Robert Henderson | Through the Shattered Lens

First released in 2007 and produced by The Asylum, The Apocalypse opens in much the same way as many Asylum films. An asteroid is hurtling towards the Earth. It crashes into our planet without warning, destroying the town of Monterey. (“And nothing of value was lost!” says the old timey Borscht Belt comedian.) Then more asteroids strike the planet, causing mass panic. The power goes out. People desperately try to reach their loved ones.

And then a tornado hits out of nowhere.

And then the state of California is suddenly hit by torrential rainfall.

And then….

Well, you get it. Things are not going well in California or in the rest of the world. As I said at the start of this review, the Earth being bombarded with asteroids is a pretty common theme when it comes to the Asylum. Indeed, anyone who has watched more than a handful of Asylum films is probably already picturing the stock footage of the asteroid hurtling through space with Earth in the distance. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve seen that rock start to burst into flames as it enters the atmosphere.

What sets The Apocalypse apart from other Asylum asteroid films is that, after the first asteroid hits, people start to vanish. They’re not crushed underneath an asteroid, or at least they aren’t as far as we can tell. Instead, they just seem to vanish into thin air, as if they’ve been taken to another place. Those who do not vanish can only stand around and wonder why they didn’t go to church more often….

“I’ve been left behind,” one character says and yes, this is indeed a mockbuster version of the Left Behind films. I guess it makes sense. The Asylum has produced mockbuster versions of every other genre out there. Why shouldn’t they also try to cash in on the end times. Really, one has to respect the fact that the Asylum managed to make its own Left Behind film without abandoning the idea of the world being bombarded by asteroids.

(And, if we’re going to be honest, the idea of God using asteroids to destroy humanity actually makes a lot more sense than the usual story that these films tend to tell. I mean, asteroids have to be good for something, right?)

The Apocalypse follows Jason (Rhett Giles) and Ashley (Jill Stapley), a divorced couple who are trying to make their way through the state of California so that they can see their daughter Lindsay (Kristen Quintrall) before the world ends. Along the way, Jason and Ashley discuss their own failed marriage and their guilt over the death of their son. Though Jason and Ashley do have to deal with some unexpected weather and asteroid events, the film itself is surprisingly somber for an Asylum film. There’s far less self-referential humor than in the usual Asylum film. The pace is deliberate, thoughtful, and, to be honest, a bit too reverential for its own good. The world ends but it ends very slowly. This is probably the talkiest film that the Asylum has ever produced.

That said, the film does create a believable portrait of the type of desperation that would accompany the end of the world, with the various characters all attempting to find some sort of peace before everything ends. The special effects may be a bit cheap but the images of deserted streets and desolate countryside are far more effective than what one might expect from an Asylum film. This is a case where the mockbuster, flaws and all, is still superior to the original.

Last night, after I finished The More The Merrier and watched the latest episodes of Dance Moms and The People vs. OJ Simpson, I returned to the DVR and watched one more movie that I had recorded off of Lifetime. Kruel (which was broadcast with the slightly altered name of Cruel) is a dark little horror thriller. It is memorable for featuring the world’s creepiest ice cream man. (That’s him in the picture above.)

Now, when I say that Kruel was a dark film, I don’t just mean that it was thematically disturbing, though it certainly was. Instead, what I mean is that, at times, the film was literally dark! A good deal of the film took place either at night or in unlit rooms and there were more than a few scenes that took place in complete darkness. During those scenes, the screen was totally black and the only way you knew that there was still a film going on was because you could hear the characters running around and screaming. It was an interesting technique, one that was occasionally effective and occasionally annoying.

As for the film itself, it tells the story of Jo (Kierney Nelson), a teenage girl who, after he confesses to cheating on her, breaks up with her dumbass boyfriend, Ben (Dakota Morrissey). In order to deal with her depression, Jo devotes almost all of her time to babysitting. However, it would probably be a lot easier for Jo to do her job if not for the fact that, every few seconds, an ice cream truck comes rolling down the road. The ice cream truck is being driven by Willie (J.T. Chinn) and wow, is Willie ever creepy! It’s not just the makeup though, seriously, that would have terrified me when I was little. (It would still make me go, “Agck!” today.) It’s also the fact that Willie and his truck always seem to be nearby. Almost as if he’s stalking Jo…

When one of the kids that Jo babysits disappears, she knows that Willie kidnapped him. When the police ignore her, Jo decides to track down Willie herself. Volunteering to help is none other than dumbass Ben. Can Ben help to rescue the child while also repairing his relationship with Jo? Will Jo ever be able to forgive him for cheating on her? And will Willie ever take off his makeup…

Well, actually, I can go ahead and answer one of those questions without spoiling the movie. Willie does take off his makeup when he’s home and, in fact, he spends the majority of the movie not wearing any makeup at all. And, though I’m sure some horror fans would disagree with me on this, I think that’s the right decision for the story that Kruel is trying to tell. It’s definitely more realistic to have Willie look normal (well, normalish) when he’s just hanging out around his house. And, when it comes to a film like this, it’s good to try to keep things a little bit realistic. When Kruel is effective, it’s because it makes you wonder what you would do if you ever found yourself in the same situation. When the film is realistic, it makes you wonder if you could survive. If Willie never took off the makeup, he would be too cartoonish to be a real threat.

Despite being a low-budget film and featuring a few noticeably amateurish performances, Kruel has a nightmare-like intensity that serves it well. (The film features a throat slashing that, even though darky lit, is one of the most graphic things that I’ve ever seen on Lifetime.) J.T. Chinn is properly creepy as Willie and Kierney Nelson totally commits to the role of Jo, turning her into a sympathetic and compelling heroine.

Keep an eye out for Kruel.

(And Willie too…)