What Horror Lisa And The Snarkalecs Watched Last Night #156: The Crooked Man (dir by Jesse Holland)

Posted on October 2, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, my friends, the Snarkalecs, and I watched the latest SyFy original film, The Crooked Man!

Why Were We Watching It?

Gawdamn, y’all (as we tend to say down here in Texas), do you remember how much fun it used to be when SyFy would premiere a different movie every Saturday night? Back when I first started regularly watching SyFy and live tweeting with the Snarkalecs, SyFy was all about original movies.

Sadly, things have changed. Now, we only get SyFy original movies twice during the year. Once is during the week leading up to the latest Sharknado film. The other time is October, when SyFy does its 31 Days of Horror.

Since the Snarkalecs are still trying to change SyFy’s policy towards original movies, we make it a point to watch every single one of them. We also make it a point to tweet about the movies, the hope being that someone at SyFy will see that there is an audience for original movies.

That’s what we were doing last night as we watched The Crooked Man.

What Was It About?

Olivia (Angelique Rivera) gets all of her friends killed but isn’t ever really held responsible because she’s the main character in the film.

Okay, there’s actually a little more to it than that. The Crooked Man is a hybrid of The Ring, It Follows, Candyman, Slenderman, The Nun, and … well, just about every other horror film made over the past 16 years. It starts with a slumber party, where a group of 12 year-old girls make the mistake of listening to a song online. The song, it’s said, will summon the Crooked Man.

Later, the slumber party is interrupted when all the lights go out. Fortunately, there’s also a pizza delivery guy at the party and he knows how to turn the lights back on. Well, that’s good. However, there is yet another interruption when one of the girls, Jill, is found dead at the foot of the stairs. Standing over her is Olivia. Though Olivia has a knife in her hands, she swears that she didn’t kill Jill. It was … THE CROOKED MAN!

Olivia is sent to a mental asylum for six years. When she’s released, she returns home. The problem is that nobody in the town wants her to come home. And actually, they have a point because, as soon as Olivia returns, The Crooked Man starts killing everyone who was at that slumber party.

EVEN THE PIZZA GUY!

What Worked?

I will be the first to admit that most of my tweets were pretty critical last night but there were a few effectively creepy moments in The Crooked Man. The Crooked Man himself was scary.

The Voice‘s Dia Frampton showed up to sing a song and then promptly got killed. That definitely provided the film with a nice WTF moment.

What Did Not Work?

Okay — so the Crooked Man can only get you when you’re in the dark, right? SO WHY DOES EVERYONE IN THE FILM KEEP TURNING OFF ALL THE LIGHTS!? Seriously, nobody seemed to appreciate that there was a really easy solution to most of their problems…

(Actually, in all fairness, The Crooked Man had the power to kill all the electricity and plunge people into darkness. But still, it did seem like the characters often never even considered trying to turn on all the lights. I would have at least liked to have seen some sort of effort.)

“OMG! Just like me!” Moments

I related to the character of Violet. Violet was at the slumber party and therefore, she was on Crooked Man’s kill list. And Violet put the blame right where it belonged. On Olivia!

Seriously, Olivia, way to get all your friends killed.

Lessons Learned

If a monster can only exist in the dark, turn on the damn lights!

What Lisa Watched Last Night #155: Backstabbed (dir by Doug Campbell)

Posted on September 4, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime original film, Backstabbed!

Why Was I Watching It?

Well, the obvious answer is that I was watching it because it was on Lifetime and, as everyone knows, I love anything on Lifetime. The other reason is that I haven’t done many entries in What Lisa Watched Last Night this year. I wanted to correct that!

(And here we are…)

What Was It About?

It’s about lies, love, sex, murder, and the crazy world of real estate. Whenever I watch a movie about real estate, I always wait for someone to yell, “You moved the headstones but you left the bodies, didn’t you!? YOU LEFT THE BODIES!” That didn’t happen in this movie but seriously, real estate is crazy!

Paulette Bolton (Josie Davis) is one of the top real estate people in California but the people who work for her have a tendency to end up dead. That’s because Paulette kills them and a lot of other people.

Paulette has a new protegé: Shelby (Brittany Underwood). Shelby has just received her real estate license and … oh no! Is she thinking of going into competition against her psychotic mentor?

Well, that might not turn out for the best…

What Worked?

One of my favorite things about Lifetime movies is that everyone always lives in such a nice house. Lifetime understands that its audience not only likes to see what people are wearing but where they live as well. Backstabbed was pretty much all about houses. Paulette had a great house. She and Shelby were competing to sell an even better house. Even Shelby’s house was nice and she was supposed to be poor!

In the role of Paulette, Josie Davis was totally and completely insane. She delivered one of the greatest over-the-top performances in Lifetime history and the film was all the better for it! Among the supporting cast, Kevin Spirtas was fun as a decadent home owner and, oddly enough, former Texas Congressman Henry Bonilla had a role as well.

What Did Not Work?

I have to admit that I struggled to follow the plot. It may have been because it’s the Labor Day weekend and I was dividing my attention between the film and my niece and nephew but still, I had a hard time keeping track of why, exactly, Paulette kept killing people. Fortunately, Josie Davis killed people with such panache that it wasn’t a major problem.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

“That’s my dress!” I yelled when, at one point, Paulette showed up wearing a pretty red dress that looked identical to one that I have hanging in my closet. Then Shelby showed up, also wearing a red dress that looked identical to another one that I have hanging in my closer and again, I yelled, “That’s my dress!”

At that point, my niece pointed at the TV and went, “That’s Lisa Marie’s dress!” She’s so cute.

Lessons Learned

Real estate is murder!

And I look good in red…

What Lisa Watched Last Night #154: Where’s My Baby? (dir by David Winning)

Posted on July 4, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Sunday night, I turned over to the Lifetime Movie Network and I watched Where’s My Baby?

Lochlyn Munro, the patron saint of Canadian-produced Lifetime melodrama and co-star of Where’s My Baby?

Why Was I Watching It?

Oh, why not?

Sorry, I’m trying to come a funny and/or interesting reason why I decided to watch Where’s My Baby? but the main answer is that it was on the Lifetime Movie Network and there was nothing else on. Game of Thrones is on break. Veep is on break. There’s no killer zombies on AMC and I can’t watch Preacher because I resent its inaccurate portrayal of my home state.

So, with all that in mind, I figured why not see what was premiering on LMN!

What Was It About?

Marissa Davis (Nicole de Boer) wakes up after having spent the past five years in a coma. She has no memory of how she came to be in that coma but she’s still happy to be awake. She’s especially happy to discover that her best friend, Heather (Gina Holden), is married to Congressman Cal Ward (Lochlyn Munro). Cal seems like a nice guy but he’s running for the Senate and talking about how much he believes in traditional values and we all know that, in a Lifetime movie, anyone who talks about values is eventually going to turn out to be a huge hypocrite.

Marissa is disturbed to discover that 1) she was the victim of a mysterious hit and run and that 2) she has a C-section scar. Her mother (Iris Quinn) finally tells her that she was pregnant when she was hit by the car. Her mother also assures her that the baby was delivered stillborn.

Meanwhile, Heather and Cal have a 5 year-old daughter! What a coincidence! And the baby appears to have the same hereditary kidney disorder that runs in Marissa’s family. What could that possibly mean? And, for that matter, why is a mysterious doctor suddenly so obsessed with removing Marissa’s kidney?

What Worked?

Oh my God, I so love these insane Lifetime movies. Where’s My Baby is shameless fun, the type of movie that you simply cannot stop watching once it has begun. The movie starts out crazy and it just keeps going from there!

Add to that, there’s a general rule when it comes to Lifetime films. If Lochlyn Munro is in it, the film cannot be bad. Lochlyn Munro has appeared in so many Lifetime films that, to some of us, he’s become the patron saint of the network.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked. When a film is that insanely over the top, there’s no way that it can’t work.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

To be honest, there really weren’t any “Oh my God! Just like me!” moments. I’ve never suffered from amnesia. As anyone who has ever gotten on my bad side can tell you, I never forget.

Never.

Lessons Learned

If you wake up with amnesia, don’t take anyone’s word for what happened while you were asleep. Investigate for yourself. Seriously, that’s a lesson to live by.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #153: Newlywed and Dead (dir by Penelope Buitenhuis)

Posted on July 3, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the Lifetime premiere movie, Newlywed and Dead!

Why Was I Watching It?

There were a lot of reasons why I was watching Newlywed And Dead. The main reason was that it was on Lifetime and watching, live tweeting, and reviewing Lifetime movies is one of the many things that I do!

Beyond that, I thought Newlywed and Dead was an absolutely brilliant title. That title pretty much sums everything that we love about Lifetime movies, doesn’t it?

And finally, the movie starred Shenae Grimes-Beech! Back when she was just Shenae Grimes (and before she showed up on 90210), she played Darcy Edwards on Degrassi! Darcy was always one of my favorite characters on Degrassi. Whether she was plotting to break Paige’s leg during a Spirit Squad routine, getting stalked as a result of the pictures she posted on MySpace (or MyRoom as Degrassi called it), leading prayers at Friendship Club, falsely accusing Mr. Simpson of sexual harassment, or encouraging Spinner to go to class stoned, Darcy was the best!

What Was It About?

Kristen Ward (Shenae Grimes-Beech) would appear to have the perfect life. She not only lives in a beautiful valley but she works for handsome developer, Jay Morgan (Christopher Russell). In fact, she not only works for him but she’s also married to him! Of course, some people are concerned about Kristen marrying a man that she barely knows but Kristen knows that their love is true. Even when she discovers that, 10 years earlier, Jay was arrested for assault, she doesn’t let that worry her. Who doesn’t have a criminal record?

But then Jay’s aunt, Barbara (Venus Terzo), takes Kristen to the house where Jay grew up. And Kristen sees a painting of Jay’s mother and notices that his mother looks just like her! Considering that Jay’s mother died under mysterious circumstances, Kristen starts to get worried.

Then Aunt Barbara dies under equally mysterious circumstances…

And Kristen starts to get really worried…

What Worked?

Shamelessly melodramatic and just a little bit campy, Newlywed and Dead was everything that we love about Lifetime films. I’ve often felt that the best thing about Lifetime films is knowing that people across the country are all saying, “Girl, don’t trust him!” at the same time that you are. Watching a Lifetime movie is meant to be a communal experience, whether you’re forcing your sister or your BFF to watch with you or if you’re watching with a bunch of people on twitter. Newlywed and Dead is definitely a film that should be watched with a group of your favorite people.

Beyond that, I liked the film’s look. The mansions were opulent and the scenery was beautiful to look at. There was one room that had way too much blue in it but otherwise, Newlywed and Dead was a feast for the eyes.

What Did Not Work?

As I watched the film, I kept waiting for that one unexpected twist that would transform it from being a very good Lifetime film to a great Lifetime film. All great Lifetime films have that one moment where something totally insane happens. While Newlywed and Dead features a lot of entertaining insanity, it never had the one moment.

(For example, I kept expecting Jay to reveal that he had an evil twin brother named Ray. But it never happened.)

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I always relate to any character played by Shenae Grimes-Beech.

Lessons Learned

Never marry your boss.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #152: Killing Mommy (dir by Curtis Crawford and Anthony Lefrense)

Posted on June 12, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I gathered together with my three older sisters and I tried to make them watch Killing Mommy on Lifetime! They all abandoned me after thirty minutes but I stayed for the entire film.

Why Was I Watching It?

There is nary a better thing on a Saturday night than @LisaMarieBowman live tweeting @lifetimetv movies. Tonight is #KillingMommy!

— Erik Anderson (@awards_watch) June 12, 2016

(Awwwwww! That is one of the greatest tweets in which I’ve ever been mentioned! Everyone please be sure to check out Awards Watch!)

What Was It Aboot?

Killing Mommy was the latest in a long line of Canadian-produced Lifetime thrillers. It tells the story of two twin sisters! Deb has dark hair, a tattoo, and a bad attitude. She’s a recovering drug addict and she divides her time between having anonymous sex and going to jail. Julianne has red hair and is about to graduate from college. She is always smiling and she’s always spending money!

When Deb and Julianne were younger, their father died when a car mysteriously fell on top of him. Now, their mom — who runs a charity of some sort — is on the verge of remarrying. Deb is upset. Julianne is supportive. Soon, someone with dark hair is attempting to kill mom. Is it Deb or is it just Julianne wearing a Deb wig?

What Worked, eh?

Killing Mommy was one of those films that got better the longer it lasted. During the first hour, I thought it was way too slow and awkwardly acted. But, during the second hour, the film got enjoyably weird and over-the-top. It’s as if, during the 2nd half of the movie, the filmmakers suddenly realized that they just had to stop pretending like the movie would ever make any sense. They decided to embrace the melodrama and good for them!

What Did Not Work, eh?

The second hour of Killing Mommy is a lot of fun but that first hour — oh my God. See, the main problem with having a great second hour is that you have to get through the first hour to reach it and, if you first hour moves too slowly or features some less than impressive acting, you’re increasing the chances that viewers will never make it to that second hour. The first hour of Killing Mommy was a real struggle to get through. If you look at my twitter timeline, you’ll see that I tweeted a hundred times more during the second hour than the first hour.

Some of the acting, especially during that first hour, left a lot to be desired. I think I may have compared some of the performances to the acting that you typically find in one of those “You got insurance? With your health problems?!” MetLife insurance commercials. However, I now think that some of what seemed like bad acting may have instead just been foreshadowing of the film’s 2nd hour twist.

Speaking of twists, there’s a flashback where a man working on a car yells at his daughter so much that she finally gets so annoyed that she lowers the car down on top of him. (That’s not really a spoiler because what happened is pretty obvious from the minute the car crushing is first mention, especially if you’ve ever seen a Lifetime movie before.) Anyway, I started giggling during that scene and I’m not sure if I was supposed to.

“OMG! Just like me!” Moments, for sure

Julianne has red hair and she loves to shop! How could I not relate to her?

On the other hand, Deb often wears black and has a sarcastic attitude. How could I not relate to her, as well?

Seriously, other than all the murders, this whole movie had me going, “Oh my God! Just like me!” over and over again.

Lessons Learned

I love, Canada!

What Lisa Watched Last Night #151: Marriage of Lies (dir by Danny J. Boyle)

Posted on May 22, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, after I got home from my aborted attempt to celebrate Memorial Day a week early (read the previous post for details), I watched the latest Lifetime premiere, Marriage of Lies!

Why Was I Watching It?

Well, the obvious answer is that not only was it on Lifetime but it also had one of the most stereotypically Lifetime titles ever.

Marriage of Lies!

It just screams Lifetime melodrama, doesn’t it?

There I was, still feeling embarrassed over getting the date of Memorial Day wrong, and what do I see listed in guide? Marriage of Lies! As soon as I saw that title, I knew everything was going to be okay.

What Was It About?

Call it Gone Guy.

One morning, Rachel Wilson (April Browlby) wakes up to discover that her husband, popular teacher Tye Wilson (Brody Hutzler), is gone. Because their marriage is already troubled because of a past infidelity on Tye’s part, Rachel thinks that Tye has just temporarily gone off on his own. She doesn’t report him missing for two days and, after she does, she suddenly finds that she’s the number one suspect.

Everyone thinks that Rachel murdered her missing husband, including a world-weary detective named Gus (played by Corin Nemec). At first, it seems like Rachel’s only ally is her best friend (Virginia Williams) but soon, Rachel starts to doubt even her.

With reporters camping out in her front yard and the entire world convinced of her guilt, Rachel starts to wonder if Tye’s actually been abducted and/or murdered or if maybe there’s something even stranger going on…

What Worked?

Marriage of Lies was fairly well-done. The actors all did a good job. Among those of us who were live-tweeting the film on twitter, Detective Roper (played by Zachary Garred) quickly emerged as our favorite character. Roper was Gus’s partner. Whereas Gus was cynical and beaten-down by life, Roper seemed to actually be having fun with his job. Of course, he was also pretty quick to assume that Rachel was guilty but that was just Roper being Roper!

The ending, with its suggestion that the truth means nothing and that sensation-seeking observers have no real interest in reality, was properly cynical and nicely done.

What Did Not Work?

The movie played a bit too slowly and the pacing definitely felt a bit off. (Of course, it’s difficult to judge these things when the action has to stop every 17 minutes or so for a commercial break.)

After all of the build up, I was hoping that the eventual solution to Tye’s disappearance would turn out to be totally fucked up and weird but instead, it pretty much played out the way that I predicted it would after the first five minutes of the film.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I have to admit that I related to the character of Kinna (Madison Iseman), who was one of Mr. Wilson’s students and who had a huge crush on him. I felt that way about some of my teachers when I was in high school. Also, much like Kinna, I would probably be totally useless as a member of a search party.

Lessons Learned

It’s easier to vanish than you might think.

What Lisa and the Snarkalecs Watched The Other Night #150: A Mother’s Revenge (dir by Fred Olen Ray)

Posted on May 10, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Saturday night, my friends the Snarkalecs and I turned over to the Lifetime Movie Network and we watched the premiere of the latest Fred Olen Ray thriller, A Mother’s Revenge!

Why Were We Watching It?

Well, the obvious answer is that the film was on the Lifetime Movie Network and it was directed by Fred Olen Ray! However, I have to admit that I nearly missed A Mother’s Revenge. Because it was the night before Mother’s Day, Lifetime was planning on broadcasting a film about a basketball player and his mom. I was definitely not looking forward to watching that but then my friend Trevor informed me that, on the Lifetime Movie Network, A Mother’s Revenge would be airing at the exact same time! YAY!

I then went on twitter and I discovered that not only was A Mother’s Revenge the latest film from Fred Olen Ray but that it also involved Gerald Webb, the producer and star of A House Is Not A Home and the favorite actor of snarkalecs everywhere! Once I discovered that all of my fellow snarkalecs would be taking part in the live tweet, there was no way that I wasn’t going to join them!

What Was It About?

It was about a mother and how she got revenge!

(That’s the one line version.)

More specifically, it’s the story of Jennifer (Jamie Luner), a pill-popping, recovering alcoholic who travels to Buffalo so that she can watch her daughter, Katey (Aubrey Whitby), graduate from college. From the minute that Jennifer arrives, things refuse to work out the way that she wants.

First off, Katey wants to spend some time with her friends as opposed to hanging out with her mother.

Secondly, Jennifer’s ex-husband (Jason-Shane Scott) has also shown up for the graduation and tension, both sexual and otherwise, is everywhere.

Third, Jennifer accidentally grabbed the wrong bag at the airport. Supercreepy Conner (Steven Brand) wants his bag back and he’s willing to both commit murder and kidnap Jennfer’s daughter to accomplish his goals.

And finally, Buffalo’s best detectives (played by Gerald Webb and Richard Lounello) suspect that Jennifer may be mentally unstable. Once a dead body shows up, Jennifer automatically becomes their main suspect.

All in all, Jennifer has quite a bit to be upset about…

What Worked?

I liked A Mother’s Revenge. Fred Olen Ray kept the action moving at a steady pace and I appreciated the way the film emphasized how one totally random mistake (like grabbing the wrong bag at the airport) can change someone’s life forever. It nicely conformed into my own point-of-view, which is that the universe is basically as chaotic and unpredictable as a Werner Herzog documentary.

Jamie Luner appears in a lot of these movies and she knows how to balance melodrama and pathos. She and Aubrey Whitby were totally believable as mother and daughter. Also believable was Steven Brand, who was properly creepy as the sadistic Conner.

A Mother’s Revenge was shot on location in Buffalo and it must be said that the city looked really good. The Mayor of Buffalo, Byron Brown, made a cameo appearance and who can blame him? A Mother’s Revenge made me want to visit his town.

Another great thing about A Mother’s Revenge is that a lot of the film’s crew and cast joined in with the live tweet and they were all very gracious, informative, and handled the occasional snarkiness with class and good humor. What I especially enjoyed was seeing some of the tweets from the various citizens of Buffalo who had been involved with the production. It was one of the most positive live tweets that I’ve ever taken part in and it generated the type of good vibes that you normally don’t associate with film twitter.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked!

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I’ve actually grabbed the worng bag before. I did not get blackmailed as a result but maybe I was just lucky. (However, I did get a week’s worth of new clothes, none of which really worked for me. I was sad. Hopefully, the Goodwill appreciated my donation.)

Lessons Learned

Be careful about grabbing the wrong bag. And, if you do grab the one bag, don’t let anyone find out.

What Lisa and Erin Watched Last Night #149: Pretty Little Addict (dir by Monika Mitchell)

Posted on May 2, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, the Dazzling Erin and I watched the latest Lifetime film premiere, Petty Little Addict!

Why Were We Watching It?

Yesterday was all about sisterly bonding time! Erin and I basically told the rest of the world to get lost and then we spent the entire day hanging out together, talking about life, pondering the great questions of the universe, and laughing. In fact, we probably spent more time laughing than pondering the great questions of the universe. We also chased a chicken out of our backyard! (He belongs to one of our neighbors.)

And really, what better way is there to bond than by watching a Lifetime movie!? When my friend Trevor informed me that Pretty Little Addict would be premiering last night, I knew that there was no way that Erin and I were going to miss it!

What Was It About?

It’s about a pretty little addict!

Her name is Jennifer (Andrea Bowen) and she has just lost her father to cancer. To deal with her sorrow, she drinks. Meanwhile, across town, Colin Brown (Keenan Tracy) is excited because he’s received a scholarship to run track in college. Colin’s entire future is pretty much set and it all looks great, assuming that he never loses the ability to walk.

As fate would have it, Jennifer and Colin end up at the same party. And, when a drunk Jennifer attempts to leave the party, she accidentally runs over Colin. Colin is crippled and Jennifer is ordered to check into rehab.

While Jennifer is trying to get sober, Colin’s brother, Alex (Scott Lyster), is looking for revenge. Alex is mentally unstable and has a drinking problem of his own. He also has a long and violent criminal record. When he discovers that Jennifer is in rehab, he gets a job working for the vending machine company that just happens to service the machines inside the rehab facility. Soon, Alex is flirting with Jennifer while also trying to manipulate her into giving up her new found sobriety.

Meanwhile, Colin’s family is making plans to sue Jennifer’s mother…

What Worked?

One thing that you can definitely say about Pretty Little Addict is that it had its heart in the right place. It sincerely did attempt to use its melodramatic storyline to say something meaningful about addiction and the struggle of recovery. Both Scott Lyster and Keenan Tracy gave good performances and I also liked Morgan Taylor Campbell in the role of Jennifer’s paranoid roommate.

What Did Not Work?

Good intentions aside, this is one of those films that just never really seemed to come together. It felt uneven and strangely paced and, even by the standards of Lifetime, the plot was full of obvious and glaring holes. Alex’s plan seemed unnecessarily complicated. Considering that he was an alcoholic, he could have just as easily checked himself into rehab and then he would have had much easier access to Jennifer than he did as a fake deliveryman. It would have been a lot less trouble for him as well.

From the start of the movie to the end, Jennifer was a fairly unlikable character. Even after she got sober, she never really seemed to understand just how much damage she had done.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I rarely drink so there was a definite shortage of “Oh my God! Just like me!” moments. However, I did cringe a little when the rehab patients had to engage in a trust exercise that deal with being blindfolded. That’s because, in high school, I took part in a similar trust exercise. My friend Jennifer was blindfolded and I was supposed to catch her when she fell backwards. However, I’ve only got a three-minute attention span so, by the time she actually started to fall back, I was no longer paying attention and I kind of forgot to catch her. Whoops!

Lessons Learned

Don’t drink and drive, which is actually a pretty good lesson.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #148: Seduced (dir by Jessica Janos)

Posted on May 1, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime film premiere, Seduced!

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it was on Lifetime, of course! Every Saturday night, I either watch or DVR the new movie on Lifetime. I absolutely and unconditionally love these movies and I don’t care who knows it. Plus, the title of the movie was Seduced and, as we all know, the best Lifetime movies often feature the word “seduce” in the title (i.e., Lethal Seduction, The Babysitter’s Seduction, etc).

What Was It About?

Someone is murdering redheads in California! (Speaking as a redhead, allow me to just say, “Agck!” in regards to that.)

Meanwhile, via a missed connections app, Caroline (Elisabeth Rohm), a redhead who lives in California, meets the mysterious and charming Gavin (Jon Prescott). Caroline is still haunted by the loss of her husband and spends most of her time trying to take care of her teenage daughter (Jessica Amlee) while keeping the company she works for — a place called Funderstorm — from going out of business. However, Gavin takes her away from all that, introducing her to a world of sensual and erotic delight.

(You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for the chance to use “a world of sensual and erotic delight” in a review.)

Gavin seems to be perfect. He’s handsome, he has a sexy accent, he lives in a nice house, he cooks, and he reads books! However, since there is Lifetime, there are a few warning signs that Gavin may not be as great as he seems. For one thing, despite living in an absolutely fabulous house, he always seems to need money. For another, Caroline becomes so enraptured by him that she starts to neglect both work and her daughter. And then there’s the mysterious Margo (Julie Mond), who appears to be involved with Gavin in some way as well.

And, of course, there’s those news reports about the murdered redheads….

What Worked?

I really enjoyed this one. This movie featured everything that we love about Lifetime movies — melodrama, sex, several nice houses, clothes to die for, and even a little bit of empowerment at the end. The entire film was well-cast with Elisabeth Rohm doing a great job as Caroline and Jon Prescott epitomizing dangerous charm as Gavin. And, of course, I also have to praise Julie Mond, who didn’t appear in many scenes but definitely made an impression.

I also really liked the relationship between Caroline and her daughter. Rohm and Jessica Amlee were totally believable as mother and daughter and every detail of their relationship rang true.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked. If you’re into Lifetime movies, this film is for you. If you’re not into Lifetime movies — well, then you probably stopped reading this review a few paragraphs back. And that’s okay, I still love you! Lifetime films are not for everyone but if you enjoy them, you should enjoy Seduced.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Oh my God, so many of the characters had red hair just like me! It’s just too bad that so many of them ended up getting killed.

Lessons Learned

Some connections are best missed.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #147: Stalked By My Doctor (dir by Doug Campbell)

Posted on December 27, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the second-to-last original Lifetime film of 2015, Stalked By My Doctor!

Why Was I Watching It?

After a month of nonstop holiday cheeriness, Lifetime returned to doing what it does best. With the premiere of Stalked By My Doctor, Lifetime announced that the melodrama was back! There was no way that I was going to miss it. (Of course, it also helped that the film was directed by Doug Campbell, who previously directed such classic Lifetime films as Sugar Daddies, Stalked By My Neighbor, Betrayed at 17, and The Cheating Pact.)

What Was It About?

Teenager Sophie Green (Brianna Joy Chomer) is nearly killed in a car accidents that occurred because her dumbass boyfriend was texting while driving. Fortunately, her life is saved by the brilliant Dr. Beck (Eric Roberts).

Unfortunately, as brilliant as he may be as a doctor, Beck has some issues. He’s a sociopath with an obsessive streak and he quickly decides that he’s in love with Sophie. Soon, Sophie is being stalked by her doctor…

What Worked?

Oh my God, Eric Roberts was so creepy in this movie! And I mean that in the best possible way. Whether flashing a smile that was a bit too quick or leaning in a bit too close while having a conversation or throwing a sudden and childish fit, Eric Roberts turned Dr. Beck into the creepiest stalker in the history of creepy Lifetime stalkers. But what made Roberts’s performance even better was that, no matter how crazy he went, you still believed that he could be a brilliant surgeon.

The film also did a good job of revealing the double standard when it comes to how society views stalkers and their victims. No matter how insane Dr. Beck revealed himself to be, Sophie’s father was quick to 1) make an excuse for him and 2) accuse his own daughter of leading him on.

What Did Not Work?

It all worked! This was exactly what viewers like me are looking for when we watch a Lifetime film.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

When I was 19 years old, I was in a serious accident much like Sophie’s. By all logic, I shouldn’t have survived. It was raining, I wasn’t wearing my seat belt, I was driving too fast, and I was in a convertible. When I hit the car in front of me, I turned the wheel too sharply and my car flipped over and skidded, upside down, across the street. By the time the car came to a stop, both the windshield and the door windows had shattered, showering me with broken glass. Thankfully, since it was raining, I had the top up on the car. Otherwise, I would have ended up with a broken neck and more. However, somehow, I only ended up with a few scrapes on my legs, a small cut on my hand, and a gash on my neck that bled a lot but didn’t sever any major veins or arteries. I didn’t have any broken bones or anything else and, my injuries meant that I’d only have to deal with some stitches and I wouldn’t be able to show off my legs for a few days. I don’t know how I survived but I do know I was a very lucky girl!

And though my injuries were not as bad as Sophie’s (I didn’t nearly die, for instance), I did feel like the doctor at the hospital was hitting on me but who was I to complain? He was a medical professional and I was in shock and bleeding. He could flirt as much as he wanted as long as he made sure I didn’t end up with any disfiguring scars.

Lessons Learned

Melodramatic Lifetime is a lot more than Holiday Lifetime (though I did enjoy The Spirit Of Christmas!)