Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 4.14 “Shock Treatment” and 4.15 “Frisky Business”

Posted on April 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Hello, Manny High!

Episode 4.14 “Shock Treatment”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 4th, 2000)

Oh, thank God. Chris finally got a haircut. I’m not sure how I feel about the sideburns but Chris still definitely looks so much better without all of that hair dragging his face down.

Mean Dean, New York’s top radio DJ, is scheduled to do his show from Manny High but, when he calls in sick, it appears that the show might have to be cancelled. However, Ms. Noble approaches Dean’s producer and tells him that she knows two students who can fill in, Chris and Jamal! Apparently, Ms. Noble has forgotten about all of the times that she’s suspended Chris and Jamal from doing their show as a result of their history of rampant stupidity. The producer agrees to let Chris and Jamal fill in and loves listening to Chris and Jamal make jokes about their teachers. Since Dean is going to be out for a week, Chris and Jamal are hired to serve as his replacements….

I’m starting to suspect this show is not a realistic portrayal of the radio world.

Though Chris and Jamal try to keep the show light with a really bad Regis Philbin impersonation, their producer tells them that listeners don’t want nice. They want mean. So, Chris and Jamal insult all of their friends on the show. Apparently, the listeners love it and it looks like Chris and Jamal might get their own show! I guess pre-911 New Yorkers loved to turn on the radio and hear insulting jokes about obscure high school students. All of Chris and Jamal’s friends get angry and refuse to have anything to do with them so Ms. Noble decides to get involved.

“Is this the type of show you want to do?” Ms. Noble asks.

Considering that Chris and Jamal haven’t even graduated high school and they’re already the hosts of the top radio show in New York and they’re also getting paid a lot of money, I’d say that this is probably exactly the type of show that they want to do. Still, no one on City Guys can ever say no to Ms. Noble so Chris and Jamal quit their show and probably sabotage whatever hopes they may have of ever having a career in broadcasting. Instead of becoming the next Howard Stern, Jamal can look forward to inheriting the diner from his Dad and then, 20 years later, watching it go out of business due to the COVID lockdowns. Meanwhile Chris will probably either end up in jail for insider trading or as an assistant to Bill de Blasio. Either way, it’s not happy future. Thanks, Ms. Noble!

Episode 4.15 “Frisky Business”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 11th, 2000)

It’s the first day of school and everyone is shocked by Chris’s short hair. When they ask him why he cut it, he says that, when he was backpacking through Europe over the summer, too many Italian men mistook him for being a girl and tried to hit on him….

Of course, Chris had short hair last episode and no one mentioned it. On top of that, when did the previous school year end? It’s pretty obvious that NBC showed the fourth season episodes out of their intended order because who cares about continuity, right? It’s not like there are people hired for every movie and television series whose entire job is to keep track of continuity from shot-to-shot….

Actually, while we’re talking about things that don’t make sense, how did Chris backpack through Europe when he and Jamal were sent to summer school for cheating on that Chemistry midterm? At one point, during this episode, L-Train mentions that summer school ended the day before the new school year began. So, there’s really no way Chris could have done summer school and gone to Europe. My theory is that Chris paid someone to attend summer school for him. That was pretty smart of Chris. I’m impressed.

Anyway, the kids are shocked to discover that Manny High now has metal detectors and they now have to line up to enter the school. Dawn complains that nothing violent has ever happened on the Manny High campus. That’s actually not true. There’s been a lot of fights and near-fights on campus. Just a few episodes ago, someone (probably Louis) wrote “Jerk” on Jamal’s locker. Manny High is a dangerous place!

Not only do the students have to deal with the metal detectors but, after L-Train is caught with a switch-comb, the school board also decides to install transparent lockers and surveillance cameras on the roof. The students are given a list of things that they can no longer wear or bring to school. Ms. Noble tells the students that she has to enforce the rules. (HA! WHERE’S YOUR GOD NOW, STUDENTS!?) But she encourages the students to come up with a “constructive” way to protest.

Chris and Jamal go on their stupid radio show and announce that Manny High has been turned into a prison and “Ms. Noble ain’t the principal no more, she’s the warden!” Chris and Jamal call on everyone to refuse to go to class until something is done about the metal detectors. Ms. Noble responds by suspending Chris, Jamal, Al, L-Train, Dawn, and Cassidy.

Being suspended apparently means hanging out at the New York Diner. Ms. Noble, who I’m going to assume in now divorced since we haven’t heard or seen anything about her husband since she got married, shows up there as well and says, “Hey kids, how’s life in the suspended lane?” Ms. Noble proceeds to scold them for not expressing their feelings in “a proper way.”

The kids decide that the best way to handle things is to set up a metal detector at the next school board meeting, which is being held at Manny High for some reason. To me, that seems a lot more obnoxious than anything that was said on the radio but it works. I guess the kids just needed Ms. Noble to talk down to them. After being forced to walk through the detectors themselves, the school board agrees to compromise with the students, which is something that would never happen in real life.

(It especially wouldn’t happen today. Nowadays, Americans love being bossed around.)

Anyway, these episode actually weren’t that bad, at least not when compared to some of the other episodes of City Guys. Both Scott Whyte and Wesley Jonathan showed a noticeable improvement as actors in these two episodes. It helps that Chris got his hair cut. I really didn’t realize how much Chris’s long hair bugged me until I saw him with short hair.

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 4.12 “Makin’ Up Is Hard To Do” and 4.13 “Living in America”

Posted on April 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Al and Dawn have relationship trouble and the viewers are expected to endure a clip show.

Episode 4.12 “Makin’ Up Is Hard To Do”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 28th, 2000)

It’s Spring Fest. Time for dance on the school roof!

Now, to be honest, this episode’s roof dance actually looks like it would be fun to attend. The music is a lot more danceable than that jazz funk that the Jazz Posse played last week. For once, it looks like Dawn actually put some effort into decorating the roof. There aren’t any dead pigeons lying around. It looks like fun until….

….for some reason, Chris starts dancing with Ms. Noble. And then Ms. Noble leads the entire school in a disco line dance, Tony Manero-style. I’ve said this a hundred times before but, people — SHE’S THE PRINCIPAL! It is neither healthy nor believable for students to be this obsessed with their principal!

As I mentioned earlier, Dawn put the dance together. This time, she worked with Nate, a new kid from California. Because the show’s writers finally remembered that they were supposed to be a couple, Al got jealous of Nate and forbid her to work with him. Dawn dumped Al, which would have been a big dramatic moment if not for the fact that the two of them hardly ever acted like they were dating in the first place. Al attempted to sabotage the dance by booby-trapping a raffle box but, after discovering that Nate was a nice guy and having a change of heart, Al was the one who ended up with an ink pack exploding all over him. Dawn was so moved by Al’s stupidity that she took him back.

Meanwhile, Jamal and some random student had a dance-off. Jamal won. Yay!

This episode actually wasn’t too bad. The dance looked like fun. Dawn shouldn’t have taken Al back, though.

Episode 4.13 “Living in America”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 4th, 2000)

Ms. Noble sets up a pen pal program between Manny High and Japan because, of course, she did. Unfortunately, it turns out that Chris and Jamal have not been responding to the emails being sent by the Japanese students. When Ms. Noble asks them why, Chris and Jamal reply that they don’t know what to talk about. Then, the entire homerun ends up discussing all the amazing adventures that they’ve had.

Yep, it’s a clip show, delivered with all the straight-face earnestness of a show that had an extra episode to burn off.

“Hey, Train,” Al says at one point, “maybe you should tell everyone about that time you tried to be a wrestler….”

That pretty much sums up this episode.

Still, there is a little bit of drama when Ms. Noble suddenly announces, “Kids, I just heard there was an earthquake in Japan, not far from where your pen pals live.” Well, I guess they won’t have to reply to those emails now …. oh wait, everyone survived. That’s good.

For whatever reason, Tubi has removed City Guys from its site. So, I will be watching the rest of this show on YouTube. I think every episode is on YouTube but I can’t be sure. We’ll find out, starring next week!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 4.10 “Keep on the Download” and 4.11 “Havoc”

Posted on March 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

C.I.T.Y. …. this show is never going to end….

Episode 4.10 “Keep On The Download”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 21st, 2000)

To be honest, I guess it’s kind of silly that out of all the things that I dislike about City Guys, it’s Chris and Jamal’s radio show that tends to annoy the most.

I mean, I know I spend a lot of time complaining about the way all of the student’s worship Ms. Noble but if there’s anything that truly makes me want to throw something across the room, it’s definitely the sound of Manny and Jamal announcing, “Hello, Manny High!” The whole radio station thing has never made sense to me and I’ve always had a hard time with the idea of Chris and Jamal becoming radio superstars with their stale schtick. It also doesn’t help that I’ve never really understood just when exactly Chris and Jamal are doing their show. Are they broadcasting during class hours? Are they broadcasting during lunch? Why does it sometimes seem as if they go several days without even thinking about their radio show just to suddenly have it once become the center of their lives a few episodes later?

This episode establishes that every school in New York City apparently has its own radio station. Adam and Malik are the radio hosts at Washington Prep and they’ve managed to get an interview with a rapper named Dr. Deej. After they taunt Chris and Jamal with their success, Chris and Jamal react by trying to get Dr. Deej to appear on their show. When Jamal can’t get Dr. Deej to return his calls, they decide to just have Chris pretend to be Dr. Deej.

Yes, that’s right. The very white Chris pretends to be a rapper. “Yo, yo, yo,” Chris says, “the doctor is in this house, pass me the scalpel, crunch me an apple….” (Don’t get mad at me, I’m just transcribing.) The real Dr. Deej calls in to ask how he can be on Chris and Jamal’s show when he’s actually on Adam and Malik’s show. Uh-oh!

Having been humiliated, Chris and Jamal go over to Washington Prep, break into the booth, and steal the sign with the radio call letters. Being two huge idiots, Chris and Jamal bring the sign to the roof of Manny High so that everyone can celebrate their thievery. Ms. Noble sees the sign and is not amused. When Chris and Jamal say that its just part of a prank war, Ms. Noble informs them the pranks have gone too far and they’re both off the air. YAY!

Wow, I’m glad that radio stuff is over with. Let’s move on….

Oh wait, we’re only halfway through the episode.

Adam and Malik announce that they will be broadcasting an on-air funeral for the Chris and Jamal show. So, Chris and Jamal break into Washington Prep during the middle of the night and they try to sabotage Adam & Malik’s DJ booth. While trying to move some wires around, they short out an amp. (Wow, that really escalated.) Because they’re both extremely stupid, Chis and Jamal break into Washington Prep a second time and attempt to leave a new amp in the DJ booth. (I’m not sure why, since their stated goal was to sabotage Adam and Malik and they managed to do just that.) This time, a security guard catches them and, instead of calling the cops, he calls Ms. Noble.

WHAT!?

Anyway, the situation is resolved by letting Adam and Malik use Manny High’s DJ booth until their booth is repaired. And apparently, Ms. Noble is going to let Chris and Jamal back on the air as well. I’m not really sure why. I guess it pays off to break into other schools.

While this is going on, Dawn becomes so obsessed with winning a trophy in the Academic Bowl that she alienates all of her smart teammates and is instead forced to compete with Al and L-Train on her team. Bizarrely, the Academic Bowl is held on the roof of Manny High and Ms. Noble is the host. The final question is to list one of the three nicknames for catfish, which really doesn’t sound like an Academic Bowl question. Because L-Train knows all three of the names, Manny High wins. L-Train announces that he’s going to take the trophy to a pawn shop. Ms. Noble, who is so quick to get involved in every aspect of her students’s lives, has no problem with L-Train selling the most prestigious trophy the school has ever won.

Okay, can we move on now? Yay!

Episode 4.11 “Havoc

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 28th, 2000)

Chis is apparently a guitarist now. He’s so good that the Screaming Skulls want him to be their new lead guitarist! But Chris is already in a band, a jazz fusion band with Al, L-Train, and Jamal. (Their band is called the — *snicker* — Jazz Posse! I went to a college with a world-famous jazz band and even my jazz-obsessed classmates would not have been caught dead listening to a band called the Jazz Posse.) How can he be in two bands at the same time? Actually, quite a few musicians are in multiple bands at the same time but most of them aren’t as dumb as Chris. Chris he has to make a choice between either being in a world famous rock band or continuing to play on the roof of Manny High.

Jamal acts as if Chris is being selfish for wanting to play with his new band as opposed to spending all of his time with his high school friends. But, honestly, Jamal kind of sucks. Never once does he congratulate Chris or even acknowledge that it’s cool that Chris now has proof that he has a possible future as a professional musician. Instead of being happy for Chris, Jamal immediately start complaining about him not wanting to be in the high school jazz band. I find it hard to believe that the Al, Jamal, and L-Train couldn’t find someone else to play guitar in their little band. Is Chris the only guitarist at Manny High? To the show’s credit, Cassidy actually does call Jamal out for his behavior. Cassidy goes to Chris’s first gig as a member of the Skulls and discovers that Chris has been replaced by the band because their old guitarist came back.

The next day, Chris lies to everyone at school and says that he’s still in the Skulls. How exactly does he think he’s going to keep this a secret, as the Skulls have been portrayed as being a pretty famous band? Chris shows up at the Jazz Posse’s next performance and asks to rejoin the band. He apologizes for leaving them earlier, despite the fact that Chis has nothing to apologize for and Jamal was the one being a jerk about it. So, I guess Cassidy calling out Jamal was just something that was done to pad out the episode because no one acknowledges that any musician would rather join a successful band than play in a high school jazz band.

The Jazz Posse plays a show on the roof of Manny High as the end credits roll. Why does everything have to be on the roof?

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 4.8 “Kodak Moment” and 4.9 “Meet Mr. History”

Posted on March 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Chris meets a princess and L-Train becomes Mr. History.

Episode 4.8 “Kodak Moment”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 14th, 2000)

Chris, Al, and L-Train are standing at a newsstand when a blonde (Kristen Miller) with a fake British accent runs up and kisses Chris.

“Do you always kiss strangers?” Chris ask her.

“I do if they’re cute,” she replies.

“Wooooooooooo!” the audience replies.

My immediate reaction was to assume that Chris was being set up by a human trafficking ring and that he would soon be finding himself in Hostel-style situation. And, to be honest, I didn’t really have an objection to that because Chris is a pretty stupid character and, considering everything that has happened to him over the course of the last four seasons, it’s kind of hard to see what else was really left for the show to do with him. He’s served his purpose so why not use Chris as a cautionary tale?

However, it turns out that the blonde is actually Princess Sarah, a member of European royalty who just wants to lead a normal life but who can’t get away from the paparazzi. Poor thing. Who cares? Anyway, Chris and Princess Sarah go on a date but then Chris sees Sarah kissing another man and he decides the best way to react is to work with Al and L-Train to get a picture of the princess that they can then sell to the press. But then Princess Sarah puts on a fake mustache so she can sneak onto campus and explain to Chis that the man was her ex-boyfriend and she was just kissing him to say goodbye. Chris forgives Sarah but he forgets to call off Al and L-Train. Al sneaks into Sarah’s hotel room and takes a lot of pictures. Chris learns a lesson about privacy and I get a migraine. To escape the paparazzi, Sarah returns to the UK because, as we all know, the British tabloids are notorious for respecting the privacy of the rich and famous.

(If Sarah were played by a British actress, this episode would perhaps be a bit less annoying. But the fake accent on top of all the usual City Guys foolishness just makes the whole thing unwatchable.)

Meanwhile, Jamal, Dawn, and Cassidy try to catch a ghost on camera. Ms. Noble eventually joins them. It’s meant to be a parody of the Blair Witch Project. It turns out that there isn’t really a ghost at Manny High Instead, there’s just Ms. Noble and the janitor playing a practical joke on the students. What? Didn’t Ms. Noble just get married? Why isn’t she on her honeymoon?

This was dumb. Let’s move on and meet Mr. History.

Episode 4.9 “Meet Mr. History”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 20th, 2000)

Ms. Noble remembers that she’s supposed to be a teacher so she assigns everyone a research report. The students have to track down an old person and interview them. Chris and Jamal don’t know any interesting old people so they turn in an interview with Jamal’s fictional Uncle Jesse. Ms. Noble is so impressed that she arranges for Uncle Jesse to appear on a local television show. Uh-oh. Time for L-Train to dress up like an old guy and go on television! Of course, L-Train is in no way believable as an old guy so everyone ends up getting yelled at by Ms. Noble. Chris, Jamal, and L-Train attempt to apologize to the producer of the television show but end up getting their apology broadcast to the entire city. The show presents the apology as being the right thing to do but there’s no way that Chris, Jamal, and L-Train aren’t going to get mugged the next time they get on the subway. The entire city of New York now believes them to be a bunch of …. well, jerks! (As well all know from the mock trial episode of City Guys, jerk is the worst thing you can call someone in New York.)

Meanwhile, Dawn and Cassidy go into business with Al and it goes about as well as L-Train’s glowing basketball idea. No one on this show ever learns anything!

These city guys are getting dumb.

Retro Television Review: City Guys 4.6 “Students of the Bride” and 4.7 “Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems”

Posted on March 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Ms. Noble gets married and her students get involved for some reason.

Episode 4.6 “Students of the Bride”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 7th, 2000)

Ms. Noble’s wedding day is coming up and, because Ms. Noble is the most unprofessional educator in New York, she allows her students to find out that she doesn’t have a dress, a venue, a cake, a florist, or a wedding band. Jamal, Cassidy, Dawn, L-Train, Al, and Chris step up to help Ms. Noble plan her wedding.

……

Are you freaking kidding me?

Look, I love weddings as much as anyone. I love planning them and I love telling people what they have to wear and I love coming up with the song list for the reception. But seriously — MS. NOBLE IS THE PRINCIPAL! Add to that, she’s an adult and so is the man she’s supposed to marry. Why are they incapable of planning their own wedding? Why are a bunch of high school students throwing a bachelor party for Billy? Doesn’t Billy have any friends his own age? Speaking of which, does not Ms. Noble have anyone her own age to help her plan her wedding? Do neither of these two have any family in New York? How does this make any freaking sense!?

Anyway, it turns out that having a bunch of high school kids plan your bachelor party is a mistake because Ms. Noble gets upset when she sees Billy dancing with the hula girls that L-Train brought to the school. (Of course, they have the bachelor party on the roof of Manny High.) Ms. Noble and Billy fight and say that maybe they shouldn’t get married. The kids make it their mission to make sure that Ms. Noble gets married to Billy. “Ms. Noble’s getting married if I have to marry her myself!” Jamal says. SHE’S YOUR PRINCIPAL, YOU WEIRDO!

Oh! And Jamal and Cassidy briefly fall in love but then they realize that it’s just because they’ve been working on the wedding and they’re both in a romantic mood. Remember when Cassidy was dating Chris? Whatever happened with that?

God, this is a stupid episode. Ms. Noble does get married at the end of the episode so yay. Let’s move on.

Episode 4.7 “Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 14th, 2000)

L-Train invents a glow-in-the-dark basketball. Al, Chris, and Jamal form a company to sell the ball. Al lets the power go to his head and he learns an important lesson about how to treat his employees. Good for him. I think the more important question raised by this episode is why they allowed this to happen with Chris’s hair.

I mean, Scott Whyte was not a bad-looking guy but he spent the majority of City Guys with the least flattering haircut imaginable.

While Al is learning an important lesson about business, Dawn is getting cast in a commercial and Cassidy’s getting jealous. Cassidy gives Dawn a lot of bad advice, which Dawn believes because Dawn could be an incredibly stupid character. After Cassidy comes clean, Dawn steps aside so that Cassidy can fulfill her dream of acting in a commercial. Of course, this all leads to Cassidy getting hit in the face with a pie. Ugh. I hate pie gags. They always look so messy.

This was a fairly middling episode but Steven Daniel did get a chance to show off his physical comedy skills when L-Train was left alone in the basketball factory. That was definitely a plus. As well, no one was roped into helping Ms. Noble plan her honeymoon so that was another plus.

Next week, the neat guys continue to be smart and streetwise!

Retro Television Review: City Guys 4.4 “Presumed Innocent” and 4.5 “The Third Wheel”

Posted on March 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Time for this again.

Episode 4.4 “Presumed Innocent”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 30th, 2000)

Jamal is convinced that Louis (Mike Bowman), a student who we’ve never seen before, is a skinhead. Louis has a shaved head and appears to have a bunch of new tattoos on his neck and hiding under his short-sleeved shirts. Jamal also says Louis was super aggressive the one time that they played basketball. “He was always trying to foul a brother hard,” Jamal says, “If it looks like a duck and talks like a duck and walks like a duck,,,,”

“Then shucky ducky quack quack!” L-Train exclaims.

Later, in class. Jamal tosses aside a backpack and claims the chair that in which it was sitting. That backpack belonged to Louis and, in Louis’s opinion, so did the chair. Louis proceeds to call Jamal a …. JERK! That’s right. He used the word “jerk.” I considered whether or not to give everyone a trigger warning before revealing what Luke said but I decided to take the risk and just reveal what Louis said, as ugly as it may be. Now, in Manny High, calling someone a “jerk” is obviously the worst thing that you can do. Ms. Noble is able to prevent Louis and Jamal from getting into a fight in the classroom but later, Jamal discovers that someone has spray-painted “JERK” on his locker. Jamal immediately accuses Louis, telling him, “You’ve messed with the wrong brother.”

Louis laughs and says, “At least now you’ll always be able to find your locker.”

Bad move, Louis! Jamal throws the first punch, Louis throws the second, and then Ms. Noble finally runs up and shouts, “Stop …. or you’ll have to fight me!” Realizing that neither one of them has the skills necessary to defeat a middle-aged high school principal, Jamal and Louis stop fighting. When Jamal says that Louis tagged his locker, Louis replies that Jamal doesn’t have any proof. “This ain’t Judge Judy!” Jamal replies.

Inspired, Ms. Noble decides to have a mock trial so the students can decide whether or not Louis defaced Jamal’s locker. (And to think, some principals would have just punished both of them for fighting in the hallway.) Chris represents Jamal while Cassidy and Dawn are assigned to defend Louis. Ms. Noble serves as the judge and the other students serve as the jury and are probably bored to death. I mean, seriously, this is a lot drama over a locker that’s been defaced with one of the mildest insults known to man.

(Add to that, this was already done in that episode of Saved By The Bell where Ms. Bliss’s tacky sweater got paint on it and Screech was put on trial.)

When Chris turns out to be a terrible lawyer, Jamal resorts to sending Al to get proof that Louis is a skinhead. Al returns with a picture of Louis at a bus stop with several other bald people. When Jamal (having fired Chris) enters the photos into evidence, even Ms. Noble looks like she’s ready to sentence Louis to life imprisonment. Louis explains that all of the people in the photos have cancer, “like me.” And he also reveals that his tattoos aren’t skinhead tattoos. They’re marks that are used to guide the radiation. Louis gets mad and walks out of the classroom.

“Case dismissed,” Ms. Noble says, which doesn’t really make any sense because Louis could have still defaced Jamal’s locker while also having cancer. The two things are not mutually exclusive.

“I can’t believe I judged Lou by how he looked,” Jamal says, “I mean, me, a brother!”

Chris and Jamal go to the cancer clinic and apologize to Louis. We never find out who wrote “Jerk” on Jamal’s locker.

Actually, this isn’t a terrible episode. Mike Bowman (who, as far as I know, is not related to me) did a pretty good job as Louis and the show’s message was ultimately a worthy one. There was even a slightly funny B-plot about Al and L-Train trying not to use any slang on their radio show. City Guys is definitely not my favorite show to review but this episode was okay.

Episode 4.5 “The Third Wheel”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on October 7th, 2000)

Al’s birthday is coming up and Dawn wants to celebrate it without L-Train coming along. However, when Al tries to tell L-Train that he’s not invited to celebrate his birthday with him and Dawn, L-Train mishears and thinks that Al is complaining about Dawn being clingy. Al gets upset. “I have to choose between my best friend and my girlfriend.” Al, are you really so stupid as to not know that you spend your birthday with your girlfriend? Apparently so. Anyway, Dawn and L-Train realize that Al is too stupid to choose between them so they collaborate on the party, which is a pretty simple solution. You have to wonder why it took so long for them to come up with that.

Meanwhile, Chris and Jamal want to put on a horror-themed radio show and, of course, Cassidy and Ms. Noble decided to get involved. Doesn’t Ms. Noble have a wedding to plan?

This episode was dumb and I don’t want to waste any more time on it.

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 4.2 “The Users” and 4.3 “Cheat Happens”

Posted on March 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh, Hell, it’s that time of week, isn’t it? It’s time to watch City Guys.

Episode 4.2 “The Users”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 23rd, 2000)

It’s midterm time!

Wasn’t it midterm time two episodes ago? And the episode before that? And maybe even before that? My point is that Manny High seems to have a lot of midterms. I mean, when I was in high school and college, you only took midterms once per semester because you could only be halfway through once. Manny High has midterms every week!

Chris and Jamal are not only worried about passing their midterms. They’re also concerned about what to do with Jasper, who is their new techie at the student radio station. Jasper is very friendly and a very exuberant and very annoying. Chris and Jamal feel that he’s trying too hard to be edgy and street and that’s really saying something when you consider that Chris and Jamal are the two biggest phonies not named Al at Manny High. Jasper also appears to be in his 30s but he swears that he’s a student and that he’s got a straight-A average. Chris and Jamal befriend Jasper so that he’ll tutor them but, when they get a chance to score an internship with a bigtime radio DJ, Chris and Jamal conspire to keep Jasper from finding out. (Oh my God, they’re just using Jasper! They’re users! The episode’s title makes sense!) After sending Jamal across town to pick up a fictional lunch order, Chris does his crappy Homer Simpson impersonation and the DJ is so impressed that it’s suddenly easy to understand why people eventually stopped listening to the radio. Unfortunately, Jasper makes his way to back to the radio station earlier than expected, finds out about the internship, and gets his feelings hurt. Realizing that they are the two worst people in the world, Chis and Jamal apologize to him.

“Yo yo, Jas,” Jamal says, “We didn’t mean to diss you, man.”

“Yeah,” Chris says, “we decided to give you some props.”

Yeah, guys, Jasper is definitely the one who is trying too hard….

(I am dramatically rolling my eyes.)

Anyway, Chris, Jamal, and Jasper all get the internship but, fortunately, it’s a summer internship so I guess we won’t actually have to watch any of the undoubtedly wacky adventures that they’ll have together.

Meanwhile, Ms. Noble is yelling at everyone. You would think that this would lead to all the students finally figuring out that their principal is not their friends but instead, Dawn, Cassidy, and Al discover that Ms. Noble is having man trouble and they decide to fix things between her and her boyfriend. (Her boyfriend, by the way, is the same guy that Ms. Noble had nostalgia sex with last week.) It turns out that her boyfriend has been working late every night because he’s been trying to save up enough money to buy Ms. Noble an engagement ring. He proposes to her at the crappy diner where all the students hang out. The audience goes crazy. Cassidy and Dawn get tears in their eyes. People — SHE’S THE PRINCIPAL! NOBODY IN HISTORY OF HIGH SCHOOL HAS EVER CARED THIS MUCH ABOUT THEIR PRINCIPAL!

God, this show is annoying. Let’s move on!

Episode 4.3 “Cheat Happens”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 30th, 2000)

Mid-terms are over and it’s time for finals. We’re only three episodes into the series and it’s already time for finals? What the heck? Anyway, Jamal says he’s not worried about his chemistry final because “this brother’s all about chemistry.” Plus, Jamal says, “Jamal ain’t down with summer school.”

“Bam! Bam! Bam!” Chris later shouts, as he turns in his final. Chris is feeling confident because he and Jamal made cheat sheets for the final. Even though they lost the cheat sheets, Chris and Jamal apparently learned everything about Chemistry while making them. Unfortunately, it turns out that they accidentally put the cheat sheets in L-Train’s textbook and when Ms. Noble spots the sheets, she accuses L-Train of cheating. When L-Train refuses to confess to cheating, Ms. Noble announces that the entire class will have to retake the test. Everyone blames L-Train. Chris and Jamal are the worst human beings ever.

That said, Chris and Jamal may be terrible but at least they know how to host a radio show. On the other hand, when Dawn and Cassidy demand to be allowed to host their own radio show, they totally blow it. I guess telling terrible jokes and doing lame impersonations is a lot more difficult than it looks. Luckily, Dawn and Cassidy get a second chance and, by making fun of the boys, they’re a success! Yay! I don’t know what the future episodes of this show may hold but I have a feeling that we will never again hear a word about Dawn and Cassidy’s radio show.

Anyway, after L-Train nearly gets into a fight trying to defend his honor, Chris and Jamal confess and Ms. Noble replies, “I’ll see you in summer school!” So, I guess that internship’s off! That’ll teach Chris and Jamal to be honest.

Next week, this crappy series continues.

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 3.25 “Mom on the Rocks” and 4.1 “Kickin’ It”

Posted on February 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, one season ends and another begins. Will City Guys never end!?

Episode 3.25 “Mom on the Rocks”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on June 10th, 2000)

The third season comes to an end with …. mid-terms!

Mid-terms? Does school never end in the world of City Guys!? Is there no summer in New York City? Still, Ms. Noble assures everyone that they’ll be fine if “you’ve kept up with the school work.” I’m not sure how they’re supposed to keep up with anything when Ms. Noble is constantly giving them community service assignments but whatever. Someday, these students will graduate and discover that none of them have the slightest idea how to live without Ms. Noble telling them what to do.

Dawn is directing the school’s ballet (which is called, I kid you not, Cinderella In The Hood) and she needs an extra dancer. L-Train volunteers (“Can I get jiggy with it?”) and this, of course, leads to a lot of “Oh my God, a man is wearing tights” jokes. Jamal and Al also volunteer to work crew, mostly so they can hit on the dancers. (From my experience, this was actually a pretty accurate reflection of what the crew usually did during high school dance performances. Of course, it was also my experience that the stage crew tended to get in the way and no one would be caught dead checking any of them out.) Isn’t Al dating Dawn? I guess this is another case of NBC showing the episodes out-of-order. Anyway, if you couldn’t guess that two dancers are going to end up with broken toes and Jamal and Al are going to end up having to replace them, then you obviously didn’t see the episode of Saved By The Bell where Zack discovered he was one credit short of graduating.

(Of course, the dance is being performed on the roof of the school! How is that even practical? Does Manny High not have an auditorium?)

Dawn has more problems than just the fact that she’s apparently not a very good ballet director. She’s also agreed to tutor Chris and Cassidy on Biology but when they show up at Dawn’s house, they discover that Dawn’s mother (Jennifer Savidge) is an alcoholic! The next day, at school, Cassidy shows Chris all of the AA and Al-anon pamphlets that she’s spent the night collecting. Chris suggests that maybe they should stay out of it. “We have to do something!” Cassidy exclaims. Why, Cassidy? Why do you have to do something? It’s not your problem. To me, this is more evidence of the influence of Ms. Noble. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to leave people alone and let them deal with things on their own schedule.

Anyway, just as you probably guessed that Al and Jamal were going to end up wearing tights, you probably also guessed that Dawn’s mother is going to show up for the performance drunk. Dawn gets embarrassed but luckily Ms. Noble is there to tell Dawn that she shouldn’t have tried to hide her mother’s problem in the first place. Wait? What? Go away, Ms. Noble. Seriously, what was Dawn supposed to do? Walk into school and tell everyone that her mother was an alcoholic? Add to that, this is season 3 of this dumbass show. After three years of Dawn relentlessly pushing herself to always be the best and basically having a panic attack over the least little thing, how did it never occur to anyone that maybe Dawn had issues at home? It’s not Dawn’s responsibility to tell anyone. If anything, it seems like everyone else failed in their responsibilities towards her.

Ms. Noble also mentions that Cassidy and Chris got Dawn’s mother some coffee. Dawn’s mother then shows up, magically sober, and says that she’s willing to go to AA. Screw AA. It looks like all she needs is coffee!

This episode was cringe city. Let’s move on to the fourth season.

Episode 4.1 “Kickin’ It”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 23rd, 2000)

The fourth season begins with the school year already in swing. Al is a star soccer player and….

Wait. Let me re-read that to make sure I didn’t get that wrong.

Since when — in all of the episodes that have preceded this one — has Al ever shown any athletic ability? Then again, the show randomly turned Jamal into a baseball superstar so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that Al is suddenly New York’s best teenage soccer player. Unfortunately, Al is so good at soccer that his coach encourages him to focus more on playing than studying. Fortunately, Ms. Noble catches him and L-Train giving a weakass oral report on Abraham Lincoln and she not only tells Al to get himself together but that he’s getting an F on his report. (L-Train, meanwhile, is just an innocent bystander who also gets an F because he was unlucky enough to be partnered with Al.) Al realizes that he needs to do better in school so he tells the coach not to give him any more special treatment. (That would definitely happen, as teenagers are notorious for refusing special treatment.)

Meanwhile, Ms. Noble wants to lose some weight because her high school reunion is coming up and she is looking forward to seeing an old boyfriend. Cassie, Chris, and Jamal make it their duty to help Ms. Noble get in shape. Cassie is so excited when she hears that Noble want to impress a man. Uh, kids — WHY DO YOU CARE!? SHE’S YOUR PRINCIPAL! NO ONE CARES ABOUT THEIR PRINCIPAL! And, seriously, doesn’t Ms. Noble ever get tired of having to share every aspect of her personal life with her students?

Anyway, the kids decide to crash Ms. Noble’s high school reunion so that they can tell her ex-boyfriend about all the success that Ms. Noble has had in her life since she was in high school and …. actually, you know what? This is too stupid to even detail. I mean, the reunion is held on the freaking roof of Manny High, for God’s sake. This is such a dumb show and I’ve still got 51 more episodes left to review. So, I’ll just wrap things up that Ms. Noble and her boyfriend head off to the auditorium, where I assume they’re going to spend the entire reunion having nostalgia sex. As a result, we now know that this school has an auditorium and there’s absolutely no reason why everything has to be done on the roof.

As for next week’s episodes, I’m sure something will happen that will annoy me.

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 3.23 “Fast Times At Manny High” and 3.24 “Harlem Honey”

Posted on February 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we explore just how stupid one show can get.

Episode 3.23 “Fast Times At Manny High”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on February 12th, 2000)

One of the strangest things about City Guys has always been the students worshipful attitude towards Ms. Noble. Ms. Noble is the school’s principal. She’s the authority figure. She’s the disciplinarian. In what world do teenagers actually like authority figures? I mean, I know that authoritarianism is all the rage today and that there’s a lot of high school and college students out there who are desperate to have someone telling them what to do. But City Guys is a show from the 90s. Weren’t the 90s supposed to be about rebellion? I was thinking about this as I watched Fast Times At Manny High because I noticed that Chris and Jamal have a picture of Ms. Noble hanging on the wall of the radio station. Seriously, it’s creepy how obsessed the students are with their principal. Of course, it’s possible that City Guys just wasn’t very realistic in general. I mean, just consider the fact that Chris and Jamal had a popular radio program, despite having next to no on-air charisma or chemistry.

Anyway, in this episode, Ms. Noble decided that all of the students should fast for one night. If the students go for an entire night without eating, a corporation will donate $500 to a hunger charity. All of the students agree because, of course, none of them have the guts to tell Ms. Noble to stop trying to run their lives. However, it turns out that the fast is not as easy as anyone thought it would be. I mean, they’re going 9 to 10 hours without eating! OH MY GOD, SUCH COMMITMENT!

For some reason, the fast is held on the roof of Manny High. (I really worry about that roof, to be honest. I once snuck out onto the roof of my high school and I got yelled at because apparently, the roof was in really bad shape and, despite the fact that I barely weighed 100 pounds, there was a risk that it could collapse underneath me. Meanwhile, at Manny High, they’re using the roof for carnivals, fashion shows, protests, radio contests, and fasts!)

Anyway, the kids screw up the fast. (It’s almost as if they’re irresponsible teenagers!) Jamal and Chris sneak off to go on a date with two of their listeners and then, while sneaking back into the school, they end up in Noble’s classroom.. Al and Dawn sneak off to celebrate their anniversary, in Noble’s classroom.. (Yeah, that relationship is still going on.) L-Train tries to sneak food into the fast and ends up eating in Noble’s classroom.. Cassidy sneaks off the roof to try to sneak a rewritten term paper into Ms. Noble’s classroom. Of course, they’re all too stupid to pull it off and the corporation announces that they will not be donating $500 to the homeless. Ms. Noble is very disappointed in all of them, even though L-Train explains that he had to break the fast because he was getting so hungry that he was thinking of eating Al.

(Maybe Ms, Noble could just donate $500 to the charity herself. I mean, she is the one with a job.)

The kids feel guilty and they all agree that they have to do something to help. L-Train says that he can’t do anything until he gets some food. L-Train …. IT’S ONLY BEEN 6 HOURS! I used to go weeks without eating until I got yelled at by my doctor,

Anyway, the rule-breakers agree to cook breakfast for the kids who did fast and apparently, this inspires the corporation to donate $500 to charity so I guess everything worked out.

Stupid episode. Let’s move on.

Episode 3.24 “Harlem Honey”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on March 11th, 2000)

“This is New York Diner, no place is finer!” Jamal says as he answers the phone at his Dad’s restaurant. Already, we know that this episode is going to suck.

Anyway, Jamal’s father (Ivory Ocean) is upset because his latest girlfriend has dumped him. In order to cheer him up, Jamal and Chris go online and, using the name Harlem Honey, start sending romantic emails to Jamal’s father. However, when Jamal’s father says that he wants to meet his new girlfriend, Jamal and Chris decide to recruit Ms. Noble to pretend to be Harlem Honey and….

…..

Sorry, I was silent screaming. Anyway….

Remember how I said Fast Times At Manny High was a dumb episode? Well, it’s brilliant compared to Harlem Honey. What teenager — no matter how lonely their father may be — is going to set a parent up with their high school principal!? Anyway, Noble refuses but fortunately, L-Train’s aunt is single but then Ms. Noble changes her mind and she and Jamal’s father pretend to be in love and…

….

Yes, I was silently screaming again.

Can we just move on from this episode and pretend that I never saw it? That sounds good to me!

Next week, the third season of City Guys ends!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 3.21 “Yoko Oh-No” and 3.22 “Party Like It’s 1999”

Posted on February 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Roll with the city guys!

Episode 3.12 “Yoko Oh-No”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on December 3rd, 1999)

Apparently, the show’s writers remembered that Dawn and Al are a couple before they wrote this episode because it opens with Dawn giving Al a hard time about buying her a “gold” bracelet that turned her wrist green. Seriously, Dawn, you can do so much better. DUMP HIS ASS!

The majority of this episode, however, dealt with Jamal and Ashley (Trina McGee). Ashley, as you may remember, was Jamal’s girlfriend who spoke with a ludicrously exaggerated southern accent. Trina McGree is probably best known for playing Shawn’s longtime girlfriend on Boy Meets World. She appeared on three episodes of City Guys while she was still on Boy Meets World. If I remember correctly, she was actually pretty good on Boy Meets World but was she ever awful on City Guys.

Jamal’s friend tell him that they think he’s letting Ashley control his life. At first, Jamal says that they don’t know what they’re talking about but then he realizes that he’s wearing the clothes that she likes and that he’s carrying around a beeper ~~because he’s a drug dealer~~ so Ashley will always be able to summon him. Jamal realizes that he has to break up with Ashley but, after Ms. Nobel says how proud she is of him for having a committed relationship, Jamal decides that he can’t break up with her. (WHAT!? HOW MUCH CONTROL DOES MS. NOBEL HAVE OVER HER STUDENT’S LIVES!?) So, Jamal tries to arrange for Ashley to fall in love with L-Train instead. It doesn’t work.

While this is going on, Dawn decides that she wants to see All-4-One in concert. (All-4-who? They were big in the 90s.) Because no one on this show can do anything the simple way, Al pretends to be dying in an effort to get them to give him free tickets. The band — which, for some reason, come to meet Al at the diner owned by Jamal’s father — are not happy with Al’s deception. Al confesses that he has to impress Dawn. The band, who I guess are super forgiving and have nothing better to do with their time, agree to give Dawn a private concert.

Meanwhile, Jamal and Chris decided to use their radio show to try to get Ashley to dump Jamal. They ask listeners to call in with their romantic problems. L-Train calls in and says that his girlfriend picks out all of his clothes and forces him to carry a “peeper.” L-Train then calls in a second time, pretending to be his girlfriend. “You go, girl!” Ashley says, which leads to Jamal announcing that he’s sick and tired of her bossing him around. Uh-oh, Jamal — you’re on the radio!

Jamal rushes over to Ms. Nobel’s office and apologizes for breaking up with Ashley. Jamal, were you required to turn in your balls when you enrolled at Manny High? Seriously, I can’t believe I just typed that but Jamal is just annoying as Hell in this episode. Anyway, it turns out that Ms. Nobel doesn’t care because Ms. Nobel is a middle-aged woman with a school to run.

At the diner, All-4-One performs for Dawn. Were All-4-One one of those bands that Lou Pearlman screwed over? “They’re all for real!” Al announces.

This was a dumb, dumb, dumb episode. This is actually the second Peter Engel-produced show to feature an episode called Yoko, Oh No! It worked better for California Dreams because, in the case, the title actually referred to someone dating the lead singer of a band. In this case, it’s just dumb. Jamal is not John Lennon.

Let’s move on.

Episode 3.22 “Party Like It’s 1999”

(Originally aired on December 3rd, 1999, directed by Frank Bonner)

On New Year’s Eve, the kids gather one the roof of Manny High and think about all of their previous adventures and — oh crap, it’s a clip show.

Anyway, the neat guys will see you next week!