Zombie Island Massacre has got a massacre but it ain’t got no zombies.

Instead, it has a group of tourists who travel to Zombie Island so they can watch a voodoo ceremony.  Afterward, their tour bus breaks down.  The driver leaves to get help but never returns.  There is a deserted villa nearby so the tourists decide to take shelter there for the night.  Whenever anyone stumbles away from the main group, they are killed by someone wearing a costume made of leaves.  There ain’t no zombies or surprises in the glacially paced movie.  There might not even be an island.  It might actually be a peninsula.  I’m not sure.

The only reason that Zombie Island Massacre is remembered is because one of the tourists is played by Rita Jenrette.  Rita was the wife of John Johnrette, a South Carolina congressman who was taken down as a part of Abscam.  Rita got a divorce and wrote a book called My Capital Secrets, where she revealed that she and John had sex on the capital steps while the House was holding an all-night session.  Rita was not a bad actress, though the material only required her to scream and take a shower.

The main problem with Zombie Island Massacre is obvious.  There ain’t no zombies on that island.