Jose Urbina | Through the Shattered Lens

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Ugh. I guess it’s time to get back to this stupid show.

Episode 1.8 “Two ‘Man’ Bowling”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 29th, 1998)

The local bowling alley has got a tournament coming up. The grand prize is a jet ski! Woo hoo! Jason Collins really wants to win that jet ski and defeat Louie (Jose Urbina). In fact, Jason even bets all of Scott’s tip money that he’ll be able to win the tournament. (Why Scott’s tip money? Because Louie spots the jar on the counter at the restaurant and assumes that it’s Jason’s tip money. God, this show is freaking stupid.) It’s a good thing that Jason is dating Stads, the best bowler in Malibu.

Except …. IT’S A TWO MAN BOWLING TOURNAMENT! NO WOMEN ALLOWED!

Like seriously, what the Hell? Both Stads and Sam are outraged by the blatant sexism but Jason is more worried about that jet ski and his brother’s tip money. He recruits Scott to be his partner but then Scott sprains his wrist when it gets caught in a dollhouse that has been refurbished into a big mouse trap because there’s a mouse loose at the restaurant and…. God, this show is freaking stupid.

Anyway, Stads puts on a fake beard and wears a loose flannel shirt and speaks in a deep voice and pretends to be a guy named Earl. Jason and “Earl” win the tournament but Melody (Marissa Jaret Winokur) develops a crush on Earl and asks him on a date. Because Melody’s father own the bowling alley, Stads has to go on the date or else Jason won’t win his jet ski. Huh?

Since Stads is not a total sociopath, she reveals the truth to Melody at the awards tournament. (Actually, the truth comes out because Jason accidentally pulls off Stads’s wig but Stads was planning on coming clear regardless.) At first, it appears that Jason and Stads are going to be disqualified but then the owner of the bowling alley decides to change the rules after the tournament has ended and, as a result, Jason and Scott win a jet ski and hey, maybe Stads will get to ride it as well.

(Seriously, Stads …. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!)

Meanwhile, there’s a mouse loose in the restaurant and instead of following health code regulations and closing the place down, Peter says that Murray and Sam have a day to catch it before he calls in the exterminator. It’s dumb but I have to admit that I did kind of smile at Murray, Sam, and Tracy’s enthusiasm when it came to hunting the mouse. They were enjoyably silly.

For the most part, though, this was a pretty freaking stupid episode that felt as if it was pieced together with plotlines and jokes that were left over from Saved By The Bell and California Dreams. As I’ve said before, this show wouldn’t be so bad if Jason and Scott weren’t total jerks but they are. One guy with a smirk is intriguing but two guys with a smirk feels like a threat. I hope their jet ski sinks.

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Let’s get this over weight. No, no …. I’m not at all second-guessing my decision to sit through every episode of City Guys. Not at all …. this is definitely the best decision that I’ve ever made.

Episode 3.3 “Alley Oops”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 18th, 1999)

Oh God. This episode not only features a lot of bowling but Ms. Nobel gets a storyline as well.

Even though it’s never been mentioned before, it turns out that Jamal, Chris, Al, and Dawn are all on the same bowling team. What? Like seriously, where did this come from? Anyway, it turns out that the team would be great except for the fact that Dawn is a terrible bowler. Okay, that makes sense. There’s never been any indication that Dawn would be a good bowler. And since Dawn has never been portrayed as being a member of the group’s “inner circle,” you have to kind of wonder how she ended up on the team in first place.

Anyway, there’s a big game coming up against a Puerto Rican team that is led by the flamboyant Lupe Guadalupe (Jose Urbina). One of the interesting things about City Guys is that for all of its “Open up your eyes, we’re all the same” rhetoric and liberal posturing, it was a show that had absolutely no problem making fun of people of either Asian or Spanish descent. Lupe and his team all speak with exaggerated accents and randomly drop Spanish words into their conversation, which the live studio audience finds to be hilarious. On the one hand, Lupe is a stereotype. On the other hand, he’s also the best character in this episode because he never stop taunting the City Guys. Lupe is the better bowler and he knows it and he makes no apologies and it’s impossible not to enjoy the exaggerated rituals that he goes through before rolling the ball down the lane. Considering that this show often acted as if Jamal and Chris were the center of the universe, it’s good to see a character who doesn’t have any respect for them and who is actually better than them at something. Go Lupe!

Anyway, realizing that she sucks, Dawn fakes a wrist injury so that L-Train can take her place on the team. L-Train is a great bowler and it looks like the City Guys might win the trophy! But then Dawn cheers too hard and the cast on her wrist flies off. Everyone really she wasn’t actually injured and an important lesson is learned about something. I don’t know what the lesson was to be honest. I don’t bowl.

While this was going on, Ms. Nobel developed a crush on the new substitute teacher, Mr. Washington. But then she saw Mr. Washington with a younger woman and she assumed she was his girlfriend. It turns out she was just his sister so yay! Ms. Nobel’s getting it tonight.

Let’s move on….

Episode 3.4 “Face The Music”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 18th, 1999)

“Lionel,” Ms. Nobel tells L-Train towards the end of this episode, “I think you learned an important lesson tonight. Before you show your songs to anyone, you should copyright them.”

Finally! A lesson that all of City Guys‘s audience could take to heart!

Anyway, in this episode, it’s revealed that L-Train is a huge fan of the blues, a songwriter, and a follower of Slick Willie (Sherman Hemsley), a veteran bluesman. Much as with the bowling league, all of this kind of came out of nowhere but, by this point, I’m kind of used to that as far as City Guys is concerned. L-Train, Chris, and Jamal go to see Slick Willie perform at the local blues club. L-Train lets Slick Willie see one of this songs. Slick Willie steals the song and puts it on his next album.

Didn’t the same thing happen to Jake on California Dreams?

This felt like a bit of a throw-away episode, as if Peter Engel called the writers into his office and said, “We’ve got Sherman Hemsley for a day, find something for him to do!” and the writers panicked and just recycled an old California Dreams script. It’s funny that a show about copyright law basically stole its plot from another show. How much you want to bet that we’ll never hear another word about L-Train being an aspiring blues musician?

Eh. You’re disappointing me, City Guys!