Sara Malakul Lane | Through the Shattered Lens

First released in 2014, Jailbait tells the story of Anna Nix (Sara Malakul Lane).

Anna is a teenager who loves to play the cello, largely because it allow her a mentally escape from her abusive homelife. When her stepfather sexually assaults her, Anna pushes him back and he ends up hitting his head on a wall and promptly dying. After her own mother testifies that Anna is lying about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her stepfather, Anna is sent to a juvenile prison.

Warden Frank Baragan (Steve Hanks) has a quick smile and a dorky sense of humor and he might seem earnest and supportive when he tries to encourage Anna to play her cello at the prison talent show but he quickly reveals himself to be as much of a perv as Anna’s stepfather. Warden Frank is willing to help Anna but only if she does things for him. (You can guess what things.) And, even when Anna complies, Frank makes it clear that there’s no way he’s going to support her efforts to get parole.

There’s a lot to deal with in this prison. Anna’s cellmate, the well-meaning Genie (Jennifer Robyn Jacobs), may love her but Genie can only provide so much support. Meanwhile, gang leader Kody (Erin O’Brien) provides Anna with protection but only as long as Anna follows orders. (Kody even forces Anna to get a tattoo identifying her as being a part of the gang.) As soon as Anna tries to get away from Kody, she finds herself targeted. Anna soon starts smoking and then injecting drugs, becoming an addict who is continually sent to the dark, dirty, and vermin-infested isolation cells, where no clothing is allowed. (Yuck! If I was ever on one of those Scared Straight shows, all of that would be enough to keep me out of prison.) Will Anna be able to survive long enough to not only impress the other prisoners with her cello skills but also to expose the corrupt warden?

Released by The Asylum, Jailbait hits all of the usual women-in-prison movie beats. It’s definitely a sordid film, one of those movies where everyone somehow still looks good despite living in a filthy prison and only getting to take a shower once or twice a week. (Occasionally, someone will get a smudge of dirt on their face but considering the amount of time that many of the characters spend locked away naked in a filthy cell, everyone still looks remarkably clean and healthy.) That said, Jailbait was still better than I was expecting, largely due to the performance of Sara Malakul Lane, who didn’t let the fact that she was starring in an exploitation film keep her from giving a fully committed performance. She gets strong support from Jennifer Robyn Jacobs, Erin O’Brien, and especially Steve Hanks. (Oh, how you will hate the Warden!) Director Jared Cohn is a veteran when it comes to directing on a low budget and he keeps the action moving quickly.

Don’t get me wrong, of course. The film has its flaws. I’ve read a few comments online from some people who felt that the cello scenes were not convincing. I’ve never played the cello so, to be honest, I really wouldn’t know. But, with all that in mind, this film is far better than I would expect any film called Jailbait to be.

Half Shark….

Half Octopus….

All Man!

No, wait a minute. That’s not right. Let’s try that again.

Half Shark….

Half Octopus….

All Killer!

There, that’s it! That’s our Sharktopus!

Produced by the legendary Roger Corman, Sharktopus originally aired on the SyFy channel in 2010. It tells the story of S-11, a creature that is half-shark and half-octopus. How exactly did S-11 come to exist? Well, blame the government! The government wanted a new weapon and apparently, it didn’t bother them that the weapon would have no practical use beyond going rogue and killing civilians. Dr. Nathan Sands (Eric Roberts, the one and only) created the sharktopus with the help of his daughter, Nicole (Sara Malakul Lane). When S-11 swims off on its own and starts eating human beachgoers, Nicole teams up with mercenary Andy Flynn (Kerem Bursin). Nicole and Andy think that they’ve been sent to destroy S-11 but it turns out that Nathan has other plans.

Let’s just state the obvious. This is the greatest film ever made. Okay, well …. maybe it’s not the greatest. Some people would probably say that it’s not even that good but I think they’re overthinking things. What it comes down to is that there really aren’t as many films out there about shark/octopus hybrids as you might think. When it comes to this very specific genre of horror films, Sharktopus is the best.

This is a film that understands why the audience is watching. We’re watching because we want to see Sharktopus action! So, while the film does contain its fair share of scenes of Nicole and Andy searching the ocean, the majority of the film is still made up of Sharktopus attacks. You don’t really get to know any of the victims, though I did feel bad for the gentleman who shouted, “Oh no! Not like this!” as he was pulled down to the ocean by S-11’s tentacles, but that’s okay. It’s all about the Sharktopus, a creature that is so ludicrous that it’s impossible not to like it.

Another thing that’s impossible not to like is the fact that Eric Roberts is in this film. The last time I checked, Roberts had a total of 641 acting credits listed on the imdb. He’s appeared in every type of films — from Oscar-nominated prestige films to low-budget faith-based films to Lifetime films to …. well, films like Sharktopus. But regardless of the film, Roberts always seems to be trying his best or, at the very least, he comes across like he’s genuinely amused by the absurdity of it all. Roberts has a lot of fun in Sharktopus, playing his mad scientist character with a twinkle in his eye and a barely suppressed evil smile. Dr. Sands takes genuine pride in his creation and it’s kind of hard not to get caught up in his enthusiasm.

Sharktopus is a fun movie. It’s a low-budget and deeply silly epic and it you can’t enjoy the sight of shark/octopus hybrid creeping across the beach than I don’t know what to tell you. In fact, Sharktopus was popular enough with SyFy audiences that it would return for a whole series of films in which it battled hybrid monsters. Go Sharktopus!

On a final note, keep an eye out for Roger Corman while watching this film. He plays a man on the beach who watches as a treasure seeker is dragged off to the ocean. When he realizes that she dropped a valuable coin while being taken away, Corman walks out on the beach and grabs it for himself. Hopefully, he sold that coin and used the money to go on a nice vacation. If anyone’s earned it, it’s Roger Corman!