Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

This week, season 4 comes to an end.

Episode 4.24 “Paquito’s Birthday/Technical Advisor”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on May 23rd, 1981)

This week, Tattoo is stunned to see Manuel (A Martinez) and Consuelo Lopez (Linda Cristal) get off the plane with their young son, Paquito (Anthony Trujillo).  Tattoo immediately guesses that Mr. Roarke must have given them a special deal so they could come to the Island and he snaps that Roarke is too nice.

Roarke, never one to worry about being nice when it come to Tattoo, replies that young Paquito nearly died earlier in the year and now, Manuel and Consuelo are on the verge of losing their frame.  Manual and Consuelo wanted to give Paquito a wonderful birthday party before they end up homeless.  Take that, Tattoo!

Manuel’s wealthy relative, Dona Delores (Victoria Racimo), is also on the Island and Paqutio soon starts hanging out with her, despite Manuel resenting her for having money.  Delores, who cannot have children of her own, has an idea.  Maybe she could adopt Paquito and give him the life that Manuel and Consuelo never could.  In return, she could help Manuel’s out with his money problems.

Don’t worry!  Manuel and Conseulo don’t lose Paquito and they even get to stay on Fantasy Island.  And it also turns out that Delores isn’t so bad after all.  This is Fantasy Island and nothing bad has happened on Fantasy Island since that hunter died at the end of his fantasy.  The ending is happy and the fantasy is ultimately pleasant and kind of forgettable.  In the end, what I’ll always remember is that the voice of young Paquito was obviously dubbed by an adult woman trying to sound like a child.  That was kind of weird.

Of course, it wasn’t as weird as the other fantasy.

Nancy Harvester (Randi Oakes) has spent the past few years of your life taking care of her terminally ill uncle.  After her uncle passed, he left her a fantasy in his will.  He wants Nancy to enjoy life and finally get a boyfriend.  When Roarke informs Nancy why her uncle wanted his will to be read on Fantasy Island, Nancy replies that she’s never even been with a man and there’s no way she can make her uncle’s last fantasy come true.  (Her uncle’s last fantasy was for his niece to lose her virginity?  That is definitely kind of creepy….)  Fortunately, Nancy’s childhood crush, Gene (Jim Stafford), is on the Island and Roarke summons a special friend to give Nancy advise.

Meet Helen of Troy (played by Jill St. John)!

Yes, the same Helen of Troy who inspired one of the bloodiest and most tragic wars in ancient history is the person that Mr. Roarke recruits to give advise to Nancy.  I mean, was the mermaid busy?  What about Aphrodite?  Remember how Aphrodite lives on Fantasy Island?  Couldn’t Mr. Roarke have asked them to help out?

Interestingly enough, the dialogue between Helen and Roarke indicate that they are lifelong friends, which would indicate that Mr. Roarke is several thousand years old.  Helen also makes a few comments that suggest that she and Roarke were once quite close.  Was Mr. Roarke involved in the war with Sparta?  I wonder which side he was on.

But what about Nancy?  Does Helen help out Nancy?  Yes, of course she does.  This is Fantasy Island so, of course, Nancy and Gene depart on the same plane.

All fantasies come true on Fantasy Island, which is one reason why the original show continues to be so loved. I would argue that the reason why the recent Fantasy Island reboot failed was because it complicated things by attempting to explore the lives of the people who lived and worked on the Island, as opposed to just focusing on fantasies with happy endings.  For all the time that I’ve spent speculating about what the Island actually is and how it works, it ultimately doesn’t matter.  No one cares how Fantasy Island works.  All that matters is that it does.

So ends season 4 of Fantasy Island.  It was a bit of an uneven season.  The obvious hostility between Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize made more than a few scenes a bit awkward to watch.  I miss the playfulness that defined their interactions during the earlier seasons.  But still, the Island is lovely and it’s fun to imagine what it would be like to really go there.

Next week, Roarke and Tattoo are joined by a new helper as the fifth season begins!