The TSL Grindhouse: Locked Up (dir by Jared Cohn)


The 2017 film Locked Up tells the story of Mallory (Kelly McCart).

Mallory is not having a great life.  Her wealthy father has relocated to an unnamed county in Southern Asia.  (The film was shot in Thailand but the uniforms that we see various officials wearing seem more appropriate for North Korea.)  Mallory lives with her Uncle Tommy (Jared Cohen), who is Mallory’s legal guardian while her father is off doing whatever it is that he does.  Mallory goes to a school where she is the only American and certainly the only redhead.  She is bullied to such an extent that she finally snaps and punches another student.  Mallory is promptly arrested and sentenced to the country’s version of reform school.

When Tommy and Mallory first arrive at the facility, it seems to be clean and welcoming.  The Warden (Maythavee Burapasing) appears to be friendly and compassionate.  It seems like the type of place that all of us bleeding hearts are always insisting that we need here in America.  It’s only after Tommy leaves that the truth is revealed.  The reform school is actually a prison and the Warden is a sadistic tyrant.  Mallory is tossed into a filthy cell with several other girls and ordered to strip while everyone watches.  One of Mallory’s cellmates, Kat (Katrina Grey), orders Mallory not to cry because Kat doesn’t want the sound of her tears keeping her awake at night.

After manipulating Mallory into signing a document that says she doesn’t want her uncle to visit her in prison, The Warden reveals that she enjoys watching the prisoners fight.  She informs Mallory that she has two weeks to prepare for her first fight and that, if Mallory doesn’t fight, she will be gang raped twice a week for as long as she remains in the prison.  Mallory, having no experience with fighting (despite having hit that one student hard enough to get sentenced to confinement), begs Kat to train her.  At first reluctant, Kat eventually agrees.  But can even Kat’s training prepare Mallory for a fight against the fearsome Riza (Anastasia Maslova)?

If this all sounds rather exploitive, that’s because it is.  The film hit every sordid women-in-prison cliche with the efficiency of well-wound clock.  In fact, it’s so dedicated to hitting all of the expected beats that it actually becomes a bit comical at times.  Less than a minute after she enters her cell, Mallory has another inmate talking about how cute she is and sniffing her neck.  Mallory and Kat’s fight training inevitably leads to a shower room sex scene and Kat talking about how she’s in prison because her boyfriend convinced her to be a drug smuggler.  Meanwhile, because she is determined to turn Riza into a killing machine, The Warden personally injects steroids into Riza’s neck.  It’s all so shameless that you can’t help but appreciate the film’s audacity, even if there are several scenes (most of which involve the Warden’s threat to have the guards rape Mallory) that cross the line from being merely tasteless to being actually offensive.

Locked Up is an Asylum Production.  Like most Asylum films, it makes no excuses or apologies for being what it is.  (Regardless of how you feel about their films, it’s hard not to appreciate The Asylum’s honesty.)  In most ways, Locked Up is a pretty dumb movie but director Jared Cohen keeps the action moving quickly and The Warden is a properly hissable villain.  The Warden tells Mallory that her problem is that Americans have allowed themselves to become weak and, even if the film’s portrayal of Asia makes Midnight Express‘s portrayal of Turkey seem fair and balanced, it’s hard not to feel that the Warden has a point.  Get out there and fight, America!

Cleaning Out The DVR: To Kill A Stepfather (dir by Peter Sullivan)


As with so many Lifetime films, To Kill A Stepfather opens with a murder.

Matthew (Dan Golden) is a pillar of his small town’s community.  He’s well-liked by all and he’s renowned for the way his voice sounds whenever he sings with the choir.  His wife, Kate (Elyse Mirto), is a bit less popular with the community but everyone agrees that Matthew has been good as stepfather to her daughter, Riley (Kelly McCart).

Of course, Riley is not Kate’s only daughter.  Nicole (Alex Camacho) is a high-priced defense attorney who left home a long time ago and who has never really made peace with her memories of her mother being an alcoholic.  Nicole barely knows Matthew.  She’s been too busy pursuing her career to keep up with what’s happening at her former home.  Nicole is one of those lawyers who gets yelled at by strangers because so many of her clients are guilty.  Now, of course, Nicole’s job is to defend her clients.  Guilty or not, anyone accused of a crime is entitled to representation and the job of a defense attorney is to serve as their client’s advocate and help them make their way through the complexities of the American legal system.  In other words, Nicole is doing her job.  Get off her back, people!

One night, Matthew and Kate’s neighbors hear an argument coming from their house.  Inside the house, someone shoves Matthew down a flight of stairs and kills him.  When the police arrest Kate for the crime, Riley calls the only attorney that she knows, her older sister Nicole.  Nicole returns to her hometown and discovers that, even in jail and desperately needing an attorney, her mother still isn’t happy to see her.  Indeed, Kate even says that she would prefer a different lawyer but Nicole takes one look at the ambulance chaser who has been assigned to the case and declares that she’s taking over her mother’s defense.

Apparently, this film was inspired by a true story but it plays out like a typical Lifetime courtroom drama.  That’s not a complaint, of course.  The familiarity is one of the things that people love about Lifetime movies.  From the minute that Nicole meets Kate in prison, the viewer will suspect that they know where the story is heading but that’s okay.  The destination is less important than the journey and the journey is enjoyably melodramatic.  Alex Camacho and Kelly McCart are instantly believable as sisters and Elyse Mirto gives a good performance as the mother who wants to hold onto her secrets, even if they mean possibly going to prison.  In the end, the important thing is that the film embraces the melodrama.  That’s really the main thing that we ask from our Lifetime films.

That said, I was kind of amused by how “slick” all of the attorneys in the film were.  I’ve worked as an administrative assistant in a law office.  I’ve known a few lawyers.  I’ve been to the courthouses.  Attorneys are usually the most shabbily-dressed people in the courthouse and, usually, they’re juggling way too much to have time to stand around and exchange snarky bon mots.  But again, one doesn’t watch a legal drama on Lifetime because they’re looking for a realistic portrait of the American legal system.  On Lifetime, all lawyers are perfectly dressed and have not a hair out of place and that’s more than alright.