Thousand Years of Dreams Day 06: Little Liar


Another day and another dream-memory recovered by our eternal warrior Kaim. This time around he begins to remember the long-lost memory of a little girl he once met during his travels through one of the uncounted towns in his journey. It’s this encounter with this little girl which gives this Day 6 dream-memory of Kaim’s quite an appropriate title of “Little Liar”.

She definitely was a little liar as Kaim begins to remember. But while that moniker sound like a condemnation, the way Kaim remembers it was quite different. Going over this dream-memory reminded me of how even when I was a young one I would sometimes lie to get attention just for the sake of getting said attention. Children seem to retreat to using their imagination as a form of defense mechanism when they want to put a rosy outlook on the miseries of their current, young life.

While the “little liar” in this dream-memory seems to have taken things to the extreme it’s not too hard to feel some sympathies for her and what she has resorted to doing to keep herself from spiraling into total despair. The end of the dream has tinges of both sadness and hope. How one decides to look at the final fate of the “little liar” will depend on whether one was the sort who sympathized with her or who grew weary of the little girl.

Little Liar

Everyone in the marketplace hates the little girl.

Not yet ten years old, and far from having outgrown the sweet innocence of childhood, she earns only open contempt from the grownups who have shops in the market.

The reason is simple.

She lies about everything.

“Hey, mister, I just saw a burglar go into your house!”

“Look, lady, everything just fell off your shelves!”

“Hey, everybody, did you hear what the traveler said? Bandits are planning to attack this market!”

Even the most harmless white lies can be annoying if repeated often enough, and the shopkeepers have found themselves growing angry.

“You better watch out for her, too,” the lady greengrocer warns Kaim.

“Nobody here falls for her lies anymore, so she’s always on the lookout for newcomers or strangers. Somebody like you would be a perfect target for her.”

She could be right.

Kaim is new to the town. He arrived a few days ago and has just started working in the marketplace today.

“What do her parents do?” Kaim asks while unloading a cartful of vegetables.

The woman frowns and shakes her head with a sigh.

“She doesn’t have any.”

“They died?”

“The mother did, at least. Maybe four or five years ago. She was a healthy young woman who never so much as caught a cold in her life, then one day she collapsed, and that was it for her.”

“How about the father?”

She sighs more deeply than before and says, “He left to find a job in the city.”

The parents used to operate a variety store in the market, though the mother almost single-handedly took care of the actual buying and selling of the many goods they carried.

As soon as she died, the shop’s fortunes took a plunge, until it was eventually taken over by someone else. The father went off to the distant capital city in search of a good- paying job that would enable him to cover their debts.

He promised to come back in six months, but he has been gone a whole year now. Letters used to arrive from him on occasion care of his friend the tailor, but those, too, gave out about six months ago.

“I guess you could say it’s sad for such a little girl to be waiting around for her father to come home, but still…”

The girl now sleeps in a corner of the communal storehouse run by the people of the marketplace.

“We all used to talk about taking care of her- to be stand-in parents for her until her father comes back.”

This is no surprise to Kaim. He knows from his own experience that all the people who work in the marketplace—and not just this plump, kindly woman—are good hearted and generous despite their limited means. Otherwise, they never would have hired a stranger like himself.

“But long before that first six months went by, we were all heartily sick of her. She was a sweet, simple girl while her mother was alive, but this experience has left her kind of twisted.

All her sweetness is gone.

Of course we all feel sorry for her, and we take our turns feeding her and dressing her in hand-me-downs, but the way she keeps telling lies to all the grownups, nobody really cares about her anymore.

Why can’t she see that…?”

“She must be lonely, don’t you think?”

With a pained smile, the woman shrugs and says,

“That’s enough gabbing for one day. Work, work!” and she goes back inside the shop.

Kaim is sorting the vegetables he has unloaded in front of the shop when he hears a little voice behind him.

“Hi, mister, you new here?”

It’s the girl.

“Uh-huh…”

“You’re not from the town, are you?”

“No, I’m not…”

“Are you living upstairs while you work here?”

“For a while, at least. That’s what I’m hoping to do.”

“I’ll tell you a secret, okay?”

It’s starting already, “Okay,” Kaim says without pausing in his work.

“There’s a ghost in this marketplace. The people here don’t tell anybody about it because it’s bad for business, but it’s really here. I see it all the time.”

“Really?!” Kaim responds with a feigned surprise.

He decides to play along with her rather than scold her for lying.

In this endlessly long life of his, he has encountered any number of children who have lost their parents or been abandoned by them.

The sadness and loneliness of children who have been cast into the wide world alone exactly what Kaim feels himself as he continues to wander throughout the infinite flow of time.

“What kind of ghost?”

“A woman. And I know who she is.”

“It’s the ghost of a mother who lost her child,” she says.

Her little girl—her only child—died in an epidemic.

Overcome with grief, the mother chose to die, and now her ghost appears in the market every night, searching for her daughter.

“The poor mother! She killed herself so she could be with her daughter, but she can’t find her in the other world, either. So she keeps looking for her and calling out, Where are you? Hurry and come with Mommy to the other world.”

The girl tells her story with deadly seriousness.

“Don’t you think it’s sad?” she asks Kaim. She actually has tears in her eyes—which is precisely why Kaim knows she is lying.

Even if he had not been warned by the woman, he would know this was a lie based on what she told him about the girl’s background.

Kaim carefully arranges bunches of well-ripened grapes in a display crate and asks the girl,

“Why do you think the mother can’t find her daughter?”

“What?”

The girl asks him with a dazed stare.

“Well,” he explains, “the girl is not in the other world, and she’s not wandering around in this world, so where is she?”

Kaim does not mean this to be a cross-examination.

He simply feels that someone who lies out of sorrow can have a far easier time of it by recognizing the lie for what it is. The loneliness of a girl who has lost her mother and been abandoned by her father consists not in telling on little lie but in having to keep on lying.

“Hmm, now that you mention it, that’s a good point,” the girl says, smiling calmly.

“Really—where did the girl go?”

Kaim momentarily considers pointing at the girl as if to say “Right here,” but before he can do so, she continues:

“This is the first time anybody ever asked me that. You’re kind of… Different.”

“I wonder…”

“No, you are. You’re different,” the girl insists

“I think we can be friends.” Her smile deepens.

Kaim smiles back at her, saying nothing.

Just then, they hear the lady greengrocer coming from the back of the shop, and the girl dashes away.

Just before she disappears around the corner into the alleyway, the girl gives Kaim a little wave as if to say “See you soon!” For the first time, the face of the girl with the all-too-grownup speaking style shows a hint of childishness befitting her years.

The girl begins coming to see Kaim at the shop several times a day when the lady grocer is not around.

She tells him one lie after another.

“I baked cookies with my mother last night. I wanted to give you some, but they were so good i ate them all.”

“Bandits kidnapped me when I was a little baby, but my father came to save me and beat up all the bandits, so I didn’t get killed.”

“My house? It’s a big, white one at the foot of the mountain. You’re new here so you probably don’t know it. It’s the biggest house in town.”

“You don’t have a family? You’re all alone? Poor Kaim! I wish I could share some of my happiness with you!”

All her lies are borne of sorrow: sad, lonely lies she could never tell to marketplace people who know her background.

At the end of every chat with Kaim, as she is leaving, the girl holds her finger to her lips and says,

“This is just our little secret. Don’t tell the lady grocer.”

Of course, Kaim says nothing to anyone.

If he happens to find himself in a situation where the market people are speaking ill of the girl, he quietly slips away.

Lies and disparagements are funny things. They don’t take shape because someone tells them but rather because someone listens to and voices agreement with them.

A truly isolated individual can never speak ill of anyone.

The same can be said regarding lies.

Because she has someone to tell her lies to, the girl need not fall into the abyss of true isolation.

To protect her small, sad share of happiness, Kaim plays the role of her listener, raising no objections.

One day when the girl comes to see Kaim, she takes special care not to be noticed by the lady grocer or by the owners of the neighboring shops.

“Tell me, Mister, are you planning to stay here a long, long time?”

“No, I’m not,” Kaim says, continuing to unload vegetables and fruit.

“You’ll be leaving when you save up enough money?”

“Probably.”

“But you don’t have enough yet?”

“I’m getting there,” he says, turning a strained smile on the girl.

This is a white lie of his own. He already has enough money to support himself on the road. Nor has he taken his current live-in job because he needs money so badly.

He is here because he has not found a destination he wants to travel to. A journey without a destination is an endless journey.

Wise men say that you need dreams and goals in life. But dreams to accomplish and goals to realize shine as guideposts in life precisely because life is finite.

So, then, what should be the dreams and goals of one who has been burdened with a life that has no end?

Kaim’s is not a journey to be hurried.

Nor is it one that can be hurried. Perhaps drifting day after day with no destination cannot even be called a journey.

“If I were you,” says the girl, “I would get out of this marketplace as soon as I had saved up enough for two or three days of traveling.”

Kaim responds to her with a silent, pained smile.

What would be the look on the girl’s face if Kaim were to tell her, “I’m staying here for you”?

I am finding the meaning of my life for now in providing you with a listener for your lies. The moment these words come to mind—words he can never actually speak to her—the girl looks around furtively and says in a near-whisper, “If you want to get out of here soon, I know a good way you can do it.”

“A good way…?”

“Sneak into the tailor’s and steal his money. There’s a little pot in the cabinet at the back of the shop. It’s full of money.”

“Are you telling me to steal it?”

“Yes.”

She looks straight at Kaim without the slightest show of doubt in her eyes.

In all seriousness, she goes on to explain, “That tailor deserves to have his place robbed.”

The money in the pot, she says, is tainted.

“I know this girl, a good friend of mine,” she says, “and it’s so sad about her.

Her mother died, and her father went off to work in the capital, and she’s all alone.

Her father was supposed to come and get her after six months, but she hasn’t heard a thing from him.”

Yet another lie borne of sorrow.

Kaim calmly asks, “Is there some connection between your friend and the tailor?”

“Of course,” she says. “A close connection. What’s really happening is the father was sending her money every month the way he was supposed to, to help make her life in the town a little easier. And he kept writing to her. He wanted to tell her he found a good job in the city and she should come to live with him right away. He’s too busy to come for her, so she should come to him. And he sent her money for the trip. But none of the letters or the money ever reached the girl.

And why do you think that is?”

Before Kaim can answer, the girl says, “The mistake he made was to send the letters and money care of the tailor. He’s been keeping all the money for himself.”

Kaim looks away from the girl.

In order to prop up one sad lie, the girl has piled on a still sadder one—a lie that can hurt another person.

This is the saddest thing of all.

“The lock on the tailor’s back door would be really easy to break,” the girl adds, and she gallops away without waiting for Kaim’s reply.

The girl comes running into the grocery store the next morning, shouting for the owner.

She says directly to the woman, not to Kaim,

“Burglars broke into the tailor’s shop last night!”

She says she saw a number of burglars sneaking in late at night after the marketplace emptied out.

“My oh my,” says the woman with a forced smile, “that must have been just terrible.”

She is obviously not taking the girl seriously.

“But it’s true, though! I really saw them!”

“Look, little girl, I’ve had just about all I can take from you. You’re such a little liar, it scares me to death to think about you growing up to be a burglar or a con artist or something. I’m busy trying to open my shop now, do you mind? Try in on somebody else.”

She is hardly through speaking when someone outside shouts,

“Help! Somebody come!” The tailor is standing in the street looking horrified and screaming at the top of his lungs.

“Bur—burglars! They took all my mo-mo-money!”

The little girl slips away as the tailor comes in.

The marketplace is in an uproar.

The girl was not lying: that much is certain.

But, all too accustomed to her lies, people now suggest the possibility of another kid of lie.

“Maybe she did it. What do you think?”

And so it begins…

“I think you may be right.”

“Talk about play-acting!”

“I wouldn’t put it past her.”

“Let’s go find her. We’ll make her tell—even if we have to get a little rough with her.”

No one objects to this suggestion.

Some run off to the storehouse, and the others start searching the marketplace.

“Can’t find her anywhere!”

“The storehouse is empty.”

“She ran away with the money!”

As the searchers return with their reports and speculation,

Kaim finally understands everything.

After all her sad lies, the girl has left behind one final truth.

“She couldn’t have gotten very far!”

“Yeah, we can still catch her!”

“The little thief! Wait till I get my hands on her!”

The men rage, and the women fan the flames:

“Good! Give her what she deserves!”

“We were so nice to her, and now look how she treats us! We can’t let her get away with it!”

A dozen men start to run after her,

but Kaim stands tall in the road, blocking their way.

“Hey, move it!”

The men are out for blood, but Kaim knows if he felt like it, he could knock them all down and they wouldn’t be able to lay a finger on him.

Instead, he relaxes his powerful stance and throws a leather coin pouch on the ground in front of the men.

“The stolen money is in there,” he says.

“What?”

“Sorry, I stole it.”

A confused stir quickly turns into angry shouts.

Kaim raises his hands to show he will not resist.

“Do what you like with me, I’m ready.”

The lady grocer breaks through the wall of men, shouting at him, “How could you do this, Kaim?”

“I wanted the money, that’s all.”

“And you’re not just saying this to protect the girl?”

The woman’s intuition is too sharp.

Forcing a smile, Kaim turns to the tailor and says, “It was in the pot in the cabinet, right?”

The man nods energetically.

“It’s true! He must have done it! I had the money in a pot! He’s the thief!”

“The money wasn’t the only thing in the pot, though, was it?”

“What are you saying?”

“You had some letters in there, too. Letters from the girl’s father.”

“That’s a lie! Don’t be crazy!”

“It’s true, though.”

“No, there couldn’t have been any letters! I threw them all—”

The tailor claps his hands over his mouth.

But it is too late.

The lady grocer glares at him.

“What’s this all about?” she demands.

“Uh… no… I mean…”

“You’d better tell us everything.”

The people’s angry glances turn from Kaim to the tailor.
Some days later, two letters arrive from the girl addressed to “The lady at the grocery store and the nice man upstairs.”

Kaim’s letter says the girl managed to find her father in the capital.

He has no way of knowing if this is true or not.

It is hard to imagine a little girl finding her father in the big city so easily without knowing his address or workplace.

Still, he decides to believe it when the girl’s letter says,
“I am happy now.”
Human beings are the only animals that lie.

Lies to deceive people, lies to benefit oneself, and lies to protect one’s own heart from the threat of crushing loneliness and sorrow.

If there were no lies in this world, much strife and misunderstanding would surely disappear.

On the other hand, perhaps it is because this world is a mixture of truth and lies that people have learned how to “believe.”

When he is through reading his letter, Kaim turns to the woman.

Concentrating on her own letter, she shyly raises her head when she senses Kaim looking at her.

“I give up!” she declares. “Listen to this:

‘I am so grateful to you and the others in the marketplace for all you have done for me. I will never forget you as long as I live.’

A liar to the bitter end, that girl,” she says, smiling through her tears.
End

Thousand Years of Dreams Day 05: A Mother Comes Home


We’re now on the 5th Day of a 33-Day Thousand Years of Dreams. The previous four dream entries have saw us witness Kaim’s remembering dreams with themes ranging from youthful curiosity, mortality, personal imprisonment and the amorphous nature of memory. This fifth dream which is called “A Mother Comes Home” brings forth a topic that some may feel some kinship to. A theme of children and how those who should be nurturing them, protecting them and loving them have failed in their responsibilities. How neglect, selfishness and the feeling of being unwanted forces some young children to leave their childhood behind and become an adult far too quickly to protect themselves.

Everyday I see such occurrences happening in public and in the news. I can’t say I’ve experienced it myself, but it still doesn’t diminish the emotional impact seeing it happen to other young children. Just as Kaim feels sadness, pity and regret at seeing the young boy grown beyond his years and leave the innocent, naivete of childhood behind so should we feel the same when we see it happen to children around us.

In the end, while the theme of this dream-memory does have a feel of sadness and melancholy it does end on a hopeful note. No matter how badly we treat our children and those we care for there’s always a chance for forgiveness and redemption. There’s always a chance for broken families to be whole once more. There’s always a chance for children who have grown up too fast to find their way to being just children once again.

A Mother Comes Homes

The boy has lost his smile, though he denies it.

“Don’t be silly, Kaim.
Look! I’m smiling, aren’t I?”

He draws his cheeks back and lets his teeth show white against his brown skin.

“If this isn’t a smile, what is?”

Kaim nods but says nothing. He pats the boy on the shoulder as if to say, “Sure, sure.”

 

“Come on, really look at me. I’m smiling, right?”

“Right. You’re smiling.”

“Anyway, forget about me. Hurry, let’s go.”

 

The boy has a sweet, open nature.

He made instant friends with Kaim while the other townspeople kept their distance from the “strange traveler.”

Not that the boy chose the much older Kaim as a playmate.

He leads Kaim to the tavern, which still hasn’t opened its doors for the day.

“I hate to ask you to do this, but… would you, please?”

 

The boy’s voice seems to have carried inside.

A man in the tavern peals off a drunken howl. He sounds especially bad today. Kaim fights back a sigh and enters the tavern.

The man on the barstool is the boy’s father, drunk again at midday.

The boy is here to take him home. He looks at his father with sad eyes.

Kaim puts his arm around the father’s shoulder and discreetly moves the whiskey bottle away from him.

 

“Let’s call it a day,” he says. The man shoves Kaim’s arm off and slumps down on the bar.

“I hate guys like you,” he says.

“Yes, I know,” says Kaim. “It’s time to go home, though. You’ve had enough.”

“You heard me, Kaim. Drifter! I hate you guys.
I really really hate you guys.”

 

The father is always like this when he is drunk—hurling curses at all “drifters,” picking fights with any man dressed for the road, and finally slumping to the ground to sleep it off. His son is too small to drag him home.

With a sigh, Kaim finds himself again today supporting the drunken father’s weight to keep him from toppling off the barstool.

The boy stares at his father, his eyes a jumble of sadness, anger, and pity.

When his eyes meet Kaim’s he shrugs as if to say “Sorry to keep putting you through this.”

 

But Kaim is used to it. He has seen the father dead-drunk almost every day for the past year, ever since the boy and his father were left to live alone.

“Oh, well …” the boy says with a strained smile as if trying to resign himself to the situation.

“Poor Papa…

…poor me.”

 

Supporting the father’s weight on his shoulder, Kaim gives the boy a smile and says,
“Yes, but you don’t go out and get drunk the way he does.”

“Ahem,” the boy says, puffing his chest out.

“Sometimes kids are tougher than grownups.”

Kaim broadens his smile to signal to him “You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right,” the boy all but says with the smile he gives back.

 

It is the only kind of a smile the ten-year-old has managed to produce in the past year: so bitter it would numb your tongue if you could taste it.

The boy’s mother—the father’s wife—left home a year ago.

She fell in love with a traveling salesman and abandoned the boy and his father.

“Mama was bored,”
the boy says matter-of-factly, looking back on his mother’s infidelity.

“She got tired of doing the same thing every day. That’s when she met him.”

 

At the tender age of ten, the boy has learned that there are certain stories that have to be told with that matter-of-fact tone.

The father was born and raised in this small town and worked in the town office. He was not especially talented, but it was not a job that called for talent or quick wit. All he had to do was follow orders with diligence and submissiveness, and he did exactly that, year after year, without making waves.

“He called our life ‘peaceful,’ but Mama didn’t think so.
She said it was just ‘ordinary’ and no fun.”

 

She was attracted to the life of the crafty traveling salesman.

It was risky and exciting, like walking on top of a prison wall: one misstep and you could end up inside.

“Papa told Mama that the man was deceiving her, that all he wanted was her money, but he couldn’t get through to her. Mama couldn’t even think about us back then.”

With utter detachment, as though holding it at arm’s length, the boy reflects on the tragedy that struck his family.

 

“I’ve heard the saying ‘Love is blind.’ It really is!” he says with a shrug and a sardonic laugh like a full-fledged adult.

Kaim says nothing.

“Children should act their age” is another saying, but probably not one that could be spoken with a great deal of meaning to a boy who had lost his mother’s love.

And even if Kaim presumed to admonish him, the boy would likely pass it off with a strained smile and say,
“Sometimes kids are tougher than grownups.”

 

The boy’s father, however, shows his displeasure when his son uses grownup expressions.

“The little twerp’s lost all his boyishness. He despises me now. He thinks I’m pitiful. Deep down he’s laughing at me for letting my wife be taken by another man, damn him.”

It bothers him especially when he is drunk.

His annoyance far outweighs his fatherly love for his son. Sometimes he even slaps the boy across the face, or tries to. When he is drunk, the boy can easily dodge his slaps, and he ends up sprawled on the floor.

 

Even as he is drowning in a sea of liquor, he can sometimes turn unexpectedly serious and start asking questions.

“Say, Kaim, you’ve been traveling for a long time, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Do you enjoy it all that much? Going to strange towns; meeting strangers can’t be all that… Is it so wonderful that you’d be willing to abandon the life you’re living now for it?”

He asks the same thing over and over. Kaim’s answer is always the same.

“Sometimes it’s enjoyable, and sometimes it’s not.”

He doesn’t know what else to say.

 

“You know, Kaim, I’ve never set foot outside this town. Same with my father and my grandfather and my great-grandfather, and the one before him. We’ve always been born here and died here. My wife’s family, too. They’ve had roots in this town for generations. So why did she do it? Why did she leave? What did she need so badly that she had to leave me and her own son?”

Kaim merely smiles without answering. The answer to such a question cannot be conveyed in words. Try though he might to explain it, the reason certain people are drawn irresistibly to the road can never be understood by people who don’t have that impulse. The father is simply one of those people who can never understand.

Failing to elicit a reply from Kaim, the father sinks again into the sea of drunkenness.

 

“I’m scared, Kaim,” he says. “My son might do it, too. He might go away and leave me here someday. When I hear him talking like a grownup, I get so scared I can’t stand it.”

 

The boy’s mother eventually comes back.

The traveling salesman cheated her out of every last bit of her savings, and the moment she was no longer any use to him, he left her. Physically and mentally broken, she has only one place to return to—the home she abandoned.

First she writes a letter from the neighboring town, and when her husband reads it again and again through drink-clouded eyes, he laughs derisively.

“Serves her right, the miserable witch.”

He makes a show of tearing the letter to pieces in front of Kaim, without showing it to his son.

 

Kaim tells the boy everything and asks him,

“What do you want to do?
Whatever you decide, I’ll help you make it happen.”

“Whatever I decide?” the boy asks in return with his usual detached smile.

“If you want to leave this town, I’ll let you have enough money to help you get by for a while,” Kaim says. “I can do that much.”

He is utterly serious.

 

The father has no intention of forgiving his wife. He will almost certainly turn her away if she shows up, and probably with a proud, vindictive smile on his face.

Kaim knows, however, that if the mother loses her home and leaves this town once and for all, the father will go back to drinking every day, cursing his wife’s infidelity, bemoaning his own fate, taking out his anger on strangers, and constantly revealing the worst side of himself to his son.

Kaim’s long life on the road has taught him this. Constant travel means meeting many different people, and the boy’s father is undoubtedly one of the weakest men Kaim has ever met.

 

“You could join your mother and go to another town.
Or if you wanted to go somewhere by yourself, I could find you work.”

Either would be better, Kaim believes, than for the boy to continue living alone like this with his father.

The boy, however, seemingly intrigued, looks straight at Kaim, revealing his white teeth.

 

“You’ve been traveling a long time, haven’t you, Kaim?”

“Uh-huh…”

“Always alone?”

“Sometimes alone, sometimes not…”

“Hmmm…”

 

The boy gives a little nod and, with the sad smile of a grownup, says,
“You don’t really get it do you?”

“What’s that?”

“All this traveling, and you still don’t understand the most important thing.”

His sad smile takes on its usual bitter edge.

Kaim finally learns what the boy is talking about three days later.

 

A tired-looking woman in tattered clothes drags herself from the highway into the marketplace.

The townsfolk back away from her, staring, leaving her in the center of a broad, empty circle.

The boy’s mother has come back.

 

The boy breaks his way through the crowd and enters the circle.

The mother sees her son, and her travel-withered cheeks break into a smile.

The boy takes one step, and another step toward his emaciated, smiling mother.

He is hesitant at first, but from the third step he is running,
and he throws his arms around her.

He is crying. He is smiling. For the first time that Kaim has seen,
he wears the unclouded smile of a child.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me…” his mother begs, in tears.

 

She clasps his head to her bosom and says, smiling through her tears,
“You’ve gotten so big!”

Then she adds: “I won’t leave you again. I’ll stay here forever…”

A stir goes through the crowd.

It comes from the direction of the tavern.

 

Now the father breaks through the wall of people and enters the circle.

He is drunk.

Stumbling, he edges toward his wife and son. He glares at his wife.

The boy stands between them, guarding his mother.

“Papa, stop it!” he yells.
“Mama is back. That’s enough, isn’t it? Forgive her, Papa, please!”

His voice is choked with tears.

The father says nothing in reply.

 

Glaring at the two of them, he collapses to his knees, his arms open wide.

He enfolds both his wife and son.

The shattered family is one again.

“Papa, please, don’t hold us so tight! It hurts!”

The boy is crying and smiling.

The mother can only sob.

The father weeps in rage.

 

Witnessing the scene from the back of the crowd, Kaim turns on his heels.

“Are you really leaving?”
the boy asks again and again as he accompanies Kaim to the edge of town.

“Uh-huh. I want to get across the ocean before winter sets in.”

“Papa is already missing you. He says he thought you two could finally become drinking buddies from now on.”

“You can drink with him when you grow up.”

“When I grow up, huh?” the boy cocks his head, a little embarrassed, then he mutters,
“I wonder if I’ll still be living in this town then.”

 

No one knows that, of course. Maybe some years on from now, the father will spend his days drunk again because his son has left his hometown and family.

And yet—Kaim recalls something he forgot to say to the boy’s weak father.

“We call it a ‘journey’ because we have a place to come home to. No matter how many detours or mistakes a person might make, as long as he has a place to come home to, a person can always start again.”

“I don’t get it,” says the boy.

 

Kaim remembers something else.

“Smile for me,”
he says one last time, placing a hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Like this?”

He reveals his white teeth, and his cheeks wrinkle up.

It’s a good smile.

He has finally managed to retrieve the smile of a young boy.

 

“Now your turn, Kaim.”

“Uh… sure.”

The boy studies Kaim’s smile as if assigning it a grade.

“Maybe a little sad,” he says. That he is joking makes his words hit home all the more.

The boy smiles again as if providing a model for Kaim.

 

“Okay, then,” he says with a wave of the hand,

“I’m going shopping with Papa and Mama today.”

Kaim smiles and walks away.

Then he hears the boy calling his name one last time.

“Even if we’re saying goodbye, I’m not going to cry, Kaim!
Sometimes kids are tougher than grownups.”

 

Kaim does not look back, his only reply a wave of the hand.

The boy’s expression would probably change if their eyes met.

He decides to play it strong to the end.

Kaim walks on.

After a brief respite, his journey with no place to go home to starts again.

A journey with no place to go home to; the poets call that “wandering.”

End

Thousand Years of Dreams Day 02: A Hero’s Return


While “Hanna’s Departure” was my favorite dream sequence from Lost Odyssey the rest had their own emotional power and for some were more relevant. What I failed to mention in the Day 01 post was just who the person named Kaim being mentioned in the dream. Kaim is the main protagonist in the game and he’s an immortal who has lost all the memories of experiences gathered through 1000-years of journeying the world he’s in.

These dreams, when activated in the game through a fortuitous encounter with someone or witnessing a seemingly random event, begin to add layers of complexities to the Kaim character and what he had experienced throughout the millenia as wandering immortal warrior.

Day 02’s dream sequence is quite relevant to today’s times as we see Kaim re-live a memory of a warrior returning from 3 years of war and battles. We see how Kaim’s reaction to this battle-weary veteran differs from that of a younger man’s who has never experienced war first-hand. With tens of thousands of soldiers, airmen and sailors returning from battlefields in Iraq and Afghanistan it’s hard not to find a link with the experiences those men and women went through with the prospect of returning to their loved ones a major reason for them to stay alive and do what they had to do to accomplish that goal.

A Hero’s Journey

Alone in a crowd of rugged men, nursing his drink in the far corner of the old post town’s only tavern: Kaim.

A single man strides in through the tavern door. Massively built, he wears the garb of a warrior. His soiled uniform bespeaks a long journey. Fatigue marks his face, but his eyes wear a penetrating gleam—the look of a fighting man on active duty.

 

The tavern’s din hushes instantly. Every drunken eye in the place fastens on the soldier with awe and gratitude.

The long war with the neighboring country has ended at last, and the men who fought on the front lines are returning to their homes. So it is with this military man.

The soldier takes a seat at the table next to Kaim’s, and downs a slug of liquor with the forcefulness of a hard drinker—a man who drinks to kill his pain.

 

Two cups, three, four…

Another customer approaches him, bottle in hand, wearing an ingratiating grin—a typical crafty town punk.

“Let me offer you a drink,” wheedles the man, “as a token of gratitude for your heroic efforts on behalf of the fatherland.”

The soldier unsmilingly allows the man to fill his cup.

“How was it at the front? I’m sure you performed many valiant deeds on the battlefield.”

The soldier empties his cup in silence.

 

The punk refills the cup and adopts an ever more fawning smile.

“Now that we’re friends, how about telling me some war tales?

You’ve got such big, strong arms, how many enemy soldiers did you ki—”

Without a word, the soldier hurls the contents of his cup into the man’s face.

The punk flies into a rage and draws his knife.

No sooner does it leave its sheath than Kaim’s fist sends it flying through the air.

 

Faced with the powerful united front of Kaim and the soldier, the punk runs out muttering curses.

The two big men watch him go, then share a faint smile. Kaim doesn’t have to speak with the soldier to know that he lives in deep sadness. For his part, the soldier (having cheated death any number of times) is aware of the shadow that lurks in Kaim’s expression.

 

The tavern’s din returns.

Kaim and the soldier pour each other drinks.

“I’ve got a wife and daughter I haven’t seen since I shipped out,” says the soldier. “It’s been three long years.”

He lets himself smile shyly now for the first time as he takes a photograph of his wife and daughter from his pocket and shows it to Kaim: the wife a woman of dewy freshness, the daughter still very young.

“They’re the reason I survived.

The thought of going home to them alive was all that sustained me in battle.”

 

“Is your home far from here?”

“No, my village is just over the next pass. I’m sure they’ve heard the news that the war is over and can hardly wait to have me home.”

He could get there tonight if he wanted to badly enough. It was that close.

“But…” the soldier downs a mouthful of liquor and groans.

“I’m afraid.”

 

“Afraid? Of what?”

“I want to see my wife and daughter, but I’m afraid to have them see me.

I don’t know how many men I’ve killed these past three years. I had no choice. I had to do it to stay alive. If I was going to get back to my family, I had no choice but to kill one enemy soldier after another, and each and every one of those men had families they had left at home.”

It was the code of war, the soldier’s destiny.

To stay alive in battle, you had to go on killing men before they could kill you.

 

“I had no time to think about such things at the front. I was too busy trying to survive. I see it now, though—now that the war is over. Three years of sin are carved into my face. This is the face of a killer. I don’t want to show this face to my wife and daughter.”

The soldier pulls out a leather pouch from which he withdraws a small stone.

He tells Kaim it is an unpolished gemstone, something he found shortly after he left for the battlefield.

 

“A gemstone?” Kaim asks, unconvinced. The stone on the table is a dull black without a hint of the gleam a gem should have.

“It sparkled when I first found it. I was sure my daughter would love it when I brought it home to her.”

“Gradually, though, the stone lost its gleam and turned cloudy.”

 

“Every time I killed an enemy soldier, something like the stain of his blood would rise to the surface of the stone. As you can see, it’s almost solid black now after three years. The stone is stained by the sins I’ve committed. I call it my ‘sin stone.'”

“You don’t have to blame yourself so harshly,” says Kaim,
“You had to do it to stay alive.”

“I know that.” says the soldier. “I know that. But still… just like me, the men I killed had villages to go home to, and families waiting for them there…”

 

The soldier then says to Kaim, “You, too, I suppose. You must have a family.” Kaim gives his head a little shake. “Not me.” he says. “No family.”

“A home village at least?”

“I don’t have any place to go home to.”

“Eternal traveler, eh?”

“Uh-huh. That’s me.”

The soldier chuckles softly and gives Kaim a sour smile. It is hard to tell how fully he believes what Kaim has told him. He slips the “sin stone” into the leather pouch and says,

“You know what I think? If the stone turned darker every time I took a life, it ought to get some of its gleam back every time I save a life.”

 

Instead of answering, Kaim drains the last drops of liquor from his cup and rises from the table. The soldier remains in his chair and Kaim, staring down at him, offers him these words of advice:

“If you have a place you can go home to, you should go to it. Just go, no matter how much guilt you may have weighing you down. I’m sure your wife and daughter will understand. You’re no criminal. You’re a hero: you fought your heart out to stay alive.”

“I’m glad I met you.” says the soldier. “I needed to hear that.”

He holds out his right hand to Kaim, who grasps it in return.

“I hope your travels go well.” says the soldier.

 
“And your travels will soon be over,” says Kaim with a smile,
starting for the door.

Just then the punk charges at Kaim from behind, wielding a pistol.

“Watch out!” bellows the soldier and rushes after Kaim.

As Kaim whirls around, the punk takes aim and shouts,
“You can’t treat me like that, you son of a bitch!”

The soldier flies between the two men
and takes a bullet in the gut.

 

And so, as he so desperately wished to do, the soldier has saved someone’s life.

Ironically, it is for the life of Kaim, a man who can neither age nor die,

that the soldier has traded his one and only life.

 

Sprawled on the floor, nearly unconscious, the soldier
thrusts the leather pouch into Kaim’s hand.

“Look at my ‘sin stone,’ will you?

“Maybe…maybe.” he says, chuckling weakly,
“some of its shine has come back.”

Blood spurts from his mouth, strangling the laugh.

Kaim looks inside the bag and says,
“It’s sparkling now. It’s clean.”

“It is?” gasps the soldier. “Good. My daughter will be so glad…”

 

He smiles with satisfaction and holds his hand out for the pouch.

Gently, Kaim lays the pouch on the palm of his hand and folds the man’s fingers over it.

The soldier draws his last breath, and the pouch falls to the floor.

The dead man’s face wears a peaceful expression.

The stone, however—the man’s ‘sin stone,’ which has rolled from the open pouch—is as black as ever.

 End

Source: Lost Odyssey Wiki

Thousand Years of Dreams Day 01: Hanna’s Departure


So, we begin the first of 33 straight days of bringing the best thing about Mistwalker Studios’ 2008 role-playing game, Lost Odyssey, and why to this day its 33 short stories contained within the game as dream sequences remain one of the best writing in gaming ever. These short stories were written by Japanese novelist Shigematsu Kiyoshi. This collection of dreams would be collected under the title, “Thousand Years of Dreams”.

The first dream was the very first one a player acquires and comes across during the game. It is this dream which will trigger the main hero’s recollection of 33 total dreams as he travels and meets up and/or comes across situations to trigger a specific dream. This first dream is titled “Hanna’s Departure” and comes early in the game. Despite being the first it is also one of the best of the 33 and once you’ve watches and read the attached video clip of it above you will understand why. Below will be a transcript of the dream, but I recommend watching the video first and foremost.

Hanna’s Departure

The family members have tears in their eyes when they welcome Kaim back to the inn from his long journey.

“Thank you so much for coming.”

He understands the situation immediately.

The time for departure is drawing near.

 

Too soon, too soon.

But still, he knows, this day would have come sometime, and not in the distant future.

“I might never see you again,” she said to him with a sad smile when he left on this journey, her smiling face almost transparent in its whiteness, so fragile—and therefore indescribably beautiful—as she lay in bed.

 

“May I see Hanna now?” he asks.

The innkeeper gives him a tiny nod and says, “I don’t think she’ll know who you are, though.”

“She hasn’t opened her eyes since last night,” he warns Kaim. You can tell from the slight movement of her chest that she is clinging to a frail thread of life, but it could snap at any moment.

“It’s such a shame. I know you made a special point to come here for her…”

Another tear glides down the wife’s cheek.

 

“Never mind, it’s fine.” Kaim says.

He has been present at innumerable deaths, and his experience has taught him much.

Death takes away the power of speech first of all. Then the ability to see.

What remains alive to the very end, however, is the power to hear. Even though the person has lost consciousness, it is by no means unusual for the voices of the family to bring forth smiles or tears.

Kaim puts his arm around the woman’s shoulder and says, “I have lots of travel stories to tell her. I’ve been looking forward to this my whole time on the road.”

Instead of smiling, the woman releases another large tear and nods to Kaim, “And Hanna was so looking forward to hear your stories.”

Her sobs almost drown out her words.

 

The innkeeper says, “I wish I could urge you to rest up from your travels before you see her, but…”

Kaim interrupts his apologies, “Of course I’ll see her right away.”

There is very little time left.

Hanna, the only daughter of the innkeeper and his wife, will probably breathe her last before the sun comes up.

Kaim lowers his pack to the floor and quietly opens the door to Hanna’s room.

 

Hanna was frail from birth. Far from enjoying the opportunity to travel, she rarely left the town or even the neighborhood in which she was born and raised.

This child will probably not live to adulthood, the doctor told her parents.

This tiny girl, with extraordinarily beautiful doll-like features, the gods had dealt an all-too-sad destiny.

 

That they had allowed her to be born the only daughter of the keepers of a small inn by the highway was perhaps one small act of atonement for such iniquity.

Hanna was unable to go anywhere, but the guests who stayed at her parent’s inn would tell her stories of the countries and towns and landscapes and people that she would never know.

Whenever new guests arrived at the inn, Hanna would ask them,

“Where are you from?” “Where are you going?”

“Can you tell me a story?”

 

She would sit and listen to their stories with sparkling eyes, urging them on to new episodes with “And then? And then?” When they left the inn, she would beg them, “Please come back, and tell me lots and lots of stories about faraway countries!”

She would stand there waving until the person disappeared far down the highway, give one lonely sigh, and go back to bed.

 

Hanna is sound asleep.

No one else is in the room, perhaps an indication that she has long since passed the stage when the doctors can do anything for her.

Kaim sits down in the chair next to the bed and says with a smile.

“Hello, Hanna, I’m back.”

She does not respond. Her little chest, still without the swelling of a grown woman, rises and falls almost imperceptibly.

 

“I went far across the ocean this time,” he tells her. “The ocean on the side where the sun comes up. I took a boat from the harbor way way way far beyond the mountains you can see from this window, and I was on the sea from the time the moon was perfectly round till it got smaller and smaller then bigger and bigger until it was full again. There was nothing but ocean as far as the eye could see. Just the sea and the sky. Can you imagine it, Hanna? You’ve never seen the ocean, but I’m sure people have told you about it. It’s like a huge, big endless puddle.”

Kaim chuckles to himself, and it seems to him that Hanna’s pale white cheek moves slightly.

 

She can hear him. Even if she cannot speak or see, her ears are still alive.

Believing and hoping this to be true, Kaim continues with the story of his travels.

He speaks no words of parting.

As always with Hanna, Kaim smiles with a special gentleness he has never shown to anyone else, and he goes on telling his tales with a bright voice, sometimes even accompanying his story with exaggerated gestures.

He tells her about the blue ocean.

He tells her about the blue sky.

He says nothing about the violent sea battle that stained the ocean red.

He never tells her about those things.

 

Hanna was still a tiny girl when Kaim first visited the inn.

When she asked him “Where are you from?” and “Will you tell me some stories?” with her childish pronunciation and innocent smile, Kaim felt soft glow in his chest.

 

At the time, he was returning from a battle.

More precisely, he had ended one battle and was on his way to the next.

His life consisted of traveling from one battlefield to another, and nothing about that has changed to this day.

He has taken the lives of countless enemy troops, and witnessed the deaths of countless comrades on the battlefield. Moreover, the only thing separating enemies from comrades is the slightest stroke of fortune. Had the gears of destiny turned in a slightly different way, his enemies would have been comrades and his comrades enemies, This is the fate of the mercenary.

 

He was spiritually worn down back then and feeling unbearably lonely. As a possessor of eternal life, Kaim had no fear of death, which was precisely why each of the soldier’s faces distorted in fear, and why each face of a man who died in agony was burned permanently into his brain.

Ordinarily, he would spend nights on the road drinking. Immersing himself in an alcoholic stupor—or pretending to. He was trying to make himself forget the unforgettable.

When, however, he saw Hanna’s smile and begged him for stories about his long journey, he felt a far warmer and deeper comfort then he could even obtain from liquor.

 

He told her many things…

About the beautiful flower he discovered on the battlefield.

About the bewitching beauty of the mist filling the forest the night before the final battle.

About the marvelous taste of the spring water in a ravine where he and his men had fled after losing the battle.

About a vast, bottomless blue sky he saw after battle.

 

He never told her anything sad. He kept his mouth shut about the human ugliness and stupidity he witnessed endlessly on the battlefield. He concealed his position as a mercenary for her, kept silent regarding his reasons for traveling constantly, and spoke only of things that were beautiful and sweet and lovely. He sees now that he told Hanna only beautiful stories of the road like this not so much out of concern for her purity, but for his own sake.

 

Staying in the inn where Hanna waited to see him turned out to be one of Kaim’s small pleasures in life. Telling her about the memories he brought back from his journeys, he felt some degree of salvation, however slight. Five years, ten years, his friendship with the girl continued. Little by little, she neared adulthood, which meant that, as the doctors had predicted, each day brought her that much closer to death.

 

And now, Kaim ends the last travel story he will share with her.

He can never see her again, can never tell her stories again.

Before dawn, when the darkness of night is at its deepest, long pauses enter into Hanna’s breathing.

The frail thread of her life is about to snap as Kaim and her parents watch over her.

The tiny light that has lodged in Kaim’s breast will be extinguished.

His lonely travels will begin again tomorrow—his long, long travels without end.

 

“You’ll be leaving on travels of your own soon, Hanna.” Kaim tells her gently.

“You’ll be leaving for a world that no one knows, a world that has never entered into any of the stories you have heard so far. Finally, you will be able to leave your bed and walk anywhere you want to go. You’ll be free.”

He wants her to know that death is not sorrow but a joy mixed with tears.

“It’s your turn now. Be sure and tell everyone about the memories of your journey.”

Her parents will make that same journey someday. And someday Hanna will be able to meet all the guests she has known at the inn, far beyond the sky.

 

I, however, can never go there.

I can never escape this world.

I can never see you again.

“This is not goodbye. It’s just the start of your journey.”

He speaks his final words to her.

“We’ll meet again.”

His final lie to her.

 

Hanna makes her departure.

Her face is transfused with a tranquil smile as if she has just said,

“See you soon.”

Her eyes will never open again. A single tear glides slowly down her cheek.

End

Source: Lost Odyssey Wiki

Song of the Day: A Return, Indeed…(by Uematsu Nobuo from Lost Odyssey)


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One of the best gaming experiences I’ve had in the past ten years was from a title that was the creation of the man (Sakaguchi Hironobu) who made the wildly-popular Japanese role-playing game franchise, Final Fantasy, before he left to start up his own company. This company would be called Mistwalker and they would release two rpgs for the Xbox 360 between 2008 and 2009. The second of these two titles was Lost Odyssey and this was the title of which I spoke of above.

The title was a nice throwback to the classic Final Fantasy titles Sakaguchi was responsible for while dressed up in nextgen visuals. But what made this game so memorable an experience for me wasn’t just the visuals but the great storytelling and music it also had in great abundance. The music itself was the product of one (if not the greatest) of the greatest video game music composer in the industry, Uematsu Nobuo. It’s from Uematsu’s soundtrack for Lost Odyssey that I pick the latest “Song of the Day”.

“A Return, Indeed…” (“Kaette kuru, kitto…” in Japanese) is part of the game’s soundtrack which makes several appearances throughout the game, but it was during the first found dream sequence (the game’s greatest highlight and reason to play it) which really sold the song and the whole soundtrack as whole as being great. This version is the piano solo one which is really the best version which appears in the game. This piano solo version was arranged by Satoshi Henmi from Uematsu’s original composition and it fully convey’s the song’s sorrow melody in the beginning but gradually transitions into a sound full of hope before finally ending in a simple few notes. Those few notes giving a hint that hope is always a possibility but in the end always fleeting.

What better way to inaugurate 33 days of “A Thousand Years of Dreams” than the song which kicks it off in the game.