Guilty Pleasure No. 4: The Jeremy Kyle Show


Jeremy Kyle Wanker

I’ll just be honest about this.

I do not like Jeremy Kyle.

Jeremy Kyle is an English talk show host.  He hosts shows in both the United Kingdom and, since 2011, in the USA.  On both shows, he deals with the usual daytime television topics: infidelity, out-of-control teenagers, interventions, DNA tests, and lie detectors.  He is also perhaps the most unpleasant person that I have ever seen on television.

As opposed to other talk show hosts who pretend to be impartial, Jeremy Kyle is always quick to let us know that he hates his guests even more than we do.  When someone confesses to cheating on his or her spouse, Jeremy reacts as if he was the one being cheated on. With a permanent scowl on his face and speaking in a tone of voice that reeks of manufactured contempt, Jeremy Kyle repeatedly tells us that his main concern is the children and that he has no respect for anyone who he feels has put their own selfish desires first.

“In the UK,” he’ll find an excuse to shout during every episode, “we have a saying — keep it in your trousers, mate!”

In many cases, Kyle’s guests deserve to be yelled at but that doesn’t make Jeremy Kyle any less annoying.  For all of his shouting and his moral outrage, Jeremy Kyle is far too obvious a showman to be taken seriously as a sincere crusader for family values.  He’s made a career out of exploiting that which he claims to condemn and the fact that he seems so totally humorless about that fact makes him just as bad as the people he has on his show.  He’s a bully but he’s also a surprisingly ineffective one.  The main image that one retains from the Jeremy Kyle Show is the sight of a husband and wife screaming at each other while Jeremy impotently demands that they both be quiet.  The only time that Jeremy really has any control over his stage is when he has his ever present security team standing a few feet in front of him.

When I told my British friends that Jeremy Kyle now had a show in the States, they all had the same reaction.  They apologized.  As for me, I refused to sign that petition to deport Piers Morgan but if anyone starts a petition to deport Jeremy Kyle, I’ll be more than happy to put down my signature.

So, you may be asking, where does the pleasure from this guilty pleasure come from?

It comes from knowing that there’s always a possibility that one of Jeremy Kyle’s guests might lose it and punch Jeremy out.  Every time I’ve seen the Jeremy Kyle Show, I’ve always been struck by just how much everyone on the stage appears to hate Jeremy.  When I do watch this show, it’s because I’m waiting for those priceless moments when somebody will tell Jeremy to shut up and his face will briefly turn red.  I doubt that I’m alone in laughing whenever a guest unexpectedly jumps to his feet and Jeremy reacts by scurrying behind a security guard.  In those moments, Jeremy Kyle’s superior mask falls away and he’s revealed for the pathetic little martinet that he is.

On those rare occasions that I waste my time watching the Jeremy Kyle Show, I’m watching because something like this could happen:

That’s the real pleasure of The Jeremy Kyle Show.

Poll: Who Would Be The Perfect Oscar Host?


While I was off celebrating my birthday yesterday and my fellow editors were putting together Lisa Day here on the Shattered Lens (and I have to say — thank you and I love you all!), some really silly and stupid things were going on as far as next year’s Oscar ceremony is concerned.  Basically, to recap, notoriously bad director Brett Ratner was hired to produce the upcoming Oscar telecast because — well, I’m not sure why.  I mean, doesn’t Brett Ratner kinda represent everything about the film industry that the Academy usually tried to pretend doesn’t exist?  Anyway, Ratner convinced Eddie Murphy to host the show.  Ratner then apparently commented that “rehearsing is for fags.”  Naturally, this led to a lot of people getting upset, even though none of them were apparently upset by all the sexist and homophobic comments Ratner made before he was hired to produce the ceremony. Ratner then stepped down as producer, which was expected.  What wasn’t expected was that Eddie Murphy would follow by stepping down as host.

So, now, Brian Grazer (who is probably about as Hollywood establishment as you can get) is producing the show and looking for a new host.  Now, there’s been some speculation that the job might go to Billy Crystal or maybe even Robin Williams (and all I can say to that is “Please God — no!”).  Myself, I’m hoping that they surprise us by going with someone totally unexpected — like maybe Joel McHale or the nosy kittens waiting to be fedOr maybe even me!

So, with all that in mind, who do you think would make the perfect Oscar host?  Vote once, vote often.

What Lisa Watched Last Night: Terra Nova Episode 1.1 — “Genesis”


Last night, I actually put off watching Dancing With The Kinda Stars so that I could catch the first episode of Fox’s much-hyped sci-fi series, Terra Nova.  This show was produced by Mr. Mainstream himself, Steven Spielberg.

Why Was I Watching It?

I was beaten into submission by the nonstop commercials.  Now, I have to admit that the commercials seemed to represent everything that I traditionally dislike in my entertainment: political subtext, “inspiring” speeches, and Stephen Lang.  However, it also had dinosaurs and seriously, who doesn’t love dinosaurs?

What’s It About?

Okay, we’re several years into the future and the Earth looks a lot like Blade Runner.  Why?  It turns out that Al Gore was right and ManBearPig has basically messed up the entire planet.  However, there is hope!  There’s some sort of tear in the whole space-time continuum and stepping through it allows a few lucky citizens to go back to the Island from Lost.  However, since this is the FAR future, nobody remembers Lost so they think they’ve actually gone back to the prehistoric past.  In the prehistoric past, time travellers are living in a small community that is overseen by a vaguely menacing guy who we suspect might secretly be evil because he’s named Nathaniel and he’s played by Stephen Lang.

Anyway, there’s this family that has issues in the future and since Jeremy Kyle is long dead (we can only hope), they can’t go on TV to work it out.  So, they go through the time portal.  The father — who is a fugitive from future law — quickly becomes a part of Nathaniel’s security force.  Meanwhile, the teenage children get all rebellious and there’s these guerillas who live outside the compound and they’re led by a woman who might as well have been played by Michelle Rodriguez but wasn’t.

Oh!  And there are dinosaurs!  Yay!

What Worked?

The show is filmed in Australia and, as a result, it’s really pretty to look at. 

I make fun of Stephen Lang a lot because I honestly believe that he gave one of the worst performances in cinematic history in Avatar.  (Fortunately, he was acting opposite Sam Worthington, who can make anyone look like an Olivier by comparison.)  But, I have to admit, Lang is well-cast here and comes the closest to anyone in this episode to actually being memorable.

The dinosaurs are impressive and fun to watch.  Unfortunately, the fake dinosaurs often displayed more personality than the living actors but still, who doesn’t love dinosaurs?  Hopefully, in a future episode, the annoying and way too English talk show host Jeremy Kyle will come through the portal and get devoured (in slow-motion) by one of the dinosaurs.  I may start a letter-writing campaign.

What Doesn’t Work?

A lot.

My biggest complaint with the show was that this episode really put the sloth into the giant sloth.  Seriously.  Lost took its time as well but the show itself was never boring.  Terra Nova, at least in this episode, seems to feel that elaborate special effects are a proper substitute for interesting characters, witty dialogue, and anything else that might organically create narrative momentum.  I actually ended up falling asleep during the final 30 minutes of the show and had to watch the finale off of the DVR.

The dinosaurs were impressive but the rest of the show’s special effects were rather predictable and a little on the bleh side.  The time portal looked like every other time portal in the history of science fiction and the dystopian future looked a lot like Blade Runner but without any of the small details to make it feel like anything other than CGI. 

I am officially bored with shows that use global warming as a plot point.  Seriously, they’re always so smug about it. 

This show is being compared, by many people, to Lost.  Like Lost, the scenery is beautiful and the plot has the potential for a lot of secrets and mysteries to be uncovered.  However, Lost also had a lot of quirky, interesting characters and that’s something that Terra Nova, on the basis of this episode, is lacking.  The first episode of Terra Nova felt a lot like Lost if Lost had only focused on Jack Shepherd and Michael Dawson.  Terra Nova needs its own Sawyers, Hurleys, and John Lockes. 

Now, I want to make clear — my comments here are strictly based on seeing Genesis and a lot of my criticisms could be due to the fact that it’s just the first episode.  Hopefully, as a series, Terra Nova will — much like Lost and Fringe and other comparable shows — evolve beyond the strengths and flaws of the first episode.

“OMG!  Just like me!” Moments

Much like Nathaniel’s rebellious daughter, I would also go a little stir crazy if I was stuck in that highly regimented, socialistic commune.  Seriously, the commune looked like a really bleh place to live.

Lessons Learned

Dinosaurs are neat and global warming is tedious.