Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.
This week, Monsters takes a look at what is required to get ahead in the cut-throat world of corporate finance.
Episode 3.22 “Hostile Takeover”
(Dir by Randall Moldave, originally aired on February 24th, 1991)
Ruthless but not particularly intelligent corporate executive Laurence Bauer (Dennis Christopher) thinks that he has figured out the perfect way to take over the business from CEO Tom Hart (William Lanteau). He teams up with a voodoo priestess named Matilde (Pam Grier) and, with her help, he manages to force Hart out. However, Matilde explains that all of this comes with a price. The Voodoo Gods want a piece of Bauer’s body. Bauer responds by killing Matilde.
In his office, getting faxes from the Voodoo Gods and dealing with taunting messages on his computer screen, Bauer decides to sacrifice the janitor, Ed (Tracey Walter). However, Ed turns out to be not just any old janitor. He’s a demon who reacts to Bauer’s condescension by plucking out his right eye.
“You’re my boy now!” Ed shouts.
Agck! Scary!
This was a good episode. Christopher, Walter, and Grier all gave memorable performances and the demon effects were genuinely disturbing. The final season of Monsters wasn’t perfect. I’ve reviewed more than a few bad episodes from season 3. That said, it was still a marked improvement over the first two seasons, as demonstrated by episodes like this one. The whole point of the show was to show off the Monsters and this episode featured a truly effective one.
Two more episodes to go and then a new show will be premiering in this time slot!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!
This week, Baker gets a dog and Ponch makes an enemy!
Episode 1.3 “Dog Gone”
(Dir by Michael Caffey, originally aired on September 29th, 1977)
When an adorable sheepdog puppy ends up on the Los Angeles highway, Baker and Ponch manage to rescue it, though not before it causes a minor wreck on an overpass. The official CHiP policy is that all stray animals should immediately be turned over to the shelter but Baker takes one look at the puppy and decides that he can’t just leave it with anyone else. In fact, every member of the highway patrol quickly falls in love with the dog.
Everyone except for Sgt. Getraer, who is allergic to dogs and makes it clear that the puppy is not to be kept around the station.
At first, Baker tries to keep the dog in his apartment but it turns out that the dog likes to bark. So, Baker heads out to the trailer park where Ponch lives in an RV and apparently spends all of his time watching football while only wearing his boxer shorts. (One gets the feeling that Erik Estrada had an “at least one shirtless scene per episode” clause in his contract.) Baker leaves the dog in the RV and then runs off before the half-naked Ponch can protest.
Fortunately, for Baker, Ponch decides that he loves the dog, which he named Fido.
Unfortunately, for Ponch, Fido’s owners eventually show up at the station and ask if anyone has seen their dog. The dog — who even I, while admittedly not being a dog person, has to admit is cute — is reunited with his family and I guess Ponch is alone again.
Meanwhile, three really stupid criminals — Boots (Bill Adler), Zero (Jeffrey Druce), and Little John (James Crittenden) — are really angry with Ponch because, at the scene of the earlier accident, Ponch prevented Boots from threatening another motorist. Boots and his friends hops into their dune buggy and decide to stalk Ponch and Baker. Boots even decides to sabotage Ponch’s motorcycle by loosening the front bolt so that the wheel will eventually come off while Ponch is riding it. However, these three criminals are so stupid that they sabotage the wrong motorcycle. As a result, the entire second half of the episode is full of close-ups of Baker’s front tire wobbling as he speeds down the highway.
The subplot with the criminals is really dumb but the way it plays out shows that Larry Wilcox had a point when he complained about the show’s producers always favoring Erik Estrada. Not only is Ponch the one who faces off against Boots at the scene of the accident but he’s also the one who gets to save Baker’s life at the end of the episode. When a guilt-stricken Zero goes to Getraer and tells him about what Boots did to the motorcycle, it doesn’t take long for Getraer to figure out that they accidentally sabotaged Baker’s motorcycle instead of Ponch’s. With Baker unable to hear his radio due to being involved in a high-speed chase, it falls to Ponch to chase after Baker and warn him. The bike still crashes but Baker is not seriously injured and Ponch …. well, Ponch is just a big damn hero!
(Admittedly, there is a scene earlier in the episode where Baker performs mouth-to-mouth recitation on a motorist who has had a heart attack and saves the man’s life. But even then, Ponch is the one pushing on the man’s chest to try to get his heart going again. Baker’s a good cop, the show tells us, but Ponch is a big damn hero.)
This episode …. well, at least the dog was cute! And the California scenery was lovely to look at. Still, a cop show like this needs to have some smart or at least intimidating criminals for the cops to do battle with and Boots was such an idiot that it was hard to take anything he and his gang did seriously. In the end, this was a typical episode of CHiPs, full of stiff acting but impressive motorcycle stunt work. Probably the most interesting thing about this episode was discovering that Baker was the one with a swinging bachelor pad while Ponch was the one living a solitary life in a trailer park. I’m just happy that the dog was reunited with its family.
(With the Oscars scheduled to be awarded on March 4th, I have decided to review at least one Oscar-nominated film a day. These films could be nominees or they could be winners. They could be from this year’s Oscars or they could be a previous year’s nominee! We’ll see how things play out. Today, I take a look at the 1981 best picture nominee, On Golden Pond!)
On Golden Pond takes place in a cottage that’s located on a lake called Golden Pond. Hence, the title. As far as title’s go, it’s not a bad one. It’s a film about an elderly couple who spends every summer in that cottage. They’re in their golden years so I guess it makes sense that they would feel an affinity for Golden Pond.
That said, I think that an even better title for the film would be Everything Annoys Norman.
Norman Thayer, Jr. (Henry Fonda) is a cantankerous old man. He’s 79 and not particularly looking forward to celebrating his 80th birthday. He’s a retired college professor. His wife claims that the last time Norma was really happy was when Franklin Roosevelt was elected president. Norman likes to fish and still brags about the time he caught a legendary trout named Walter.
What Norman doesn’t like is having to deal with the world. When he stops to get gas, he loudly complains that, “in his day,” gas only cost eighty-five cents. When he’s told that there’s another “middle-aged” couple on the lake, he says that, unless he’s going to live to be 150, he’s not middle-aged. He gets frustrated because his memory isn’t as good as it used to be. When he goes out for a walk in the woods, he forgets where the path is and he has to return to the house. Sometimes, he calls people by the wrong name. At one point, he struggles to use a landline phone. (I can only imagine how annoyed Norman would be if he was alive today.) Norman doesn’t like to deal with anyone other than his wife.
Ethel (Katharine Hepburn) is Norman’s wife. She loves him. When she hears Norman referred to as being “a son of a bitch,” she replies, “That son of a bitch is my husband.” Ethel is used to Norman and his ways. As she puts it, she understands that he’s like a “lion” who has to roar just to remind himself that he still can. Ethel is … well, basically, she’s Katharine Hepburn.
Ethel has invited their daughter, Chelsea (Jane Fonda), to celebrate Norman’s birthday with them. Norman and Chelsea have a strained relationship. It’s implied that Norman was an emotionally distant and overly critical father and that Chelsea has never been able to forgive him. When she shows up with her new boyfriend, Bill Ray (Dabney Coleman) and his 13 year-old son, Billy Ray (Doug McKeon), Norman barely bothers to acknowledge her. With Bill and Chelsea planning on vacation in Europe, they ask if Billy can stay at the cottage with Norman and Ethel. Ethel agrees. Norman acquiesces.
On Golden Pond is a film that I wanted to like more than I actually did. After all, the film features two classic actors, Henry Fonda and Katharine Hepburn, appearing in their only film together. (Both Henry Fonda and Hepburn won Oscars for their work here.) Henry Fonda gives a good performance as a strong-willed man who is struggling to deal with his own mortality. As for Hepburn, it’s not a great performance, largely because Ethel is a thinly written role, but she’s Katharine Hepburn so it doesn’t matter. But almost everything about the film — from the tasteful music to the pretty but not overwhelming cinematography — feels more like something you’d expect to find in a television production instead of a feature film. On Golden Pond was based on a play and, with almost all of the action set in that cottage, it really doesn’t escape its theatrical origins. That said, it’s a sweet movie. The love between Norman and Ethel feels real. If nothing else, the film gave the great Henry Fonda his only Oscar.
On Golden Pond was nominated for Best Picture but lost to Chariots of Fire.
Through the Shattered Lens 