What Lisa Watched Last Night #198: Psycho Stripper (dir by Jake Helgren)

Posted on May 6, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched the latest Lifetime premiere, Psycho Stripper!Why Was I Watching It?

Why was I watching it? Seriously, with a name like Psycho Stripper, how couldn’t I watch it!? There’s an art to coming up with a good title and whoever came up with Psycho Stripper has obviously perfected that art. The title was so great that I even abandoned the neighborhood Cinco De Mayo party early, just so I could watch the movie in the comfort of my own home. That’s the power of a perfect title!

Also, I have to give some credit to Lifetime, here. Before they showed Psycho Stripper, they showed Magic Mike. So, on Sunday night, viewers got a chance to see two separate versions of the life of a male stripper, the yellow-tinted Steven Soderbergh version (seriously, I like Magic Mike but, whenever I watch it, I worry all that yellow is going to burn my retinas) and the wonderfully over-the-top Lifetime version!

What Was It About?

Amber (Karissa Lee Staples) owns her own dance studio, has a lot of friends, and is about to get married to the wealthy (if kinda wimpy) Owen (Mark Hapka).

Hunter (Tyler Johnson) is a handsome and charming male stripper who dresses up like a fireman, can change a flat tire, and who happens to be really good with an ax.

Together, they solve crimes!

No, not really. Instead, Hunter shows up at Amber’s bachelorette party. He’s supposed to just be a part of the night’s entertainment but, instead, Hunter keeps showing up wherever Amber happens to be. First, he just wants dance lessons. Then, he’s kind of dating Amber’s best friend, Taryn (Rachele Brooke Smith). Then, he’s bringing Amber a gift to thank her for the lessons. Suddenly, he’s asking Amber if she wants to get lunch! Amber doesn’t think that it’s a good idea for her to have lunch with Hunter, especially since Owen seems to have a hang-up about her hanging out with a mysterious man who has a great body.

Then again, Owen has issues of his own. For instance, he doesn’t seem to have quite gotten over his previous girlfriend, the one who died mysteriously….

What Worked?

Okay, so I absolutely loved this movie. I mean, how couldn’t I? It combined two of my favorite things: over-the-top, in-your-face melodrama and dancing! This movie was a lot of fun and Tyler Johnson really threw himself into playing the role of the psycho stripper.

The film also had a bit of a subversive side, as well. Hunter may be a psycho but you still kind of find yourself on his side, if just because everyone else in the movie is so judgmental of him and how he makes his living. Owen’s family is extremely wealthy and all of his friends are extremely privileged. When they start giving Hunter a hard time about being a stripper (with one of them even throwing a dollar bill at him), you can’t help but feel a little bit bad for him. (Of course, then he starts killing people and you’re like, “Okay, never mind….”)

My favorite character was Taryn, who was not only a good dancer but also the greatest best friends that one could possibly hope for. She got all the best lines. My personal favorite was, “We’re going to get in this car and plow his ass down!”

What Didn’t Work?

It all worked. This was Lifetime at its best.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

A Lifetime film set in a dance studio? To be honest, almost the entire film was an “Oh my God! Just like me!” moment. I related to Taryn. I’d like to think that, if there was a psycho wandering around outside, I too would be smart enough to grab a knife before going outside.

The last Bachelorette Party that I went to had a stripping fireman, just like this movie. However, I don’t think he ever killed anyone. Actually, rumor has it that he was a real fireman who had too much to drink that night. Who knows? Life is indeed a crazy tapestry.

Lessons Learned

Beware of strippers bearing gifts.

Adventures in Cleaning Out the DVR: 16 and Missing (dir by Michael Feifer)

Posted on November 14, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Continuing my efforts to clean out the DVR, I followed up A Teacher’s Obsession by watching 16 and Missing. 16 and Missing originally aired on the Lifetime network on October 24th. On that particularly Saturday, I was haunting a Halloween party (booooo!), so I set the DVR to record it.

In many ways, 16 and Missing is a quintessential Lifetime film. It’s about a rebellious teenage girl who has a loving (and underappreciated) mother and a stepfather who is trying way too hard to serve as a replacement patriarchal figure. It also features an initially charming man who later turns out to be a complete psycho. There’s a lot of driving, an important life lesson, and a lot of gunplay. At the end of the movie, the mother is proven right and everyone hugs and strangely enough, nobody seems to be all that traumatized by all of the truly terrible things that have just happened to them. None of that, by the way, is meant to be a criticism. Lifetime movies are a genre all their own and part of the fun comes from their familiarity.

16 and Missing also deals with a common Lifetime movie theme — i.e., that the internet is an evil place that exists only to lead teenage girls astray. In this case, spoiled rotten Abbey (Lizze Broadway) has been using her social media accounts to carry on a two-year, online affair Gavin (Mark Hupka), who claims to be a 23 year-old cop. After Abbey has a fight with her mother, former FBI agent Julia (Ashley Scott), Abbey decides to run away from home. She sneaks out of the house, gets in her car, and drives off to Arizona…

And what immediately bothered me was the fact that Abbey didn’t pack anything before she ran way. Admittedly, this probably says more about me than the movie. I’m just saying that if I had ever run away from home and headed for a different state, I would have brought along a change of clothes.

But anyway, Abbey meets up with Gavin and is shocked to discover that Gavin is a little bit older than 23. And he might not be a cop. And his name might actually be Wesley. And, as soon as she shows up, Gavin/Wesley immediately starts pressuring her to have sex…

Okay, so it’s pretty obvious that Gavin/Wesley wasn’t everything that he said he was and, to the film’s credit, Abbey quickly figures this out. As opposed to a lot of similar Lifetime films (in which the teenage girl is always presented as being far too naive to be believable), 16 and Missing makes it clear that Abbey is a girl who made an impulsive mistake, who understands that she made an impulsive mistake, but who has now found herself trapped by that impulsive mistake.

However, Abbey and Wes-Gavin do have one thing in common. They both lost their fathers in the most violent and disturbing ways possible. Gavin’s father was a cop and Gavin claims that he was shot in the head by his partner. Abbey’s father was abducted and murdered while a 6 year-old Abbey helplessly watched. Could the two events be connected? It wouldn’t be a Lifetime film if they weren’t.

But don’t worry! After breaking into her daughter’s social media accounts, Julia is on the road to Arizona and she’s got a gun…

Anyway, 16 and Missing was an entertaining Lifetime film. If you’re into Lifetime films, especially ones that present the internet as being the root of all evil, you should enjoy this one. And if you’re not into Lifetime movies, you probably wouldn’t be watching in the first place.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #122: Deadly Revenge (dir by Michael Feifer)

Posted on April 19, 2015 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, I watched Deadly Revenge on Lifetime!

Why Was I Watching It?

Not only was it on Lifetime but it had one of the most perfectly generic Lifetime titles ever. Deadly Revenge sounds like one of the results that you’d get from a random Create-A-Lifetime-Movie-Title Generator.

What Was It About?

Harrison (Mark Hapka) appears to be the perfect guy. He’s got a good job, a great apartment, and he’s a good cook! However, he also has some secrets in his part, as his fiancee, Cate (Alicia Ziegler), discovers when she agrees to take care of Evelyn (Donna Mills), his sick mother.

What Worked?

Actually, this movie really wasn’t that bad. Alicia Ziegler and Donna Mills did the best that they could possibly do. If their characters occasionally didn’t make sense, that had more to do with the script than the performances. As well, I enjoyed seeing where everyone lived. Harrison had a really kickass apartment and Evelyn — oh my God, she practically lived in a freaking castle!

Plus, towards the end of the film, Cate got to wear this white dress that would look great on me. So, there’s always that.

What Did Not Work?

Oh my God, this is such a frustrating movie to try to review! Under the no spoiler rule, I’m not allowed to talk about the solution to the film’s mystery but, at the same time, it’s sooooooo obvious! Seriously, you will figure it out within the first 30 minutes of the film. (You would have figured it out earlier except for the fact that the mystery doesn’t start until about 30 minutes into the film.) I mean, you’re supposed to be shocked when the big secret is revealed but the only shocking thing is that Cate didn’t figure it out for herself. IT WAS SO OBVIOUS!

Like seriously.

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

I’ve actually recently had a dizzy spell/panic attack while driving so when Cate had the same thing happen to her, I was like, “Oh my God, I know exactly how scary that is!”

I do think I handled it better than Cate though. Cate reacted by calling up her best friend and talking to her on the phone while driving! In my case, however, I quickly pulled over to the side of the road, turned off the engine, and did my breathing exercises for panic attacks.

Lessons Learned

If it seems painfully obvious that someone is trying to kill you, they probably are.