Kendall Cross | Through the Shattered Lens

Drayton Lahey (Noah Beck) is a high school quarterback who is being pressured by his father (James Van Der Beek) to accept a football scholarship to “Waco.” (I guess that’s supposed to be Baylor.) Drayton has the talent to turn pro and he’ll be a starter if he goes to Waco, despite being only a freshman. (Maybe it isn’t Baylor. Baylor football coaches aren’t that dumb.) But Drayton likes a cheerleader named Dallas Bryan (Sienna Agudong), who is the sister of his coach (Drew Ray Tanner) and who wants to go to California after she graduates so that she can pursue her dream of being a professional dancer.

It’s a slickly-made high school football movie and, even worse, it’s a Wattpad movie so there’s no surprises to be found here. I was able to predict every line of dialogue before the characters said it. The plot was old-fashioned but the actors said stuff like, “I’m tired of your main character energy,” just to make sure that we all knew the movie was made in 2024. I was a cheerleader in high school but no one on our football team was offered a scholarship anywhere. I could still relate to some parts of the movie, though. It was always awkward after the games when the parents would yell at the players because they dropped a pass or threw an interception. Even our bad players were put under a lot of pressure and, as cheerleaders, a big part of our job was to make everyone felt like a winner even when they were losing. We were good at our job but, by the end of the year, we still had a losing season and no scholarships.

Sienna Agudong was believable in the lead role but I had a hard time buying TikTok star Noah Beck as a quarterback with the talent to be a freshman starter or to even go pro. The big “star” in this movie was James Van Der Beek, playing the type of humorless father figure that he used to rebel against in his teen idol days. If you can remember Dawson standing in that rowboat, this movie will make you feel old.

(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR! It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet. So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR! She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by the end of Tuesday, December 6th! Will she make it? Keep checking the site to find out!)

On November 5th, Lifetime aired a film about the murder of six year-old JonBenet Ramsey, Who Killed JonBenet? They followed this film with a documentary called JonBenet’s Mother: Victim or Killer? I did not watch the films when they originally aired, largely because, much like Girl In The Box and Cleveland Abduction, the subject matter sounded way too disturbing to me. Instead, I just recorded them and, for a few weeks, both programs sat unwatched on my DVR.

Until earlier today, that is!

I watched both of them and then I quickly deleted both of them as well. And now I’m going to write a few words about them. In fact, I’m going to try to devote as little time as possible to these films.

Normally, I’m the first one to defend Lifetime and their movies. If you’re a regular reader of this site, you know how much I love Lifetime movies. I love them for the exact same reason that most people claim to disdain them. It’s rare that I ever see a Lifetime film that I can’t enjoy or, at the very least, defend.

But, seriously, Who Killed JonBenet? was such a misfire that I barely know where to begin. In many ways, it’s a typical true crime film. Suspects are identified. Detectives find themselves caring about the case … TOO MUCH! It ends on a note of surface ambiguity that’s deceptive because the film all but comes out and accuses Patsy Ramsey of murdering her daughter.

That thing that sets Who Killed JonBenet? apart is that the film is narrated by JonBenet Ramsey, who is apparently speaking to use beyond the grave. JonBenet tells us that she’ll always be six. And she tells us that one of the detectives is a nice lady. And it’s such an icky technique that it pretty much makes the entire film nearly unwatchable. Every time that we hear that cloying little voiceover, we’re reminded of two things: 1) this film is based on the real life rape and murder of a six year-old and 2) this movie was made specifically to exploit that event. In the end, you feel guilty for watching the damn movie in the first place.

Seeing as how Who Killed JonBenet? basically accuses Patsy Ramsey of murder, it’s interesting that it was immediately followed up by JonBenet’s Mother: Victim or Killer? JonBenet’s Mother explores Patsy’s life and pretty much comes to the conclusion that, while Patsy may have been a bit odd, she did not kill her daughter. If anything, the documentary shows that Patsy was largely the victim of a vicious media.

Like, to name just one example, Who Killed JonBenet?

Anyway, let us never speak of these two movies again. When I think of a Lifetime movie, I’d much rather think of Confessions of Go Go Girl.