For his first eleven nights in this world, my little buddy Oliver was about as peaceful as they come. Oh, I’d heard the cautionary tales. Men driven mad by blood-curdling screams through endless sleepless nights. But not my Ollie. He’s a happy baby. Maybe his early introduction to classical music helped.

And then came the twelfth night, and stomach cramps, or indigestion, or some god-forsaken gremlin in the bowels. Whatever the malady, it was nothing I could resolve, and four hours of torture later I turned to Google in an act of sheer desperation. The only suggestion I stumbled upon that I had not already tried was white noise. If only I had some! Or did I?

“White noise” turned out to do the trick perfectly. He was sound asleep with a smile on his face within minutes, and I think Ollie has a new favorite band. Thanks Satan; you’re a godsend.