A Jim Wynorski Christmas movie!?

Yes, there is such a thing.  First released in 1993, Little Miss Millions tells the story of a cynical but good-hearted private investigator named Nick Frost (Howard Hesseman) who is hired to track down a 9 year-old runway named Heather (Jennifer Love Hewitt, making her feature debut at the age of 12).  Nick is hired by Heather’s stepmother, Sybil (Anita Morris), who only wants Heather back because she’s worth several million dollars.  After Sybil hires Nick, she also decides to frame him for kidnapping Heather so that she can both get back her stepdaughter and get out of having to pay any reward money.  Soon, Nick has two federal agents (played by James Avery and Robert Fieldstell) on his trail.  For her part, Heather just wants to find and live with her birthmother, Susan (Terri Treas).

It’s a pretty simple film, one that borrows heavily from It Happened One Night (minus the romantic element, of course) and every single Christmas film that has ever been made.  This is one of those rather corny family films where you will pretty much be able to guess everything that is going to happen before it happens but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  It’s a holiday film and no one watches a holiday film to get depressed.  They watch holiday films for the sentimental moments and the heart-warming comedy and the moments that create an idealized portrait of life during the holiday season.  For all of the violence to be found in them, both Die Hard and Die Hard 2 end with John McClane being reunited with his wife for the holidays.  As dark as It’s A Wonderful Life occasionally is, it still ends with that bell ringing and Clarence getting his wings.  Miracle on 34th Street never answers for sure whether or not Kris Kringle is who he says he is but Natalie Wood still gets her house with a tree in back.  A Christmas Story‘s Ralphie does not shoot his eye out.  Lethal Weapon‘s Riggs finds a new family.  And don’t even get me started on Santa Claus Conquers The Martians.  We watch holiday movies for holiday cheer and, in its unpretentious way, Little Miss Millions is full of that cheer.

Of course, it’s still a Jim Wynorski film.  So, while this is definitely a family film without many of the things that are typically associated with the Wynorski brand, Little Miss Millions still finds time for a sudden rainstorm that leaves everyone drenched.  And, of course, Nick and Heather stop off at a biker bar that is inhabited by Rick Dean, Toni Naples, and wrestler Queen Kong.  Peter Spellos, who played the much-abused Orville Ketchum in Sorority House Massacre 2 and Hard To Die, shows up as a bus driver.  It’s still a Wynorski film but it’s also a sweet-natured film, featuring likable performances from Howard Hesseman and Jennifer Love Hewitt.  It’s not a holiday classic but it’s diverting enough for those looking for something with which to pleasantly pass the time.