On Tuesday night, as the temperature outside plunged down to 13 degrees and the ice continued to build up on the street outside, I watched Love Sick: Secrets of a Sex Addict on the Lifetime Movie Network.

Why Was I Watching It?

Uhmmm…hello?  Check out the title.

What Was It About?

This is one of those movies that starts with “Based on a True Story” and then continues on with “Some names and details have been changed.”  So, in other words, this is all true except for the parts that are false.  (Actually, this film is based on a memoir by Sue Silverman.)

Sally Pressman stars as Sue Silverman.  Sue is a writer.  While she battles writer’s block, her husband spends his time going to work and then coming home and whining about it.  Apparently, every day, he comes home, refuses to have sex, and says something like, “You could get a job…”  Or, hey, buddy — here’s what you could do: adjust your bra and stop crying like a little bitch.  Seriously.

(Frequently asked question: When is the right time to call a man bitch?  Any time he starts acting like one.)

Anyway, Sue responds to this by going out and sleeping with every man in Canada with the exception of her husband and who can blame her when you consider that her husband is a little bitch. 

Soon, Sue is undressing whenever she find herself alone with a man — any man.  Her obsession with sex soon brings an end to her marriage and eventually Sue is forced to go through one of those pain-in-the-ass interventions where everyone sits around and goes, “You’re addiction has harmed me in the following ways: 1) you borrowed money to spend on lingerie and you have yet to pay me back, 2) you missed my birthday party, 3) you fucked my husband…”

So, poor Sue ends up at the rehab place where the whole thing is like tough love and all “You will obey these rules or we’ll kick you out.  So there!”  Among the many rules: “No masturbation, no lingerie, no smoking, no avoiding eating, no throwing up…”  Uhm, fascist much?

(And also, what type of man leaves his wife because she wants to have sex?  Seriously, what a toadsucker.)

What Worked?

Oh, it all worked.  This was pure Lifetime Movie goodness in that it took a whole lot of serious issues and then presented them in such a way that made it impossible to take any of it seriously.  Ominous music, over-the-top dramatic line readings, and finally, a therapist who says exactly the right thing and magically makes all of the problems disappear.

Plus, I love that title.

What Didn’t Work?

Technically, the acting was pretty bad (with the exception of Sally Pressman) and the film dragged once Sue got into therapy.  But who cares?  Just check out that title.

“Oh my God!  Just like me!” Moments

Towards the end of the film, Sue says that knowing she was desired was occasionally the only thing that she could cling to, the only thing that allowed her to maintain her fragile sense of identity.  I’ve been there.  Who hasn’t?

I also share Sue’s obsession with black underwear.  Seriously, you can’t look bad in black lingerie.

Lessons Learned 

Some men, apparently, actually do say “Not tonight, I’m tired” when it comes to sex.  I’m still having a hard time buying that one.

Rehab is not fun.