What Lisa Watched Last Night #90: Hostages Episode 1 “Pilot”

Posted on September 24, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, after I got back from dance class, I watched the first episode of the new CBS series, Hostages.

Why Was I Watching It?

I spent the last three months watching and reviewing Big Brother for the Big Brother Blog. During every episode of Big Brother, CBS would show at least one commercial for Hostages. It was obvious that CBS was obsessed with the idea of making Hostages into the show that the entire nation would be watching and debating, a bit like a network TV version of Homeland or Breaking Bad.

The commercials, for the most part, all featured Dylan McDermott looking grim while Toni Collette frowned and, occasionally, some old white guy would tell Collette that she was the only doctor he trusted to operate on her and she would reply, “Thank you, Mr. President.” In short, the commercials made the show look terrible. The only question was whether or not Hostages would be intentionally bad or unintentionally awful.

Last night, I got my answer.

What Was It About?

President Paul Kinkaid (James Naughton) needs to have surgery and, of course, only one doctor can perform the operation. That doctor is Ellen Saunders (Toni Collette). Ellen is so concerned with the President’s health that she doesn’t realize that her husband (Tate Donovan) is having an affair, her son is selling weed, and her daughter is pregnant.

Meanwhile, Duncan Carlisle (Dylan McDermott) is a FBI hostage negotiator. When we first see him, he’s gunning down a bank robber and smirking while he does it. It turns out that Duncan needs money to take care of his sick wife.

Eventually, Duncan and a team of other black-clad operatives end up inside the Saunders home where they take the entire family hostage. They tell Ellen that, if she wants to save her family, she must assassinate the President…

What Worked?

The show turned out to be just as bad as I was expecting it to be! Whenever I saw the commercials for Hostages, I would think to myself: “That looks like it’s going to be a really boring, tedious series.” Judging from the pilot, I was right. It always feels good to be right.

That said, I do have to say that, alone among the cast, Dylan McDermott seems to understand that he’s playing a ludicrous character in a silly show and — much as he did in American Horror Story — he responds by giving an appropriately melodramatic performance. While the rest of the cast appeared to be convinced that they were appearing in the next Homeland, McDermott seemed to be enjoying a joke that only he and the viewing audience could understand.

What Did Not Work?

If there’s even been a show that would obviously benefit from an over-the-top, melodramatic approach, it would be Hostages. So, why did the pilot appear to be taking itself so damn seriously? As I watched last night’s episode, I found myself wondering if anyone involved in the show (other than Dylan McDermott) understood just how silly this all was. Instead, the show moved at an almost somber pace and all of the actors (again, with the notable exception of McDermott) delivered their lines with the type of gravity that one would usually associate with Jeff Daniels delivering one of Aaron Sorkin’s pompous polemical speeches on The Newsroom. Considering all of the melodramatic potential of this show’s plot, Hostages really has no excuse to be as boring and predictable as it was last night.

Toni Collette is one of my favorite actresses so it was kind of sad to see her give such a boring performance in the lead role of Ellen Saunders. Then again, as written, Ellen Saunders is a pretty boring character. It’s as if the show’s producers and writers were so proud of creating a professional woman that they didn’t notice that they neglected to give her a personality.

Finally, the President is just some boring old white guy. What’s up with that?

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I was tempted to say that, like the family in Hostages, I would totally freak out if a bunch of people appeared in the house, pointed their guns at me, and announced that they were holding me hostage. However, it then occurred to me that nobody in Hostages really freaked out about being held hostage. They were certainly annoyed and occasionally, they even attempted to be defiant. But they never really freaked out.

Nor could I really see much of myself in the character of Ellen Saunders or her daughter. Since neither one of them came across as being anything more than a two-dimensional plot device, neither one of them was capable of inspiring any “just like me” moments.

I tried to relate to Sandrine Holt, who plays Maria, the only female hostage taker. However, Maria spent most of the episode carrying around a gun and, while I’m totally into the 2nd amendment, I’m not really into guns.

Then I remembered that, early on in the episode, Ellen’s daughter talks to her best friend. The friend takes one look at her and says, “Your eyes are puffy,” which is the exact same thing that I would say if one of my friends had puffy eyes.

So, that was my “Oh my God! Just like me!” moment.

Lessons Learned

Sometimes, commercials don’t lie.

What Lisa and Evelyn Watched Last Night #89: California Dreams 3.11 “Family Trees” (dir by Patrick Maloney)

Posted on September 11, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, my BFF Evelyn and I watched yet another old episode of California Dreams.

Why Were We Watching It?

As I’ve explained before, my sister Megan got me hooked on this silly old show called California Dreams last Christmas. For whatever reason, I continue to find myself oddly intrigued by this mediocre 90s sitcom. While I was on my vacation last week, it occurred to me that it had been a while since I last shared and reviewed an episode of California Dreams on this site so I resolved that, as soon as I got back, one of the first things I would do would be to remedy that situation.

As for how Ms. Evelyn ended up watching it with me — well, Evelyn’s a very good friend.

What Was It About?

It’s time for another wacky class assignment! Since the members of the California Dreams all have the exact same class schedule, that means that they all get the same assignment: to research their family trees.

All the Dreams discover that they come from distinguished backgrounds, except for Tony who opens up one book to one random page and, after spending less than a minute reading, announces: “My ancestors were slaves!”

So, Tony claims to be descended from royalty and, because everyone at Pacific Coast High School is an idiot, they’re soon carrying him around on their shoulders and talking about setting up a royal harem.

Things are looking pretty good for Tony but then, as often happens on this show, a ghost visits him during the night and sets him straight.

What Worked?

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m usually pretty lenient when it comes to judging old episodes of California Dreams. After all, it was made back in the 90s and, especially when compared to something like Saved By The Bell: The New Class, the members of the cast did the best that they could with the material they were given.

But seriously, of all the episodes that I’ve viewed on YouTube so far, Family Trees is without a doubt the worst. Good intentions aside, absolutely nothing worked in this episode.

Strangely enough, however, the fact that it is so truly bad makes this episode oddly fascinating. The fact that nothing works is what makes this episode watchable.

What Did Not Work?

Where to begin?

Okay, first off — I understand that this show was probably written with the best of intentions but are we to seriously believe that, before getting this particular class assignment, Tony apparently had no idea about the history of slavery in the United States?

Secondly, who could have guessed that all you had to do to research your family history was check out a book from the library and then open it up to a random page?

Third, Tony getting visited by the ghost of an ancestor reminded me of the fact that, just a few episodes later, Sam would be visited by the ghost of an ancestor! One gets the idea that the show’s writers were perhaps running out of ideas.

Fourth, what is the deal with the lack of classrooms at the high school? I swear, every class that they take seems to be located in that same tiny classroom.

Fifth, the Dreams did not perform during this episode. Couldn’t they have written a special “Be Yourself” song in order to make Tony feel better about himself? It seems selfish not to.

However, this episode’s biggest problem was pointed out by Evelyn when she said, “Why is everyone at that school so easily impressed?” And, seriously, she is so totally right.

Let’s say that one day, Arleigh informed me that he was descended from royalty. Would that cause me to treat him any differently? Well, of course, it would! I mean, who isn’t impressed by royalty? (Myself, I consider Pippa Middleton to be my royal role model.) However, eventually, I would stop calling him “your highness” and begging him to say stuff like, “I declare him to be an outlawwwwwwwwwww!” and things would get back to normal here at the Shattered Lens. However, the students at PCHS are so impressed by Tony’s claim to be descended from a king that they immediately form some sort of odd cult of personality.

And why, if they’re so impressed by Tony’s claim to royal lineage, are they not impressed by the fact that Lorena is legitimately descended from power?

Seriously, that school sucks.

“OMG! Just like me!” Moments

As usual, I related so much to Lorena that I’m tempted to think that my cousin might be Mario Lopez.

(As far as my family tree is concerned, I am of Irish-Italian-Spanish-German ancestry, with a bit of French mixed in there as well. If I was in that class, they’d have to set aside an entire week for me to give my full report.)

Lessons Learned

Surf dudes with attitude are kinda groovy. Especially when they’re feeling mellow…

What Lisa and the Snarkalecs Watched Last #88: Ghost Shark (directed by Griff Furst)

Posted on August 25, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, before going on vacation, I watched the SyFy original movie, Ghost Shark.

Why Was I Watching It?

Every Saturday night, I watch and live tweet a SyFy movie with the Snarkalecs. Last night, we watched Ghost Shark. Seeing as Ghost Shark was going to be my last SyFy film to watch before going on vacation, I knew that both the film and the snarkiness would have to keep me satisfied for the next two weeks. Fortunately, both Ghost Shark and the Snarkalecs came through brilliantly!

What Was It About?

One of my huge problems with Sharknado is that, despite the title, there really wasn’t much tornado action. However, Ghost Shark lives up to its title. It’s called Ghost Shark and, by God, that’s what it’s about!

In short, a shark is killed by a bunch of rednecks who look like they’ve wandered over from an unaired episode of Duck Dynasty. However, the shark comes back and, as you might guess, it’s looking for vengeance. As a ghost, the shark has the ability to manifest itself out of any body of water and soon, it’s popping up in toilets, swimming pools, sinks, water slides, and an open fire hydrant. (As the film’s brilliant tagline put it — “If you get wet, you die.” Seriously, I would be so dead.) It’s up to Ava (Mackenzie Rosman) and the town drunk (Richard Moll) to figure out how to stop the Ghost Shark!

What Worked?

Even if I hadn’t known beforehand, I would have guessed that Griff Furst had directed Ghost Shark. Of all the directors who regularly direct films for the SyFy network, Furst is one of the best. Along with making good use of his trademark Louisiana locations, Furst also knows how to maintain the perfect balance of excitement and humor.

It should also be noted that Ghost Shark is one of the few films where you really can’t predict who is going to survive and who is going to end up as sharkbait. One reason why the ghost shark is an effective monster is because he will literally eat anyone, even characters who — in other films — would automatically be spared of any danger.

On a personal note, I have to say that the Snarkalecs were on fire last night. Kelly Thul, in particular, earned a spot in the hall of fame for commenting, about two characters who had just gotten the upper halves of their bodies chomped off by the ghost shark, “They’re waisted!”

What Did Not Work?

It all worked. Seriously, this was the best SyFy film since End of the World. And, in case you were curious, it’s a hundred times better than Sharknado.

“Oh my God!” Just Like Me Moments

At one point, one future victim said, “It’s too hot to be a virgin” and if I had a dollar for every time I’ve used those exact same words, I would be one rich redhead.

Also, I related to the scene where the sprinklers go off in the local museum and end up soaking every character there. Museums always get me wet too. What can I say? I love history.

Lessons Learned

Sometimes, it’s better just to stay dry.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #87: Invasion Roswell

Posted on August 11, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I forever lost 2 hours of my life because I watched the latest SyFy “original” film, Invasion Roswell, with my friends, the Snarkalecs.

Why Was I Watching It?

When I first heard the title of the latest SyFy film, I thought to myself, “Roswell!? I kinda remember that show!” However, I quickly realized that — other than taking place in New Mexico and featuring aliens — Invasion Roswell had nothing to do with Katherine Heigl’s old TV show.

Invasion Roswell was actually broadcast on Thursday night. As we’ve been doing ever since SyFy stopped showing original films on Saturday, the Snarkalecs dvred Invasion Roswell when it first premiered and then we actually watched (and live-tweeted) it on Saturday.

Why did we do this?

Because that’s what we do.

It’s an existential thing.

What Was It About?

This film was a combination Red and about every single alien invasion film that’s even been made. Aliens invade the Earth and naturally, they chose to destroy large parts of London and Paris (take that, Europe!), as well as Washington D.C. (take that, IRS!). It turns out that the only people who can defeat this threat are a bunch of old alien hunters who have been previously forced to retire by a random corporate guy in a suit.

So, while Patrick (Greg Evigan) and Linda (Denise Crosby) attempt to get the old gang of gun-wielding geezers back together again, the aliens continue to progressively conquer every inch of the planet.

(Except for Canada, of course. Canada’s tough!)

What Worked?

The aliens themselves were effective, especially when compared to some of the invaders who have populated previous SyFy films. Clad in black armor and firing blue laser beams, the aliens managed to be intimidating and campy at the same time.

The Snarkalecs managed to get Invasion Roswell trending on twitter during the entire two hours we spent watching it. It was fun to watch non-snarkalecs try to figure out why Invasion Roswell was trending. “Have we been invaded?!” one random dumbfug toadsucker tweeted. Seriously, some people are stupid.

What Did Not Work?

Invasion Roswell was literally one of the slowest movies that I have ever seen on SyFy. A typical SyFy film accomplishes more in 10 minutes than Invasion Roswell did in 85 minutes. Between the slow pace, the predictable storyline, and the uninteresting characters, there really weren’t many opportunities for Invasion Roswell to actually be entertaining.

As a result, my tweets suffered. Usually, I think I’m a pretty lively force when it comes to live-tweeting SyFy films but, when it came to Invasion Roswell, I found myself struggling to stay awake.

To put it another way, I thought Heebie Jeebies was bad until I saw Invasion Roswell.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

When I was little, my family very briefly lived in New Mexico. However, we were in Carlsbad and, as a result, I don’t think we ever met any aliens. Then again, we were citizens of New Mexico for only a few months so maybe we could have met some aliens if we had just stuck around long enough. I guess that’s just going to have to be one of life’s mysteries.

Otherwise, there were no “Oh my God! Just like me!” moments in Invasion Roswell. Maybe someday, when I’m as old as Denise Crosby, I’ll be able to relate to this film.

Lessons Learned

I can forgive a lot of things but I cannot forgive dullness.

What Lisa and the Snarkalecs Watched Last Night #86: The Nightmare Nanny (dir by Michael Fiefer)

Posted on July 28, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I persuaded my friends, the Snarkalecs. to watch a movie on Lifetime with me. That movie was The Nightmare Nanny.

Why Were We Watching It?

I have to take the blame on this one. Usually, the Snarkalecs and I watch and live tweet a SyFy film on Saturday but last night, SyFy was showing Sharknado for the 100th time. So, some of us were meeting up on twitter and trying to decide what we were going to watch. Since I’m always trying to get more people addicted to watching Lifetime movies, I suggested that we all watch The Nightmare Nanny. To my surprise and delight, everyone agreed.

What Was It About?

Creepy Anne (Ashley Scott) and her girly husband Ben (Kip Pardue) need to find a nanny to look after Jenny, their ennui-stricken 3 year-old daughter. After an extensive search, they hire Julie (Makenna Melvin). Julie is great with Jenny and, as Anne starts to realize, Jenny would actually much rather be Julie’s daughter. However, little do they suspect that Julie is actually Amber and she and her white trash boyfriend are planning to kidnap Jenny so that they can raise her as their own.

What Worked?

The Snarkalecs were on fire last night! Seriously, we may not have been watching a SyFy film but we snarked it like we were. Hopefully, this will lead to the Snarkalecs watching even more Lifetime films. I’m praying that I can get them to all watch Confessions of a Go Go Girl sometime soon. Seriously, that’s the greatest Lifetime film ever!

As for The Nightmare Nanny itself… well…

What Did Not Work?

To be honest, The Nightmare Nanny was probably one of the worst Lifetime films that I’ve ever seen.

As played by Makenna Melvin, the nanny was so obviously unstable that you had a hard time believing that anyone would actually be stupid enough to hire her in the first place.

Meanwhile, the nightmare nanny’s victims (played by Kip Pardue and Ashley Scott) were both so unlikable that you found yourself hoping that they somehow wouldn’t be able to rescue their daughter because you simply couldn’t accept that these two would ever be able to conceive and take care of a child. You found yourself suspecting that maybe they themselves had previously kidnapped Jenny from her natural parents. Pardue was incredibly wimpy and Ashley Scott had perhaps the scariest eyebrows ever seen on television. Is it any surprise that Jenny didn’t seem to be all that upset over being kidnapped, perhaps for the second time?

Speaking of the daughter, there was something very odd about her. Not only did she never talk, walk, smile, or do anything else but she also slept in a crib despite appearing to be way too old. Between the nightmare nanny and the odd parents, somebody seriously needed to call social services because there was just something odd going on in that household.

Finally, Nightmare Nanny failed to provide us with what we expect from a good Lifetime movie. At no point did the nightmare nanny attempts to seduce the husband by wandering around in lingerie. The wife’s sassy best friend survived the entire film. Nobody wore anything that looked like it could have been designed by the designers on Project Runway. The film’s climax was almost defiantly bereft of melodrama.

I’ve seen a lot of psycho nanny films on Lifetime and let’s just say that The Nightmare Nanny was no Perfect Nanny.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Usually, I can find a whole lot of “Oh my God! Just like me!” moments whenever I watch a Lifetime film. However, that wasn’t the case with Nightmare Nanny. Seriously, the characters in this film were just too odd.

However, I did relate to a few of the commercials that were shown during the film. For instance, I recently had a shrieking orgasm while washing my hair with Herbal Essences.

Lessons Learned

Never hire a nanny without checking Angie’s List first.

What Lisa and Erin Watched Last Night #85: Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleader Scandal (dir by Tom McLaughlin)

Posted on June 28, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, my sister Erin and I watched the 2008 Lifetime Movie, Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleader Scandal.

Why Were We Watching It?

This is my fourth favorite Lifetime movie, coming in right behind Confessions of a Go Go Girl, The Babysitter’s Seduction, and Mother, May I Sleep With Danger. It comes on every few weeks and, if I’m at home, I’ll usually end up watching it. I forced my sister Erin Nicole to watch it with me because she actually was a Texas cheerleader and I figured she would have some insight into the film that I might otherwise miss. Plus, it’s just fun to watch movies with Erin!

What Was It About?

Emma Carr (Jenna Dewan, who would later become Jenna Dewan-Tatum) is the new cheerleading coach at a small Texas high school. She views cheerleading as being the most important part of a young girl’s life and she quickly proves to be an inspirational and beloved teacher. However, five mean girls — the Fab Five of the title — are determined to do what they want, regardless of whether it’s good for the cheerleading squad, the school, or Coach Carr’s marriage. Making things especially difficult is the fact that the leader of the Fab Five (played by Amber Benson) is the daughter of the school principal (Tatum O’Neal). While Coach Carr tries to instill a sense of teamwork and self-esteem into the rest of the squad, the Fab Five spend their time drinking, hanging out in sex shops, and posting racy videos on YouTube.

Needless to say, this film is credited as being “based on a true story.”

What Worked?

Though the film was undoubtedly exaggerated, it still did manage to capture just what it’s like to go to an athletics-obsessed school in small town and suburban Texas. Seriously, it’s a world that only makes sense when you’re actually a part of it. Once you leave and think back, it all looks like a silly Lifetime movie.

Everytime after I see this movie, I find myself occasionally clapping my hands while chanting, “Pump, pump, pump it up/Pump that spirit, keep it up!” Seriously, it’s fun!

What Did Not Work?

Both Erin and I were occasionally amused and often annoyed by how seriously Coach Carr took cheerleading. Every time that Jenna Dewan started to give a speech about the importance of cheerleading (“You represent your school!”), Erin and I started laughing. She was just so serious about it that I found it hard to believe that her character wasn’t being played for laughs. Imagine my shock as I realized that the film meant for us to take her seriously.

(However, Erin has assured me that there are coaches out there who really do view cheerleading as being a mission from God.)

“Oh my God! Just like us!” Moments

As we watched the film, I continually asked my sister if this movie was an accurate portrayal of what it was like to be a scandalous high school cheerleader in Texas. According to Erin, the film was accurate but exaggerated. She said that she had known girls like the ones portrayed in this film but, even at their worst, they weren’t “as demonic” as the Fab Five. Erin also asked me to make clear that she was certainly never one of those girls. And I can vouch for that! There’s a reason why Erin’s nickname is “the nice one.”

When I first started high school, quite a few people told me that I needed to follow my sister’s example and try out for cheerleader and I have to admit that I was occasionally tempted to do so. However, I never did because I already had ballet and drama club, I wanted to establish my own identity, and Erin told me that being cheerleader meant that I had to be perky all the time and, quite frankly, I’ve always needed my time to sulk. So, I’ve never regretted not following the cheerleader route but I still found it amusing that the evil redheaded cheerleader in Fab Five was named Lisa.

Lessons Learned

My home state is the best! Seriously, would anyone ever want to watch a movie called The Vermont Cheerleader Scandal? I think not.

600full-fab-five_-the-texas-cheerleader-scandal-screenshot

“Seriously, what the Hell’s the point of Vermont?”

What Lisa Marie Watched Last Night #84: Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret (dir by Jace Alexander)

Posted on June 23, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I turned over to Lifetime and I watched the world premiere of Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret.

Why Was I Watching It?

If you know me then you know that I can’t resist a trashy Lifetime film. And could anything be trashier than a film about Jodi Arias?

What Was It About?

The film is based on the true story of the most hated woman in America. Mentally unstable fake blonde Jodi Arias (Tania Raymonde) meets motivational speaker Travis Alexander (Jesse Lee Sofer) and eventually becomes obsessed with him. Finally, Jodi goes back to her natural hair color and, in a disturbingly graphic scene, murders Travis.

What Worked?

In the role of Jodi Arias, Tania Raymonde (who is probably best known for playing Ben’s daughter on Lost) gave a genuinely unsettling performance. Not only did Raymonde look a lot like Jodi but she was convincingly crazy as well.

What Did Not Work?

Honestly, this film left me feeling incredibly icky. Does Jodi Arias really deserve to have a film made about her?

Perhaps I would have felt differently if the film had provided any sort of psychological insight into either Jodi or Travis (who remains a cipher for the majority of the film). However, the film is content to just reenact all of the sordid details that we’ve already heard about. The end result is a film that’s occasionally watchable but ultimately disappointing.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I refuse to acknowledge seeing any “Just like me!” moments while watching a movie about Jodi Arias. Judging from the response on twitter to this movie, I was not alone in this. For the most part, people seemed to be watching specifically so they could point out how little they had in common with Jodi Arias. Perhaps that’s the true appeal of films like this, the chance to say, “I may be fucked up but at least I’m not Jodi Arias!”

Okay, I will admit that, much like the film version of Jodi Arias, I believe that dancing can be a great tool of seduction and emotional expression.

However, judging from the moves displayed in this movie, I’m a much better dancer.

Lessons Learned

I’ll watch just about anything that’s on Lifetime.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #83: Degrassi S12 E39 & 40 “The Time Of My Life”

Posted on June 22, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the 12th season finale of my favorite Canadian show, Degrassi.

Why Was I Watching It?

Because it was Degrassi, of course! As if you had to ask!

What Was It About?

Another school year has ended and it’s time for the senior class of everyone’s favorite Toronto high school to graduate and get on with their lives.

However, while everyone else is enjoying prom and graduation, a few of the show’s longtime couples have to work through a few issues.

Imogen tries to sabotage her girlfriend Fiona’s attempt to get an internship with a famous Italian designer. Imogen does this by pretending to be Fiona and insulting the designer. The designer decides that he wants nothing to do with Fiona but then Imogen has a change of heart, apologizes, and the designer turns out to be the most forgiving guy on the planet.

Meanwhile, Eli and Clare are still broken up but not for long. On prom night, Clare finally loses her virginity but it also appears that she might now have leukemia because that’s the way things work when you’re a student at Degrassi…

What Worked?

Yay! Season 12 is finally over! Seriously, I’ve been watching Degrassi since it started and I’ve always appreciated its unique combination of over-the-top melodrama, self-reflexive humor, and Canadian manners. However, Season 12 was perhaps the worst in the series history and now, it’s finally over! Now, we can look forward to season 13 with a whole new group of seniors and incoming niners and we can hope that we won’t have to deal with any more storylines about hockey or politically-themed musical theater productions.

On another note, Degrassi has always been pretty good at capturing the excitement of things like prom and graduation. The show has always understood how important these rituals are when you’re a teenager and, to its credit, it’s never taken the condescending approach that you find in so many other shows about teenagers. If you didn’t get emotional watching all the graduating students singing at the end of last night’s episode, then you just don’t have a soul.

What Did Not Work?

I’m tempted to say that, since this was Degrassi, it all worked. However, I do have an issue with this episode and the show in general.

Degrassi has a really bad habit of dealing with the fact that everyone eventually has to leave high school by randomly having otherwise intelligent characters mysteriously flunk all their classes and end up having to retake a grade or two. The most famous example of this was the popular character of Spinner, who eventually managed to graduate at the age of 26. In Spinner’s case, however, it wasn’t that big a deal because everyone knew Spinner was an idiot. However, in the years since Spinner finally graduated (and somehow ended up married to Emma — don’t even get me started on that), more and more Degrassi students have ended up having to repeat a grade.

What’s odd is that no one ever seem to be that upset about being held back and nobody seems to suffer any sort of unfortunate consequences from having to repeat a grade. In fact, Fiona Coyne was last night’s valedictorian despite the fact that this was her second attempt to complete her senior year. Seriously, what does this say about Canada’s education system?

Anyway, this season, Imogen somehow managed to fail all of her classes and, therefore, did not get to graduate and will be back next season. Unlike a lot of Degrassi fans, I actually like Imogen but I still find it hard to believe that she would not only fail all of her classes but that she would also be so accepting of the prospect of having to spend another year in high school. I mean, I loved high school but, if you told me that I had to stay a year longer than planned, you would have seen one angry little redhead.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

One difference between previous seasons of Degrassi and this latest season has been that this season had a definite lack of just like me moments. While Degrassi has always been melodramatic, season 12 saw it get rather preachy and didactic as well.

So, really, about the only thing I could relate to was the fact that I had fun at my prom too. I also sang at my graduation but, unlike the Degrassi grads, I was asked to stop.

Lessons Learned

In Canada, you don’t just get a diploma for showing up. You’re expected to pass your classes as well.

What Lisa and Evelyn Watched Last Night #82: California Dreams 3.16 “The Treasure of PCH” (directed by Patrick Maloney)

Posted on June 8, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, my BFF Evelyn and I watched yet another episode of the 90s sitcom, California Dreams.

Why Were We Watching It?

As I’ve mentioned in my previous posts about California Dreams, I started watching this show because all of the old episodes of Saved By The Bell: The New Class were taken down from YouTube.

Actually, last night was my fourth or fifth time to watch this particular episode. For the past few weeks, I’ve been meaning to do a write-up on The Treasure of PCH and each time, I’ve ended up not having time to get it written. However, since this feature is called What Lisa Watched Last Night, that meant that each day I tried to write this review, I also had to rewatch the episode the night before. Last night, as I sat through the Treasure of PCH for yet another time, I promised myself that I would not let this day end without writing the review you’re currently reading.

Evelyn was watching with me because I asked her too and she’s the best! That said, she did say that she’s never going to forgive me for making her watch this episode. (Then again, she said that after the last episode we watched, as well…)

What Was It About?

Fueled by their mellow take on California reggae (yeah yeah yeah), the California Dreams are rich! Well, they’re not really rich but they are making more money than they’ve ever made before. Lorena (Diane Uribe) is concerned that the Dreams are getting greedy. Jake (Jay Anthony Franke) argues that the Dreams don’t care about money.

Jake’s belief is touching but rather odd, especially when you consider the fact that, in the previous episode, the Dreams dishonored the memory of Sam’s (Jennie Kwan) grandmother in order to make money and the fact that, in the very next episode, Tiffani (Kelly Packard) would be driven to abuse steroids in order to make money. In fact, just about every episode of California Dreams seems to be about the Dreams doing something weird and/or stupid to make money.

Maybe Jake just isn’t that smart.

Anyway, Lorena bets Jake that greed can tear people apart. They proceed to come up with a plan to test everyone’s loyalty. Will the Dreams prove Jake right or will they behave in the exact same way that they behave in every other episode of this show?

What Worked?

I always enjoy the Lorena-centric episodes, just because Lorena’s the character that I tend to have the most in common with.

I actually appreciated the fact that Lorena and Jake’s plan fell apart because they made a fairly believable mistake. Admittedly, it’s a pretty stupid mistake but, for the most part, this episode is about people acting stupid.

“Gotta find the money…gotta find the money…” I have to admit that I laughed at that. That said, for someone so intent on finding the money, Sly (Michael Cade) didn’t really seem to be looking as much as he was just randomly running about.

“DIAMONDS!” Jay Anthony Franke’s delivery of this line was so over-the-top that it was oddly charming.

What Did Not Work?

“Surf dude with attitudes…” Seriously, the blandness of that song never ceases to amaze me. (And who is that old guy fishing?)

It’s difficult to take the show’s lesson seriously when that lesson is more or less dependent upon everyone acting like a total idiot.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Since this episode was pretty much dependent upon everyone acting like a total and complete idiot, I would like to say that there weren’t any “Oh my God! Just like me!” moments in the entire show.

However, I do really like diamonds…

Lessons Learned

Greed can tear apart even the best friendships…or something like that.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #81: California Dreams 3.15 “Junior Achievements” (directed by Patrick Maloney)

Posted on May 3, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, as the world froze outside, I battled insomnia by watching yet another old episode of California Dreams.

Why Was I Watching It?

Last night, Texas was hit by a cold front. So, there I was, wide awake at 3 in the morning, curled up on the couch in my beloved Pirates t-shirt and panties and shivering as the wind howled and the temperature outside plunged into the low 30s. I figured that maybe watching something silly on YouTube would help me get a little sleep. So, I figured why not watch a show from sunny, always warm California?

Unfortunately, as I’ve explained in my previous California Dreams–related posts, there aren’t any old episodes of Saved By The Bell: The New Class on YouTube so I had to watch California Dreams instead.

What Was It About?

It’s flu season in California. Instead of doing the smart thing and staying home and resting, the very sick Tony (William James Jones) continues to go to school and work. Fortunately, Tony’s girlfriend Sam (Jennie Kwan) is from China and therefore, using typical California Dreams logic, is capable of brewing a magical tea.

Meanwhile, the economics teacher at Pacific Coast High School is handing out $500 to his students and demanding that they use it to start a successful business. While Jake (Australia’s Jay Anthony Franke) and Mark (Aaron Jackson) struggle to sell music lessons, Sly (Michael Cade), Tiffany (Kelly Packard), and Lorena (Diana Uribe) go into business selling Sam’s magic tea. However, their greed angers Sam’s ancestors.

Naturally, lessons are learned.

What Worked?

The commercial shoot was amusing. Anyone who has ever appeared in a student film will be able to relate to it. I especially liked the fact that Tiffany’s response to Tony’s direction was to repeat the line in the exact same way as before.

I liked the way that Jake’s student delivered the line, “A public debut might be a bit premature…”

What Did Not Work?

Wow, California Dreams — ethnic stereotype much?

I have to admit that I’m a bit confused about PCHS. In some episodes, it’s portrayed as being this school where there’s little to no discipline and the student body is absurdly powerful. And then, in an episode like this one, it’s suddenly full of teachers who just randomly hand out money, demand that their students start and run a successful business, and sentence people to summer school on a whim.

As well, you have to wonder how the teacher could punish Jake and Mark for not charging for their lessons while then giving Sam an A just because she was pretty much forced, by a random set of circumstances, into doing the right thing. I mean, how exactly is that integrity?

Seriously, California must have a really powerful teachers union.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Back when I was in college, I had a role in a student film where I was required to spend a lot of time in bed while wearing a black negligee. The script didn’t call for me to cough but I did so anyway because I felt that’s what my character would do in that situation. “Lisa, don’t cough,” the director said. I glared back at him and said, “Well, excuse the fuck outta me for trying to give a good performance.” Everyone laughed and assumed I was joking so I just went with it.

Lessons Learned

Back in the 90s, you could do a lot with $500.