Lisa Reviews An Oscar Nominee: 7th Heaven (dir by Frank Borzage)


The 1927 melodrama 7th Heaven tells the story of two people in Paris.

Chico (Charles Farrell) works in the sewers but lives by the stairs.  Though he spends all of his days under the street and dealing with literally the worst that the world has to offer, Chico remains an optimist.  After all, he has his small apartment, which sits atop seven flights of stairs.  He has his dreams, which involve eventually getting promoted to being a street cleaner.  He doesn’t have much religious faith, which concerns Father Chevillon (Emile Chautard) but who knows?  Maybe something can happen to change that….

Diane (Janet Gaynor) is a desperately sad young woman who lives in squalor with her older sister, the cruel Nana (Gladys Brockwell).  When we first see Diane, she’s lying on the floor while being whipped by Nana and that’s pretty much the way her life goes for the first fourth of the movie.  Nana treats Diane less like a sister and more like a slave, sending her out to steal food and buy absinthe.  Diane and Nana’s father has made a good deal of money overseas but when he sees how they’re living in Paris, he rejects both of them.

How bad of a sister is Nana?  She’s so bad that, when she’s eventually arrested by the Paris police, she points out her sister on the street and demands that they arrest her as well.  Fortunately, Chico just happens to present at the scene.  Having already protected Diane from Nana’s abuse once before, Chico steps forward and announces that Diane is his wife!  The police ask Chico if he’s sure and then remind him that, if it’s found that he’s lying, both he and Diane could go to prison.  Chico, however, insists that it is true.

To keep the deception going, Chico allows Diane to move in with him.  When Father Chevillon arranges for Chico to get promoted to street cleaner, he also requests that Chico keep an eye on Diane.  Chico agrees and slowly but surely, the two of them fall in love.  Chico’s apartment, sitting atop 7 flights of stairs, becomes their 7th heaven.

However, World War I looms in the distance.  With all of Chico’s friends and coworkers receiving their draft notices and being sent to fight, Chico and Diane knew that it’s only a matter of time before the same thing happens to Chico….

As in so many other silent films, the shadow of World War I looms over every minute of 7th Heaven.  In the 20s, the Great War was still the main trauma that has shaped most viewer’s lives and one can imagine those viewers watching 7th Heaven and falling in love with the characters of Chico and Diane, all the while knowing that their happiness is only temporary.  If the 1st hour of 7th Heaven is a romantic mix of melodrama and comedy, the 2nd hour becomes a rather grim war film.  Even separated by war, Chico and Diane remain soulmates.  When Diane is told that Chico has been listed as having been killed in action, she knows that it’s not true because she can still feel their connection.  And yet, the final fourth of the film is so stylized and the final shot is both so beautiful and yet so artificial that the audience is left to wonder whether Diane is correct or if she’s simply dreaming what she (and, undoubtedly, the many other members of the audience who had also lost loved ones in the war) wishes to be true.

7th Heaven is a deliriously romantic film and watching it actually requires a bit less of an adjustment on the part of modern audiences than other silent films.  Director Frank Borzage keeps the action moving quickly and, even more importantly, Janet Gaynor and Charles Farrell both give sincere and naturalistic performances.  Never do they resort to the type of theatrical overacting that was featured in so many other silent films.  Instead, you watch the film and you truly believe that you are watching two people fall in love.  You’re happy when they’re happy and when tragedy strikes, you cry for them.  Their love is your love and their sadness is your sadness.

7th Heaven was one of the first films to even be nominated for Best Picture.  While Gaynor won Best Actress and Frank Borzage won Best Director, the award for Best Picture went to another World War I romance, Wings.

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night: The Babysitter’s Seduction (dir. by David Burton Morris)


Last night, I was feeling sad so I went to the handy DVR and I watched a movie that I recorded off of the Lifetime Movie Network on Memorial Day — the unacknowledged classic piece of Americana, The Babysitter’s Seduction!

Why Was I Watching It?

Oh.  My.  God!  How could I not watch it?  This apparently first came out way back in 1996 but it shows up on the Lifetime Movie Network like every six months or so and I make it a point to either watch it or at least DVR it every time it’s scheduled because seriously, this is like my favorite Lifetime movie of all time!

What’s It About?

Oh my God…okay, check this one out.  So Kerri Russell is like this babysitter and she’s been hired to watch over the children of Stephen Collins who is the multimillionaire with a beautiful home and a wife who has had so many facelifts that her face just looks like wax.  Kerri’s in high school here and she has a boyfriend who looks like he’s about 30 because he’s got a receding hairline and a big old widow’s peak but he’s still in high school too.  Uhmm…remedial much?

So, anyway, one day, Kerri takes the kids out to the public pool and then she realizes that she left something behind at the house so she goes back and, oh my God!, Stephen Collins’s wife is lying dead on the kitchen floor with a gun in her hand.  Is it suicide?  Well, that’s what a police inspector played by Tobin Bell has to figure out.  Turns out that Tobin is also best buddies  with Stephen but he’s still got to do his job because it quickly becomes obvious that Mrs. Stephen Collins didn’t actually commit suicide.  It all has to do with powder residue and a whole lot of other CSI-type stuff.

Anyway, it’s kinda obvious that Stephen Collins killed his wife but nobody notices because they’re too busy gossiping about how he’s now secretly sleeping with the babysitter.  Kerri Russell tells everyone that she’s in love with Stephen Collins but little does she realize that Stephen Collins is busy trying to frame her for his wife’s murder.

Anyway, eventually the center cannot hold and things falls apart…

What Worked?

Okay, so basically, here we have a film where the Rev. Camden frames Felicity for murder and it’s up to the Jigsaw Killer to find the truth.  That right there is what we call a harmonic convergence of pop culture.  This film needs to be seen for this reason, if nothing else.

Also, the Babysitter’s Seduction is one of those films that succeeds by taking its formula to the most logical extreme and  then taking another step or two forward.  Hence, not only is the babysitter seduced but she’s just about brainwashed.  Not only is Stephen Collins evil but, as the film reaches it conclusion, we come to realize that he’s actually the equivalent of that evil mayor from the third season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  I mean, seriously — there’s nothing this guy can’t do!  How, where, and when did he learn to be so evil!?

Finally, this is another one of those movies where nobody delivers a line without taking a dramatic pause in the middle of the sentence.  For instance, the dead wife’s secret love introduced himself by saying, “I’m Paul Richards….I.  Was.  Sally’s.  Lover.”  Now, I have to admit that I’ve often been told that I have a tendency to 1) talk too much and 2) talk too fast and, as a result, sometimes it’s difficult to follow my train of thought.  And to those who say that, I say, “Fuck you.”  But anyways, after witnessing all of the dramatic pauses in this film and seeing how they helped to turn a 30-minute sitcom into a 2-hour movie, I am now much more open to the idea of adding.  Pointless.  Pauses.  To.  Everything.  I.  Say.  From.  Now.  On.

Also, this film demonstrates how — if you’re in a pinch  and you don’t have anything else — panties can be a handy substitute for handcuffs.  So, if your boyfriend can’t quite figure out how to pull that particular quirk off, this movie serves as a nice training film for him and as 2 hours of Lifetime goodness for you.

What Didn’t Work?

Obviously, if the babysitter wasn’t an idiot then there wouldn’t be a film.  But seriously, this babysitter was really an idiot.  Okay — since I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea from this movie, I’ll just go ahead and say it — if the wife of your employer shows up on the kitchen floor with a bullet in her head, do not respond by having sex with your employer.  It’s just not going to look good.

There’s also a scene where Kerri Russell’s bra changes color from shot to shot.  Seriously, that’s just carelessness.

“Oh my God!” Just Like Me Moments

You know, I always wanted to babysit but I never got too.  My older sisters all got to babysit me at one time or another but one of the drawbacks of being the baby of the family is that there was no one younger than me for me to watch.  Then again, being the baby also meant that I got spoiled rotten so I can’t complain too much.

However, there was one moment I could really relate too and that was when Kerri Russell told her concerned mother, “I don’t have an attitude…you do!”  I used to say that all the time!  The key to delivering the line — which Kerri nails, by the way — is to wait three beats before raising up your chin half an inch, looking down the slope of your nose and saying, “…you do.”  Ha!  In your face, judgmental authority figure!

Also, despite never getting to be a babysitter, I did once secretly have an older lover who murdered his wife but shhhh…don’t tell anyone.

Lessons Learned

If you’re employer kills his wife, wait a few months before having sex with him.  Otherwise, it just looks bad.