We’re the Millers

They turned us into killers….

Yeah, whatever, dude.  Seriously, how am I supposed to take seriously a film that features several scenes of people singing that song?

2024’s They Turned Us Into Killers is a film about vigilante justice.  After her boyfriend gets her addicted to drugs and then rapes her with his brothers, Karma (Lauren Francesca) kills herself.  Fortunately, she leaves behind an extremely long and detailed suicide note that allows her best friend Star (Scout Taylor-Compton) to know that she needs to track down and kill BJ (Bryce Draper) and his moronic brothers.  Star recruits Zion (Brian Anthony Williams) to help her, because Zion’s mother was raped and murdered by BJ’s father (Kane Hodder).  Zion later got revenge on BJ’s father and now, he’s going to help Star get revenge on BJ.

So, here’s the thing.  This story actually had potential.  Seriously, who doesn’t want to watch a bunch of rapists get tortured for their crimes?  Unfortunately, the film’s execution is an absolute mess.  This is one of those films that jumps around in time, so you’re never quite sure if you’re watching something that’s happening in the film’s present or if you’re watching yet another flashback.  One gets the feeling that this was done to try to disguise just how simplistic the film’s story actually is but the end result is more likely to induce a headache than anything else.  The film pretty much begins with Star explaining that Karma get hooked on drugs and killed herself.  Therefore, there’s nothing really to be gained by then segueing into a lengthy flashback of Karma doing what we just heard that she did.  We already know what happened to Karma.  Flashbacks are only necessary if they add something new to the story.  When all they do is show us what we already know, they feel more like padding.  In this case, it feels like rather exploitive padding.

The film is more of a vigilante film than a true horror film.  That said, horror icons like Kane Hodder, Bill Moseley, and Michael Berryman all make brief appearances and the scenes where Star stalks her victims definitely owe a bit to the old school slasher films.  When the film isn’t busy with the flashbacks, it’s largely made up of scenes of Star taunting her victims while they’re tied down to a table.  The torture scenes tend to go on forever, to the point where they again feel more like padding than anything else.  And while the film’s victims certainly deserve their fate, Star isn’t particularly likable either.  Perhaps if Karma had been her sister, I would have had more sympathy for her.  Instead, Karma is just a friend to whom Star wasn’t even close enough to know that she was struggling until she committed suicide.

(On another note, naming the character Karma is way too cutesy.  Sorry, movie.)

Vigilante films are always a bit of a mixed bag.  Charles Bronson was an effective vigilante, usually because he was trying to either protect or avenge his family.  Clint Eastwood was an effective vigilante because most of his vigilante films took place in the old west, at a time when people really had no choice but to take the law into their own hands.  I will always cheer Camille Keaton getting revenge on those four rednecks in the original I Spit On Your Gave and yes, that includes that dumbass Matthew.  I think the lesson here is that it takes a star with a lot of screen presence and a director who knows how to properly pace a film to make a vigilante film work.  They Turned Us Into Killers …. well, it just doesn’t work.