The Babysitter’s Seduction | Through the Shattered Lens

Hail To The King, Baby

This Sunday is Bruce Campbell’s birthday. Our own Case Writes will be reviewing Bruce’s two autobiographies on that day. Here’s a few films you can watch while celebrating.

Sadly, the first three Evil Dead films are not streaming anywhere for free this weekend. However, Bubba Ho-Tep (2002), which features Bruce as a nursing home resident who may or may not actually be Elvis Presley, is available on Tubi. This is definitely Bruce’s best non-Ash performance and there’s actually something very touching about the idea of an elderly and forgotten Elvis teaming up with John F. Kennedy (Ossie Davis) to battle an ancient mummy. There’s a lot of humor to be found in this film but there’s also a definite strain of melancholy and Bruce gives a truly moving performance as someone who you’ll want to believe in. The film is on Tubi.

Maniac Cop (1988) is nowhere near as good as the Evil Dead films or Bubba Ho-Tep but it does give audiences a chance to see Bruce giving a relatively “serious” performance as a policeman who is accused of a murder that was actually committed by a hulking zombie cop. Not only does this film feature Bruce Campbell but it’s also got Tom Atkins, William Smith, Richard Roundtree, and Robert Z’Dar. If nothing else, this film is a tribute to exploitation canniness. Director William Lustig and screenwriter Larry Cohen understood that the idea of dangerous cop would remain compelling one long after the film’s initial release and, as such, Maniac Cop retains a definite cult appeal. The film is on Tubi.

Sadly, Bruce Campbell is killed off rather early in Maniac Cop 2 (1990). That’s a shame because the second film is a lot better than the first one. Robert Davi plays the detective who won’t be pushed around while Robert Z’Dar takes the maniac cop’s search for revenge to a whole other level. Leo Rossi is memorably unhinged. Personally, I would have liked to have seen Bruce try to take a chainsaw to the Maniac Cop but it was not be. Maniac Cop 2 can be viewed on Tubi.

Finally, The Woods (2006) is a sadly underrated horror film, one the features Bruce in a supporting role as a loving dad. Agnes Bruckner give a wonderful performance in the lead role, investigating her mysterious school and taking way too much abuse just because she has red hair. Hey, I’ve been there! I’m just happy that “fire crotch” didn’t catch on the way that “Gingers have no soul” did. (Seriously, the redheads have no soul thing was funny when South Park did it but everyone else needs to shut up about it.) The Woods is an atmospheric horror film from Lucky McKee and one that I would recommend even if it wasn’t Bruce Campbell’s birthday. View it on Tubi.

Pleasures, Guilty And Otherwise

Seriously, if I had to suggest one non-Bruce Campbell movie to you for this weekend, it would be my favorite Lifetime film, True Confessions of a Go-Go Girl (2008). Chelsea Hobbs plays a recent college graduate who realizes that she can either waste more of her life in law school or she can just make a bunch of money by being a …. GO-GO GIRL! The use of the anachronistic term “go-go girl” really does get to the charm of this movie, which manages to be both enjoyably trashy and quaintly old-fashioned at the same time. Hobbs discovers that she loves to dance and that men love to watch her dance. Her wimpy boyfriend freaks out when Hobbs goes from being a meek “good” girl to an aggressive temptress. The film is at its best when its embracing the decadence and the melodrama. On stage, Hobbs is empowered and I was all about that. Of course, Hobbs has to using hard drugs and learn a lesson because that’s the way these films go. Still, this one is a lot of fun and it features Corbin Bernsen doing his somewhat sleazy father figure thing. Find this film on Prime.

The Perfect Teacher (2010) is also available on Prime and you need to watch it because it features my favorite line of all time. “I can be your dream …. or I can be your NIGHTMARE!” This is another perfect Lifetime film and it can be viewed here!

The Wrong Cheerleader (2019) is one of the best of Lifetime’s wonderfully over-the-top “Wrong” film, featuring Degrassi’s Cristine Prosperi and, of course, Vivica A. Fox. “Looks like he messed with the wrong cheerleader.” Hell yeah! It’s on YouTube. (I have a feeling that if I ever hire someone incompetent, Vivica A. Fox will show up at my door and say, “Girl, looks like you hired the wrong landscaping crew.”)

The Babysitter’s Seduction (1996) was not originally made for Lifetime but it definitely found a home there. Keri Russell is the innocent babysitter. Stephen Collins is the handsome but sleazy guy who seduces her and then tries to frame her for killing his wife. This film’s twists was probably more effective back when Stephen Collins was still best-known as Rev. Camden as opposed to being known for …. other things. But it’s still a top-notch example of embracing the melodrama. It can be viewed on Tubi.

From the best Lifetime films, let’s now consider the best SyFy films. Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2010) not only features Tony Sirico, Paul Sorvino, and Jack Scalia but it also features characters with names like Nooki, TC, and Paulie Balzac dealing with killer sharks in New Jersey. Joey Fatone appears as himself and is promptly eaten. Of the many shark films to have been produced by the Asylum, this is definitely one of the best. It’s on Tubi!

Directed by actor Bruce Davison, Bigfoot (2012) not only features the title character but it also includes Danny Bonaduce, Barry Williams, and Sherilyn Fenn amongst the cast. Alice Cooper plays himself and meets a less-than-heroic end. This Asylum film is a true classic. It’s on Tubi!

(Click here for last week’s recommendations.)

Last night, I was feeling sad so I went to the handy DVR and I watched a movie that I recorded off of the Lifetime Movie Network on Memorial Day — the unacknowledged classic piece of Americana, The Babysitter’s Seduction!

Why Was I Watching It?

Oh. My. God! How could I not watch it? This apparently first came out way back in 1996 but it shows up on the Lifetime Movie Network like every six months or so and I make it a point to either watch it or at least DVR it every time it’s scheduled because seriously, this is like my favorite Lifetime movie of all time!

What’s It About?

Oh my God…okay, check this one out. So Kerri Russell is like this babysitter and she’s been hired to watch over the children of Stephen Collins who is the multimillionaire with a beautiful home and a wife who has had so many facelifts that her face just looks like wax. Kerri’s in high school here and she has a boyfriend who looks like he’s about 30 because he’s got a receding hairline and a big old widow’s peak but he’s still in high school too. Uhmm…remedial much?

So, anyway, one day, Kerri takes the kids out to the public pool and then she realizes that she left something behind at the house so she goes back and, oh my God!, Stephen Collins’s wife is lying dead on the kitchen floor with a gun in her hand. Is it suicide? Well, that’s what a police inspector played by Tobin Bell has to figure out. Turns out that Tobin is also best buddies with Stephen but he’s still got to do his job because it quickly becomes obvious that Mrs. Stephen Collins didn’t actually commit suicide. It all has to do with powder residue and a whole lot of other CSI-type stuff.

Anyway, it’s kinda obvious that Stephen Collins killed his wife but nobody notices because they’re too busy gossiping about how he’s now secretly sleeping with the babysitter. Kerri Russell tells everyone that she’s in love with Stephen Collins but little does she realize that Stephen Collins is busy trying to frame her for his wife’s murder.

Anyway, eventually the center cannot hold and things falls apart…

What Worked?

Okay, so basically, here we have a film where the Rev. Camden frames Felicity for murder and it’s up to the Jigsaw Killer to find the truth. That right there is what we call a harmonic convergence of pop culture. This film needs to be seen for this reason, if nothing else.

Also, the Babysitter’s Seduction is one of those films that succeeds by taking its formula to the most logical extreme and then taking another step or two forward. Hence, not only is the babysitter seduced but she’s just about brainwashed. Not only is Stephen Collins evil but, as the film reaches it conclusion, we come to realize that he’s actually the equivalent of that evil mayor from the third season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I mean, seriously — there’s nothing this guy can’t do! How, where, and when did he learn to be so evil!?

Finally, this is another one of those movies where nobody delivers a line without taking a dramatic pause in the middle of the sentence. For instance, the dead wife’s secret love introduced himself by saying, “I’m Paul Richards….I. Was. Sally’s. Lover.” Now, I have to admit that I’ve often been told that I have a tendency to 1) talk too much and 2) talk too fast and, as a result, sometimes it’s difficult to follow my train of thought. And to those who say that, I say, “Fuck you.” But anyways, after witnessing all of the dramatic pauses in this film and seeing how they helped to turn a 30-minute sitcom into a 2-hour movie, I am now much more open to the idea of adding. Pointless. Pauses. To. Everything. I. Say. From. Now. On.

Also, this film demonstrates how — if you’re in a pinch and you don’t have anything else — panties can be a handy substitute for handcuffs. So, if your boyfriend can’t quite figure out how to pull that particular quirk off, this movie serves as a nice training film for him and as 2 hours of Lifetime goodness for you.

What Didn’t Work?

Obviously, if the babysitter wasn’t an idiot then there wouldn’t be a film. But seriously, this babysitter was really an idiot. Okay — since I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea from this movie, I’ll just go ahead and say it — if the wife of your employer shows up on the kitchen floor with a bullet in her head, do not respond by having sex with your employer. It’s just not going to look good.

There’s also a scene where Kerri Russell’s bra changes color from shot to shot. Seriously, that’s just carelessness.

“Oh my God!” Just Like Me Moments

You know, I always wanted to babysit but I never got too. My older sisters all got to babysit me at one time or another but one of the drawbacks of being the baby of the family is that there was no one younger than me for me to watch. Then again, being the baby also meant that I got spoiled rotten so I can’t complain too much.

However, there was one moment I could really relate too and that was when Kerri Russell told her concerned mother, “I don’t have an attitude…you do!” I used to say that all the time! The key to delivering the line — which Kerri nails, by the way — is to wait three beats before raising up your chin half an inch, looking down the slope of your nose and saying, “…you do.” Ha! In your face, judgmental authority figure!

Also, despite never getting to be a babysitter, I did once secretly have an older lover who murdered his wife but shhhh…don’t tell anyone.

Lessons Learned

If you’re employer kills his wife, wait a few months before having sex with him. Otherwise, it just looks bad.