Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.21 “Here Comes The Bride”

Posted on November 23, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Christian gets married!

Episode 2.21 “Here Comes The Bride”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on March 15th, 1987)

Jack Christian (marvelously played by Jeff Pustil) is getting married!

He’s known the girl (Barbara Radecki) for twenty minutes and he’s not totally sure what her name is. (It’s turns out to be Gilga.) Gilga is the niece of Jan (Barry Baidero), the store’s never-bef0re-seen butcher. When Jack first meets Gilga, she’s crying. Her visa has expired. The only way that she’s going to avoid being sent back to her home country Baclavia is if she manages to get a Canadian green card. One quick way to do that is to get married. Jan offers to pay Christian to marry Gilga and then divorce her after she gets her green card. Christian agrees.

However, there’s a problem.

Christian is actually falling in love with Gilga but he doesn’t know how he can convince Gilga that his love is real. Howard tells him that the only way to do it would be to give back the money. That sounds simple enough but Christian really likes money. Plus, he needs a new car….

(Maybe he could just stay married to Gilga and so charm Jan that Jan would buy him a new car just to welcome him to the family. The possibility of anyone sincerely liking Christian is never really considered, which is kind of sad.)

This episode was fairly dumb but it was more enjoyable than the usual Check It Out! offering, if just because it focused on one of the show’s few consistently funny characters. Since the first season, Jeff Pustil has been one of the stronger members of the cast, playing Christian as being such an unapologetic sleaze that it’s impossible not to like him. No one should ever trust Jack Christian but he still comes across like he would be fun to catch a movie with. Unfortunately, up until this episode, the show rarely took advantage of Pustil’s strong work as Christian. This episode finally gives Pustil the spotlight and he manages to wring quite a few laughs out of so-so material. Much like Gordon Clapp and Kathleen Laskey (who played Marlene and married Pustil after the show ended), Jeff Pustil brought enough odd quirkiness to his role that he often transcended the show’s scripts.

Along with giving Jeff Pustil a chance to show off, this episode also featured several never-bef0re-seen employees of Cobb’s. They show up for Christian’s bachelor party and the wedding, both of which take place at the store for some reason. I’ve often wondered how a major supermarket managed to survive with only two cashiers and one bagger. (It often seemed strange that Howard had a secretary but apparently not a janitor.) This episode revealed that a lot of people worked at Cobb’s, the viewer apparently just never noticed them before.

This was a rare good episode. Next week, we conclude season two!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.19 “Only God Can Make A Tree”

Posted on November 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Howard goes to jail!

Episode 2.19 “Only God Can Make A Tree”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on March 1st, 1987)

Old George is coming down!

Who is Old George? Actually, it’s more a question of what is Old George? Old George is a tree that stands a few feet away from Cobb’s. Apparently, Howard spent a good deal of his youth hanging out around Old George. He and his father used to have picnics under Old George. He and his friends use to climb Old George. Howard decides that Old George must be saved so he organizes a protest. He forces Christian, Leslie, and Viker to join him in trying to keep the city contactors from chopping down the tree. As a result, Howard and his three employees are arrested and sent to jail.

(Can you sue if your boss forces you to do something that gets you arrested? It seems like you should be able to. Of course, I’m not really sure how the law works in Canada.)

In court, the four men decide that, instead of getting a lawyer to defend them, they’ll just let Howard be in charge of their defense. I guess they all want to go to jail. Edna brings Howard several law books but she brings them to the trial so Howard has to skim them while the arresting police officer (Bob Bainborough) gives his testimony. That seems counter-productive but whatever. The law books aren’t necessary because, instead of arguing the law, Howard just tells the judge how much the tree meant to him. Howard and his employees are set free by the judge (Jack Mather). Then Old George is promptly chopped down because it has Dutch Elm disease. So, it was all for nothing!

Because Howard’s Aunt Lil (Kay Tremblay) was visiting, we did learn a bit about Howard’s background. After his father died, Howard was raised by his aunt. He grew up in the same neighborhood where he works. All of his friends grew up to be doctors and lawyers and scientists while Howard grew up to manage a grocery store. He’s been living with Edna for seven years but doesn’t have any plans to marry her. Edna desperately wants to have grandchildren but again, Howard’s in no huray to get married …. you know, when you combine all of this with the tree ultimately dying, this is probably the most depressing episode of Check It Out ever shot.

This was a weird episode. While I can respect Howard’s desire to protect Old George, I can’t respect him requiring his employees to join with him in the protest. It’s also strange to me that they protested while they were still on the clock. Did the store just shut down while they were all sitting in jail? All of this seems like bad boss behavior to me. Jeff Pustil, Aaron Schwartz, Kathleen Laskey, and Gordon Clapp all managed to get in a few good lines but Don Adams himself seemed confused as to whether he should play Howard as being an earnest tree-lover or as just a pompous ass. That’s not really Adams’s fault. This show has never been particularly consistent in the way that Howard is portrayed.

That said, I would have tried to save Old George as well. From what I saw of him, he was an impressive tree.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out 2.18 “My Girl Friday, Saturday, Sunday”

Posted on November 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Howard runs afoul the mob. Don’t worry, it’s only the Canadian mob.

Episode 2.18 “My Girl Friday Saturday Sunday”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on February 22nd, 1987)

While taking Edna to the airport (and seriously, how many vacations does Edna take during the year?), Howard is the victim of a hit-and-run. Another car literally takes off Howard’s driver’s side door. Howard is determined to find out who was driving the car and make them pay for his door.

After Marlene puts signs up around the airport asking if anyone witnessed the accident, Howard learns that the other car belonged to Canadian gangster Meatloaf Rothko (Chuck Shamata) and it was being driven by his mistress, Jerri (Heather Smith). Of course, Meatloaf already knows whose car Jerri hit and, in fact, he’s arranged for Jerri to get a job as Edna’s temporary replacement at Cobb’s.

Meatloaf requests that Howard meet with him at an Italian restaurant. Howard is hesitant but finally agrees to not only meet with him but to wear a wire. But, it turns out that Meatloaf is actually a nice guy who is willing to give Howard $10,000 to keep quiet about the accident. So, in other words, there really wasn’t much point to any of this.

As you probably already guessed, the plot of this episode was dumb. As I’ve often commented in the past, Check It Out has never been able to figure out who Howard Bannister is supposed to be. Sometimes, he’s the best boyfriend in the world and a respected father figure to all of his employees. This week, however, his employees are back to having no respect for him and Howard starts to hit on Jerri as soon as she shows up in the store. (Sorry, Edna, I hope going on your tenth vacation of the season was worth it.) Sometimes, Howard is a brilliant guy who always tries to do the right thing. This episode, he’s back to being a coward who has to be pressured into standing up for himself. Considering that the episodes in which Howard is a good boss are a hundred times better than the ones where he’s a total jackass, it’s a bit annoying that the jackass version of Howard seems to be the one who shows up the most.

On the plus side, this episode featured a lot of funny bits from the show’s supporting cast. Kathleen Laskey, Jeff Pustil, and Gordon Clapp all got in a few good one-liners. Of course, it helps that Laskey, Pustil, and Clapp all play characters who behave in a consistent manner. Jeff Pustil’s Jack Christian is always going to be smarmy in an oddly likable way. Gordon Clapp’s Viker is always going to be earnestly dumb. Kathleen Laskey’s Marlene is always going to be a sarcastic agent of chaos. Their characters have been consistent since the show started and, as a result, a lot of the humor comes from knowing how they’re going to react to certain situations. I will sit through an entire episode just to hear Marlene’s sarcastic response to whatever plan Christian comes up with. They’re funny characters.

So, my feelings about this episode were mixed. The story was incredibly dumb and Howard was incredibly annoying. But the employees of Cobb’s made me smile more than once. This episode wasn’t particularly memorable but it amused me. I’ve learned that’s the best one can hope for with this show.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.16 “The Oddest Couple”

Posted on October 19, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Viker needs help!

Episode 2.16 “The Oddest Couple”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on February 8th, 1987)

Viker has been kicked out by his wife, Mrs. Viker (Laura Henry). Mrs. Viker apparently doesn’t have a first name. Even Viker calls her “Mrs. Viker” whenever he talks to her. Because he has been kicked out of his house, Viker has started sleeping on Howard’s couch.

Howard tells Viker that he can’t sleep on his couch, which just leaves Viker with one other option. He moves in with Howard! Normally, I’d wonder how Edna would feel about this but Edna is not in this episode. In fact, there’s no mention of Howard being involved and his apartment suddenly looks like a tacky bachelor pad. He even has a round bed in the living room.

As you can guess by the episode’s title, Howard and Viker make for an odd couple. It’s not a case of one of them being a neat freak and one of them being a slob. In fact, they’re both pretty neat. It’s just that Viker can be a little weird. He gargles extremely loudly. He takes everything that he hears literally. He spends a lot of time talking about his bunions.

Howard attempts to bring Viker and Mrs. Viker together but, when Mrs. Viker catches Viker teaching Marlene how to dance (more about that in a minute) in the store’s aisles, she declares that she can’t trust Viker. But then Howard invites Mrs. Viker to his apartment, where he has prepared a romantic dinner for the Vikers. That’s all it takes for the Vikers to fall back in love and apparently have sex in Howard’s living room bed while Howard waits in the hallway outside.

Why is Viker teaching Marlene how to dance? Because a good-looking customer named Philip (Richard Hardacre) has asked Marlene to come to his country club! Marlene gets all dressed up, does her hair nicely, and looks forward to her date. But then Richard shows up looking like he’s the bassist in Sex Pistols cover band. Richard says that it’s “punk night” at the country club and he wanted to impress his friends by bringing “an actual punk.” Realizing that she was being used, Marlene tells Richard to get lost and then she, Murray, and Christian go out for pizza. Awww! Since this show usually features those three characters at odds, it’s kind of nice to see them all going out as friends in this episode.

(In real life, Kathleen Laskey, who plays Marlene, is married to Jeff Pustil, who played Christian. Even though their characters are usually rivals, the chemistry between the two performers is obvious.)

This was an okay episode. It made me chuckle a few times. It’s obvious that, after the first half of the second season, the showrunners realized that Don Adams and Gordon Clapp made a great comic team. Check It Out is a show that works best when it embraces absurdity and few characters are more absurd than Gordon Clapp’s Viker.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.14 “Let’s Get Metaphysical”

Posted on October 5, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Howard goes on a mission to save Marlene.

Episode 2.14 “Let’s Get Metaphysical”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on January 25th, 1987)

Marlene’s been showing up late for work!

Christian thinks that it’s a big deal that Marlene isn’t showing up for work. I’ve never had a retail job or a job where I had a boss who required me to do things but I do have to say that I think Christian has a point. Since it appears that Cobb’s only has seven employees and it appears to be a rather large store with several different departments, I imagine it is a bit difficult when one of them doesn’t show up.

(Actually, two of them. For some reason, Edna is not in this episode.)

Howard, however, says it’s no big deal because Marlene is only late because she’s in love with a new guy and this guy apparently likes to stay up all night and discuss philosophy. (Bleh! Sounds like she’s dating a real bore.) But when Marlene starts lecturing at her register about how unfair it is to charge people for food, Christian feels that he has no choice but to fire her. Marlene thanks Christian for setting her free and then leaves the store for her new home at the local commune.

Uh-oh …. MARLENE HAS JOINED A CULT!

Wanting to free her from the Order of Eternal Light, Howard decides to go down to the commune. Accompanying him is Viker and I was happy about that because, as played by Gordon Clapp, Viker was a character who made any scene funnier by his very presence. The head of the cult is a bearded man who calls himself Solar (Sam Moses). Solar preaches a life of simplicity while living in a mansion and driving a Ferrari.

Howard decides that the best way to free Marlene is to go undercover and pretend to join the cult. Over the next few days, Howard doesn’t show up at work but Marlene does. Marlene explain that she left the cult after talking to a strange man with a beard. She also says that she never saw Howard at the cult.

Suddenly, Howard shows up, wearing love beads and speaking in an Indian accent. Marlene throws water on his face, which magically sets Howard free from Solar’s brainwashing. Marlene tells Howard that she left on her own after talking to the bearded man. Howard reveals that he was that bearded man….

Wow, it sounds like a lot of interesting stuff happened off-camera! In fact, that’s the main problem with this episode. Almost all of the interesting stuff — Marlene getting brainwashed, Howard going undercover, the police raiding the commune and arresting Solar — happens off-screen. What we’re left with is okay but never quite as funny as it potentially could be.

Still, at least Marlene’s back! Someone has to keep the sharp insults flying in that store and no one’s better at it than Marlene.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.13 “Love and Marriage”

Posted on September 28, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Howard is the world’s worst boyfriend …. again!

Episode 2.13 “Love and Marriage”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on January 18th, 1987)

As I’ve said in the past, Check It Out! has never been very consistent when it comes to portraying Howard and Edna’s relationship. Sometimes, Howard is the perfect boyfriend, a romantic bon vivant who always knows the right thing to say. Then, other times, Howard is a complete idiot.

This episode finds Howard in idiot mode. He forgets Edna’s birthday and even admits that the cheap flowers that he sends Edna are the result of him asking the florist to remember Edna’s birthday so Howard wouldn’t have to worry about it. While Edna is definitely (and rightly) annoyed with Howard, she does receive some very beautiful flowers from a man named George Zuckerman.

Edna tells a jealous Howard that George was her boyfriend when she was a teenager. She says it’s been forever since she last saw George but George has invited her to have dinner with him at a fancy French restaurant. Of course, Howard follows Edna to the restaurant, where he gets on the nerves of the snooty maître d’ (Louis Negin, who gets the episode’s best lines) and he also meets George (Doug Paulson).

George is handsome, charming, rich, and Edna’s ex-husband. Howard is shocked the learn that Edna was married before but Edna explains that she was only seventeen and her father made them annul the marriage after two weeks. That still seems like a strange thing to have never mentioned in the past. Edna and Howard have been dating for seven years, after all.

While Howard fumes with jealousy, George says he has something he needs to ask Edna. Before he can ask, Howard throws a fit when his credit card is declined. (“It has a $150 credit limit!” Howard snaps. “The soup alone costs $150,” the maître d’ replies.)

Later, at the store, Marlene encourages Edna to marry George. Edna says that she can’t marry George because she loves Howard. Uhmm….Edna? George is handsome and rich. Howard runs a failing supermarket and forgot your birthday. Not that it matters because George isn’t interested in marrying Edna. Instead, he reveals that the annulment was never filed so he needs Edna to sign some divorce papers. Edna agrees and then looks forward to having a romantic dinner with Howard.

This episode had some funny moments, mostly due to the work of Louis Negin and Gordon Clapp, who returns as Viker and delivers his lines with such a hilariously sincere stupidity that he elevates the entire show. Viker reveals that he’s a tailor in this episode and he even makes Howard a suit. Howard later wears the suit to the restaurant and, every time he moves, the suit tears just a little more. Hey, it made me laugh!

Still, this was kind of a sad episode. Seriously, Edna, you can do so much better!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.12 “High Tech”

Posted on September 21, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Howard once again ruins Edna’s life.

Episode 2.12 “High Tech”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on January 11th, 1987)

Howard has a gambling problem!

Wait a minute …. I thought that was the plot of last week’s episode.

Well, it’s the plot of this week’s episode as well. After Howard invests Edna’s life savings ($10,000, though it should be remembered that this is Canadian money) in a Venezuelan gold mine, Edna can only watch in horror as an earthquake rips through Venezuela and wipes out the gold mine. (She should just be happy that she invested before Chavez and Maduro came to power.) Howard, however, is sure that he can win her money back because he has a tip about a sure thing in an up-coming boxing match….

That’s it! Edna demands that Howard go to therapy.

Which Howard does. Dr. Cravitz (John Stocker) seems to be a little crazy himself, especially when people accidentally call him “Clavitz.” The doctor does help Howard to realize that he has a gambling problem. His mother used to take him to bingo halls while his father spent all of his time playing poker. Howard is a bad gambler because he’s trying to both win his parent’s love and get back at them for neglecting him while he was growing up. Damn, that’s depressing.

Howard returns to the store, diagnosed but hardly cured. Fortunately, he gets a call from his stockbroker, telling him that the gold mine is now worth $10,000 because there’s oil underneath the gold. Edna gets her money back, minus the money that Howard lost on the boxer.

This episode is another one where Howard is a complete and total buffoon. I prefer the episodes where Howard is an idiot to the ones where he’s actually competent. A competent manager is not a funny manager but a buffoonish boss who makes life difficult for the people working under him …. hey, who can’t relate to that? That’s why The Office was better when Michael was boss than when Andy took over. No one watches a show like this to root for management.

This episode had some funny moments. There was an entertaining B-plot about Christian installing a new computerized checking system and accidentally ordering three-years worth of potatoes at one time. (I had to smile when a jump cut revealed that every display in the store was now potato-related.) Even better, Gordon Clapp finally returns as the dim-witted handyman, Viker. Clapp’s ultra sincere line delivery made Viker into a hilarious character and the scenes where Viker gets on Howard’s nerves are always entertaining. When we first see Viker, he’s upgrading his lunchbox. Later, he tells Howard that “an important person called with an important message, that’s all I remember.” This show works best when it embraces absurdity and Viker is so wonderfully absurd that you can’t help but love the character.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.11 “Short One Jockey”

Posted on September 14, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Howard is irresponsible with money!

Episode 2.11 “Short One Jockey”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on December 26th, 1986)

Howard has a gambling problem!

That’s one of the major things that we learn about Howard during this week’s episode of Check It Out! Interestingly enough, Don Adams, the actor who played Howard, was also something of a notorious gambler. I can’t really find anything online as to whether or not Adams was actually a good gambler or if he was one of those gamblers who was constantly in debt to the mob. If the latter was true, that might explain how he ended up agreeing to do a show like Check It Out!

Anyway, this episode features Howard taking the $2,000 that the members of the store’s staff have spent a year saving up to the track. ($2,000 may sound like a lot but remember, this is Canadian money we’re talking about.) Instead of betting the money on a horse, Howard instead buys a horse and enters it into a race. As he explains it, the staff stands to make a lot of money if the horse wins the race and is then bought by a farm. Or, Howard explains, they could just put the horse out to stud.

“He’s a gelding,” Edna says.

“A horse that sings soprano,” Marlene explains.

Unfortunately, the jockey that Howard has hired leaves the country at the last minute. (When he’s not working as a jockey, he sells sweaters and he learns that there’s a huge cardigan sale in Mexico. And I will admit that made me laugh.) Howard trains Murray to be a jockey by having Murray ride the store’s electric horse. Murray falls off. (That also made me laugh.) It then turns out that Murray is allergic to horses so Howard puts on the jockey uniform and Christian asks him if he “lost his lawn.” (Again, that made me laugh.)

Howard comes in second in the race but he reveals that he put money on the horse that came in first so the staff at least gets their cash back. But then it turns out that the horse that won has been disqualified and the staff’s horse did win! The staff makes a lot of money and Howard is out the cash he bet on the other horse.

(Gambling is confusing, which is one reason why I don’t do it. I’ll blow on the dice at the craps table but I’m not going to play with my own money.)

This episode …. actually, I have to be honest. This episode actually made me laugh quite a bit. It was just so silly and cheerfully dumb that there was no way I couldn’t laugh a little. Jeff Pustil (as Christian), Simon Reynolds (as Murray), and Kathleen Laskey (as the totally awesome Marlene) all got in their share of one-liners at Howard’s expense and it was fun to listen to them make fun of the boss. Workplace comedies always work best when the joke is on management.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out 2.9 “Don’t Take My Job Please”

Posted on July 6, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, it’s been over a month so I guess it’s time to get back to reviewing this show. I can’t really remember why I picked this show to review but whatever. Let’s see what’s happening in Canada.

Episode 2.9 “Don’t Take My Job Please”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on December 12th, 1986)

It’s contract renegotiation time and Howard is convinced that his 12 years of loyal service and the fact that his store is making a lot of money will lead to him getting a raise. Instead, Corbin from Corporate (Grant Cowan) informs him that the company is letting him go.

Howard vanished, without even Edna knowing for sure where he’s gone. Jack Christian becomes the new manager and is soon putting pictures of himself up all over the store. However, when Christian’s “Buy One, Get One Free” sale leads to the store losing a huge amount of money, Corbin tells Christian that he’s fired …. unless, of course, he can track down Howard and convince him to take the manager’s job.

What? Is this how they do business in Canada? I understand firing Howard because the company didn’t want to give him a raise. I understand firing Christian because he lost a lot of money on a stupid promotion. But what type of company then begs the first fired guy to come back? Does Cobb’s not have any other potential store managers? Do they not have a management training program? This doesn’t sound like a well-managed company.

Of course, the problem with bring Howard back is that Howard has disappeared, with his last words to Edna being that he was struggling to find anyone willing to hire someone as old as him. (Howard says he’s 45. Don Adams was in his 60s when this show aired.) But then Christian takes everyone out to dinner at Musketeer, the Canadian version of Medieval Times, and guess who is dressed up like D’Artagnan and leading people to their tables? It’s Howard! Edna tells him that Cobb’s wants him to come back. Howard says this is the best news he’s ever heard.

Uhmm …. Howard, it’s obvious they don’t appreciate you and they’re probably just going to try to screw you over again. Tell ’em to kick rocks in Manitoba.

Anyway, that’s the episode. It didn’t really add up too much but that’s to be expected with Check It Out. This was one of those episodes where nothing made any sense but — to give credit where credit is due — the cast made the most of it, with Jeff Pustil, Kathleen Laskey, Aaron Schwartz, and Simon Reynolds all wringing laughs out of the most mild of dialogue. It’s too bad that the episodes were always so plot-heavy because Check It Out! worked best when it just lets everyone be strange.

Mini Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.8 “Homewrecker Howard”

Posted on May 25, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I sprained my wrist earlier this week and, as a result, typing is a bit painful. So, for this week and this week only, I’m doing quick, mini-reviews that will hopefully get my point across without requiring too much discomfort on my part. Luckily, this is a format that works just fine when one is discussing a show like Check It Out!

Episode 2.8 “Homewrecker Howard”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on November 21st, 1986)

This was just dumb.

Jack Christian is dating a woman (Randall Carpenter) who he met at the store. He’s also lying to her, telling her that he’s the store manager. The woman happens to be married and she’s also a friend of Edna’s. After the woman tells Edna that she’s getting back at her unfaithful husband by having an affair with the manager of the store, Edna assumes that Howard is cheating on her.

I’ve often said that I hate idiot plots. An idiot plot is any story where every complication could be prevented by the characters 1) not being complete idiots and 2) actually asking each other detailed questions and getting an answer before jumping to conclusions. This episode was a classic example of the idiot plot. Edna doesn’t tell Howard why she’s mad at him and Howard doesn’t bother to ask. Things don’t get straightened out until the woman’s husband (Tom Butler) shows up at the store and announces that he wants to beat up the manager.

Will this show ever figure out who Howard Bannister is supposed to be? Sometimes, he’s a great manager who cares about his employees. In this episode, he’s a pompous windbag who puts a cardboard cut-out of himself on the salesfloor. Sometimes, Howard is the world’s best and most romantic boyfriend. In this episode, he’s so clueless that he barely notices that Edna is angry at him and Edna, it must be said, has no problem believing that he would be unfaithful. Edna both lives and works with Howard so when exactly is he ever out of her sight long enough to have the wild affair that the woman describes herself as having?

As I said …. IDIOT PLOT!