Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: The Psycho She Met Online (dir by Curtis Crawford)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(I am currently in the process of cleaning out my DVR! It’s probably going to take me longer to do this than it took Theodosia Burr to make her way to Alexandria, Virginia after getting shipwrecked in 1812. I recorded The Psycho She Met Online off of Lifetime on April 9th!)

Let’s just start with the obvious.

The Psycho She Met Online?

That is, without a doubt, one of the greatest titles in the history of Lifetime movies. Not only does it tell you exactly what this movie is about (no ambiguity here!) but it also tells you that this film will feature everything that we love about Lifetime films. When it comes to Lifetime, regardless of the movie, there are two things that will always be true.

First, anyone you meet is going to turn out to be a psycho.

Secondly, anything that begins online is ultimately going to lead to disaster.

In this case, the film is about an EMT named Karen (Chelsea Hobbs). Karen briefly becomes a minor celebrity when she rescues a man from a serious automobile accident. The twist is that the man just happened to be her husband, Andrew (Matthew Lawrence)!

With Andrew laid up in the hospital, Karen decides to make some extra money by renting out some of the spare rooms in their house. She does this be placing an ad online. Oh, Karen! Don’t you realize that only crazy people do stuff online!?

(And what does that say about me, posting my film reviews online!? And you reading them online!? OH MY GOD, WE’RE ALL CRAZY!)

Anyway, Karen soon ends up with two boarders. One is a nice old man named Evander Swandson (Robert Welch). He enjoys going on nature walks and taking photographs. He respects the rules of the house and does his best to stay out of everyone’s way. He is apparently among the one percent of internet users who are not insane and, as soon as Evander showed up, I knew he was doomed.

The other room is taken by Miranda (Charity Shea). Miranda is the psycho of the title. If her superficial resemblance to Jodi Arias doesn’t convince you of that, just wait until she starts killing people. Miranda is a dancer at a “gentleman’s club,” though she doesn’t tell Karen that. Miranda also claims to be Karen’s half-sister and she is just so excited that they will finally have the chance to get to know each other!

At first, Karen is excited too. She’s always wanted a sister and now, she’ll no longer have to settle for a surrogate sibling relationship with her friend, Aubry (Alexis Maitland). However, she soon starts to wonder whether she really wants to have Miranda in her life. Miranda is kind of clingy. Miranda appears to be a pathological liar. Miranda gets jealous whenever Karen has plans that don’t involve her. When Miranda gets upset, she has a habit of ranting to herself. (Then again, I do that as well.)

And, of course, there’s the fact that Miranda has a habit of killing people…

That’s right, it’s yet another Lifetime movie about an obsessive relationship that goes from being friendly to murderous in the blink of an eye. Fortunately, this movie was written by Christine Conradt and directed by Curtis Crawford, two Lifetime veterans who know how to make movies like this interesting. The Psycho She Met Online might never surprise you but then again, the predictability of the format is part of the fun when it comes to Lifetime thrillers. The best role in any Lifetime film is always the psycho and Charity Shea does a great job as the totally insane Miranda.

All in all, it’s another enjoyable Lifetime film!

Back to School Part II #43: Degrassi Goes Hollywood (dir by Stefan Brogren)

Posted on September 17, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Before I get around to actually reviewing the 2009 made-for-Canadian-TV Degrassi Goes Hollywood, I should start out by admitting that if you’re not a Degrassi fanatic like I am, this review probably won’t make any sense. Then again, if you’re not a Degrassi fan, you probably wouldn’t be reading this review in the first place.

I should also address a rumor that is currently circulating around the TSL offices. Some of my fellow contributors seem to be under the impression that the only reason I announced that I would be reviewing 56 back to school films was so I would have an excuse to review the four Degrassi films. Nothing could be further from the truth! The reason I started this series of reviews was so that I’d have an excuse to review Andy Warhol’s Vinyl. The Degrassi films are just a nice side benefit.

Got it? Okay, let’s talk about Degrassi Goes Hollywood!

Degrassi Goes Hollywood premiered on August 14th, 2009 and it served as the finale of Degrassi‘s 8th season. As such, it also served as the conclusion for several long-running Degrassi plot lines, which I’ll get to in a minute. For the non-Degrassi fan, Degrassi Goes Hollywood is probably most interesting because it features Jason Mewes playing himself and coming across like a surprisingly normal human being.

To really understand Degrassi Goes Hollywood, you have to understand that Kevin Smith is a long-time and very outspoken fan of Degrassi. In fact, he even appeared, as himself, in seasons 4 and 5 of the show. In the world of Degrassi, Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes came to Canada so that they could film their latest film, Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian, Eh? They filmed the majority of the film at Degrassi Community School and used several Degrassi students as extras. Kevin also served as the catalyst for the Joey/Caitlin break-up, which a lot of people have never forgiven him for. Myself, I would just point out that when Craig Manning stopped taking his medication and ended up living on the streets of Toronto, Kevin was the one who went on television and asked Craig to come home. So, Kevin wasn’t all bad!

(As I said, this review won’t make a damn bit of sense if you’ve never watched Degrassi.)

As Degrassi Goes Hollywood opens, we learn that Jason Mewes is about to make his directorial debut. His film, Mewesical High, is an autobiographical film about his youth in New Jersey and his love for a girl named Trixie. Jason wants to cast former Degrassi student Manny Santos (Cassie Steele) as his Trixie. However, the studio demands that Jason cast Paige Michalchuck (Lauren Collins) in the role. Believe it or not, Paige also went to Degrassi! She was in charge of the Spirit Squad and she and Manny once got into a memorable fight.

(Actually, Manny got into a lot of fights when she was a student at Degrassi. That was kind of her trademark.)

When she hears that Paige might be replaced in the film, Manny decides to go to California and fight for the role. Fortunately, her ex-boyfriend, Jay (Mike Lobel), just happens to have a school bus. So, he agrees to drive Manny to Hollywood. Accompanying them on the bus are the members of the Studz, one of Degrassi’s many bands. They want to convince Jason Mewes to use their music in the film.

Now, here’s where it is helpful to know your Degrassi history. The lead singer of Studz is Peter Stone (Jamie Johnston). When Peter first appeared on Degrassi, he was portrayed as being almost a sociopath. He even got Manny drunk and sent a topless video of her to everyone at the school. Manny spent two seasons hating on him but, oddly, in Degrassi Goes Hollywood, she has absolutely no trouble traveling from Canada to California with him. Degrassi is all about forgiveness.

Speaking of forgiveness, what about Jay!? In Degrassi Goes Hollywood, Jay is pretty much the hero of the film, the guy who convinces Manny to never give up on her dreams. That’s quite a change from how Jay was portrayed when he was first introduced in season 3. When Jay was first introduced, he was the local hoodlum who was always breaking into candy machines and who ordered his friends to steal everything from the school’s DVR to Mr. Simpson’s new laptop. Jay was subsequently kicked out of school after he pulled a prank that led to a school shooting. (If you’re wondering why Drake was in a wheelchair during his final few seasons on Degrassi, Jay was indirectly responsible.) Jay was then at the center of an outbreak of gonorrhea and subsequently helped to turn another character into a drug dealer. And, let’s not forget the time that he and Spinner nearly burned down the school…

Fortunately, Jay was played by Mike Lobel and he always played the role with an appealing sense of humor. You never got the feeling that Jay was truly evil. Instead, he was just a little hyperactive. Somehow, it seems appropriate that he would go from being the most evil character on the series to being one of its most memorable anti-heroes. He gets a lot of good scenes in Degrassi Goes Hollywood. He and Cassie Steele made for a fun couple.

Speaking of couples, the best thing about Degrassi Goes Hollywood is that, after four long seasons of heartbreak, it finally gives some closure to the Craig/Ellie storyline. Craig Manning (Jake Epstein) was the bipolar musical genius who left school to become a big star and who subsequently returned for two episodes, in which we discovered that he had developed a cocaine addiction. (The scene where he gets a nosebleed while performing is pure Degrassi nightmare fuel.) Ellie (Stacey Farber) was one of my favorite characters on Degrassi, mostly because we both have red hair and like to dress in black. Sadly, Ellie spent four seasons crushing on Craig, just to watch as he dated Manny, Ashley, and then Manny again.

In Degrassi Goes Hollywood, Ellie and Marco (Adamo Ruggero) are invited to Hollywood to hang out with Paige. And while Ellie tries to pretend that everything’s okay at home (despite the fact that her father is in the hospital, suffering from PTSD as a result of serving in Afghanistan), she just happens to go for a walk and randomly runs into Craig! And though they have their usual issues, the movie ends with Craig and Ellie finally kissing as something more than just friends.

AWWWWWWWWWWW!

Of course, it wouldn’t be Degrassi without drama. Paige and Marco fight over Paige’s diva attitude. Ellie gets drunk and walks out into the ocean. The school bus gets stolen while Jay, Manny, and Studz are visiting a redneck bar. It’s dangerous for Canadians in California!

But what’s important is that it all works out in the end and, even if it’s never specifically stated, I imagine that Mewesical High won all sorts of Oscars. Listen, if you’re a Degrassi fan, you’ll enjoy Degrassi Goes Hollywood. And, if you’re not into Degrassi, you probably stopped reading this review a while ago.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hBHPuZ2skc

What Lisa Watched Last Night #126: Trigger Point (dir by Philippe Gagnon)

Posted on July 6, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yesterday, I watched the Canadian film Trigger Point on the Lifetime Movie Network.

Why Was I Watching It?

Oh, why not? It was Sunday, I was still recovering from a very active Independence Day, and it was on the Lifetime Movie Network. You know me. I can’t resist Lifetime.

What Was It About?

College student Callie Banner (Jordan Hinson) blames a Big Evil Corporation for her father losing his job and becoming an alcoholic. So, she gets involved in a campus protest group. Soon, she is ignoring all of her old, apolitical friends and spending all of her time chanting slogans and raising her fist in solidarity. She breaks up with her old boyfriend and is soon dating the charismatic Jared Church (Yanni Gellman).

However, something strange is happening. Former members of the protest group are dying and their wealthy parents are being blown up. The cops call it murder/suicide but could it just be murder/murder? That’s what Callie has to find out, while still also finding time to paint signs, hang banners, and come up with catchy slogans.

What Worked?

Trigger Point confirmed all of my long-held suspicions about political activists. Good work, Trigger Point.

What Did Not Work?

I was about to complain about the fact that Callie came across as being a humorless scold but then again, that aspect of her character worked as far as the film’s plot was concerned. If Callie wasn’t a humorless scold, she never would have gotten involved with the protesters in the first place. And while it can be argued that the film suffered because Callie is such an unlikable character, I would suggest that Callie being so unlikable actually worked to the film’s advantage. If she had been likable, you would have actually been worried about her well-being and the film would not have been as much fun. But since she wasn’t likable, you never really cared how many terrible things happened to her.

So, though it may not have been due to the intentions of the filmmakers, the entire film works.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I imagine if I was the type to get involved in a political protest, I’d probably act a lot like Callie. I would totally throw myself into it, I’d flirt with the leaders, I would be judgmental towards anyone who didn’t want to protest, and, in the end, I would discover that everyone around me was a murderer. That’s one reason why I never got involved with the Occupy movement, no matter how many times I was invited.

Lessons Learned

Don’t get involved in any student protests. Seriously, they always seem to lead to murder.