After all, who doesn’t have a fantasy or two?