What Lisa Watched Last Night #198: Psycho Stripper (dir by Jake Helgren)

Posted on May 6, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime premiere, Psycho Stripper!Why Was I Watching It?

Why was I watching it? Seriously, with a name like Psycho Stripper, how couldn’t I watch it!? There’s an art to coming up with a good title and whoever came up with Psycho Stripper has obviously perfected that art. The title was so great that I even abandoned the neighborhood Cinco De Mayo party early, just so I could watch the movie in the comfort of my own home. That’s the power of a perfect title!

Also, I have to give some credit to Lifetime, here. Before they showed Psycho Stripper, they showed Magic Mike. So, on Sunday night, viewers got a chance to see two separate versions of the life of a male stripper, the yellow-tinted Steven Soderbergh version (seriously, I like Magic Mike but, whenever I watch it, I worry all that yellow is going to burn my retinas) and the wonderfully over-the-top Lifetime version!

What Was It About?

Amber (Karissa Lee Staples) owns her own dance studio, has a lot of friends, and is about to get married to the wealthy (if kinda wimpy) Owen (Mark Hapka).

Hunter (Tyler Johnson) is a handsome and charming male stripper who dresses up like a fireman, can change a flat tire, and who happens to be really good with an ax.

Together, they solve crimes!

No, not really. Instead, Hunter shows up at Amber’s bachelorette party. He’s supposed to just be a part of the night’s entertainment but, instead, Hunter keeps showing up wherever Amber happens to be. First, he just wants dance lessons. Then, he’s kind of dating Amber’s best friend, Taryn (Rachele Brooke Smith). Then, he’s bringing Amber a gift to thank her for the lessons. Suddenly, he’s asking Amber if she wants to get lunch! Amber doesn’t think that it’s a good idea for her to have lunch with Hunter, especially since Owen seems to have a hang-up about her hanging out with a mysterious man who has a great body.

Then again, Owen has issues of his own. For instance, he doesn’t seem to have quite gotten over his previous girlfriend, the one who died mysteriously….

What Worked?

Okay, so I absolutely loved this movie. I mean, how couldn’t I? It combined two of my favorite things: over-the-top, in-your-face melodrama and dancing! This movie was a lot of fun and Tyler Johnson really threw himself into playing the role of the psycho stripper.

The film also had a bit of a subversive side, as well. Hunter may be a psycho but you still kind of find yourself on his side, if just because everyone else in the movie is so judgmental of him and how he makes his living. Owen’s family is extremely wealthy and all of his friends are extremely privileged. When they start giving Hunter a hard time about being a stripper (with one of them even throwing a dollar bill at him), you can’t help but feel a little bit bad for him. (Of course, then he starts killing people and you’re like, “Okay, never mind….”)

My favorite character was Taryn, who was not only a good dancer but also the greatest best friends that one could possibly hope for. She got all the best lines. My personal favorite was, “We’re going to get in this car and plow his ass down!”

What Didn’t Work?

It all worked. This was Lifetime at its best.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

A Lifetime film set in a dance studio? To be honest, almost the entire film was an “Oh my God! Just like me!” moment. I related to Taryn. I’d like to think that, if there was a psycho wandering around outside, I too would be smart enough to grab a knife before going outside.

The last Bachelorette Party that I went to had a stripping fireman, just like this movie. However, I don’t think he ever killed anyone. Actually, rumor has it that he was a real fireman who had too much to drink that night. Who knows? Life is indeed a crazy tapestry.

Lessons Learned

Beware of strippers bearing gifts.

Let’s Talk About Nightmare Shark (dir by Griff and Nathan Furst)

Posted on August 17, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Right now, we’re in the middle of SyFy’s Sharknado week. On Sunday night, SyFy will premiering what they say is going to be The Last Sharknado. In the days leading up to that moment, they’ve been reshowing all of their classic shark films and premiering a new shark film each night!

Thursday night’s premiere was Nightmare Shark!

Nightmare Shark kind of swam out of nowhere on Thursday and it ended up impressing the Hell out of not only me but almost everyone that I was watching it with. There’s a neat little twist to Nightmare Shark, one that will be appreciated and loved by anyone who watches SyFy shark films. In fact, it’s such a wonderful twist that I don’t want to ruin it for those of you who haven’t seen the film yet. At the same time, I really can’t review the movie without revealing the details of the twist.

So, consider this to be your SPOILER WARNING! If you haven’t seen Nightmare Shark, just take my word for it that it’s a scary and effective SyFy shark film and stop reading. Because what follows is going to spoil a huge part of the film for you. Here, I’ll give you a few minutes to navigate away from the page before I continue.

Here’s a picture of a cute kitty that the rest of us can look at while you leave:

Okay, let’s continue.

Shared cinematic universes are all the rage right now. In fact, SyFy already has one of its own. Ian Ziering making a cameo appearance in Lavalantula established that both that film and its sequel took place in the same chaotic universe as Sharknado. Well, Nightmare Shark established a second cinematic universe.

The film itself deals with a group of shark attack survivors who, having been plagued by shark-related nightmares, agree to take part in an experimental drug trial. What they don’t suspect is that the outwardly benevolent Dr. Novak (Tony Amendola) actually worships a Hawaiian shark god and his plan is to use them and their nightmares as a way to bring the shark out of their dreams and into the real world. Among the survivors are Jolene (Lulu Jovovich) and Rob (Thomas Ian Nicholas) and Gina (Rachele Brooke Smith) and Kaplan (Bobby Campo). Fans of SyFy shark movies will immediately recognize them as the protagonists of, respectively, Trailer Park Shark and Atomic Shark.

So, there you go. All three of these films take place in the same universe and personally, I would toss Ghost Shark in there as well. (The Hawaiian shark god definitely seemed to have a bit in common with the Ghost Shark.) Just as there’s a Sharknado Cinematic Universe, there’s also a Griff Furst Cinematic Shark Universe.

That was a wonderful Easter egg for all of us longtime fans of SyFy shark week. Since, with the Sharknado franchise wrapping up, this could be the final shark week, Nightmare Shark also gave us a final chance to spend some time with some of our favorite shark movie protagonists. Unfortunately, not all of them survive their nightmares.

Compared to the whimsical tone that’s present in most SyFy shark movies, Nightmare Shark was a seriously dark film. Make no mistake about it, this was definitely a horror film. In fact, it featured some of the most effective jump scenes that I’ve seen in a SyFy film. The nightmares were all nicely realized and properly surreal. The film did a good job of keeping viewers off-balance. You were never quite sure who was awake or asleep and you spent most of the film looking for little clues at to whether we were seeing the real world or the dream world. Though the film’s influences were clear — A Nightmare on Elm Street was a big one — Nightmare Shark still did a great job of establishing its own wonderfully twisted identity. Among the cast, the clear stand-out was Tony Amendola, who was enjoyably sinister as Dr. Novak.

Nightmare Shark was an effective horror film, one that proved that there’s still new twists and scares to found in shark week.

Let’s Talk About Atomic Shark!

Posted on July 25, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In case you missed it, it is currently Shark Week on the SyFy network. (Or, as theSnarkalecs and I like to call it, Snark Week!) Sharknado 4 will be premiering on Sunday and, in honor of that historic event, SyFy has devoted this week to broadcasting some of their trademark original movies. Along with showing such classics as Jersey Shore Shark Attack and Zombie Shark, SyFy is also premiering several new shark films.

The first of those films premiered last night. And its name was ….

ATOMIC SHARK!!!!

Seriously, that’s a great name! In a few of my Lifetime reviews, I’ve pointed out that there is an art to picking the perfect title for a Lifetime film. Well, the same is true for a SyFy film. A title like Atomic Shark tells the audience everything that they need to know. On the simplest level, it lets the viewers know that the film is about a shark and that the shark is, in some way, atomic. But even beyond that, a title like Atomic Shark announces, “This is going to be a fun movie! Sit back, relax, and don’t worry too much about the specifics. Just enjoy yourself.”

As I watched the movie last night, I saw a few people on twitter worrying about things like whether or not a shark could actually become atomic or whether the characters were acting like logical human beings. Those people were missing the entire point of the film. Seriously, you have to be the world’s biggest douchebag to actually nitpick a film that has a title like Atomic Shark.

The film takes place on the San Diego shoreline. At first, it seems like a normal (if rather overcast) day at the beach. Men in speedos. Women in bikinis. Lifeguards on duty. Jeff Fahey steering a motor boat and barely noticing when a water skier is suddenly devoured by a glowing shark. A kid pretending to drown, just so he can get some mouth-to-mouth.

And then there’s the drones. There are drones flying up and down this beach. The majority of them are lifeguard drones, which are used to deliver life vests to people drowning out in the middle of the ocean. However, there are also a few drones being controlled by pervy little Fletcher (David Faustino), who films unsuspecting swimmers and joggers and then uploads the video to his site. Even when confronted by an indignant lifeguard, Fletcher responds, “The beach is public domain!”

Well, the beach may be public domain but it’s about the become … atomic domain!

That’s right, there’s a glowing shark out there and it’s hungry! Not only is it eating people but, because it’s radioactive, it’s setting them on fire too! In fact, this shark is so radioactive that it’s causing sea food to become explosive. When the local restaurant blows up, the authorities blame it on a gas leak but we know it was because of the radioactive plankton.

(The film also lets us know that the restaurant had four stars on Yelp before the explosion and only three stars after.)

Unfortunately, only one person truly believes in the existence of atomic shark. Gina (Rachele Brooke Smith) is the greatest lifeguard who ever lived but, unfortunately, her superior, Reese (Adam Ambruso), is a dumbass jerk who doesn’t understand that workplace sexual harassment is no longer acceptable. Since Gina can’t get any support from the authorities, she gathers together her own group of shark hunters and, before you cay say, “We’re going to need a bigger boat,” they set out to destroy the atomic shark!

One of those shark hunters is the boat captain played by Jeff Fahey and I have to say that I was so happy when I realized that Fahey was in this movie. Jeff Fahey is one of those immensely likable actors who can make almost any line of dialogue memorable. Playing the Quint role here, Fahey is a lot of fun. Also deserving a lot of credit is Rachele Brooke Smith, who kicks so much ass as the no-nonsense Gina that I found myself thinking that, in case Gal Gadot demands too much money to reprise her role, Smith could easily take over her role in any future Wonder Woman films.

As the film’s screenwriter, Griff Furst, pointed out on twitter, Atomic Shark is a comedy. Taking it seriously is definitely the biggest mistake that a viewer could make. This is a movie that was meant to be watched with a group of your loudest and snarkiest friends. It’s a lot of fun.

(That said, just because it’s comedy, that doesn’t mean that anyone’s safe. This is the rare shark film where you’re actually shocked when a few characters fail to escape the nuclear menace of atomic shark.)

Atomic Shark is a lot of fun and it was a great way to start Shark Snark Week on SyFy!

Cleaning Out The DVR, Again #38: Center Stage: On Pointe (dir by Director X)

Posted on July 11, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa is currently in the process of trying to clean out her DVR by watching and reviewing all 40 of the movies that she recorded from the start of March to the end of June. She’s trying to get it all done by the end of July 11th! Will she make it!? Keep visiting the site to find out!)

The 38th film on my DVR was Center Stage: On Pointe, which premiered on Lifetime on June 25th.

Center Stage: On Pointe is the third film in the Center Stage series. The first film, which was released in 2000, is one of those films that, at the time, you pretty much had to see if you were into ballet. The second film, Center Stage: Turn It Up, aired on the Oxygen Network in 2008 and laid much of the groundwork for what happens in On Pointe.

At the start of On Pointe, Jonathan Reeves (Peter Gallagher), the head of the American Ballet Academy, has a problem. The Academy is still doing great work but it’s not bringing in much money. Unfortunately, the ABA has developed a reputation for being stodgy. It needs to be shaken up. It needs new dancers who are going to challenge the teachers even as the teachers challenge them. Over the objections of just about everyone else at the ABA, Reeves decides that it’s time to bring modern dancers into the Academy.

Reeves and his choreographers (including Kenny Wormald’s Tommy Anderson, the male lead from Turn It Up) set out to recruit dancers to compete at a camp where the winners will be invited to join the Academy. Among those dancers: Bella Parker (Nicole Munoz). Bella is the younger sister of Kate Parker (Rachele Brooke Smith), whose story was previously told in Turn It Up. Seeking to escape from her famous sister’s shadow, Bella auditions under a false name. However, everyone immediately knows who she is. It’s not easy being Kate Parker’s sister.

The camp turns out to be absolutely beautiful (even if it did remind me a bit of Camp Crystal Lake from Friday the 13th) but the dance world is a competitive and often unforgiving one. Not only is there tension between the ballet students and the modern dancers (and that tension is one of the most realistic aspects of the film) but one of the instructors appears to be obsessed with trying to destroy Bella. Will Bella and her fellow dancers survive the grueling camp? Will Bella ever escape her sister’s shadow? And will the ABA manage to change with the times?

You already know the answers. There’s not a surprising moment to be found in Center Stage: On Pointe but the film is well-shot, the music is great, and the dancing is amazing. Yes, some of the performances could be better but when you’ve got dancers who can move as well as the ones in this cast, it really doesn’t matter whether or not they’re the greatest actors in the world. This is a dance movie, after all. The dance scenes are amazing and that’s what is important.

(By the way, fans of Dance Moms may be interested to know that Chloe Lukasiak has a small role in Center Stage: On Pointe. And, though she may no longer be a member of ALDC, she’s still a great dancer.)