Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out 1.3 “No Cause For Alarm”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Howard has a chance to get the heck out of Canada!

Episode 1.3 “No Cause For Alarm”

(Dir by Gary Plaxton, originally aired on October 16th, 1985)

The workers at Cobb’s Grocery are reluctantly preparing for another theme week at the store.  It’s a Switzerland theme week, which I assume will be very popular in Canada.  All of the cashiers are dressed like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music.  Assistant manager Jack Christian is wearing lederhosen.  Christian is really excited because he’s managed to borrow an expensive cuckoo clock with which to decorate the store.

Store manager Howard Bannister has a bit more on his mind, though.  He has an interview coming up with an international hotel chain and, if he aces the interview, he’ll get to manage a hotel in Venice.  As Howard puts it, this has been his dream for about 15 years.  Unfortunately, it’s going to be difficult for Howard to ace that interview because the store’s alarm system keeps malfunctioning and the police finally tell Howard to just turn off the alarm so that they’re not bothered anymore.  However, that expensive and borrowed cuckoo clock is still hanging on the wall so Howard ends up having to sleep at the store.  Needless to say, the exhausted Howard falls asleep in the middle of his interview and doesn’t get the job.  As Christian resigns himself to still being the store’s assistant manager, Howard accepts that he’s not going anywhere for a while.

This is an odd episode of Check It Out.  For one thing, there’s a totally different stockboy (played by Jason Warren) from the kid who appeared in the previous two episodes.  He’s a bit older than the usual stockboy, he wears rather thick glasses, and everyone acts as if he’s always been at the store.  Meanwhile, the store’s electrician (played by Gordon Clapp) is referred to as being “Mr. Matthews” even though his name was Viker in his previous (and future) appearances.

Perhaps the oddest thing about the episode is that everyone is given very backstory-dependent dialogue.  For instance, Edna has a long conversation with cashier Jennifer (Tonya Williams) in which she explains the history of her relationship with Howard.  Whenever Christian enters a room, everyone is quick to mention that he’s the assistant manager, as if this is information that has never been mentioned before.  The relationships between the characters also feel a bit off.  For instance, there hasn’t been any hints of deep friendship between Edna and Jennifer in the previous two episodes.

My guess is that this episode was originally the pilot for Check It Out.  Apparently, it worked well enough to sell the show but the show’s producers decided not to use it as the first episode.  Instead, it aired as the third episode, despite the fact that the episode was essentially a rough draft of what the show would become.

As for the episode …. eh, it’s okay.  Gordon Clapp was funny as the confident but incompetent electrician.  Jeff Pustil had a few funny moments as Christian.  Don Adams overacted a bit as Howard, as if the show still wasn’t sure how obnoxious or sympathetic the character should be.  My main issue with the episode was the idea of Howard going from managing a grocery store in Canada to managing an international hotel in Venice.  I mean, can Howard even speak Italian?

Next week, everyone at the store is required to get a physical!

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #6: Lemora (dir by Richard Blackburn)


Lemora_dvd_cover

Continuing the process of cleaning out my DVR, I watched an odd little film from 1975 called Lemora.  I recorded Lemora on March 25th, when it aired as a part of TCM Underground.

Lemora opens with an odd scene that appears to be set in the 1920s.  A man dressed up like a stereotypical movie gangster (think Edward G. Robinson in Little Caesar) guns down another man with his tommy gun and then races off in his car.  After he crashes, he crawls into a dark forest where he is apparently captured by a mysterious, black-clad woman.

Suddenly, we cut to 13 year-old Lila Lee (Cheryl Smith), singing in church.  Lila is blonde, innocent, and has an almost heavenly singing voice.  Everyone listens to her with almost worshipful attention.  When the Reverend (played by the film’s director, Richard Blackburn) steps up to the pulpit, he announces that he knows what some people are saying about Lila and her father but that she is pure and innocent.

It turns out that the gangster is Lila’s father.  Lila hasn’t had much contact with her father.  Instead, she has been raised in the church by the Reverend.  However, Lila receives a letter from her father.  The letter claims that he’s dying and that he wants to see Lila and ask for forgiveness before he passes.  The letter also says that her father is in the town of Astaroth.

(You would think that, having been raised in the church, Lila would know that Astaroth is also the name of a legendary demon.)

Knowing that the Reverend would never allow her to go, Lila sneaks out of the house.  She stows away in the back of a couple’s car and listens as the couple gossips about her relationship with the Reverend, suggesting that the Reverend is just waiting for Lila to “turn legal.”  After she gets out of the car, she takes a bus the rest of the way to Astaroth.  Sitting on the dark bus, just her and the somewhat creepy driver, Lila listens as the driver tells her that the people of Astaroth have a certain look.

When she arrives at Astaroth, Lila finds herself being pursued by seemingly deformed vampires but she’s rescued by the mysterious Lemora (Lesley Gilb).  Or is she?  Lemora is the same woman who found Lila’s father in the forest and it soon becomes obvious that Lemora has plans for Lila as well…

Meanwhile, the Reverend discovers that Lila has run away and his reaction leads us to suspect that there may have been more than a little bit of truth to the conversation that Lila previously overheard in the car.  The Reverend sets out to track down and rescue Lila but, at this point, the viewer trusts him even less than they trust Lemora.

It’s a very strange movie and a difficult one to describe.  It’s a movie that creates its own unique and odd reality.  Lemora expects the viewer to conform to its style as opposed to conforming to the audience’s expectations.  Lemora‘s full name is Lemora: A Child’s Tale Of The Supernatural and it really does play out like a particularly nightmarish fairy tale.  Though the film was definitely low-budget, it’s full of strikingly surreal images.  The entire movie feels like a dream — everything from the almost campy, gangster-film opening to Lila’s strange journey on the dark bus to Lemora’s hypnotic stare to the sudden and shocking conclusion of the Reverend’s relationship with Lila.  The film has one of those endings that forces you to reconsider everything that you previously witnessed.

Much like Messiah of Evil, Lemora is one of those surrealistic and low-budget horror films that almost defies conventional criticism.  It’s a surreal dream of dark and disturbing things and one that everyone should see for themselves.  You may love it, as I did.  You may hate it.  But you will never forget it.

Shattered Politics #61: Murder at 1600 (dir by Dwight H. Little)


Murder_at_sixteen_hundred_ver2Wow.

I have to admit that, seeing as how I was only 11 going on 12 back in 1997, I really wasn’t paying much attention to what was going on in the world at the time.  But, whatever it was, it must have been something big and scary and it must have left people feeling deeply suspicious of the government.  How else do you explain the fact that 1997 not only saw the release of Absolute Power, a film in which the President is a murderer, but Murder at 1600 as well.

Murder at 1600 opens with a White House maid finding the dead body of Carla Town (Mary Moore), an intern whose sole goal in life was apparently to have sex in every single room in the Executive Mansion.  (And, before you judge, that happens to be my goal in life as well.  So there.)  Streetwise homicide detective Harlan Regis (Wesley Snipes) is on the case!

And he’s certainly got a lot of suspects.  Could it be the Vice President (Chris Gillett)?  Or maybe Alvin Jordan (Alan Alda), the National Security Advisor?  Or how about Nick Spikings (Daniel Benzali), the bald-bef0re-bald-was-cool head of the Secret Service?  Or maybe it the President’s son (Tate Donavon)?  Or maybe even the President (Ronny Cox) himself!?

Fortunately, Regis is assigned a partner, Secret Service agent Nina Chance (Diane Lane).  When Regis first meets her, he’s all, “Oh my God, you’re a woman!”  And then Nina’s all, “I also won an Olympic medal for sharp shooting!”  And then Regis is like, “I bet that will be a relevant plot point before the film ends!”

Of course, Regis already has a regular partner, as well.  His name is Detective Stengel and he’s played by Dennis Miller, which just seems strange.  Stengel basically looks like Dennis Miller, sounds like Dennis Miller, and acts exactly like Dennis Miller, except for the fact that he’s a cop.  His jarringly out-of-place presence in this film just adds to Murder at 1600‘s general air of weirdness.

Meanwhile, it turns out that the North Koreans are up to no good and the President is being pressured to take military action.  However, he’s being distracted by this whole criminal investigation thing.  Will the country survive or did its future die at 1600?

(And why doesn’t the President just send in Team America to take care of the situation?  Or maybe James Franco and Seth Rogen.  There are way to deal with the North Koreans….)

(By the way, have you noticed how brave everyone online is when it comes to being snarky about the one country in the world that doesn’t have internet access?  If Kim Jong Whatevuh ever gets a twitter account, I bet everyone will start following him and asking him for retweets.)

Murder at 1600 is an enjoyably ludicrous thriller.  It’s one of those films that you’ll enjoy as long as you don’t take it seriously.  Take it seriously and you’ll end up asking question like why the FBI isn’t involved in the investigation and whether or not the solution to the film’s mystery is a bit too convoluted to make any logical sense.  However, if you simply decide to enjoy Murder at 1600 for what it is, an extremely pulpy thriller that’s full of nonstop melodrama, overwritten dialogue, and a healthy distrust of the government*, then you’ll find this to be an entertaining thriller.

At the very least, a White House full of potential murderers is probably a lot more realistic than anything that you might see in The American President.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-CZrYOy_gI

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* Oh, everyone knows the government sucks…