Richard Pierson | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, Lawrence ruins everything.

Episode 7.7 “The Wedding/Castaways”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on November 26th, 1983)

Ugh, this episode.

Nerdy Fred Connors (Richard Gilliland) wants to spend a weekend alone with a beautiful woman. His favorite supermodel, Christy Robbins (Phyllis Davis), has been pressured by her manager (Steve Perry) into agreeing to spend the weekend with Fred at Pelican Cove. Fred and Christy will have their picture taken before and after their weekend together to show just how much spending time alone with Christy Robbins will improve one’s outlook on life.

Let’s just stop here and state the obvious. This makes ZERO sense. Christy’s manager has no idea who Fred is. He doesn’t even meet Fred until it’s time to him and Christy to go to Pelican Cove. Christy is a world-famous model. In what world would a celebrity agree to be abandoned on an isolated island with a total stranger? The photographers aren’t staying on the island with them. Instead, Christy and Fred are dropped off on the island and then everyone else leaves. If I was Christy, I would get a new manager.

A rival model named Celina Morgan (Shannon Tweed) was also up for the “abandoned on an island with a possible sex maniac” gig and she’s upset that she lost out to Christy. So, she sneaks out to Pelican Bay herself and soon, she and Christy are fighting over the right to spend their time with Fred. It’s dumb and it makes no sense and, considering that the whole fantasy is basically two beautiful woman fighting over one dorky guy, it’s actually feels a bit demeaning and mean-spirited.

Of course, it’s nowhere near as mean-spirited as the other fantasy. Lucy Gorman (Jeannie Wilson) is unhappy in her marriage to Dr. Jack Gorman (Gordon Thomson). She tells Roarke that the only good thing that came out of her marriage was her daughter (Andrea Barber) but Lucy even feels jealous of her! Lucy wants to go back to her wedding day so she can see what would happen if she left her husband at the altar and pursued another doctor (Richard Pierson).

Well, the main that would happen is that Lucy’s daughter would never be born. But somehow, this doesn’t occur to Lucy until the fantasy has started. How would that not occur to a mother? This fantasy was …. I can’t even begin to describe how annoying it was. Lucy came across as being very self-centered and kind of dumb.

I swear, the seventh season has just been terrible so far and I blame one person.

And, no, it’s not Mr. Roarke.

Seriously, ever since Lawrence showed up, the Island just hasn’t been the same. Are we sure that Lawrence isn’t the Devil? I mean, I know the Devil was traditionally played by Roddy McDowall on this show but I’m sure he change his appearance. There’s something sinister about Lawrence and I don’t trust him. He doesn’t care about Roarke and he doesn’t care about the fantasies.

What a disappointing trip to the Island. Traditionally, the last season of any show is usually the worst but it’s still painful to watch Fantasy Island misfire like it did with this episode.

This week, things get a bit soapy on Fantasy Island.

Episode 6.11 “The Songwriter/Queen of Soaps”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on January 22nd, 1983)

Dan O’Dwyer (Anson Williams) is the grandson of composer, Jeremy Todd (David Cassidy). Todd was a important figure during New York’s tin pan alley days but, in 1983, he’s a nearly forgotten figure. He died in World War I and there are some people who claim that Todd didn’t actually write the songs that he’s been credited with. Dan’s fantasy is to go back into the past so that he can meet his grandfather and bring some of his compositions back to the present day. Mr. Roarke makes it clear that Dan cannot tell anyone that he’s from the future nor can he try to change history. Jeremy Todd is going to die no matter what.

Dan agrees and he goes back to the past. He meets his grandfather and they get along famously. Dan even finds what he’s looking for, the compositions that prove that Jeremy wrote his own songs. However, Dan also meets and falls in love with a singer named Carol (Donna Pescow). Dan may have what he wants but he’s going to lose the love of his life once the fantasy ends.

Except …. what if Carol is someone with a fantasy of her own? That’s right, Carol’s another guest on the Island! I can’t say that I was surprised by this because this is a twist that the show has used several times. Still, Anson Williams and Donna Pescow made for a cute couple and even David Cassidy wasn’t as annoying as usual in the role of Jeremy Todd. This was a good fantasy.

And hey, the second fantasy was pretty good as well! Gina Edwards (Susan Lucci) is a soap opera star who worries that she’s being taken over by Andrea, the evil character that she plays on her show. The audience loves it when Andrea is wicked and dangerous but the pressure of playing a character so unlike herself is getting to Gina. She fears that she is literally going to turn into Andrea and perhaps harm her husband, Jeff (Chris Robinson). Jeff is also the director of the show so a lot of the pressure that Gina is feeling is coming from him. Fortunately, Mr. Roarke is able to show Gina and Jeff that they are both just working too hard. They decide to take a step back and just enjoy life.

This fantasy was fun. It was not only about a soap opera but it paid homage to daytime melodrama as well. (Tattoo, it turned out, was a huge fan of the show.) Susan Lucci, not surprisingly, was totally convincing as a soap opera diva. This fantasy had some enjoyably creepy moments and also a few humorous ones. It was everything you could want from Fantasy Island.

This was a great trip to the Island!