Joelle Farrow | Through the Shattered Lens

After her sister falls off of the top her dorm, Maisy (Joelle Farrow) transfers to Vanderton University and takes her place on the cheerleading squad. Maisy thinks her sister was murdered and is determined to find out why. She discovers that several of the cheerleaders are also working as webcam girls, some of them against their will.

My main thought while watching this movie was that maybe if the squad had been any good, they wouldn’t have had to make extra money as webcam girls. This movie had some of the worst cheer routines that I have ever seen and none of the cheerleaders seemed like they really had much spirit. Their cheers were awful. “Are you ready to play/G0 Sharks/It’s your big day!” Whoever wrote that should be ashamed. Hearing that’s not going to give the Sharks the extra encouragement they need to win!

When Maisy gets too close to the truth, another cheerleader spikes her water right before a big media event. Drugged Maisy loses one of her pom-poms in the middle of a routine and she has to crawl across the floor to get it. When I was cheering in high school, that happened to me in practice a few times and I wasn’t even drugged! Afterwards, Maisy’s coach says that if Maisy is on drugs, they can’t kick her off the squad because that will make it appear as if the cheerleaders weren’t willing to help her. I can’t think of a cheerleading coach in the world who would follow that logic.

Watching this movie made me glad that I stopped cheering after high school. Cheerleading in high school was fun, even though I was always worried that the people in the stands would notice that I always had bruises from falling during practice. Eventually, I figured out that no one in high school cared as long as you smiled and looked cute in the uniform. In college, though, they make you become a webcam girl and throw you off a building if you refuse! It’s a whole other world!

I swear, how did I ever make it through college?

That’s a question that I often find myself wondering while watching a Lifetime movie. In the world of Lifetime, college is always prohibitively expensive and families — regardless of how big of a house in which they’re living — always struggle to pay their daughter’s tuition. It seems like, whenever it’s time to head off to college, there’s always either a divorce or a sudden bankruptcy or some other financial calamity designed to destroy idealistic hopes and dreams. Inevitably, the only way to pay for college is by descending into a sordid world of scandal, infidelity, and occasionally even murder.

That’s the situation in which Cassie Talbot (played by Alexandra Beaton) finds herself in The Cheerleader Escort. Cassie’s just started at a good college and her best friend is even her dorm roommate! Even better, she’s just made the school’s renowned cheerleader squad! It all sounds perfect but there’s a problem. Cassie has to figure out a way to pay for all of this. Her parents are divorced and, while her father originally promised to help pay for college, he has since disappeared. Her mother, Karen (Cynthia Preston), says that he might “be gambling again.” Well, he’s just gambled away Cassie’s future because, after Karen’s injured in an auto accident, there’s no way that Cassie’s going to be able to afford tuition!

Unless….

It turns out that there are wealthy men, most of whom are members of the college’s alumni association, who are more than willing to help the members of the cheerleading squad pay the bills. As long as the cheerleaders agree to “spend some time” with them, they’ll donate all sorts of money. In fact, that was one reason why Cassie was selected for the squad. It was felt that the alumni would react well to her innocent personality and indeed, they do. Soon, Cassie is spending all her time with the older and richer Terry Dunes (Damon Runyan). That doesn’t leave much time for going to her classes but who goes to college just to sit in a boring classroom?

Anyway, it seems like a good arrangement until another member of the squad, Gabby (Joelle Farrow), informs Cassie that she’s pregnant and that the father is another wealthy member of the alumni association. Gabby is super excited about having the baby. The baby’s father is a bit less happy about the prospect. In the real world, this would all probably lead to Dr. Phil doing a prime time special on “Sugar Daddy websites,” but this is a Lifetime movie so, of course, it all leads to murder and scandal.

And thank goodness for that! I mean, seriously, you’re not watching this film because you’re expecting to see a serious examination of why college is so damn expensive or why so many students are graduating with a mountain of debt. You’re watching this film for the drama and, on that front, The Cheerleader Escort delivers. In the grand tradition of previous Lifetime films like Confessions of Go Go Girl and Babysitter’s Black Book, The Cheerleader Escort delivers all of the sordid melodrama that you could hope for.

Really, we don’t ask for a lot when it comes to a movie like this: a little sex, a little melodrama, a nice house, and big drama. The Cheerleader Escort delivers all four.