Volker (Gary Daniels) and his gang break into an English manor, hoping to rob the place.  Since their last home invasion led to a pregnant woman getting shot in the head (though the actress continued to visibly breathe onscreen even after her character expired), Volker has planned this robbery down to the least little detail.  However, it turns out that the family that was supposed to be on a trip is actually home for the holidays!  Also, their Hungarian gardener, Peter (Robert Bronzi), is a former soldier who returns to his former ways to protect the family.  Armed with his gardening tools, Peter takes out the bad guys, one at a time.

Robert Bronzi is an actor whose career centers around him bearing a passable resemblance to Charles Bronson.  He also appeared in Death Kiss and, earlier this week, Brad reviewed him in Escape From Death Block 13.  In this movie, he’s not really a gardener just like Charles Bronson wasn’t really a mechanic in the film of the same name.  Get it?  This is one of the Bronzi films I’ve seen in which he wasn’t dubbed.  Peter is from Eastern Europe, just like Bronzi, so Bronzi gets to speak with his own voice.  He still doesn’t say much, though.  Bronzi actually looks less and less like Charles Bronson every time that I see him.  If he ever lost the mustache, his career would end.  Even more importantly, Bronzi doesn’t have Bronson’s screen presence.  Bronson could accomplish a lot just by narrowing his eyes.  Brozni always seems like he’s not sure where the camera is.  The movie plods along without much suspense or humor, as if we’re supposed to take a low-budget film with a Charles Bronson imitator seriously.

The Gardener is a film with a plot so thin that I don’t think the real Charles Bronson would have wasted his time with it.