John Stinson | Through the Shattered Lens

1985’s Creature takes place in the future!

A spaceship that has just recently visited one of Saturn’s moons has crashed into a space station that is orbiting Earth’s moon. An American corporation sends another crew up to investigate the wreck but, when they arrive, they discover that a German corporation has beat them to it. They also discover that all of the Germans are dead, with the exception of Hans Hofner (Klaus Kinski). Hofner claims that an alien creature killed all of the other Germans and now, the creature will be coming after the Americans as well.

Would you allow Klaus Kinski on your spaceship? That was one of the main things that I found myself wondering as I watched Creature. Kinski was a German actor who was widely acknowledged as being one of the best actors in the world. For instance, Doctor Zhivago is a beautiful but very slow film that suddenly comes to life during Klaus Kinski’s fifteen minutes of screentime. He was also widely acknowledged as being incredibly difficult to work with, prone to paranoia and wild rages. His frequent collaborator, director Werner Herzog, has frequently talked about being tempted to kill Kinski while working with him and Kinski reportedly threatened to kill Herzog as well but the two of them still worked together because Kinski’s talent made the pain worth it. (At least, for a while….) It’s probably open to debate just how much of Kinski’s bad behavior was performative and how much of it was actually due to Kinski being mentally unstable but it’s also true that any experienced filmgoer knows better than to trust any character played by Klaus Kinski.

Now, it should be noted that, while Kinski was a great actor, that doesn’t always mean that he gave performances that were appropriate for the film in which he was appearing. If Kinski got bored during shooting, he would pretty much just do whatever he wanted. That’s the feeling that one gets while watching him in Creature. Kinski alternates between being overly twitchy and being obviously disinterested. When he makes his first appearance, he randomly gropes an actress, a move that was apparently not scripted. Later, Kinski eats a sandwich and talks with his mouth full. From the disgusted looks of the other cast members, it’s hard not to suspect that this was another improvisation on Kinski’s part. Kinski is always watchable but his performance is still one of the weaker elements of Creature.

That’s a shame because the rest of the cast — Lyman Ward, Stan Ivar, Wendy Schaal, Robert Jaffe, Diane Salinger — all do a pretty good job of bringing their characters to life. That Creature is essentially a rip-off of Alien is no great secret. But the film itself still works, due to some memorably grotesque effects work, William Malone’s quickly paced direction, and the performances of the majority of the cast. It’s an enjoyable B-movie, obviously made by people with a deep appreciation for the science fiction genre. Usually, Kinski is the element the redeems a B-movie. In this case, he’s almost superfluous. The film would have worked just as well — perhaps even better — if he hadn’t shown up.

Would I let Klaus Kinski on my spaceship?

In this case, I’d tell him to wait for the next shuttle. He’s not needed.

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Freddy’s Nightmares, a horror anthology show which ran in syndication from 1988 to 1990. The entire series can be found on Tubi!

This week, two more people fall victim to Springwood, Ohio.

Episode 2.2 “Heartbreak Hotel”

(Dir by William Malone, originally aired on October 15th, 1989)

“Learn to use the proper pronouns …. OR DIE!” Freddy shouts at us this week and he has a point.

When tabloid reporter Roger Dittano (John Stinson) is sent to Springwood to write a story about an Elvis sighting at a local hotel, he discovers that everything he writes comes true. He writes about a woman having a demon child and, a few minutes later, a pregnant maid goes into labor and gives birth to a deformed stillborn baby. Roger writes about a man being electrocuted in a bathtub and, shortly afterwards, he’s nearly electrocuted while taking a bath.

When Roger discovers that a newspaper publisher (played by Stacy Keach, Sr., father of the better-known Stacy Keach) is staying at the hotel, he comes up with the following story. “Newspaper publisher leaves empire to reporter after he drinks poison.” Hey, Roger — who drank the poison!? The reporter or the newspaper publisher? As you can guess, Roger’s vague wording leading to him drinking arsenic and dying as the publisher laughs and says, “Oh, and I’m leaving my empire to you!”

That was actually a pretty clever story. For once, the show actually did the work to set up the twist. Roger spends the entire episode being told that he’s a sloppy writer. In the end, that sloppiness kills him.

The second story also has a twist but it’s nowhere near as interesting. An amnesiac named Jerry (Richard Cox) wakes up in a hospital after a car accident. A woman (Anne Lockhart) claims to be the Jerry’s wife. A teenage girl (Tammy Ames) claims to be Jerry’s daughter. Jerry goes home with both of them and is soon haunted by nightmares in which he sees himself killing a man. You can probably guess that Jerry is not married and he does not have a daughter. This story had a lot of noir atmosphere — right down to a saxophone wailing away on the soundtrack — but it was also pretty predictable.

That said, this episode was still an improvement on just about season one episode. Two good episodes of Freddy’s Nightmares in a row? I’m as stunned as anyone.