Vincent Dale | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, it’s all about a man and his dog.

Episode 3.16 “My Wife As A Dog”

(Dir by Armando Mastroianni, originally aired on February 19th, 1990)

I knew I was going to dislike this episode as soon as I saw the title.

While Johnny and Micki spend their time trying to get the store up to code so that it can pass a fire inspection (and good luck doing that when there’s a literal portal to Hell located in the basement), Jack searches for a cursed leash. Jack has no idea what the leash does. He just knows that it’s cursed. However, the leash’s owner — fireman Aubry Ross (Denis Forest, making his fourth appearance on the show) — has figured out that, by using the leash to strangle people, he can transport the mind of his dying dog into the body of his estranged (but not dying) wife.

Or something like that. To be honest, I had a hard time following the particulars of this curse. Fortunately, so did Jack. This is the first episode that I can think of where Jack admits that he has no idea how a cursed objects works. Even when he retrieves the leash at the end of the episode, he admits that he’s still not sure what Aubry actually did with it. Jack being confused made me feel a little bit less dumb so I was happy with that. The episode ends with Aubry in jail, being visited his panting wife. She brings him his slippers because she’s now a dog in a human body.

Ugh. This was an attempt to do a light-hearted episode and I respect the show for trying to do something different. At the same time, it also featured four murders and a woman, who simply wanted to get a divorce from her creepy husband, being transformed into a dog. Our regulars were barely in this episode and, when they did appear, we had to suffer through some awkward flirting between Johnny and Micki. Denis Forest did a good job as Aubry but otherwise, this was an episode that I could just as soon forget.

This week on Friday the 13th: The Series, Micki and Jack come across vampires in their city but the real threat comes from the man who has dedicated his life to destroying them.

Episode 3.8 “Night Prey”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on November 13th, 1989)

Back in 1969, Kurt Bachman (Michael Burgess) could only watch helplessly as his wife was abducted and turned into a creature of the night by vampire Evan Van Hellier (Eric Murphy). Kurt has spent twenty years searching for Evan and trying to kill other vampires. (Jill Hennessy makes her second appearance on Friday the 13th, this time playing a vampire who lures an unsuspecting victim into an alley.) However, Kurt now has a new tool at his disposal. He has a cursed crucifix that can destroy a vampire but only after it is first used to kill an innocent person. Kurt may be trying to do the right thing by ridding the world of vampires but, as is so often the case with this show, it’s impossible to do the right thing while using a cursed object. Kurt gets his revenge but at the cost of his own life. Spilling blood to destroy a bloodsucker just doesn’t work in the long term.

This is another episode in which Jack gets involved after a friend of his is killed. Poor Jack. He friends were always dying. In this case, Jack’s friend was a priest who attempted to keep Kurt from stealing the crucifix. (Kurt, for all that he’s suffered, doesn’t really seem to be too upset over killing an innocent priest. Maybe his obsession got the better of him. Maybe Kurt was just a jerk.) Jack and Micki investigate the local decadent vampire scene while Johnny stays at the store and has pizza and beer. Jack confesses that he sometimes envies the vampires but fear not, Jack does not go over to the dark side. For that matter, neither does Micki. They both learned their lesson the last time they had to deal with a vampire.

This was a stylish episode, though the idea of vampires being decadent, leather-clad nightclubbers is not really as shocking an idea as the show seems to think it is. Michael Burgess gives a good performance as the obsessed Kurt. In the end, he destroys the vampire who abducted his wife but at the cost of his own soul as his now vampiric wife puts the bite on him and soon, Kurt is a vampire himself. Fortunately, Jack has some holy water to take care of that. People spend so much time on stakes and crucifixes that they overlook the power of holy water. This episode was full of atmosphere and I always like it when Jack gets to do something more than just wait back at the store. This was a good Friday.