Anna Van Hooft | Through the Shattered Lens

Last Monday, I watched the Lifetime premiere movie, My Baby Is Gone! I should have reviewed it on Tuesday but, to be honest, I spent all of last week trying to figure out if Carrie was actually Laura Palmer and if Dale Cooper ever actually escaped the Black Lodge or not. So, this review is a week late and for that, I apologize even though I think anyone who would require an apology is kind of a jerk.

Why Was I Watching It?

Seriously, what’s been going on with Lifetime lately? It used to be that every Saturday night saw the premiere of a new Lifetime film. Live tweeters across the country would look forward to every new Lifetime film. We transformed several of those films into trending topics. We did our part.

But, for some reason, this year has seen a different Lifetime. More often than not, Lifetime airs an old movie on Saturday and saves the premiere for Sunday. Sorry, Lifetime. I love you but if I have to choose between a new movie and Twin Peaks, Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, The Deuce, Big Brother, and almost everything else that I can watch on Sunday night, anything that Lifetime premieres on Sunday is probably going to end up sitting on my DVR for a while before I actually watch it.

However, My Baby is Gone! did not premiere on Sunday. It premiered on Labor Day, so, for the first time in what seemed like forever, I was actually able to watch and live tweet the movie as it aired. Seriously, Lifetime, get it together. Nobody wants to watch a Lifetime premiere on Sunday.

What Was It About?

Emily (Elisabeth Harnois) is 8 months pregnant. Her husband (Ryan S Williams) seems to be a good guy but he works too hard and sometimes, he misses Emily’s checkups. Her best friend (Nicole LaPlaca) is supportive but she also works with Emily’s husband so, of course, it’s reasonable to assume that they’re probably sleeping together. This is a Lifetime movie, after all. After you’ve seen enough Lifetime movies, you know there’s no way that men and women can ever just be co-workers.

(Unless, of course, they’re cops. In that case, they’re just ineffectual and inevitably end up arresting the wrong person.)

Luckily, someone new has moved in across the street! Kelly (Anna van Hooft) is super-friendly and helpful and — oh my God! — she’s eight months pregnant too! Kelly says that she’s just staying in the house until her aunt returns. What no one knows, of course, is that Kelly’s actually got her aunt tied up in the basement.

Oh, and it turns out that Kelly isn’t really pregnant, either. She’s just wearing a fake belly. It’s actually kind of obvious but, at first, everyone just takes Kelly at her word.

Soon, Kelly is drawing Emily away from her husband and her best friend. She even convinces Emily to decorate the nursery with flamingos instead of butterflies!

What could Kelly’s nefarious plan be?

What Worked?

Uhmm… I’m thinking about it…

Actually, I had a lot of fun live tweeting this film. My Baby is Gone! is one of those movies that literally brings out the best in a snarky audience. There’s just so many implausible developments and none of the characters are likely to be mistaken for a member of Mensa. It’s a fun movie to watch if you’re looking for an excuse to spend two hours wondering how people can be so stupid.

Anna Van Hooft did a great job as Kelly. If you’re going to play a character who is batshit crazy in a Lifetime film, you might as well go all out. When you’re in a movie with a title like My Baby is Gone!, the time for subtlety is over.

What Did Not Work?

Even by the standards of Lifetime, the plot was just too implausible to work. I mean, the whole fake belly thing was a lot more convincing when it used in A Deadly Adoption.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

My favorite character was Pam (Amelia Burstyn), who was Emily’s doctor’s administrative assistant and who showed absolutely no hesitation about sharing the details of another patient’s visit. It may not have been the best example of professional ethics but sometimes, you have to break the rules.

Lessons Learned

Butterflies are better than flamingos.

After watching Last Chance For Christmas, it was time to continue to clean out my DVR by watching A Gift-Wrapped Christmas. Directed by Lee Friedlander (who did such a great job with Babysitter’s Black Book), A Gift-Wrapped Christmas was actually the first Christmas film to air on Lifetime this year. It premiered on November 28th.

A Gift-Wrapped Christmas tells the story of Gwen (Meredith Hagner), who I immediately envied because not only does she have a great attitude towards life but she has a really kickass job as well. She’s a personal shopper, which means that she gets paid to do something that I do for free. In fact, she might be the greatest personal shopper of all time. All she has to do is take one look at a client and she immediately knows what is needed. She currently lives with her older sister (Beverly Mitchell) and her husband and she’s single. She’s also almost always cheerful, without being annoying about it. I wish I could pull that off.

One day, her agency tells her that she has a new client. His name is Charlie Baker. Oh my God! I thought, the Governor of Massachusetts!? Seriously, who wouldn’t want that job!? However, it turns out that it’s a different Charlie Baker. This Charlie Baker (played by Travis Milne) is a business executive who sucks at giving gifts and thinks a black suit is appropriate for every occasion. Charlie is also a widower, raising his precocious son, Owen (Anthony Bolognese) on his own. Charlie does have a girlfriend but it’s obvious to everyone (but him) that Victoria (Anna Van Hooft) is cold and manipulative and is more in love with money than with Charlie.

So, Gwen takes one look at Charlie and his boring office and his boring gifts and she says, “Nope, this is all going to change.” At first, Charlie is resistant and even refuses to consider wearing a purple suit. But Gwen refuses to give up. She continues to buy stuff that encourages him to broaden his worldview. Charlie starts to loosen up and act like a real human being.

And don’t think that Victoria hasn’t noticed and isn’t thinking, “No way I’m going to lose my man to a personal shopper!”

When I first watched A Gift-Wrapped Christmas, I tweeted some pretty snarky things about it but I think I may have been a bit too upset over the prospect of not getting to see any Lifetime melodramas for a month and, as a result, I was a bit too quick to judge A Gift-Wrapped Christmas. On a second viewing, I discovered that the film had a lot more charm than I initially thought. At the very least, Meredith Hagner and Travis Milne are both adorable and how can you not love a movie where the secret to happiness is shopping?

A Gift-Wrapped Christmas is an almost stereotypical Lifetime Christmas movie but, thanks to the chemistry between Meredith Hagner and Travis Milne, it’s still an enjoyable dose of holiday cheer.