Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This episode features a trip to the past and a surprisingly good turn from Peter Graves.

Episode 3.20 “Nona/One Million B.C.”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on March 1st, 1980)

This week, we have another episode of Fantasy Island in which a somewhat effective fantasy is matched with an incredibly dumb one.

The dumb fantasy involves two women (Phyllis Davis and Jo Ann Pflug) who want to go back to a time when men took care of everything and women didn’t have to do anything.  They’re sick of all that women’s lib stuff!  Mr. Roarke explains that their fantasy is rather vaguely worded and then sends them back to the time of dinosaurs and cavemen.  (Of course, dinosaurs and cavemen didn’t exist at the same time but whatever.)  After the two women are nearly killed by a Claymation dinosaur, they are taken in by a tribe of cavemen.  Since their modern clothes were ruined in all the excitement, they are given fashionable fur outfits to wear.  Despite the fact that they’ve gone back to One Million B.C., the new animal skins outfits have built-in bras, showing that the cave people were more advanced than anyone realized.

Anyway, living in a cave sucks but, fortunately, it turns out that tribe’s leader (Neville Brand) is actually just Mr. Roarke in disguise.  Just as the cavemen find themselves in a battle with another tribe of cave dwellers, Roarke reveals himself and ends the fantasy.  Yes, it was dumb.

The other fantasy was significantly better.  Ned J. Scott (Peter Graves) is a former Chicago cop who is now blind but still obsessed with finding the whereabouts a missing actress named Nona (Joanna Pettet).  Roarke gives Scott one of his magic potions, which briefly returns his ability to see.  Fortunately, Nona is on Fantasy Island, being held prisoner by a knife-wielding pimp (Edd Byrnes).  Scott saves her from the pimp, encourages her not to be so critical of herself, and reunites Nona with her family before losing his eyesight once again.  Nona, having fallen in love with Scott, declares that she loves him whether he can see or not.  They leave the Island together.  Awwwwww!

The second fantasy had its flaws, not the least of which was that Nona certainly got over being a sex slave in record time.  But, almost despite itself it still worked.  A lot of that is due to Peter Graves.  Graves, who we normally think of as being something of a stiff actor, gives a very emotional performance here and the viewer never doubts for a second his love for Nona.  Graves especially does a good job in the scenes where Scott realizes that his vision is starting to fade and that he will soon be blind again.  He gives a fully committed performance, one that elevates the fantasy.

Finally, this episode features one brief scene of Roarke and Tattoo banter.  (Roarke and Tattoo banter used to be one of the show’s trademarks but it was rarely seen during the third season.)  Roarke tricks Tattoo into thinking that he’s just taken an invisibility serum.  It’s a bit cruel but at least they were speaking to each other again.