An ancient Chinese statue contains several acupuncture needles that, when placed correctly, can grant a man unstoppable vim and vigor.  It can also grant amazing sexual prowess, which is why every elderly crime boss in the world wants it.  In Hong Kong, a group of flamethrower-toting thugs steal the statue so that their boss, Lin Tao (Roy Chiao), can sell the statue to a Los Angeles mobster named Winters (Burgess Meredith!).  Winters’s agent in Hong Kong, Felicity (Elizabeth Ashley), decides to hire Vietnam vet Dan Mason (Joe Don Baker) to steal the statue from her so that she can not only take Winters’s money but also sell the statue herself.  Mason agrees, in return for money and sex.

Eventually, the action does move from Hong Kong to Los Angeles.  That allows Jim Kelly to make an appearance as Jeff, a buddy of Mason’s who helps him look for the statue and who takes part in one lousy fight scene.  It’s really a glorified cameo.  Robert Clouse previous directed Enter The Dragon, in which Kelly played the member of the heroic trio who didn’t survive.  There are actually a handful of Enter the Dragon cast members scattered throughout Golden Needles but, unfortunately, Bruce Lee was dead and John Saxon was apparently unavailable.

There are a few good action sequences in this film, though if you’re hoping to see Joe Don Baker lay down some sweet kung fu moves, you’re going to be disappointed.  Baker’s character throws people through windows but there’s not much finesse in his fighting style.  I still appreciated Baker’s performance in Golden Needles.  Clouse makes good use of Baker’s lumbering form, showing how out of place he is in Hong Kong.  Baker and Elizabeth Ashley make a good team and Burgess Meredith gives a performance that’s only slightly less subtle than his turn as the Penguin on Batman.  The film’s PG-rating keeps the violence from getting too extreme but it also probably made Golden Needles perfect for a Saturday matinee.

Golden Needles is an enjoyable oddity.  See it if you’re a Joe Don Baker fan.