Tyler Posey | Through the Shattered Lens

I have to admit that the main reason I watched Yoga Hosers is because I’m currently in the process of making out my “worst of 2016” list and everyone that I’ve talked to has insisted that Yoga Hosers happens to belong on that list.

Well, for once, I actually happen to agree with other people. At the risk of losing my contrarian reputation, Yoga Hosers definitely belongs on any list of the worst films of 2016.

I mean … Look, I get it.

I know that making crappy-looking films with juvenile humor has, in the past, worked out very well for Kevin Smith. It’s made him an icon. It’s won him legions of fans. Some of my best friends love Kevin Smith and his movies. I, personally, appreciate that he’s a fan of Degrassi.

And I know that there are literally thousands of interviews with Kevin Smith where he talks about the fact that he’s not the world’s greatest visual stylist. He always pokes fun at the fact that he rarely moves the camera. He’s open about the fact that he’s better at writing dialogue than filming it. And I also know that he has regularly encouraged people not to take anything that he does too seriously.

I get all of that.

But here’s the thing … Yoga Hosers is really, really bad. And Kevin Smith openly admitting that he’s not a very good director doesn’t make Yoga Hosers any less painful to sit through.

It’s actually kind of sad that Yoga Hosers isn’t better. The film deals with two 15 year-old Canadian convenience store workers. They’re both named Colleen and they’re best friends. They’re also very well-played, by Harley Quinn Smith and Lily-Rose Depp. In fact, they both give such likable performances that it actually makes the film just a little more bearable than it otherwise would have been. And, hey — Kevin specifically made Yoga Hosers so that his daughter could have a starring role. That’s more than my Dad ever for me when I was fifteen!

But, God, the movie is just so bad.

And by bad, I mean boring. It’s not even so bad that it’s good. It’s just a boring, bad movie.

Of course, If you just heard a rough outline of the film’s plot, you would probably think that Yoga Hosers was destined for cult immortality. The Colleens are forced to spend a Friday night working at the store and they end up having to fight off a bunch of Nazi bratwursts, all of whom seeking to continue the hateful legacy of a Canadian Nazi played, in painfully unfunny flashbacks, by poor Haley Joel Osment. Johnny Depp shows up as Guy LaPointe, a “man-hunter” who has a huge mustache and who speaks with a thick accent that’s obviously supposed to be hilarious.

But seriously, it takes forever for those little Nazis to show up. First, you have to deal with about an hour of the Colleens obsessing over their phones and saying “aboot” a lot. This is one of the slowest films that I’ve ever seen and Kevin Smith is not the type of director to make a joke and then move on after he gets a laugh. No, instead, he’s going to make a joke and then make it a second time and then keep pounding you over the head with it. Watching Yoga Hosers is the equivalent of having Kevin Smith in your face for 90 minutes, screaming, “This is funny, right!? RIGHT!?”

For instance, do you think it’s funny that Canadians say “aboot” and “oot?” If you do, Yoga Hosers might be for you. Or it still might not be, because how many times can you laugh at the Colleens saying “aboot?” After the 10th time, you’ve gotten the joke but rest assured, you’re going to hear it a hundred more times. Do Canadians ever get tired of Americans demanding that they say “aboot?” I think I would. I’m from Texas and I know I get sick of people from up north going crazy whenever I say “y’all.”

I think the main problem with Yoga Hosers is that Kevin Smith apparently didn’t trust his audience to pick up on all of the film’s comedic details. Hence, the film never makes a joke without then beating us over the head to make sure that we understand that we’ve just heard or seen a joke. For instance, it’s clever that, in Yoga Hosers, Canadian cereal is called “Pucky Charms.” I saw one of the Colleens walking around with an open box of Pucky Charms and I smiled and I thought it was a clever little joke. But it becomes less clever once Smith starts to have other characters specifically point out that Canadian cereal is called “Pucky Charms.” Then it becomes just another mildly funny joke that quickly gets old.

I love Canada! And I’m pretty sure Kevin Smith is a nice guy too. But seriously, Yoga Hosers is the worst.

Eriq La Salle in Inside Out

Welcome to the suburbs!

It’s a world of secrets and lies, where friends spend their time exchanging gossip and no one’s marriage is that happy once you get behind closed doors. It’s a place where any sign of nonconformity is viewed as being a threat and where everyone is desperate to be a neighborhood insider because being an outsider is Hell on Earth.

The suburbs have also been the setting of a countless number of Hollywood melodramas. I’ve reviewed a few of them, like Sin In The Suburbs, over the past two weeks. The 2005 film Inside Out continues the cinematic tradition of casting a skeptical eye on the suburbs and it actually works pretty well, up until about the final 10 minutes of the movie. Yes, Inside Out is one of those movies that basically starts out strong and then ruins it all by building up to a thoroughly ludicrous final twist.

Don’t get me wrong. I love twist endings when they work. When they don’t work, they lead to something like Inside Out.

Inside Out starts out well enough. Eriq La Salle plays a mysterious man who moves into an idyllic suburban neighborhood in the middle of the night. When his neighbors attempt to greet him, he simply responds with a cold glare and then proceeds to alienate them even more by loudly mowing his lawn in the middle of another night. When he decides to hold a sudden garage sale, everyone is surprised to discover that he’s not selling the usual second-hand stuff. Instead, he’s selling expensive and new electronics and valuable antiques. When one neighborhood woman asks why he’s selling all of it, La Salle simply replies that they once belonged to his son.

Finally, La Salle does start to socialize with one neighbor (played by Steven Weber) but the friendlier that La Salle is, the more suspicious Weber becomes. Weber cannot bring himself to trust his new neighbor and instead, he starts his own investigation. As Weber finds out more and more about La Salle, he starts to grow more and more paranoid….

And, up until the final 10 minutes, the entire movie is actually kind of working. Director David Ogden is keeping things nicely off-center. Weber is both sympathetic and somewhat frightening as he grows more and more paranoid. Best of all, Eriq La Salle creates a character that seems to radiate a very genuine sort of menace. You really want to know what La Salle is hiding in his basement and you worry what will happen to Weber once he inevitably breaks in La Salle’s house to investigate…

And then, out of nowhere, the film launches one of the biggest and stupidest twists in the history of the movies. No, you won’t see it coming. Yes, you will be shocked. But not because the twist is effective or surpising. No, the twist is shocking because it makes no sense, it comes out of nowhere, and it is just amazingly stupid.

And that’s a shame because there’s a lot of talent on display in this film.

Is the film worth seeing despite the twist? Perhaps. It shows up on Encore occasionally and I would recommend it on the strength of Weber and La Salle’s performances. As I said, there’s a lot to appreciate during the first 80 minutes of the film. But, before it reaches that twist, you might want to stop the film and come up with a better ending of your own.