Late Night Retro Television Review: Check it Out! 3.12 “Howard Hemingway”

Posted on April 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and Peacock!

This week’s episode makes even less sense than usual.

Episode 3.12 “Howard Hemingway”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on November 22nd, 1987)

Weird episode.

Howard Bannister notices how many of the store’s customers are also buying trashy romance paperbacks. He also notices how much Marlene and Edna enjoy reading them. Howard decides that he should write a book of his own and become a millionaire!

(Heh heh …. go tell any working writer about the idea of becoming a millionaire off of one book and see how they react.)

Howard struggles. He sits in his office and tries to write a book about a safari. Because this episode aired in the 80s, he uses a typewriter. Because I’ve worked as an administrative assistant, I immediately noticed that Howard was a terrible typist. Soon, the floor of his office is covered in crumpled papers. He just can’t find the right hook for his story. Edna points out that he’s never been on safari. All Howard knows about is running a grocery store.

And so Passion Aisle is born!

Howard writes a book based on Cobb’s and the people that he works with. Since he only appears to work with five other people, I’m a little bit surprised that the book appeared to be as long as it was. Somehow, Howard is able to talk a publisher into publishing his book. Howard doesn’t even have an agent so I’m curious how he pulled that off but anyway….

No one wants to buy the book! Howard finally ends up giving copies away at the store. Some of the customers read it and immediately figure out that the trampy cashier “Arlene” is based on Marlene. The employees at Cobb’s decide that, since the book is based on them, they deserve some of the money that Howard is making off of it. Howard agrees even though there’s absolutely no reason for Howard to have done so. Howard wrote the thing. The employees really didn’t do anything. Still, they get a 50/50 split….

Seriously, I don’t want to overanalyze this but it really bothers me that Howard finally managed to accomplish something on his own and his employees, rather than accepting that, immediately demanded that they be rewarded for his hard work. Just because you inspired someone to write a book or paint of picture or do anything else doesn’t mean that your entitled to financial compensation. Not even Canada has gone that communist yet. Howard should have stood his ground.

But, he didn’t. Everyone got a little bit of money and I assume that Howard is never going to write another book. That’s kind of sad. Howard’s been looking for an escape from Cobb’s since the show began. He finally got one and was immediately punished for his initiative. Poor Howard!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 3.7 “He’s No Heavy, He’s My Brother”

Posted on February 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hey, Howard has an older brother! I wonder how this will work out….

Episode 3.7 “He’s No Heavy, He’s My Brother”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on October 25th, 1987)

In this episode, we meet Howard’s brother, George (Gary Krawford). George is an extremely wealthy money manager who lives in Switzerland. At the start of the episode, he is fired because his employers want to hire a younger man who they can pay less.

Dejected, George returns to Canada. He visits Howard at the store. Because George doesn’t specify that he was fired, Howard assumes that George is dying. Howard reveals that their father always liked George better. George eventually reveals that he’s not dying and that, being worth five million dollars, he doesn’t need a job in Howard’s store. Good for George. I’m happy for him.

George buys Howard’s apartment building. He then tells Howard that he’s a month behind on his rent. Howard jokes about George evicting him. George evicts Howard. End of episode.

This was a weird episode. I’m going to assume that the show’s producers were thinking of making George a regular character on the show and this episode was perhaps an attempt to reboot the entire series into a show that would focus 0n the rivalry between the Bannister brothers. According to the imdb, though, this is the only episode in which George appeared. Watching this episode, it occurred to me that the entire third season, so far, has featured epiosdes about characters who only appeared once or twice before vanishing. The third season has been an improvement over the previous season but it’s still obvious that the show was still struggling to figure out what it actually wanted to be about. This has not only led to a messy continuity but also a few unresolved cliffhangers. Last episode, it appeared Jack Christian was going to get his own store. In this episode, he’s still assistant manager at Howard’s store and no mention is made of last week’s events.

The strangest thing about this episode, though, is the show’s insistence that Howard is only in his forties when Don Adams was clearly in his sixties. George is introduced as being Howard’s older brother but actor Gary Krawford was nearly 20 years younger than Adams and he looked it, too.

Strange, strange episode. Considering George never again appeared after this episode, it’s probably best not to worry too much about it. This episode might end with Howard getting evicted (and seriously, the man manages a store, shouldn’t he able to cover his rent?) but I have a feeling we’ll never hear about it again.

Either that or Howard will be forced to live in the store, which is what he pretty much does already. The important thing is that it will all work out.

Horror Film Review: Prom Night III: The Last Kiss (1990, dir. Ron Oliver & Peter R. Simpson)

Posted on October 24, 2015 by Valerie Troutman

Prom Night III opens on a cemetery where we quickly settle on a gravestone for Mary Lou Maloney. Apparently, she was born in 1940 and died in 1957. Knowing the end of this movie, that really should say 1938-1955.

Then we cut to A Chorus Line (1985) if it were filmed by David Lynch. I’m so glad that they say this is supposed to be Hell at the end of the film cause not having seen the previous Prom Night films, I honestly wasn’t sure what I was looking at. Luckily, the only thing keeping you in Hell is a foot brace. Once Mary Lou gets that off she begins to terrorize a school with her ability to POV around the halls at night. That’s when we meet Jack Roswell (Terry Doyle). A simple man who just wants to mop floors and keep his alcohol chilled in the slop bucket. This was two years before it became the “it” thing to keep doughnuts in there.

Now since all horror films of this era had bad things happen in boiler rooms, he goes down into the boiler room. And what’s this? That’s a jukebox! Maybe if he’s lucky there’ll be some Foreigner or Tears For Fears on it. And that’s the cue for Sherilyn Fenn…I mean Courtney Taylor as Mary Lou Maloney to make her entrance. They knew each other and that’s not a good thing.

Standing in the boiler room, with his head hung low
Had no way out, his time was up
Heard the generic 1950s tunes, he could picture the scene
Turned around and saw Mary Lou, then like a distant scream
He heard “been a long time Jacky boy, did you miss me?”
He had lightning in his chest, and the very next day

He was found dead

Cut to a school assembly and we meet Alex Grey (Tim Conlon) playing La Bamba! That was common in films of this era. I mean Surf Ninjas (1993) used Barbara Ann, but at least here it makes sense since the film makes constant references to the 1950s for a reason. That’s when the principle reopens the gym by slicing off his finger with the giant ribbon cutting scissors. I’d say something must be going on here, but after what he just said before doing it, he probably just screwed up. I really don’t think Mary Lou had anything to do with this. He does seem that stupid.

Then his friend, who by the way is totally not supposed to be gay, tries to lure him into a summer reenacting On The Road while his girlfriend wants to lure him into a Hallmark movie on a ranch. Now Alex must go see the guidance counselor who has one of those penis cactuses on her desk that keeps getting in the way of the camera. Seeing as Alex is an idiot and can’t take her hints, he won’t be going to medical school anytime soon. I’m glad this scene was here so we know that he has the sexual imagination of someone who makes movies like Bikini Spring Break (2012). It’s important so that we actually believe that Mary Lou can use sex as a way to control him.

Now cut to what Alex believes is a romantic candle lit dinner. It’s about here where I realized that Tim Conlon reminds me of Bruce Campbell. So, since Alex needs to pick up a book at school, he goes inside and finds Mary Lou. He falls down where she proceeds to have sex with him on the American flag that he tore off the wall while the United States national anthem plays.

Just like Canadian teenagers are known to do. Waking up the next morning, Alex finds himself still at school, but during the day. Luckily he makes it to the bathroom.

Just like Italian Batman.

After Alex talks on a phone to voices from Fighting Street on the TubroGrafx-16 CD, we hear an announcement that the chess club tournament has been canceled. They are to report to the library to play with themselves. I guess even the guidance counselor has standards. Anyways, now Alex and his right ear ring rule friend look up an old newspaper about how Mary Lou died. Apparently, it was during a fire. Explains the burns on her face in a few scenes in the movie. Then Mary Lou gives him a hand job. We only hear the zipper, but before you know it, the test he was taking is over.

Then there’s a quick announcement for the girls weight lifting team. There’s a mandatory clinic on facial hair removal. I’m sure there’s also going to be a mandatory clinic for the boys ballet team on tucking. Especially on dealing with those pesky testicles by popping them back inside. But we don’t hear that part cause it’s football time!

After Mary Lou helps Alex out on the football field, we find out that Alex didn’t do so well on that test of his. The teacher was going to give him an F. No way that’s going to happen. The only F Alex is going to get is from May Lou. That’s when Mary Lou appears in the back of the classroom having made it look like a 1950s diner. I see nothing weird here. Slaughterhouse Rock did the same thing with an apartment two years prior to this movie. But there, someone was having sex on the other end of the wall pictured below.

Can Mary Lou top that? Mary Lou?

“How bout some of this. So tasty and hard and firm. And it just melts in your mouth.”

She’s got the lines, but it’s no scene of somebody getting killed with a porcelain penis like in A Clockwork Orange (1971). She then shoves a blender in his mouth and through his head. It’s a good scene, but I would have preferred if she had said this before putting a hole in his head:

“Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve”

This is when Alex discovers the price of having a hot girl from Hell helping him out in more ways than one. He’s going to have to hide the body of his teacher. And look!

More American flags! Mary Lou truly is an American girl! Yankee Doodle Dandy even plays! Since Alex isn’t ready to tell Mary Lou to not come around here no more, he proceeds to hide the body in one of the cabinets. Now Alex’s friend pops up to remind us that the Cold War was going on in the 1950s and that the Soviet Union was still around in 1990.

Alex goes back to his home on Degrassi St. to find his girlfriend and family are throwing a little celebration for the perfect score he got from Mary Lou’s hand…I mean his on his test. Time to go back to the school at night and bury that body, but first we get a little reminder that sex ain’t coming his way from his girlfriend. Luckily, that’s what Mary Lou is for!

Of course Alex ultimately buried the body on the football field which causes a problem when he spots the teacher’s hand popping up through the field. Alex really needs to be more careful. I mean the camera crew is watching his every move from the bottom of the frame.

This is when the overall grades come out and the guidance counselor finds out that Alex is number one now. Since she once knew a student named David who figured out the password was “pencil”, she figures Alex must have broken into the computer system. Of course Mary Lou isn’t going to let this go anywhere.

Mary Lou drags the counselor into a dark classroom and makes her all wet. By that I mean she drenches her in battery acid. What did you think I meant? Mary Lou is a 1950s girl! After several of the best lines Ron Oliver wrote for this movie are said, Alex and Mary Lou have sex again. Then his parents reward him again for his good grades with a Harley Davidson. And they make sure we know that thing is from the good old USA!

I’m surprised they brought a Harley Davidson onto the set. Those things can be dangerous, which is why, according to the credits on this movie, they had a Harley Wrangler by the name of Jake “Live To Ride” Fry. After a reference to Cool Jazz, Alex dons his leather jacket and shades then gets a lecture from his dad on sexual frustration. Time to bury that body! Unfortunately, a football jerk shows up to give him a hard time. Mary Lou shows up to throw a perfect spiral.

This really is the funniest death scene in this movie. Anyways, now Alex thinks she has gone too far. Since Alex doesn’t decide to get creative in dealing with her, he simply tells her off. This leads to her throwing a supernatural hissy fit and disappearing. Now Mary Lou won’t leave him alone. Not even when the teacher is trying to show a sex ed film called Social Disease.

The police also show up and we know they are detectives because a short clip of the Dragnet theme plays. After having a nightmare about the bodies of the people Mary Lou killed rising from the dead, Alex’s sister and the boom mic wake him up.

At this point, the bodies have been found. Also, Mary Lou now visits his friend in the form of Alex’s sister. I can’t say I thought I would see another scene like this that had a giraffe in it after watching An Erotic Tale Of Ms. Dracula recently.

She tears out his heart literally. Now Alex is going to take things really seriously. He gets a shotgun, come Coke, and Stay-Ups, which I’m sure work much better than Sta-Ups from Nightmare On Elm Street 2. This is when some rap that samples The Guess Who’s American Woman kicks in. Then the cops show up and I must say it was nice of Blood Simple (1984) to make a guest appearance.

The police capture Alex. Then the boom mic pops down again just to toy with us by making us think Dolemite might show up to save Alex. Instead, Mary Lou shows up as a guard and basically lets Alex out of prison. I mean the movie has to have it’s climax at the prom. It’s in the title!

Ah, movies from this era truly had hideous school dance dresses, but I’d collect them if I could. After killing off George McFly…

Mary Lou, Alex, and the girlfriend go to Hell. Not a whole lot to this part other than that the girlfriend does have some sweet flamethrower action.

Luckily, there is a car in Hell. And after driving it through Mary Lou…

her body sends the 1.21 gigawatts into the flux capacitor to send them back to 1957. No seriously, they do this whole part like it’s straight out of one of the Back To The Future movies. So, girlfriend dies and Alex is stranded in the 1950s with Mary Lou.

Then the rap kicks in again over the credits. It’s stupid and campy, but kind of fun. And this has been another edition of Valerie talks way too much about a movie.