Review of Berberian Sound Studio, ALT Title: Huh? I mean, Huh?

Posted on October 2, 2016 by casewright

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I was considering posting this review later in the month because I didn’t want to do two negative reviews in a row. I’m starting to feel like an old curmudgeon with a sciatica issue, but here we are. I didn’t write, direct, or produce this steaming pile of shit, but again… here we are. I’m not writing that every film should have three distinct acts that are easily defined and understood, but this film sure could have used some structure or a beginning, a middle, or (if they really felt wild) an ending.

We open with Gilderoy (Tobey Jones) starting a job as a foley artist for a Giallo film. He is immediately shocked at the graphic nature of the film that he will be looping. This is where the movie grinds to a halt – minute 7. Either through a lack of budget or imagination, the film takes place in the sound studio, his apartment, and a hallway – that’s it. You’d think that this would establish tension…nope; no more than sitting in the DMV for 90 minutes establishes tension. There are no subtitles and everyone’s speaking Italian and screaming a lot to loop the spooky film that you never see. Again, you’d think that perhaps this would create tension or alienation because we don’t know what’s being said in 85% of the film….nope; no more than watching Raiuno (Italian Basic Cable). Keep in mind, I’m very proud of my very sexy Italian roots, but not everything we make is a winner- even our towers lean over sometimes.

Gilderoy proceeds to obsess over getting reimbursed for his travel and when he doesn’t get reimbursed, he mopes … a lot and smashes fruit to mimic bludgeoning sounds. At one point he does get upset about it, but then goes back to doing what he does best – moping and fruit smashing. There are two producers Francesco and Santini who spend the majority of the film bullying Gilderoy around and just when you think he’ll snap, he doesn’t because his moping around and fruit smashing won’t get done by itself.

Gilderoy slowly makes a quasi-friendship with Elena a voiceover artist who hints at something sinister being afoot, but it never materializes. Snore. Later in the film, Santini sexually assaults her off-screen and she wrecks the studio this is also off-screen. Since all of the action takes place off-camera, it really makes you wonder if they ever wanted to film a movie. Elena’s departure necessitates the need to hire new voiceover actress to replace her.

This is where the film takes an absurdist left turn – Gilderoy starts speaking Italian. As someone who has taken some formal Italian language instruction- it’s a challenging language, but not for Gilderoy because he just starts spouting it – damn it! Then, Elena’s replacement tries to kill Gilderoy, but he manages to kill her. He then wanders into the sound studio and for some reason he sees the self-defense killing on the screen. This causes the need for yet another voiceover actress to be hired and he uses mild sound torture to get a better performance out of her – it’s both weird and stupid because she could just take the headphones off, but she doesn’t. She does quit and we don’t have to see them go to Central Casting again. Maybe they get a stamp on a card for every voiceover actress they hire? If so, they are all due a free sammich!!! The movie ends. Yep, that’s it.

This film proved that there are two big losers in Giallo pictures: voiceover actresses and fruit! Enjoy the horror month! My next review will be one of my favorite movies of ALL TIME: Ginger Snaps! Ginger Snaps is a werewolf movie that is an allegory for a girl’s menarche! Tagline: They don’t call it the curse for nothing! It’s awesome!

Escape From Tomorrow, ALT Title: It’s a Boring World Afterall

Posted on October 1, 2016 by casewright

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Welcome to The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!!! It’s October- Horror Month!!! I will be reviewing many great and terrible films for your reading pleasure. My advice to you Gentle Readers: decorate your house, turn the lights down low, read my posts, like them, retweet them, tell your friends and family about them BECAUSE if you don’t demons will get you! Here we go!!!

I am watching a man have extreme explosive diarrhea and cough up furballs, when I think, some poor asshole paid to see this.

Escape From Tomorrow is a quasi horror film about a man on vacation with his family to Disneyworld and things go absurdly weird and boring. It’s black and white, which gives it a good eerie feel. It is, in fact, filmed entirely at Disney World and Disney Land. My expectations were raised- too bad for me.

The dad is fired in the first scene over the phone right before he takes his family to tour Disney World. Upon entering the monorail to the park, the dad ogles and passively stalks two girls. One of the ladies he ogles is Annet Mahendru – “Nina” – from The Americans and the other is a REALLY young lady. He ogles them both on the monorail, in line, and pretty much all over the park. His stalking is the only part of the movie that is moderately creepy and scary. At so many points in the show I thought, Dude, your children are right there! Gross!

They arrive at the most wonderful place on Earth to find people coughing. The dad goes on rides and hallucinates. You expect it to get scary and it fizzles out like a damp sparkler. Eventually the mom and dad go to different parts of the park and the Dad is left to stalk the two girls again, but he gets distracted and blacks out and wakes having sex with a woman who looks a lot like a sexy version of the wicked witch in Snow White – It’s weird. The story gets rapidly off the rails and you have to grab at plot points like wet tissue paper. There’s a “Cat Flu, a ridiculous scene inside of Epcot, and redneck in scooter; it’s truly nonsensical and dull. SNORE.

This is why the film fails to do anything but disappoint: he had done it- Randy Moore got into Disney and did pure guerilla filmmaking. However, he forgot to have one thing: a story. OOPS!!! Maybe he left the story at Universal Studios?! I hear the shark can really startle you on the tram! From written accounts, Moore was so worried that he would be sued, he edited the film in South Korea. What a waste of cash! Disney realized quickly what I did- the film sucks and isn’t worth the paper to file suit in Court.

There was ONE and ONLY one part of the film that was compelling. The dad had a drinking problem. He does drink …. A LOT, but the movie strays from that interesting plot point to go off on some boring surreal tangent. If the movie got away from the surreal bullshit and focused on the dad ruining his family and himself at Disney because of alcoholism, it would have been the most moving story about drinking since Leaving Las Vegas. Moore, however, squandered that great opportunity and will either learn from this mistake or go into Real Estate.

He did manage to film in Disney without anyone giving a shit, which is novel and a bit impressive. Also, I have to be stingy with my “As” and “Fs”. Therefore, I give

Escape From Tomorrow a “D”.

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How to Get Ahead in Hollywood by REALLY, REALLY Trying!

Posted on September 25, 2016 by casewright

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What allows for some artists to succeed?

I have known many artists and being able to support oneself with one’s art is a rare thing, demanding respect and investigation. A friend told me that even the piano singer at a hotel singing “Summer Winds”, if he is supporting himself solely with his art, he is a rare success in the echelon of the .0001% of artists. It is with that understanding and respect that I bring you Gentle Reader to my discussion with Director – Guy Bee.

Guy Bee’s IMDB page reads like a TV Fan’s dream resume. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0066218/

Guy came to Hollywood via Florida to California in 1987; he obtained a job working for a camera and camera equipment leasing company. As Guy put it, “I came in early and stayed late.” He managed their books, meaning he logged the equipment that was checked in and out, he cleaned an repaired the equipment, and drove the company truck. Guy’s diligence impressed his boss who offered to let him go to a Steadicam workshop because he wanted him to keep track of the equipment that was leant to the workshop, allowing Guy to attend a free Steadicam workshop. As Guy leased this equipment he, would meet more and more Directors and Producers. This led to a string of short projects while he continued to work at the leasing shop, which slowly built up his reel (segments showing his camera work) on VHS TAPE.

Guy states that “You live and die by the reputation that you can handle anything without being rattled.” This philosophy set the stage for Guy’s shot at Directing. By working diligently and establishing relationships with the cast, crew, directors, and producers of “Third Watch”, Guy was given his first professional directing opportunity, which would grow into 13 episodes of directing. His success as a director on “Third Watch” led to “Alias” which led to one of my favorite shows of ALL TIME: “Jericho”. “Jericho”, for the uninitiated, is the story of a Kansas town holding together in the wake of Nuclear War. Guy described the show as – “Every scene was important and the stakes were always high. There was no ‘C Story’.” Guy directed three episodes of this show that was gone too soon.

Protips? Flexibility. “If you’re behind because of lighting or someone’s late, you still have to figure out how to get it done in time”. Why? Budgets! Once you cross 12 hours of shooting, everyone’s rates go up. “It takes seven days prep for eight to nine days of filming.” These principles took him to three of my favorite shows: “Supernatural”, “Arrow”, “The Magicians”, and “iZombie”.

The question I had was how was he able to keep working and have one show feed into the next? “[He] never turned down work.” On “Supernatural”, he met Erik Kripke, Kim Manners, Bob Singer, and Sera Gamble and each of these producers led him to other episodes and new shows.

Where does he do the bulk of his work? Not in Hollywood. Why? “New York is busy because the tax incentives have made it sexy to shoot there.” This dates me a bit, but is there a true hiatus anymore? “Everything has changed. Filming used to be from July through April. Now, with basic cable, it’s year round production.”

Protips: I have an artsy daughter- what have I learned from Guy that I can impart to her to help her support herself in the arts?

Be versatile. Guy has more than one skill. If she were interested in filmmaking, I would advise her to not just be a writer. I’m a writer and it’s fallow … A LOT. If she wanted to be a writer, I would tell her that she should also understand how to put together budgets for stories she’s writing. Similarly, Guy has skills as a camera operator, which led to and helped him as a director- the skills were synergistic.

Build relationships. I would tell my daughter to be totally reliable and pleasant to work with (I apologize for ending with a preposition). Guy worked on every project with diligence, never complained, and never turned down work, enabling him to continue working in the arts without a day job.

How to be a fulfilled artist… A Discussion with Tom Abernathy

Posted on September 24, 2016 by casewright

I’m sitting in my office with the speakerphone on and listening to one of my artistic heroes – Tom Abernathy – speak as his creation The Freak from Destroy All Humans! 2. Yes, this really happened and it was …. awesome.

Our discussion covers how Tom started his career, his past achievements, and what more he wants to give us.

When I first started speaking with him, I didn’t understand him. Where was the angst-ridden melancholy that is so familiar in so many artists? Where was the bitterness? I realized that his artistic process was totally different from that of a TV and movie writer who spends their artistic career in a great deal of isolation punctuated by a team of constructive criticism and clearly defined tasks. His job touches all facets of the creative process, allowing him to fully realize his creative voice and vision.

Tom’s video game narrative career influenced or decided the dialogue, direction, and casting of many of our most beloved games. His career began in Los Angeles doing coverage – summarizing and reviewing scripts to determine if they were worth making. He did this job for twenty-five dollars a script. Through a connection, Joseph Donaldson, Tom was able to get a job writing scripts for Activision Studios. It was not like today. Tom said, “The writing [for games] was terrible then.” The video game writing done by the designers and producers who had little need for professional writers at that time. His first game “Dark Reign 2” did not do well and Tom’s future as a professional game writer was uncertain. However, something occurred in 2004 that made him eagerly look for work in TV, Film, or Games – he had a baby on the way.

Once again, Joseph Donaldson pushed Tom’s name forward as the head writer. This was for Destroy All Humans!, a Mars Attacks set in the 1950s where you played the Alien Invader. Tom had a unique take on both the people who inhabited the world and the Hero of the game – Crypto.

Tom brought the satirical humor to DAH! Tom created the premise that “the 50s were Ward and June Clever and Eisenhower exterior, but everything going on in their minds must be depraved and wild.” Since Crypto was able to read minds, as he leveled towns and harvested human brains, we got to read and hear the unspoken, providing both comic relief and clues to completing missions. He wanted Crypto to be “two parts Jack Nicholson and one part Charlton Heston.”

This was revolutionary because unlike the characters in “Doom” and other FPS, Crypto had a personality and a story. Although Crypto would be insulted to read this, he had real humanity. This will shock many fans, but “the original [Crypto voice] had a stilted tone like the 50s saucer movies”. YIKES! Tom wanted Crypto to be a “cowboy walking id, very American individualist.” Therefore, it was “Jack Nicholson for id and Charlton Heston for cowboy.” He continued. “[Crypto] needed the pomposity of Charlton Heston, [he] needed arrogance/confidence with swagger like Soylent Green. TOUGH!”

What was Tom’s role besides being the writer? Were people lording over him? How much freedom did he have? It turns out that he had A LOT of artistic control. Why? “The [game developers] were in Brisbane and [he] only interacted with them by phone and email.” Therefore, the geographic separation allowed Tom to have immense creative influence that would not have been afforded to him otherwise. For example, Tom knew what he wanted Crypto to sound like and Tom was able to do the casting. Yes, creatives – he got to do the casting.

DAH!2 Crypto was pitched as a James Bond/Austin Powers. There was a pause in the discussion and I had to ask about The Freak and if it was true that he was the voice? Yes!!! “The voice director, Doug Carrigan, and I realized that, in all our months-long work to get the important parts cast and recorded, there was one reasonably significant role we had totally forgotten about: The Freak. [We] were out of money and time, we had no choice but for me to hop in the booth and perform The Freak myself in what was probably the final 15 minutes of the entire series of recording sessions. Apologies to Bobcat Goldthwaite; I had zero time to come up with an original take on the character, so I just decided to commit to the idea of Goldthwaite on a really bad acid trip.” Yes, he did the voice for me and it was …. EPIC!!!

I asked him about the DAH!2 side missions. “Leanne Taylor did a ton of work [assigned] late in production.” Leanne Taylor – from me- THANK YOU!!!

I asked him about getting Anthony Stewart Head to play Ponsonby, who would’ve been a get for the time. This was an interesting story because it not only reflected the creative process for a narrative, but also the limits of their power. Tom had directed and recorded another actor to play Poncenby. “I had cast an older man who brought out the humor and after he was recorded, THQ UK Marketing emails – “We want you to cast a ‘name’ actor from the UK so we can sell more units over here.” I was curious as to Tom’s reaction. “Not great. No one ever bought a game because someone voice acted in it because you don’t see the actors!”

What’s Happening Now?

Infinite-Arms.com

“The story is like Matrix meets Fringe. “There are mechs, known as Metamods, that come in both software and hardware version. The hardware versions are actual 3-D printed action figures as much as ten or twelve inches tall, with 200 coats of paint and more than 20 points of articulation.” I didn’t really understand this until I watched the above video. There are toys and a video game component. In other words, this will be really badass. Most importantly, “you don’t have to pour tons of money into the game to be successful! Jumo the company behind the game- wants players to get value with or without investing money.” There are RPG components, platform, and toy components!

Given Tom’s track record of bringing story and humanity to games, this will be a MUST BUY for the holidays!

Cheers!

Stranger Things: Season 1, Episode 8: The Upside Down, ALT Title: Hop’s Redemption

Posted on September 11, 2016 by casewright

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Cold Open: Evil Modine’s Government Facility: Joyce is screaming and Evil Modine enters. He conveys with cold calm that six people were taken this week and tries to bully Joyce like he did Karen. Joyce isn’t having it. Henchwoman is having people taser Hop … A LOT! He tells them that he knows everything about they did. They propose to have him overdose. He counters that they arm him and let him and Joyce go. How does Hop fit into his pants with balls that big?!

High school: The boys are at the school and restless. They realize that Nancy and Creeper are gone.

Joyce’s House: They set up several booby traps and the xmas lights, which sets up an inconsistency in the storytelling.

Evil Modine comes to Hop. Hop convinces Evil Modine to to arm him, release him AND Joyce, and allow him to pursue the monster. He offers to forget about him and their project and he’ll tell him where El is, if he agrees to his terms.

Hop and Joyce get spacesuited up and enter into the belching gate to the Upside Down.

ROLL CREDITS:

The Upside Down: Hop and Joyce are looking for Will. The respirator noise causes Hop to Flash to happier times.

Hop is in the past… clean-shaven, with his wife and daughter, and happy. His daughter starts to wheeze.

The Upside Down: Nancy and Creeper cut themselves to draw out the Postmodern Vampire. She wonders how she will know when the monster will be coming, which brings us to the story hole: Why would she be screwing the lights back in before if she didn’t know that they had a purpose? Steve bangs at the door and forces himself into the house. They both try to get him to leave and Nancy even pulls a gun on him, but then the lights flicker, the monster appears, and Steve’s brain breaks a little. They run to Will’s room.

The Upside Down: Hop sees the destroyed Castle Byers and a teddy bear causes him to FLASH.

Hospital Room: He is reading to his daughter who is bald from cancer. When he’s done reading, he goes into the hospital stairwell and sobs. Poor Hop.

Joyce’s House: Steve freaks out and runs to his car, but he sees the lights flickering and decides to become a hero. The monster appears behind Nancy and Creeper. Steve jumps in and starts hitting the monster with an upgraded baseball bat. The monster gets trapped in the bear trap. They set the monster on fire and it disappears. There is smoldering monster blood in the trap. My best guess of what smoldering Vampire Monster smells like is anything on the Arby’s menu.

The Upside Down: Hop and Joyce are in her home and they see the blood from the monster. The lights start turning on in Joyce’s house.

High School: Dustin finds pudding. We get it; he’s the fat kid! Mike talks to El about how his family will quasi-adopt her. Jibber Jabber Jibber Jabber, they kiss. Then, Evil Modine and his Goons arrive to retrieve El. The boys and El run. They make it into a hallway and are cutoff with ….Goons to the Left and Goons to the Right and she’s the only El in town! [Sung]

El uses her mojo and melts/explodes the brains and eyes of the Henchwoman and several goons. This brings us to bad ideas: New Coke, The Edsel, Qwikster, The Zune, Grease 2, and cornering a pissed off teenager with lethal mental Superpowers. Hop and Joyce pursue the monster and follow its bloodtrail to the library where Hop has looked for love.

High school: The boys get grabbed by goons and El is passed out from mental exertion. Evil Modine hugs her and promises to make everything better to make her better. The lights flash. Mike sees the blood, the monster breaks through the wall, and envelops Evil Modine. Once again, it’s a monster, who hunts at night, and searches for blood. NOSFERATU!!!!!

The Library: Joyce and Hop are in the public library. They see skulls everywhere and viney gooeyness. Lastly, they see Will with a monster snake attached to his mouth.

Flash to Hop’s daughter’s Hospital Room: We see his daughter intubated and dying. She flatlines. The scene is intercut with Hop watching his daughter dying and him removing Will’s monster snake from him.

High school: The goons are fighting the monster and losing. The monster enters the room where the boys are hiding and Lucas tries to kill the monster with the slingshot for some reason. The monster is flung and pinned against the wall. El is awake with red eyes and is really pissed. She looks back at the one boy she ever loved, says good bye, and then using her mind – she creates a bright LIGHT ….AHEM … A Bright Light like the Sun and destroys the monster by disintegrating both herself and it.

Hop and Joyce: Hop is doing CPR on Will with Joyce’s help to revive Will. In saving Will, he will have also released himself from the prison of his grief. We flash to the Hop’s dying daughter with doctors failing to save her and we see the beginning of his beard. However, in the Upside Down, Hop is able to save Will and, in doing so, himself as well.

High school: Karen arrives and hugs her son.

The Hospital: Will awakens to his family.

The Waiting Room: Everyone is waiting for Will to wake up in the hospital. The tragedy has brought them together as one community, one tribe. When the boys hear that Will is awake, they run in and jibber jabber a bit. Hop goes outside and is picked up by goons, but in a friendly way.

ONE MONTH LATER:

Snow has begun. The boys are playing D&D again. Creeper picks up Will and gets a present from Nancy, but we rapidly see that she isn’t his girlfriend. It’s a camera. HMMMMM, not sure if that will improve Creeper’s prospects of staying out of handcuffs.

Hop Goes to the station and gets some food and makes some wise cracks. He drops off some eggos in a dead drop, which is presumably for El.

Joyce’s House: It’s all fixed up because the town must have pitched in together. Will heads to the bathroom and barfs up a slug monster, flashes into the Upside Down, and doesn’t tell anyone because I guess mash potatoes were all he could think about at that time.

ROLL CREDITS

This has been so much fun! Demand more with all your might!!!

Stranger Things: The Bathtub Season 1, Episode 7; ALT Title: Modine, Evil Modine.

Posted on September 11, 2016 by casewright

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Cold Open: Mike cleans off El’s face. She touches her head where the wig once was; the wig that made her a little normal and not a lab rat. “Still pretty?” She asks. Mike, “Really pretty.” They are about to kiss when Dustin interrupts. At least it wasn’t because he found a unopened box of Twinkies. They hear shouting on the walkie talkie. It’s Lucas. Lucas has decided F-This. How did I end up in this situation?! And, how come we never see my or Dustin’s parents? Did the monster eat them? Lucas is peddling as fast as he can … If he’s smart, to Iowa and away from this horrible situation. Lucas continues to shout into the walkie and finally warns his friends. The boys see the Hawkins vans outside of Mike’s house and decide to flee.

El sees her “Papa” Evil Modine approach Mike’s home. They bike in a hurry to escape and immediately run into Lucas. They are together and cornered- vans in front, vans behind them. Pro tip: Nobody puts El in a corner because she will f#cking kill you. El’s response to being cornered is launching the Hawkings van into the air and hurling it toward the pursuers behind her. They escape to the junkyard and everyone makes up.

Roll Credits:

Hop and Joyce arrive at the station. Joyce is hysterical. The deputies tell Hop that they need to show him something. They show Hop Creeper’s trunk. It is filled with monster hunting stuff. Hop confronts Creeper and Creeper tries to give Hop some lip. Really, Creeper?! Really?! Chief Hopper makes Jason Bourne look like Rick Moranis.

Mike’s House: Karen is looking for Mike and finds what looks like a kid’s nest. Then, she finds a tuft of long blonde hair, which must cause her to wonder- Are all of my kids having sex in my house?! Doorbell rings. It’s Modine, Evil Modine! He proceeds to home invade Karen’s home without a warrant. Henchlady tries to question Karen and fails. Nebish Dad uses this time to call his son a wuss. Evil Modine uses his eeeeeeevil powers of persuasion to get Karen cooperate. When he says, “Will you trust me?” I got the heebie jeebies. Shudders.

At the station, Hop learns from Nancy and Creeper that the creature is drawn by blood. The World Smallest Bully’s mom demands an apology. Hop learns that El is with the boys and is all kinds of superpowered.

Convenience Store: Steve loses his shitty friends and we learn it was his awful guy friend who did the spray painting.

Nancy and Hop are overlooking her home. She wants to confront Evil Modine. Hop shows Nancy that the government hasn’t found the boys yet because helicopters are still circling. Creeper tells them that he might be able to communicate with the boys. They go to Joyce’s house and Nancy is the first to look at the lights and say- WHOA! Yep, we’re in Crazytown, Indiana. Hop gets the boys to give up their location.

The Vandalized Movie Theater: Steve’s heart grows three sizes that day and he tries to make amends by cleaning off the marquee his friend defaced.

Junkyard: Modine’s goons approach the bus that is hiding the boys and El. Hop quickly dispatches them.

Joyce’s house: The Boys, El, Hop, Joyce, and Creeper are all together discussing their next move as one tribe. El tries and fails to use her mojo to find Will. They decide to make a bathtub deprivation tank.

Mr. Clark’s house: He is watching a cinematic masterpiece, The Thing, with a waaaay Hot Asian Lady. Mr. Clark, I tip my hat to you Sir. You be you. Dustin calls Mr. Clark- the most patient man alive- pumps him for DIY sensory deprivation tank information and then hangs up. Dustin, you’re being a dick.

They get the bath ready and El goes into the black world of the Inbetween. She finds a rotting Barb with monster slugs leaving her. Dear Everyone in the World, stop asking about Barb. She’s a rotting incubator for Vampire Monsters. That is all. El finds Castle Byers in the upside down. She comforts Will.

Hop and Joyce go off to Evil Modine’s Government Facility and are rapidly captured.

The Upside Down: The Monster destroys Castle Byers and takes Will to turn him into an incubator for monsters.

ROLL CREDITS!!!! If you enjoy these, please tell my Boss- Lisa Bowman! Also, suggest other shows or movies that you would like me to review. Cheers!

Stranger Things- Season 1, Episode 6 – The Monster; ALT Title: Are you there God? It’s me, El.

Posted on September 8, 2016 by casewright

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Cold Open: Creeper is calling for Nancy. She is lost in the Shadow World. In her haste, Nancy is has passed the exit and his alone in the with the monster. Creeper sees the tree portal, then Nancy’s outstretched arm, and pulls the love of his life back into the Light World like a forceps baby. The tree’s portal closes.

Roll Credits.

Steve is driving with his crew all worried about Nancy. He uses his much improved Ninja Skills to go up to Nancy’s bedroom, but is frozen with shock and rage at the sight of Creeper comforting Nancy on her bed.

Joyce’s House: Hop is mentally exhausted, but pushes through it. He explains that he saw Will’s room because there was a kid’s bed and kid’s drawing on the wall. However, when Joyce asks, “Was [the drawing] good?” Hop describes it as a kid’s drawing. She shows Hop an example of Will’s very good artwork. Hop realizes that all this time that he’s been looking for another kid. David Harbour plays this scene with a mix of realization and rage that they did this to yet another kid. I haven’t seen acting this good since the Robert Mitchum or Gary Cooper. In five years, he’ll be holding an Oscar.

Mike’s house: Nancy showers off her evil goo. She has Creeper sleep in her bed. Maybe, he’ll take some photos of her when she sleeps? You two deserve each other.

Hop and Joyce: They go on a quest to find El’s mom, using his library research. Given that was a trolling ground for Hop, I didn’t mean to have that previous sentence to read vaguely dirty.

Nancy’s Room: Nancy Nancy Drews (sorry had to go there) a theory that the monster is a predator, who hunts at night, and detects blood. HMMMMMMM, whatever could it be???? They decide to set a trap.

Mr. Clark’s house: He is visited by Evil Modine’s Blonde Henchwoman and is duped into revealing the boys’ identities with promises of nerdy tech programs for promising youths.

Flash to El: Evil Modine brings El a one-dollar Target store plant because he wants to her to make contact and he’s obviously cheap.

El wakes in the woods. She puts her wig on to become a normal girl again. She looks into the water seeing herself as a freak, a monster, an ersatz girl. El tosses the wig and screams her energy into the lake.

Mike’s House: Karen uses her bobby pin to gain access to Nancy’s room, expecting to find a sleeping kid. Instead, she sees an empty bed and the indications that a boy spent the night.

Lucas’ House: The boys try to make up. It’s a bit corny, but in a good way. Lucas is determined to find Will on his own and he’s convinced that El is a traitor. Dustin insists that it was pretty awesome; she threw him into the air with her mind. Lucas’ face says it all- that’s why she sucks, SHE’S NOT HUMAN!

El decides to go shopping for some Eggos. She’s dirty, she’s weird, and the villagers are scared. FLASH to the Evil Bathtub: El is being submerged into the dark world -the in between space that separates our world and the Shadow World a membrane that acts a terrible bridge. Back to the store where once again, we find a dickish manager. She calls the manager a Mouth Breather; it’s pretty awesome. He tries to stop El because she’s leaving the store without paying and El’s like – LEGGO MY EGGO! BOOM- The sliding glass doors explode.

Hop and Joyce: They arrive at Terry Ives’ home to ask her about her daughter. She is catatonic.

Lucas: We see him leaving to find Will. He sees a white Hawkins Power and Light van. Dustin and Mike, separated from Lucas, discuss why Lucas is upset. Dustin explains that Lucas is jealous because he’s being replaced by El.

We learn from Terry’s sister that she got into MK Ultra in college. They gave Terry loads of LSD, put her in the salt water tank, but she was pregnant. This gave her baby enhanced superpowers. This is an obvious nod to Dean Herbert’s Dune, when Lady Jessica takes the Water of Life when she was pregnant; thereby, giving her daughter Alia superpowers. Yep, I just laid some nerd knowledge on you! Boom! Terry’s sister explains that Terry believed she would have telekinetic and other badass powers; we flash to El’s mojo badassery throughout the series. All the while she describes this, there is baby music playing in the background that is extra creepy.

Lucas uses his compass and arrives at Evil Modine’s Government Facility.

Nancy and Creeper find supplies to set their trap. When they go outside, she sees the movie theater marquee – All The Right Moves Starring – Spray Painted – Nancy the Slut Wheeler. She’s mortified. She hears spray paint cans being used and finds Steve and his cohorts. She slaps him. Steve starts insulting Creeper and Creeper kicks Steve’s ass. The cops arrive and in a funny accidental assault on a police officer, Creeper is arrested.

Hop and Joyce: She’s devastated that it’s been 12 years since Terry saw her daughter, meaning she may never see Will again. Hop explains that there’s still a chance. He explains that he’s been through what she’s going through, but his daughter was taken permanently, but he will get Will back to her. People in pain will sometimes lash out because a person tries to share their pain, thinking that the sharer is trying to make it about themselves. WRONG! Don’t be that way! Pain is not unique. There’s sympathy and empathy. Sympathy- wow, that sucks. Empathy- I felt your kind of pain because this happened to me. This is a vulnerable act of sharing, creating intimacy and intimacy is the bedrock of any relationship.

Hop gets a call that Creeper was arrested.

Back at the Police Station, Nancy brings Creeper some ice for his candid photo taking hands.

Lucas: He sees a bunch of Hawkins Power and Light vans. Lucas realizes that the government is on to them.

The Bullies find Dustin and Mike at the Quarry. The World’s Smallest Bully (WSB) catches Dustin and threatens to cut out Dustin’s baby teeth, if Mike doesn’t jump into the quarry. The tension builds and he jumps. The boys run to see a likely dead Mike; instead, Mike is suspended in mid-air and hoisted back to the top of the cliff. We cut to El who has her signature bloody nose. She shoves one bully into the air and breaks the WSB’s arm. El says, GO! The bullies do.

Flash to In between dark room: She sees the monster and approaches. She reaches out to it’s scaly skin and touches the creature. It shrieks at her with a head full of teeth. El’s terror is so great that she releases a huge energy burst that tears a hole in our dimension, linking our world to the shadow world and the Monster.

Back to the quarry, El confesses she opened the gate; therefore, she is the monster. Mike eschews that notion- You saved me El. They all hug.

Dustin, Mike, and El have return to Mike’s house and the Hawkins Power and Light Van is waiting for them.

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Stranger Things- Season 1 Episode 5- The Flea and The Acrobat; ALT Title: Hop is my Spirit Animal.

Posted on September 5, 2016 by casewright

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Cold Open:

Evil Modine’s Government Facility: Hop is being a total badass and sneaks into the facility. He sneaks around the facility and hides in rooms as evil scientists go by in the halls. He goes through biohazard plastic and is about to head to the entrance to find Will. Hop runs into the shittiest security chief ever and kicks his ass and the ass of a Military Policeman. Hop – you win the badass award of 1983.

Joyce’s house: Lonnie is getting Joyce liquored up and generally trying to take over her life. Lonnie – who might be one of the earliest Mansplainers – tries to convince Joyce that all of this in her head. This show is really good at showing people’s reaction to grief and potential mental illness. The people are marginalized, ignored, and bossed around. It’s especially poignant because the show is postmodern gothic horror and the way “normal characters” deal with the people they can’t understand is truly medieval.

Evil Modine’s Government Facility: Hop continues to search for Will. He finds a room with a kid-sized bed and a drawing of two stick figures and a cat- a call back to where Evil Modine tried to harness El’s powers to diminish the local feline population. Hop’s face is cool rage. He’s certain that they have Will.

The director intercuts the boys’ discussion and Hop’s search for Will. The intercut between the boys’ discussion and Hop’s search is truly gooseflesh inducing. El is completely drained. The boys are going over what was said on the AV equipment. Lucas emotes that he is really tired of this shit. Hop has his pistol drawn and is being pursued by Evil Modine’s goons. The boy’s describe the World of the veil of shadows. Hop finds the elevator that leads down to the gate to the shadow world. Hop enters a hallway that the boys describe as – out of phase. There is evil snow coming down around Hop. Hop enters the room with the main portal to the shadow world and is grabbed and drugged. This story really grabs at the ancient themes of storytelling- Hop is the sullied knight on Crusade looking for redemption and he plays it perfectly! Fade to Black.

Roll Credits:

Joyce’s House: Creeper arrives home to see his Mom drinking and generally hanging out with Lonnie. Poor Creeper.

Funeral: Lonnie holds Court and shakes a lot of hands as if he is the man of the family and not a human-turd.

Hop’s Home: Hop wakes with sweat stains and surrounded by pills and booze. Hop tears his place apart like he’s looking for Rebel Plans of the Death Star. After much destruction, Hop finds what he’s been looking for- a listening device in his light fixture.

Evil Modine’s Government Facility: Evil Modine has decided that the monster is hanging around Will’s home.

Post Funeral: Nancy and Creeper are making plans to hunt down and kill the Monster. He gets a pistol out of his father’s glove box.

High school: A fake AV Club Repairman investigates the equipment that was fried by El.

The Wake: The boys go up to Mr. Clark and they have him lay some science down on them. Are there alternative universes? You bet! Does Mr. Clark know about Dungeons and Dragons? Right again! Does he explain that someone would have to create immense power to create a tear into another dimension much like the plot of Bioshock Infinite? OH YEAH!!! BTW, this tear could destroy us all and wonks up compasses as well.

Hop’s House: The deputies arrive and talk to Hop. They think he’s a bit nutty and we find out that Barb’s car was found at a bus station.

Joyce’s House: Lonnie talks about the Statler Corporation and how they need to be held accountable as he does some pretty shitty home repair. This gives Joyce a moment of clarity that perhaps Lonnie is infact a dirtbag.

Mike’s House: Dustin is experimenting with the compasses. He explains to his friends that the compass is not facing True North; instead, they must be pointing to the Evil Gate.

Joyce’s House: While Lonnie is showering, Joyce snoops in Lonnie’s stuff and discovers a personal injury attorney’s flyer.

Mike’s House: Nancy talks to Steve. It’s boring.

Joyce’s House: Joyce fights with Lonnie and tosses his ass out of her house.

Hop’s House: Hop is exhausted and calls his estranged wife. We learn that after their child’s death, she left, and now has a new family. Poor Hop.

The boys are trying to get to the portal via the local railroad tracks. El flashes to Evil Modine. He has her focus on a Commie. To accomplish this task, she must get into a scary bathtub with a helmet on her. Huh? The boys notice that El is acting stranger.

Nancy and Creeper are walking through the woods hunting for the Monster. They argue about her and Steve. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Joyce’s House: Joyce hears banging at her door and thinks it’s Lonnie. In fact, it’s Hop holding up a sign for her to be quiet. He looks at all of the lights that are up in her home that he must now check for listening devices and says, “Oh Jesus”. I have had to inspect Christmas Lights a time or two and it is a pain in the ass!

Junkyard: Dustin realizes the compasses are not leading them to the gate. Lucas discerns that it was El misleading them using her powers, discovering fresh nose-blood on her sleeve. She explains that [the gate] is not safe.

Joyce’s House: Hop’s finished checking the lights. He explains to Joyce that they bugged his place, they took Will, Will’s body was a fake, and she was right all along.

Lucas emotes that El likely opened the gate and that she might be the monster! Lucas and Mike fight and El launches Lucas into the air. El flashes to the evil bathtub. She goes to a totally black room with water in it that looks identical to the kill room in “Under the Skin”. Under the Skin is a must watch! She hears the commie talking and goes up to him. He can’t see her. While she is broadcasting the commie’s speech, she hears something horrible. A monster using sonar. She flees. We return to the Junkyard and Lucas comes to and storms off. El has also disappeared.

The Woods: Nancy and Creeper come upon a dying deer. They decide to put it down. In an act of knight-like chivalry (AHEM), Creeper attempts to shoot the deer. It is pulled into the darkness. Creeper and Nancy split up to look for the deer. Nancy sees a hole in a tree that is covered with evil slime and decides to go inside it alone and without any weapons because she’s really really smart. Nancy enters the shadow world and sees the Monster crouched and feeding on the deer. She attempts to back away and crushes a branch. The Monster turns and it’s face opens in four quadrants to reveal nothing but teeth and rage!

Roll Credits!

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Stranger Things- The Body, S1 E4; ALT Title: Hop says to the world – WTF?!!!

Posted on September 4, 2016 by casewright

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Cold Open: Hop is at Joyce’s home and she is acting way crazy and the decor doesn’t help her case for her sanity. She explains that Will must be alive because she talks to him through the Christmas lights – as one does. He explains that when his daughter died, he saw her everywhere and she will go crazy if she keeps this up.

Mike’s House: Mike’s pissed at El. El is playing with the Walkie Talkie and doesn’t understand his outrage. He yells at her, making her focus even more. She hones in on Will’s frequency in the shadow world with her mojo and he is singing The Clash. She nose bleeds. Good call back! Mike calls Lucas and explains that Will is alive.

Roll Credits

Mike gets the guys together and convinces them that Will is alive and El can communicate with him.

Hop talks to Creeper as the State medical examiner is showing Joyce her dead son. She storms out convinced that the body is not Will’s.

High School: Steve is concerned that Nancy will reveal that he was drinking. Nancy acts all high and mighty chastening Steve for being self-centered. Word, Nancy?! Really?! WORD?! WORD?! The Hypocrisy Gods all just had a collective stroke! WTF???!!! Nancy storms off (we hope that she will look up the words Hypocrisy and Frenemy!)

Creeper argues with his mom in public. She screams that she saw a monster without a face and that Will is still alive.

The boys decide to dress up El up like a girl to infiltrate the school’s AV Club tech room because the transmitter is stronger. This has created a number of E.T. comparisons, but honestly, so they put her in a dress?! Big Whoop! Mike says that she is pretty. This leads to a very sad moment when El looks into the mirror. She sees the girl, the normal girl, that she could’ve been, if not for Evil Modine. Evil Modine better hope he never crosses paths with El again.

Evil Modine’s Government Facility: They send a tethered Red Shirt into the evil membrane to explore the shadow world.

High School: Nancy is being questioned by the deputies. They treat her like the bad friend that she is. We learn that Barb’s car is gone.

Hop is interviewing his local medical examiner and learns that the State Police took over the autopsy and it was all kinds of fishy.

The boys nearly secret El into the AV Club to do her mojo and communicate with Will, but they are stopped by Mr. Clark. He insists that they all attend the assembly and then the AV Club is theirs to use.

Nancy gets home and Karen disappoints me as well. Karen is mostly concerned with her daughter’s promiscuity and not the disappearance of Barb – Nancy’s purported best friend. Apparently, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the bob. Maybe, Nancy’s sociopathic selfishness was learned behavior. Karen, you’re in a timeout! Nancy storms upstairs and looks at Creeper’s photo of Barb and notices the Monster in the side of the photo.

Evil Modine’s Government Facility: Evil Modine is able to communicate with the Red Shirt. Red Shirt is a term of art from Star Trek TOS. When a person in a Red Shirt was sent to investigate something, the result was a dead Red Shirt. Red Shirt exclaims that he is not alone. The tether jerks wildly, they attempted to pull the Red Shirt back, but all that is retrieved is a bloodied harness. Yeech.

High school: The bullies are joking and laughing about Will. Mike confronts the World’s Shortest Bully (WSB) and, when he turns, Mike shoves him. The WSB attempts to attack Mike, but is frozen in place by El who also makes him urinate on himself. Then, a teacher appears and breaks up the altercation. I guess since it was the 1980’s the teachers were all doing cocaine somewhere and were too busy to monitor a gymnasium full of students.

Funeral Home: Nancy is talking to Creeper. She shows him the Monster figure and he can’t explain it. He’s about to blow her off, but she mentions that she saw something in the woods. Creeper asks if it didn’t have a face? Nancy freezes. They are starting to believe.

Hop is questioning a guy at a bar; the bar guy reveals that he was the one who found the Byers boy. Hop discerns that the man was lying to him because he claimed that quarry was owned by the government, but infact it was privately owned. Outside, Hop lays a serious beat down on this bar guy who really spills the beans. Bar guy reveals that he was told not to let people too close to the body. There’s a 1980s creepy sedan in the background that Hop chases with his pistol drawn. Hop realizes that he is firmly in the deepest of shit.

Meanwhile, at the coolest thing to ever happen in an AV Club Room anywhere … ever: El is honing in on Will. She flashes back to when Evil Modine has her look at a picture of a man. She thinks he wants her to kill him. Not a big stretch to think that. Evil Modine wants her to hone on him and have her repeat back what she hears. We travel to a room where the man in the photo is saying a series of random words. Back to El, she not only hones in on him, but broadcasts it on the PA system. VERY COOL! Evil Modine realizes that El is way beyond his understanding.

We return to the AV Club room. They hear banging. Will and his mom are talking through the wall. Will goes to the tear that the monster created the night before. Briefly, they can see each other and the boys and El can hear the communication. Joyce hears the monster coming and she tells Will to run. Then, BOOM – the equipment shorts out! Joyce grabs a sledgehammer from her Shed and breaks a huge hole in her wall, but all she sees is the cold and all she hears is winter birdsong.

High school darkroom: Creeper and Nancy are in the darkroom and he enlarges the portion of the photo of the monster. While they are waiting for the enhancement to develop, he describes how he likes to observe people. Creeper, please stop saying things like things like this. It’s creeping me out. It’s not really creeping Nancy out. I do not understand Nancy – AT ALL. The picture develops and the Monster is in focus. YIKES!

Hop goes to the morgue. The State Trooper on guard is reading “Cujo” – AWESOME! Hop is crossing the Rubicon! He punches out the Trooper, enters the morgue, and struggles with what must be done. He takes Will’s body out and pauses and then, takes out his knife. Hop must know if this is actually Will and he is throwing everything away to find the answer. His knife is above the deceased boy’s chest and he makes his incision. No blood. He cuts deeper and finds- cotton. It’s not Will. Hop’s face says everything- WTF?!!!

Joyce’s house: Lonnie, the deadbeat dad, returns to Joyce. They hug.

Hop walks up to the Evil Modine Government Facility with bolt cutters and breaks in!

Thank you for reading!!! LIKE IT!!! I am also glad because technically I might be a Millennial. I’m young again!

HOP Believes

Stranger Things-Holly, Jolly S1 E3; ALT Title: Joyce seems bonkers!

Posted on September 4, 2016 by casewright

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Cold Open: Barb wakes in the shadow world, covered in goop, and hunted. The scene is juxtaposed between Barb being hunted by the Monster and Nancy having awkward relations with Steve. Barb tries to make it out of the empty pool that is covered in evil mucky vines. Barb looks like she might make it out, but the monster grabs her legs and yanks her into the doom. Poor Barb.

Roll Credits.

Post-coitus, Nancy can’t wake Steve up and wonders if she is just a notch for him. Nancy goes home and is confronted by her mom. Nancy, you are running for sociopath levels of douchebaggery.

We arrive at Joyce’s house of insanity. Creeper wakes up to his mom talking to herself. Joyce tries to explain to Creeper that it’s fine because she can talk to her dead son through the Christmas lights. Creeper is truly devoted to his mom.

Basement: The boys prepare to look for Will, with El as their guide. Lucas brings practical things: compass, knives, and a slingshot. Dustin – the fat kid – brings snacks. Groan. They devote a lot of time to Lucas’ wrist rocket; this better payoff later! Dustin emotes that none of their weapons matter because they have El the Jedi with them. There are a number of great shots in this show of ladies trying to hold back their disbelief- this is no exception. Dustin tries to make his point how Yoda El is by having her levitate a toy Millennium Falcon. Her expression is priceless! We see later that levitating a toy is small potatoes for El.

High school: Nancy is concerned for Barb. No, just kidding; she’s worried people think she’s a skank.

Hop takes his deputies to the Evil Modine’s Government Facility. He gets some static from the guard, but Hop smooth talks his way through the gates – that’s how it’s done son!

El’s hanging out alone at the house, levitating the Falcon as an afterthought. She heads upstairs and has a PTSD flashback of Evil Modine having her use her Mojo to crush a coke can. She does and her nose bleeds.

Joyce heads to her job and gets christmas lights, christmas lights, and more christmas lights. Donald does his best to not say anything horrible for a moment and mostly succeeds.

Evil Modine’s Government Facility: Hop and his deputies are being shown around. Hop sees the tunnel that he believes provided ingress for Will. Hop notices video cameras and asks to see the tapes. They oblige him with some doctored tapes. Hop notices immediately that there’s no rain in the background of the video. This begins Hop’s inexorable journey down a path from which he cannot return. After Hop and the deputies leave, we push in on the vent that leads down to the basement portal to the shadow dimension.

Mike’s house: El is exploring Nancy’s room. A life of a normal girl is laid before her. A life with girlfriends and music boxes that was stolen from her by Evil Modine.

High school: The boys are looking for rocks for the sling shot. They get bullied by the world’s shortest bullies … again. Mike gets shoved and literally takes it on the chin. Creeper is developing his pervy photographs and gets totally busted by another student photographer.

Joyce’s house: Joyce has finished decorating her home for Insane Homes and Gardens: Christmas Issue.

Hop goes to the library and we discover that at some point he slept with the librarian and never called back. She sasses him, but he and the deputy continue researching and discover MK Ultra and a connection to Dr. Brenner. Side Note: MK Ultra was actually a real thing. The US Government sought out highly intelligent children and had them exposed to drugs. One of their notable alumni was none other than The Unabomber; they left a lot of wreckage in their wake. For the budding creatives out there, if you are writing a historical fiction of any kind, tether your story to something that actually happened; it will allow your entire story to ring true. Hop is convinced that these government people have Will and suspects the boy might not even be dead. He sees that Brenner is linked to a number of missing children. Hop is gonna lay down a smackdown! BTW, Hop’s slow arc back to the living is brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!

I am going to make a critique about this scene. Hop pulls into the library parking lot front-end first; cops and uniformed people don’t do that. It makes egress that much more difficult. If you’re a director, back the cop cars into the spaces. Thanks!

Karen shows up at Joyce’s house with a casserole and tries not get too much crazy on herself. Karen’s toddler sees the lights blink on. She follows them to Will’s room and begins to see the monster push through the wall. She’s gonna need some therapy!

High school: Nancy, showing a scintilla of humanity, calls up Barb’s mom and then lies that she saw Barb at school. Side note: Gentle Readers, if you have a “friend” like Nancy in your life, save yourself some anguish and cut them out like the cancerous tumors that they are.

Creeper sees the photographer colleague with Steve and his crew. They mock creeper and take his creepshots. Nancy arrives to see this. She watches as Steve breaks Creeper’s camera. Nancy notices a picture of Barb and shows renewed concern.

El is near power lines waiting for the boys to arrive. She sees a cat and flashes to when Evil Modine tried to make her kill a cat with her mind because I assume … Evil Modine is a “Dog Person.” He orders goons to drag her into solitary. El kills one by smashing him against a wall and the other with a neck break that she does with her mind! YIKES. After El dispatches the goons, Evil Modine shows her what appears to be the first real affection that she has ever seen and says, “Incredible.” CHILLING!!!! Side note to Mike: Mike, if you ever plan on breaking up with El, DON’T!

High school: Nancy is hanging with her lame group and decides to try to look for Barb.

El and the boys are walking the woods. Mike tries to play off his chin wound as an accident, but El gets him to share and Mike teaches her the term “Mouth-breather.”

Nancy finds Barb’s car. She hears rustling and briefly sees the monster who only kills at night. Ahem.

Joyce tries to talk to her son through the lights. Then, she writes the alphabet on the wall in a move that starts 10,00o gifs and communicates with Will Ouija Board style.

Nancy goes to her mom and admits that Barb is missing…. Finally!

Hop is called to the quarry. They leave in a hurry.

El leads the boys to Will’s house. She has tracked him there through her mojo, but can’t explain the concept of parallel transdimensional movement and the boys get annoyed. Sirens are spotted and the boys see Will’s body recovered from the quarry.

Joyce is talking Ouija board style to Will and he tells her to R U N!!! Then, the monster with no face pulls its way through the wall and she leaves.

The Quarry: When the boys see that it is Will’s body, they get pissed at El, because they thought she would be able to find him alive.

We hear Peter Gabriel singing Bowie. *Sniff* Creeper arrives home and hugs his mom as the police sirens approach to tell her the grave news.

Cheers!!!!

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