“Where’s Mercury? Mercury, it’s God. Listen, I need you to take a message to Odin and Zeus. And don’t forget Moses. Tell the boys to send their strongest, ablest, most beautiful women to Earth to punch it out. I wanna see some real knockouts. Tell ’em to call it: Battling Amazons. Do it!”

Thus begins one of dumbest and greatest things ever made. You might be asking yourself: Why Moses? Well, Delilah of course! We all know what she did to Victor Mature’s hair so she clearly can handle herself in the ring. So, the call goes out and numerous women are sent to battle.

Thesbian, The Viking Queen

Peelar, The Tiger Woman

Athena

Wanda, The Iron Mistress

Sandra, The Prophet

Lazar, The Woman Of The Future

Delilah

Deidra, The Brazilian Bombshell

We are then introduced to Georgia and Peter Willis who are two of the three people who guide us through the fights. I would be shocked if their lines were written in advance because it really sounds like they are improvising. Especially Peter. Sometimes it’s like he can’t think of something to say.

At first glance this looks like something exploitative, but it’s not really. You want that, then the movie called Trashy Ladies Wrestling that they advertise at the end of the copy I watched is for you. This is pure parody. The ladies get out there and lay it on as thick as possible. Even Holly the “round girl” comes out and does her best impersonation of those girls who are only there for eye candy.

But just as professional wrestling doesn’t all take place in the ring, neither does Amazon boxing. As the ladies arrive, Dan Dugen interviews them. They come up to him and act all tough to a remarkably small audience waiting for them. The best part of these interviews is the size of the guy doing them. The only people this guy is bigger than are Peter Dinklage and the lead singer of The Outfield. It really adds to the impression that these ladies are sent by the Gods. They tower over him.

The other people who are of note are Issie, the manager of Delilah, and Wanda, The Iron Mistress.

Issie

Wanda is one of the last of the ladies to show up, but they cut several times to show that she is on her way. My favorite is when they show her running across some grass next to a parking lot. There’s a trash can in her way and she just knocks it out of her way while holding some weapon in her hand. Other times she just runs like a mad woman holding something. These parts always had me laughing.

Wanda is on her way!

In wrestling backstage drama is all part of the experience and that is brought to Amazon boxing as well. During the battle between Thesbian and Delilah, Issie plays a horn. It distracts Thesbian and causes Delilah to win the fight. Then comes the controversy that takes us into a flashback where we see that Delilah told Issie to sneak into Delilah’s training area to find her weakness. After realizing that the brush in her bag will do him no good, he finds the horn.

Finding The Horn

As for the fighting itself. It’s pretty ridiculous, but they actually appear to be fighting. It’s not like the kind of thing where you’d expect every move, punch, or grab to be of a sexual nature. It’s just weak sauce moves. Still, it’s fun to watch.

I just can’t do this thing justice with words or a few screenshots. It must be seen. It’s only an hour long and it’s on YouTube at the time of writing this. Otherwise, it’s available through Amazon on VHS. Check it out!