Tracey Stone | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Ugh. I guess it’s time to get back to this stupid show.

Episode 1.8 “Two ‘Man’ Bowling”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 29th, 1998)

The local bowling alley has got a tournament coming up. The grand prize is a jet ski! Woo hoo! Jason Collins really wants to win that jet ski and defeat Louie (Jose Urbina). In fact, Jason even bets all of Scott’s tip money that he’ll be able to win the tournament. (Why Scott’s tip money? Because Louie spots the jar on the counter at the restaurant and assumes that it’s Jason’s tip money. God, this show is freaking stupid.) It’s a good thing that Jason is dating Stads, the best bowler in Malibu.

Except …. IT’S A TWO MAN BOWLING TOURNAMENT! NO WOMEN ALLOWED!

Like seriously, what the Hell? Both Stads and Sam are outraged by the blatant sexism but Jason is more worried about that jet ski and his brother’s tip money. He recruits Scott to be his partner but then Scott sprains his wrist when it gets caught in a dollhouse that has been refurbished into a big mouse trap because there’s a mouse loose at the restaurant and…. God, this show is freaking stupid.

Anyway, Stads puts on a fake beard and wears a loose flannel shirt and speaks in a deep voice and pretends to be a guy named Earl. Jason and “Earl” win the tournament but Melody (Marissa Jaret Winokur) develops a crush on Earl and asks him on a date. Because Melody’s father own the bowling alley, Stads has to go on the date or else Jason won’t win his jet ski. Huh?

Since Stads is not a total sociopath, she reveals the truth to Melody at the awards tournament. (Actually, the truth comes out because Jason accidentally pulls off Stads’s wig but Stads was planning on coming clear regardless.) At first, it appears that Jason and Stads are going to be disqualified but then the owner of the bowling alley decides to change the rules after the tournament has ended and, as a result, Jason and Scott win a jet ski and hey, maybe Stads will get to ride it as well.

(Seriously, Stads …. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!)

Meanwhile, there’s a mouse loose in the restaurant and instead of following health code regulations and closing the place down, Peter says that Murray and Sam have a day to catch it before he calls in the exterminator. It’s dumb but I have to admit that I did kind of smile at Murray, Sam, and Tracy’s enthusiasm when it came to hunting the mouse. They were enjoyably silly.

For the most part, though, this was a pretty freaking stupid episode that felt as if it was pieced together with plotlines and jokes that were left over from Saved By The Bell and California Dreams. As I’ve said before, this show wouldn’t be so bad if Jason and Scott weren’t total jerks but they are. One guy with a smirk is intriguing but two guys with a smirk feels like a threat. I hope their jet ski sinks.

It’s time for another episode of the worst show ever produced by Peter Engel!

Episode 1.6 “My Hero”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 15th, 1998)

Jason and Stads are finally admitting that they are a couple. Normally, I would say that this is a step forward for them and a sign of growing maturity but Jason still cannot stand the fact that his girlfriend is more athletic to him. (Did it not occur to Jason that Stads works as a lifeguard, a job that requires a certain amount of athleticism?) Stads beats Jason at foosball. She beats him at tennis. She beats him at basketball. She beats him at everything so, of course, when someone tries to rob the restaurant, Stads lets Jason have all the credit for knocking him out despite the fact that she’s the one who did it.

Oh yeah, this is a healthy relationship….

Everyone celebrates Jason as a hero. Traycee gives him a picture of David Hasselhoff to sign. The local news wants to do a story on him, for some reason. Jason lets all the adulation go to his head and, on live television, says that Stads was cowering in a corner while he defeated the robber. Stads proceeds to call him out and reveal what really happened, again on live television.

So, I guess that’s the end of that relationship, right? Nope. Jason apologizes and Stads takes him back because it would appear that Stads has no self-esteem. Seriously, Stads — you’re a blonde lifeguard with a sweet personality. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN JASON! (That said, I probably would have at least let him win a game or two of tennis, just to be nice. And I wouldn’t have played basketball at all because everyone always seems to end with a skinned knee or a broken nose whenever they play that game. Foosball, though …. TAKE NO PRISONERS!)

This is yet another episode of Malibu, CA where the main theme is that Jason Collins is the second worst person on the planet. (The worst, of course, is his brother, Scott.) Whiney and entitled is no way to go through life.

Speaking of being whiney, Scott is upset that Murray keeps tagging along on all of his dates with Sam. So, Scott sets up Murray up with a girl who is as into surfing as Murray is. Suddenly, Scott discovers that Murray is a big believer in double dating. Scott tries to explain to Murray that he’s becoming a third wheel but Murray thinks that Scott is talking about Murray’s new girlfriend so Murray dumps her so that he can spend all of his time with Scott and Sam. Ha! Take that, Scott, ya schmuck!

I hate this show.