Victoria Scott | Through the Shattered Lens

Killer Under The Bed aired on the Lifetime network back on October 20th and, at first glance, it might sound like a typical lifetime film.

Recent widow Sarah (Kristy Swanson) has moved into a new house and gotten a new job. She has two teenage daughters, both of whom are still struggling to deal with the death of their father. The older daughter is Chrissy (Madison Lawlor), the star athlete who is protective of her younger sister, even if she’s not always willing to admit it. Kilee (Brec Bassinger) meanwhile is struggling to escape from her sister’s shadow and fit in at her new school.

Consider some of what Kilee has to deal with. The school’s resident mean girls are determined to destroy her. She has a crush on one of her teachers and he seems to be growing more and more obsessed with her. Kilee has a secret that she can’t tell her mother or her sister and Kilee fears that everyone blames her for what happened to her father.

As I said, it sounds like a typical Lifetime situation but here’s the twist. Almost all of Kilee’s problem can be linked to the rather ugly doll that she stumbled across in her new home. Much like buying weed in Colorado and then trying to sell it for a profit in Wyomng, having a voodoo doll seemed like a good idea at first. By making wishes, Kilee not only punished the school bully but she also resolved a conflict between her mom and a co-worker. And when Kilee wished that her teacher would love her, he went from holding her at a polite distance to suddenly sending her flirtatious texts and photoshopping their faces onto wedding advertisements!

But, much like a Colorado weed dealer spending the night in a Wyoming jail, Kilee soon discovers that nothing’s ever as easy as it seems. Even the best of ideas have consequences. For one thing, the doll has the power to drive people crazy. Secondly, the doll itself is a bit possessive and has a temper. When Chrissy comes across the doll and tries to throw it away, the doll responds by climbing out of the trashcan and reentering the house. Later, when the school bully tries to steal the doll, the doll responds by attacking her with a knife. Soon, the doll is crawling around the house, hiding underneath beds, and creating all sorts of mayhem.

Oh my God, this was such a great movie! From the minute that doll unzipped Kilee’s backpak so that it could escape to raise havoc, I knew I was watching a great film. Killer Under The Bed is totally over the top and just so wonderfully ludicrous that there’s no way that you can’t have fun watching it. Between the killer doll, the bullies that were so evil that seemed like they should be plotting against The Avengers, and the perpetually confused teacher, Killer Under The Bed was way too much fun.

In the past, I’ve been told that Lifetime tends to be resistant to horror movies. They really should rethink that policy. Killer Under The Bed is one of the most entertaining Lifetime films that I’ve seen in a while.

Recently Lisa reviewed Jaws. You know what she did probably without knowing it? She reviewed Blades. Seriously, it’s the same movie. Watch this. I’m going to take the second paragraph of her review and make it about Blades.

I mean, seriously, what’s there to say about this film? Blades is one of those movies that no one has seen and everyone has seen. And, even if everyone hasn’t seen the film, chances are they can still tell you about it. They know it’s a movie about a giant lawnmower that attacks Tall Grass Country Club, just as a big golfing tournament is starting. They know the club owner refuses to close the course, because he doesn’t want to lose the television exposure. They know that the final half of the film is two guys and a girl (Robert North, Victoria Scott, and Jeremy Whelan) driving around a golf course in a van, searching for a lawnmower. And they certainly know that, whenever you hear the rumble of an engine, it means that someone is about to get attacked.

See, it’s the same damn movie! And it’s damn entertaining! The reason it works so well is that they play it straight. The scene where Jeremy Whelan, who plays the Robert Shaw character named Deke Slade, tells the story about his father dying at the hands of a lawnmower, it’s done with all the seriousness that Shaw told his shark story.

Also, Robert North, who plays the Roy Scheider character named Roy Kent, always appears genuinely concerned for the lives of the people on the golf course.

It’s been awhile since I watched Jaws, but I swear I remember a scene on par with the most ridiculous scene in this movie. That’s where they deputize a bunch of people who go out on a big hunt for the killer lawnmower and catch one. Then our heroes go and cut it open to find that it doesn’t have inside of it any body parts to indicate that it’s the right mower.

So you want to see the killer mower? Here it is near the end of the film.

How does it end? The same way of course. Explosives get placed on the lawnmower and Roy hits a golf ball onto it that triggers them. Boom!

I could have explained in more detail, but seriously it’s the same movie as Jaws. All you need to know is that yes, it does a good job and I think it’s worth watching. I honestly look at it less as a parody or a spoof of Jaws than an homage to it that shows how well that formula works.

One of my favorite things is in the credits. The very first credit you see is a solo card crediting the gaffer Scott Buckler. Before anyone else on the movie, the gaffer gets top billing.

At the end of the credits they hint at a sequel called Hedges about a killer chainsaw. After a guy leaves his chainsaw outside we see it appear to come alive. Then we get this.