Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week, on Fantasy Island, Tattoo falls in love!

Episode 3.8 “The Handyman/Tattoo’s Romance”

(Dir by Lawrence Dobkin, originally aired on November 10th, 1979)

Following the death of his wife last week, Mr. Roarke is once again back to being his usual cranky, Tattoo-hating self.  And this week, Mr. Roarke has a special reason to be annoyed with his assistant.  Tattoo has gone rogue!

As Mr. Roarke explains it, he has rejected the fantasy of Donna May Calloway (Audrey Landers) twice.  Donna May says that she wants to be a country-western superstar but Mr. Roarke doesn’t feel that she has the talent and he also feel that Donna May is being pushed into it by her aunt, Ellie Simpson (Carolyn Jones).  Ellie had to give up her own musical dreams when she was younger and now she’s forced them onto Donna May.  However, Tattoo takes it upon himself to bring Donna May to the Island and to get her an audition with country-western producer, Colonel Hank Sutton (Richard Paul).  Mr. Roarke correctly perceives that Tattoo is being blinded by his own crush on Donna May.

Col. Sutton is not impressed with Donna May’s audition.  (It doesn’t help that Ellie pressures Donna May to sing a corny song about losing her boyfriend to her best friend.)  Still, Ellie is convinced that Tattoo can somehow talk Col. Sutton into giving Donna May another chance.  Ellie tells Donna May to use Tattoo’s attraction towards her for own purposes.  Though reluctant, Donna May starts to flirt with Tattoo.

Tattoo may be in love but Mr. Roarke is enraged.  He confronts Ellie and Donna May in their cabin and tells them that he will not allow them to manipulate Tattoo.  (Much as with last week, Ricardo Montalban is obviously energized by having the chance to play Mr. Roarke as being something other than just an enigmatic host.)  Ellie goes to Tattoo and lies, claiming that Mr. Roarke told them that Tattoo is not good enough for Donna May.  What a bitch!

This leads to — and I’m not joking here — a sincerely touching scene between Mr. Roarke and Tattoo.  Tattoo tells Mr. Roarke what Ellie said.  Mr. Roarke replies that what worries him more than Ellie saying that is the thought that Tattoo might believe it.  Tattoo says that he doesn’t but that he loves Donna May and that he’s going to leave Fantasy Island to be with her.  By most accounts (including their own), Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize did not get along on the set but you’d never guess it from this wonderfully performed scene.  Both of them deliver their lines with such sincerity and emotional vulnerability that it’s impossible not to be moved by their friendship.

Mr. Roarke confronts Donna May and Ellie in the Fantasy Island recording studio.  (Yes, Fantasy Island has its own recording studio.)  Donna May is stricken with guilt when she hears that Tattoo is giving up Fantasy Island for her.  She tells Ellie that she’s going to live her own life from now on.  After Ellie leaves in a huff, Donna May says that she must find Tattoo and apologize to him.

Suddenly, Tattoo reveals that he’s been in the recording the booth the whole time.  “Apologize to the boss, first,” Tattoo orders, revealing that his first allegiance will always be to Mr. Roarke.  Donna May and Tattoo then sing a country song together.  No, I’m not making that up.  It’s weird but kind of sweet.

As for the other fantasy, it’s far less interesting.  Holly Ryan (Future Congressman Sonny Bono, who was a bit of a regular on both this show and The Love Boat) is an accountant who witnessed a murder committed by a gangster named Spider Sloat (Joey Forman).  Holly’s fantasy is to hide out from Spider and, when Spider and his men suddenly show up on the Island, Holly ends up doing just that at an orphanage run by Emily Perkins (Shelley Fabares).  Holly falls in love with Emily, takes care of the orphans, and puts on a dress when Spider comes looking for him.  It’s a thoroughly lightweight fantasy that largely serves to remind us that no one nicknamed Spider can be convincingly intimidating.

As silly as the second fantasy may be, the first fantasy makes up for it.  Much as with last week’s episode, both Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize give such strong performances that this silly little show actually brought a tear to my mismatched eyes.

Will next week be as good?  We’ll find out!